Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Friends with benefits or some weird noncommitted relationship?

So here's my dilemma. I've been friends with this guy for years. We spent a weekend together and had sex. It's been over a year since we had sex for the first time... It seems like we are now friends with benefits although my friends tell me we've entered into some weird relationship where we act like we're together but not committed. We talk almost everyday. We don't have sex every time we see each other sometimes we just go to dinner or see a movie or whatever but even then we kiss, hold hands, and hug in public... Not some tacky pda session but just normal stuff. The whole relationship has gotten confusing. We have the most intimate sex I have ever had. We never have rough sex and when I try he slows me down. It's always kissing, holding hands, looking each other in the eyes and slow type of sex and when we're done he lays there holding me for a while. We usually sleep at each others house so we cuddle all night. We've discussed going to Vegas or the keys together. Is this typical of a friends with benefits type of situation? I have feelings for him so I've been trying to stay away from him. We really haven't introduced each other to other friends. Recently he wanted me to meet him for dinner to introduce me to a couple of his friends one of which was in from NY. I said I was busy but he insisted for a while so I just ignored him. I think I've acted a little crazy and he doesn't know what to think. I change my mind a lot when it comes to him, I think I confuse the hell out of him but he confuses me too. He gets irritated at times then just goes along with whatever. Have we crossed the line and if so do people in these friends with benefits situations ever get back the friendship? I just really want my friend back, with the way things are he's driving me crazy. I know he's dating and so am I and he knows it, we used to ask about each others dating life but it got to a point where we just say stupid, hurtful things to one another so we just stopped talking about it. I just wonder if we've ruined a really good friendship with sex. We used to talk about every aspect of our lives now I know we both withhold or omit things. I can't imagine not having him in my life and he says the same so it's unlikely we can just cut all ties.
Updates:
+1 y
Thanks for the comments. Last night he showed up and asked how I had feelings for him when I’m dating all the time. He told we weren’t in high school anymore and he shouldn’t have to ask to go study that it would happen mutually if I would stop dating. What?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You just described a relationship that I had, almost word for word.

    In that relationship we took it to the next level and made the commitment to common law, and lived together.

    It lasted a year and a half, and it ended badly. Now we don't even speak.

    I think she allowed me to exercise the LOVE that was missing in my other relationship(s) because the sex was always so intense, passionate, intimate, deep and satisfying, and finishing with spooning and wonderful showers...

    The love was missing, so I found someone who let me love her, and then walk away to continue my life until I needed to feel the love from a woman again.

    When we took it to the next level, our loving sex was ever so slowly replaced, with less time and need for sleep, and when she wanted rough sex, I wouldn't be able to provide it, because of the wholesomeness that I projected on her, and found that I couldn't think of her as my sex toy, and just bang the sheets off the bed.

    Towards the end, the sex we had, was almost non existent, and I found that nothing I was doing was creating a better togetherness. We once shared every aspect of our lives too, and the talks we had turned into withholding things and holding things back also.

    One thing that we never tried was to talk about our relationship, the deep loving sex, and rough sex that was missing, or the fact that we might have ruined a friendship.

    Maybe you should NOT try the commitment thing, and just stop having time for each other, not end things, just allow the universe to get in the way a few times to make sure you won't lose something that is good.

    Oh yea, heads up, another woman would definitely sniff you out.

  • From my experience as the other guy..

    Im sorry but that sounds like a FRIEND WB.. and your emotions have been caught up.

    This may sound harsh, but if he is man enough to have sex with you, he is man enough to ask you for a relationship if he wanted one...

    Don't read much into things such as holding hands, pda, meeting his friends, etc... because sometimes he can feel/sense you want your hands held, kissed, cuddle, etc... because you are actually his friend and he enjoy those things, he just goes along with it...

    after all, you are his friend.. he does care about you... but as a friend.

    Best way to see if his feelings have changed is to stop having sex with him until you are in a proper relationship...

Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't know what to call it. Whether it's non-committed relationship or FWB. They are pretty much the same I suppose cause they both are just lacking the commitment factor.

    I think one of the reasons you are driving each other crazy is that you are actually in a relationship but are still doing things that aren't conducive to a healthy relationship. Like seeing other people. Stuff like that is going to give you all the feelings of being cheated on even if technically you aren't. You are also going to feel things like frustration about how much time he spends with you, where he was last night, why he worked when he should have been with you or whatever else. If you aren't feeling those things, he might be. You guys are going to be experiencing all the stuff that happens in a normal relationship but neither of you feel free to share the frustration cause you aren't technically in a relationship. So you are going to drive yourselves crazy.

    If you aren't ready to commit and still want to date other people, I think you should end the sexual part cause whether the words are spoken or not, he is right, actions speak louder than words and if you guys are doing all this couple stuff together and then still seeing other people, you are killing the bond you have together.

