Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I'm sick of being treated like a sex object!!!

I know a guy that has to make almost everything I say, sound sexual. He makes the convo sexual, every time I talk to him. If I say I will see a friend of mine he'll ask if I would like to f*** her (he knows I'm attracted to girl) that's just an example. He is a good friend and I would like to keep him as such. but he keeps trying to get me as a friends with benefits when I've said no many times already. How do I make him show me some respect and stop being such an ass? Sometimes he makes me want to throw him out of my life and just cut the contact for good, but as I said, I would like to be able to keep him as a friend, his sexual attraction towards me is starting to get really annoying. I feel really disrespected. I feel like he's treating me like garbage. Use and throw. I'm sick and tired of being nothing more than a sex object all the time. How do I deal with this? What do I tell him and how? Also.. if you feel like this might be my own fault, its OK, I am asking this question and I don't mind being judged, but just please explain your opinion so I can have a better understanding. thank you.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • So you are fended he wants friends with benefits & nor a relationship, or do you just want him to stop being how he is.

    if its #1 well you can talk to him, but he does not sound like the boyfriend type. #2. move on,. you can't be friends with him.,

    actually in both cases, move on. he's disrespectful. a guy being attracted to you does not make you an object. regardless of what anyone says. Women are not objects period. not in any way. that's what it means to be human. you are not an object. No more than a guy is a sperm bank, or a donkey because he gives someone a piggy back ride.

    Someone being, is not defined by what someone else wants from them. that's completely solipsistic.

    a guy can say he's taught to view you that way-but then after-all we all have a conscience. we have a choice to treat people respectfully--or not.

    Clearly tell him to stop. He is disrespecting you & it is inappropriate. If he stops, then you guys can be friends. f he does not stop-kick him out. unequivocally.

    I don't think he is a good friend. he is not even a friend. friends respect each other, but you will find out, when you tell him.

    You must be in love with him-- or you would se exactly how _not_ a good friend he is.

    I think you are in love, because you highlight he wants fwb, and ask how to get him to stop wanting you as a sex object. To anyone who is simply dealing with being demeaned, it would be clear cut case. Tell him to stop. Not tell him no to fwb. Tell I'm to stop insulting you.

    But that's not the part you care about. You are insulted because he just wants fwb. at least that's my opinion.

    It s also my opinion, that this guy would make the sh*ttiest bf-he can't even be a non- pig friend.

    If it was me, id tell him to f*** off. But its not me, its you. If you really think you MUST try to maintain the friendship'--talk to him & if he does not shape up, kick him out.

  • i agree with Konnour. you really do make yourself out to be a sex object. a lot of your questions are about sex, your sexuality, etc. which is fine. just don't be all high and mighty when really... you're the one who's asking to be treated that way. if you want to stop it- then stop being so suggestive. be more conservative. don't use your looks as a tool to get further.

    • To be honest I have tried to be very conservative lately, its either not working or I'm just not good at it. I'm working on it

  • He's not your friend so cut him from your circle. He might act like a good friend sometimes, but he clearly has ulterior motives in befriending you. A friend isn't gonna disrespect you like that. He's sticking around because he probably thinks as long as you let him stay in your life he has a chance.

    • Good point. Guess I'll just have to wait and see to find out if you're right

Most Helpful Guys

  • Dammit, look at yourself. You are absolutely beautiful. Because of this, everyone will look at you as a sex object. Men, women, trannys, animals, aliens, you name it. We are all attracted to beauty and the FIRST thing that comes to seeing someone as sexually attractive is...well...um...breeding. Who ever looks at an ugly person with lustful intentions? Right. The next factor is how you act. If you talk slutty, dress in skimpy, revealing clothing and make yourself "easy" then you will be treated like a sex object more so than just being pretty. If a woman has nothing to offer but her body, lacking skills, intelligence and the like, who's going to respect you as a lady? Right the first time.

    Giving you the benefit of the doubt that there is more to you than just your boobs and your exceptional beauty, but the fact of the matter is beauty = sexy. DO NOT...be ungrateful: there are millions of less-enchanted women who would do the most unspeakable sick ass sh*t to have your looks and gain attention from men.

    On a side note, perhaps you should look at more mature men?

    If you want more than just a booty call and he isn't doing that, the hell with him. Plenty of good men out there willing to fly to Norway and get you...for keeps.

    • Hahaha oh wow you make it sound like a good thing. Thanks I guess LOL. Yes I understand where your coming from. For sure he is out of my life for good if he turns out to only want me as a booty call and just simply isn't able to see anythibg more in me. I just wish he would see me as more than just a sex object.

  • I don't think you can be friends with him, to be honest.

    His sexual attraction is not going to vanish.

    I don't know what you're like in day to day life, but you are _very_ sexual as a person here. This guy is sexually frustrated, hangs around with you, is attracted to you and knows how sexual you are. Its almost impossible for him NOT to see you as a sex object. On some level, men view _all_ women as sex objects (we can see them as more as well, but there is a level where that's how we view them). When you are obvious about your sexuality and spend time with him, its driving him nuts.

    I suspect you need to cut him off for good as a friend.

    There's an outside chance if you can find him someone else to screw the hell out of he'll calm down enough to be just friends, but frankly, I doubt it, unless she's as attractive and as uninhibited as you :p

    • Yeh he does know how sexual I am, I am gonna be honest and tell you that I haven't really done MUCH to stop the dirty/flity sexual convos, I just feel like its going too far _now_. We used to talk about everything from sexual stuff to movies to whatever, but now everything I say sounds sexual to him. POINT IS, yes he knows how sexual I am and I guess you're right about that's why its almost impossible NOT to see me as a sex object, I feel the same about him. we do have a lot of sexual chemistry...

