I fooled around with a good female friend...now what?

[Anonymous]

Okay first off...I'm sort of a newbie with this stuff. I know how to have fun with random one nighters, and I know how to have a multi-year long serious relationship, but this is really my first time I seemed to have lost my judgment completely and ended up fooling around heavily with a good female friend. We go to the same uni together and she is basically a central part of my friendship circle. Basically it was a party, everyone had tons to drink (unfortunately not enough for me to forget...) and she went into her bedroom. I followed a minute later as I was drunk and really only knew her at this party. We crashed on her bed and I guess I am more attracted to her than I thought (again, not drunk enough to forget or lose self control...) because before I knew it our faces were like all but pressed against each other than we started kissing. The night carried on from there, stuff happened, and we lost allot of sleep. The thing is it wasn't like animal lust or anything, it just seemed pretty natural and we're both single but I don't know how to proceed. She didn't mention it really the next day though she didn't seem to be too bothered and I didn't want to bring it up in case it created an issue. I'm fine if it just remains a bit of fun between two friends but I also have to be honest with myself that I would happily see a relationship from it but she is a good female friend and if things f***ed up that would not only be sh*t between us it could wreck my whole friendship circle at uni. I need experienced voices here, what does a dude do? Would she have fooled around if she didn't fancy me?...she did mention she was single and it sucked allot the last time b4 the party we hung out but I thought she was just raw after her ex boyfriend bailed. rebound?...I dunno...she might have forgotten but she remembered a pretty pointless kiss we had months ago on a night out sorta drunk. That time I slept on the floor because she had a boyfriend (which proves I have good judgment when a bit sloshed). Help?...Anyone? :/

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

Dude, don't worry. Just make sure you talk to her and clear out EVERYTHING that is inside you, so you two are on the same page.

DON'T say you want a relationship, unless you actually like her!

You two had sex, but it's only as big of a deal as you two make it. It doesn't have to go any further than that. As long as it doesn't progress into a "friends with benefits" relationship, things will be fine.

It's important to talk to her though, to make sure she doesn't have any hidden feelings about what happened. Worst-case scenario is she regrets it, but once she tells you this she will be OK with it and you two will go back to being just friends again. This will just become something that the two of you once did with each other. You two can look back and talk about it and laugh and stuff.

So really, the worst you can do is treat it like it's a big deal and be scared to talk to her about it. This should be something the two of you can publicly admit: "Yeah we had sex with each other once."

[Asker]

Good sound advice, thanks dude. Thing is I don't regret what happened, and I guess I could go for a relationship with her, but then again I would rather have her as a friend if nothing else.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

You hooked up with her, knowing one of your friends like her?

Dude WTF? Man up and tell the guy what happened. Lying is just going to make things worse, I tell you.

AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, GO TALK TO THE GIRL ABOUT IT ALREADY! This whole thing is going to become A LOT easier once you do that. Attempting to handle this issue with your friend before you've actually talked to the girl, is just going to be a nightmare. Imagine she feels bad about what happens and doesn't want ANYBODY to know?

You didn't cheat on anyone. Your friend fancies her, but WTF? That's it. She's not the love of his life. She's not his "soulmate". She's not someone he's known since they were kids and has been planning on marrying his entire life. And even if she was, it's his own fault that he didn't make a move so far, so f*** him if he's gonna get on your face for having slept with her.

[Al2010]

Well last year, me and my good guy friend messed around. (I was drunk too) We've carried on since being great, and much closer. However now, I think I'm falling for him.

We've got too much of a good relationship still be good friends. He hasn't mentioned it since, I ain't either, but sometimes I think, I wish I did mention something sooner.

My personal opinion,

I think she does like you. otherwise nothing would of happened like that at all. No matter how drunk us girls get, we know what we're doing!

If you really like her as more than just good mates- Ask her if she has feelings for you as more than a friend.

*if you don't* like her more than a friend, I suggest you don't mention anything, and just move on!

carry on still being goood mates. :) Hope it helps lovely! <3

[Asker]

That's the thing, its a bit odd because she was the last person I expected to have anything with, I mean sure I think she is cool and alright looking but I just put her in the not-happening category. There were allot of girls at this party and I never really had the chance to talk to many because my friend spent allot of time...'holding onto me' if you know what I mean. When girls like me I'm used to them just saying it, but she hasn't if she does...

[Al2010]

If she's in the not happening category. Just carry on as friends. She might like you, but is not letting you know, cos she might of even had you in the 'not happening category' and if she's 'holding onto you' its a sign! A very obvious one too. I would just talk to her and see what she thinks. x

[babymama2010]

The best advice I can give you is to talk to her about it, and find out how she feels about the situation.