Possible to be Monogamous Friends with Benefits? Or asking too much?

[Anonymous]

I got drunk and slept with what I thought was a good friend. In the morning, we both realized that we might have feelings for each other. I moved in with him and we lived together for quite awhile. He treated me better than any man ever has. Took me out on nice dates, would text just to say he was thinking of me, always gave me nice little compliments, etc. Then he dropped the bombshell: He was trying to get his life in order and didn't want to be in a serious relationship right now. So I moved out, got my own apartment and stopped sleeping with him. We still hung out but it was painful for me, so I told him not to be worried because I was going to distance myself for awhile. Well, on my birthday we started sleeping together again. This lasted for three months. Towards the end I thought things were getting pretty serious. He was extremely intimate with me, even in public, to the point where our friends noticed and were asking if we were officially together yet. But then I started to get a strange feeling in my gut. He would make plans to hang out with me, and then blow me off at the last minute to go out drinking with his buddies. One night we had a friend stay over at my apartment. She and I shared my bed and he took the floor. Halfway through the night I got a bad headache. My bed is high so I joined him on the floor. He immediately got up and told me that he wouldn't let me sleep on the floor, but I was feeling crummy and refused... and he promptly climbed into bed with my friend. I thought it was weird, and asked him the next day what was going on with us. He told me he still didn't know. That is when several friends approached me. They told me that he had been bragging about having sex with other women. He is a very social person and always having friends stay over and always throwing parties, and according to my friends he had tried things with them during these "sleepovers." They even showed me pictures of him cuddling with another woman. According to them he was also talking about trying to get back together with ex. I was devastated. I have what I will call a difficult past, and was in a very unhealthy relationship once where I was being used while the guy was cheating on me. My "friend" knew all about my past and how strongly I felt about fidelity, we had even talked about this very subject in the past, yet he could not even give me the respect to keep his hands off other women during the time we had been sleeping together. In the end, it hurt me so bad to see him in person that I had to confront him over an e-mail message. I felt terrible doing it that way, but I just could not stand to see someone I loved so much who had hurt me so bad. I told him how badly it had hurt me, and how I didn't think I could ever see him again. He denied having sex with anyone else, informed me that I wasn't worth the wasted energy of explanation, and told me not to worry about seeing him every again. So... was monogamous friends with benefits too much to ask for?

[Absalem]

Asking a friends with benefits to be monogamous is fine. However expecting a FBW to be monogamous particularly after the other person said no is obviously not fine. They are just a friend, that you sleep with. Nothing more when or if both parties agree for it to be more.

Your friends with benefits said they did not want more. That meant it was up to you whether to accept the terms of the relationship or leave.

Therefore it is not their fault but yours for expecting more than they agreed to or wanted

[sikoo31]

you guys were never FWB, you were more than that the whole time even if he didn't realize it.

you have the right to be hurt, but I'm sorry to say, its your fault for trying to be with a guy who clearly told you he wasn't interested in a relationship.

so it was a bad idea to be with him cause you both wanted different things.

[Raiku]

Well, even though there aren't any string attached he had no right to do that. He led you on and hurt in the worst possible way. You have every right to be angry or regret what you did. It definitely wasn't too much to ask for. You deserved a little fun ;) But next time, I think you should think twice before having relations with friend, okay?

[toulouse]

if there were 'no strings attached' what did he owe her?

[Raiku]

Nothing, but if you read the first paragraph he told her that he had feelings for her "we both realized that we might have feelings for each other" Soooo he shouldn't have said that because now look what he did He led her on and hurt her

[toulouse]

Aside from your story, which is you living with a guy who just wants to be fwb. fwb, is no strings, asking for anything is strings. you can ask for it monogamy- but it is not fwb. Why do you think he'd stop sleeping around if he's doing t in the first place?

[Shaun]

I thought the whole idea of FWB was no strings attached.