What if you got your friends with benefits pregnant?

[JBird726]

My friends with benefits and I recently had a conversation about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. A few months ago I missed my period and I was freaked out I was pregnant. I’m on the pill but I took a pregnancy test anyways, negative. He’s in the military and we only hook up on occasion when he’s home. Well this past weekend we hooked up again so I told him about my little scare. As freaked out as I was at the time of the scare I like that it opened the door for discussion. He said he was against abortion but it seems like he understands it would be my decision. I’m on the fence. I told him “I’m not against an abortion. I want to be someone’s wife and the mother of their children, not their baby mama”. I’m 25, not 15 so I feel like the “young and stupid” excuse isn’t one. I’m not in a place in my life though that supporting a child alone is an option. Plus I think feel like him wanting to keep the child would be more to carrying on his family name if he died at war than an actual desire to parent. I know every time I sleep with him I run the risk of getting pregnant. I guess now that I know how he feels it makes me question, what if? I like this guy a lot (more than he likes me). I wouldn't’t want a baby to be a trap for him but it seems like he wouldn't’t mind. (Btw, I would never intentionally get pregnant). Obviously I’m not pregnant but it’s definitely got me thinking. What would you do in this situation? Guys and girls. Keep? Abort? Tell him? Attempt a relationship? Stay friends and co-parent?

[kheserthorpe]

Well, I'm currently married. We've had ups and downs, so I'm not being all rosey on the perspective.

I think I might try to make a go of being a couple. Through most of human history, married couples got lobbed together for reasons that had nothing to with love. I think if you make a real effort to treat each other well ... well we're designed to fall in love, so there's hope. You two clearly find each other hot enough, so hey, that's something.

If it happens, don't think 'oh he got trapped'. Life happens, and people make a choice. If he chose to try to marry you, I'd be very clear up front - you're not okay (assuming this is the case) with just declaring yourself married to raise the kid. If you're going to do it, you want him to work with you as best you can to really feel love and warmth. It doesn't mean he is deeply in love day 1, it means he is _open_ to love and open to working to build more and more closeness and intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Use a condom with the birth control so your chances are as low as possible?

It is so hard and I've never been in such an intimate situation with anyone (I only had sex once, so I can't even say I know what the emotions of a sexual relationship are)

With my lack of experience I would say I don't think I could keep the baby if I wasn't able to take care of it.

I also think that people should bring a child up in as stable an environment as possible. If this means adoption because the parents can't work it out or take care of the child, this may be the fairest and healthiest thing.