  • As others have said, I think you need to have a conversation about the situation/relationship (whatever the definition may end up being). Get on the same page, even if your feelings are different to his, so that at least you will both know where the other person is coming from. Once that's clear you should be able to work out where to go from here.

    It sounds like there is potential for a lovely, committed relationship here, what ever you two decide I hope it works out for the best for both of you :)

  • Wow that's one big ball of confusing emotions. It sounds like you two need to have a talk about this and come to a conclusion. One of you is bound to get hurt if you don't talk this over. It's not impossible to go back to platonic friends if that is what you want but it does depend on his feelings as well as yours.

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 4

  • He likes you. He wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you. He has feelings for you.

    This guy is awesome - and by the sounds if it you are playing too many games. If you want a boyfriend he has asked. Otherwise cut ties and move on and hope you haven't destroyed the friendship for being so selfish.

  • Love makes you feel crazy, act crazy, and live crazy. I suggest you take it for what it's worth and enjoy your time with him, as I can tell you do. And if you feel appropriate to do so, tell him how you're feeling, otherwise, just melt in your happiness when you are with him. Tell him, whatever you feel like telling him, you can't be wrong if you're honest.

    • ^Good answer. Just enjoy what you have w/e the title:) Its not your falt there are like twenty thousands weoprds for relations & only one for snow* You could talk to him too- I would. The holding yourself away is fine,if want to go that direction. But, only have you have the courage to be straight -which includes him to be straight with u. So a big talk. Then you can part for a while. if you want. &Don't listen to the 'bopys' up top. They are too immature to have real insight into real feelings :)

    • Typo lol I meant 'boys' - but 'bopys' kind of works too. I might coin the expression ^ ^

  • u are not just a friend if you did sex with him

    assume if you find a boyfriend and he hangout with you in the front of your frind

    so how your friend feel I guess very bad, because your friend do it all with you already.

    and you can understand when we are kids then we can't share anything to anybody.

    u should find a boyfriend in your friend.

    Thanks

    • Lmfao.., your fking hilarious!

  • He wants to be with you. He's jealous. Think you should be the one that asks him out. I think he'd say yes, and even if he says no you will know if he likes you or not.

    • Thanks for both your comments. I'm not sure what he wants, I've been clear about what I want so I've decided to put space between us and see how he does with that. I suspect we have thrown away our 5 year friendship. He saw me at a bar over the wkend with another guy and he wouldn't even look at me and then he text me the next morning saying not to call him again so I have no clue what to think. I didn't plan on calling him, I've been keeping my distance anyway but what a jerky thing to do.

    • I honestly believe that part is him being jealous. Maybe the space is a good thing. If he does love you then he will be the first to make contact. Maybe you giving him space will help you and will make him figure out how he feels about you. I hope things work out for you

  • I think,by what you have said, that he is in love with you. And maybe your in love with him. You might be able to go back to being just friends but it's not gonna be easy for either of you and its gonna be strange. But if you both agree to be friends I think you could work things out. Or you can try being together. But I really hope it works out for you

  • I'm pretty sure regardless of what you call it, you're to some extent boyfriend and girlfriend if you have feeling for each other and hug and kiss and have a relationship beyond sex, you know "a rose, by any other name."

    It's just an open relationship...these are hard, feelings can easily be hurt and jealousy and bitterness can happen when you're seeing other people.

    with sex there's always feelings involved no matter what anyone says.It's too late to just be friends.sooo...

    If you care about this person ,show him some commitment.you might still loose him. But with out the commitment you will loose him for sure.Go for it! give the girlfriend thing a try!

  • I've been in that situation before..But luckily we're still friend upto now..We don't talk much like everyday, but we still see and talk with each other once in a while..We've been friends for 3 years before we came in that situation..We don't want to lose each other so we settled everything before the worst thing happen..It ended that we saved our friendship..

    • Do you also have sex with your friend?

    • Yes we had sex for many times..

    • Simpleguy2010: that was a rude comment to make about a whole country of women.

    • Show All

  • Date him damn it! Lol. He won't be there forever. And it not FWB anymore. Now your like companions in every way. Just go with him if get along so well what's there to lose? If it doesn't work you can just go back to how it is now

  • u can always go back, I would love the cuddling. he wants you, and you want him. DO IT!

  • you just described the relationship I'm in right now , -.- when I think about it I don't think it will end very good.

  • He has a sweet deal, fwb, but he might be treating it like a relationship, if you were friends before hard to go back because you will get tempted with sex...

  • he's basically asking why your dating other people if you like him. from what it sounds like, he wants to move your relationship forward and become exclusive.

  • He need sex, and he is getting sex from you that's all.

  • you are in an noncommited relationship, I was in a 3 year relationship like this. I'd like to tell you that you can go back to being friends, but its impossible there's just to much history.

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