Why doesn't he want to have a sex with me anymore...? My fault?

[happymagic]

I've been with this guy for a year and half. (Re:Is he my boyfriend or.what).I've never be his official girlfriend but some people around us think we are couple but close friends know we are not. We have been kinda 'friend w benefit' for a year but we both knew we are getting closer and we are not just for it. One day we had a big argument and since then.he doesn't have a sex with me anymore. The argument was he can't commit now.blah blah blha,but he cried in public and we both didn't want to stop this relationship. Since then.I tried to have a sex.but whenever I tried he said.' we shouldn't do that'. Couple of times I gave him b/j.and I am not sure if he is having sex with others(probably,otherwise how he is surviving?!) We are seeing like a normal couple and what we are doing are like a couple! we are sleeping in same bed.but NOTHING. I am frustrated.I've been trying to be sexy,working on my appearance.etc. YES I wear his t-shirts when I stay at his place though. He seems that we've never had a serious relationship(he is 28) but he was kinda player last years. I DO want to know what I can do.I know I should leave him.but I DO want to get him.( I can hear that I am stupid.) but please give me any tip how to get him. All my friends said he think he can get me anytime.so it made him bored.but once I left him or something he probably want me. I am asian background and not local here but he is.not sure it is big deal for this issue. HELP ME!

[sexwiseman]

I've had my share of friend with benefits relationships, and they never end well. From my point of a view as a guy, I would say that he doesn't want a serious, committed relationship. However, because of what you describe, it could also be that he is confused. A simple advice for you is, never go by what other people tell you; if you want to know the answer to something from your partner, then ask the partner, don't ask friends because nobody really knows what this guy is thinking.

YOu're 32 years old; you're not a teenager. When you wanted sex and he said that you shouldn't do that, as an adult, that's when you ask him, 'why shouldn't we do this?" or you could have asked, 'what changed that before we were having sex, and now we don't.' If he is not able to communicate his reason to these questions, do you think your relationship will survive much even if you decide to be boyfriend and gf?

And about him being bored----well, you were classified as a friend with benefits. Not a girlfriend. I've never ever seriously dated my friend with benefits female lovers. Even though they wanted to. So all you can do is, next time you try to have sex with him and he refuses, then ask him what's the reason; otherwise, you'll just be guessing what the reasons are. And if he doesn't want to answer, then stop the sexual relationship, and just treat him like a friend to see what happens.

[happymagic]

I think I am not in the category ' friend with benefit' category...as I can't give him a benefit(even I DO want). When we had a big argumrnt...I said I don'T mind to be ' friend with benefit' same as other girls. He said he doesnt't want to be with me like that and other...realy don't care,just for that..... He kinda said if he has a sex with me....things(relationship??) will be complicated.. SO since then....we have no sex. BUT I will ask him when I try next time and at least I know why.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

I'm not convinced he is seeing anyone else based on what you wrote.

I think you need to back off of this issue for awhile, and continue your relationship as it is. He needs to feel comfortable to be able to discuss this and to move forward.

So, as far as this issue goes, give him space. Stop dressing up for him, and let him relax for a bit.

Eventually he will come around and you can discuss it then. If you want him like you say you do, backing off is what you have to do.

[happymagic]

I think you are right....We....actually me have never back off.....So I've never seen what he feelsif I do that.

[RoxyRhae]

I think the best way to proceed is determine what you really want. Do you really want a relationship or do you want a friends with benefits? If you want a relationship, then you have to step away for a little while, so that you can re-establish the boundries/expectations of this relationship. If you want a friends with benefits - you need to find a new fk buddy. I am sorry, but I think the best thing to do is step away from a little while & let him figure out what he wants. If he loves you - he will contact you again. If he doesn't - better you don't waste anymore time. You really have to do some self reflection/thinking.and give him a chance to miss you.

[happymagic]

I don't think I am a friends with benefits anymore....but the way to see....maybe he can get a benefit(not sex) from me somehow. Whenever he refuse to spend time on weekend or it is strange...but my six sense...maybe after he had a date(fun...whatever) with others....NEXT DAY....he contact me and want to see me. So as you said,step away from this for a while...at least can make any difference. YES I should give him a chance to miss you. AS I reckon I give him lots of pressure...

[anderson]

i don't know for sure, but it sounds like he may have someone else. what else would his reasons be for his behavior? you may have to do some investigating.

[happymagic]

I agree with you,he probably have someone else,or multiple. As girl's six sense...I don't think ONE....if it is....how come he can sleep with me in same bed??? How he can go grocery or shopping with me.... Well....I don'T want to think he has a gf...but I am kinda sure he has some 'friend with benefit'. What's kinda investigation I can do? I did already basic one as everyone can guess. BUT every 2-3 months his fxxk buddy,GF...whatever change....so I don't know what I can do for that.