    • ...but I would LOVE him to see me as more than just that.:-(

    • Are you saying you want to flirt with him and talk about other things, or are you saying you want to date him and are worried he now views you as a FWB potential only?

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 16

  • Dear friend, You're a very sensual and sexual creature. He's not objectifying you. He's just got the hots for you. Don't we all. ;) I suggest sitting him down one on one and giving him the choice: he can clean up his act or he can hit the road. If sounds like you hit all of his buttons and he's just incapable of seeing you out of a sexual context. I've had women friends like that and it's really intense. Let us know what happens.

    • "he can clean up his act or he can hit the road"... I think you are 100% right. I will let him know. THATS what I needed to hear. That's what I was thinking and I guess you confirmed that I was right about thinking that way. Thank you so much. I will definitely take that advice !

    • Given they've had sex and she actually wants to be his girlfriend, would you still give this advice?

    • She says she wants him for a friend but without benefits. I didn't see where they had sex but I haven't read all the comments and updates.

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  • He probably doesn't view you as a sex object, or feels like you are owed to him sexually at all. As you say, it's his sexual attraction towards you... I'll hedge a bit that all you have to do is tell him it's making you uncomfortable, and he'll stop, maybe even apologize.

    I do this sort of thing a lot, although, not the way he does it. But there's one friend I'm always trying to convince to give me sexual favours. I know she never will, ever, but it's fun, and jesus, I want her. But I'm always asking if it bothers her, and she always says no. If she says yes, I'd stop, and wouldn't think again of it. I used to be much worse, when I was younger; as we all are, right? And I used to be totally blind to the fact that sexual comments, to any frequency, could make someone uncomfortable. After a few people told me, I soon learned. Hopefully you have more tact than they did, though, ahauhuh...

    But yeah, just tell him, he should cut it.

  • Dont delete him right away, he might not even know what he's doing is offending you. Be straight with him the next time he talks dirty to you. If he doesn't change his attitude, dump him.

    • Yes you are absolutly right. I will try again telling him, this time more serious and just like AustinMan said, we're either just friends or we're not friends at all. Thank you

  • Let's sum it up:

    - he's pushy

    - he's not respecting you

    - he's making you fed up

    So why the fuss ? Be strong, tell him to feck off :)

    • I would like to keep him in my life. He is one of very few trustworthy people I know.

    • Maybe he is "trustworthy" just because he wants to get into your pants ? Talk about it to him. Maybe he'll still be trustworthy afterward, but don't let this feeling let you tolerate what you can't accept. If he wasn't so good a friend, you would have told him to go to play on the motorway for a long while already, no ?

  • "Sometimes he makes me want to throw him out of my life and just cut the contact for good"

    Friendship with a jerk is way overrated. Think of the separation as a teachable moment; it's a lesson he needs to learn.

    Besides, dumping jerks are like tossing weights from a rowboat. Watch your life get lighter, and move better.

    • I will have a talk with him about it for the last time, if things doesn't change then I will need to do exactly that. Thank you

  • Communication is key. Tell him these things make you feel uncomfortable. Be straightforward and blunt about it. If he is any kind of friend, he will respect it and not take offense no matter how bluntly you put it.

    • Yes I think he would respect that too if I told him that it made me uncomfertable. And he does. But thing is I have said it before and he is really sweet about it, apologizes and everything. Somehow the convo always leads to being sexual again when we talk. It might be my own fault too, I jthink I might need a good bitchslap and someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong :S

    • Only someone who knows you in person could say whether or not that's the case.

  • well you really can't deal with it, every guy feels that way for you, like it or not... you're probably dressing provocatively, and you SHOULD, why wouldn't you if you are as beautiful as you are... but you will have to deal with these things...

    • Not really, I dress just normal. I like to keep it classy and conservative. I NEVER wear revealing clothes. Because it wouldn't be acceptable for my culture AND I respect my body. I don't have anything against girls that show off there ass and boobs with tight cloths, but I don't do it myself. I never do. So it really can't have much to do with my taste of fashion.

    • that's OK, but still you are pretty, and like you said you're very sexual, you're friend noticed that and now he just wants to bang you (take advantage of your sexuality).

  • Don't engage in sexual conversations. Frankly, I don't see what the problem is.

    • LOL.

  • nice shoes...

    • Thanks ?

  • I've seen quite much of your questions and answers, and seriously I can't understand why you're so upset about this.

    Maybe you're really not aware of it, but you make yourself to appear like a sex object.

    There is no guy who would want only sex from women, but there are women who got nothing else to offer.

    • You think I make myself appear like a sex object? How so? and any advice on how can I chnage that?

    • It's all about behavior and how you present yourself. If you have many flings and if you change your partners often you must stop doing that, if you want to improve your reputation. And that's just one thing, there are many details about it.

    • This answer is right on the money.

  • Ya I have to agree with Konnour. You can't live life like that then expect guys to not act accordingly. the bad part is reputations are build over time, and can't be dismantled that easily.

    • I dobt have any reputation on me. Me and him don't have ANY friends in common nor have I told him about my past dating history. Hr just knows I have been engaged once, and in a srs relationship wish another guy. That's all. How does having two ex bfs make me a slut in his eyes? If that's what your trying to say

  • In our modern world, men are told that women like to be chased, so when we would like to have sex with you, then most of us keep pursuing you even if you tell us no. If you are more emphatic with him and really make sure he understands, then he'll probably lay off - unless he's just a deal douchebag.

    • Good point indeed

  • Because you are a sex object.

    • I have feelings too you know. Thanks for being an Ass

    • Thanks for being a sexual object.

  • o.k. I'd suggest you f*** the sh*t outta him a lot so he can get it out of his system then when he stops stressing about not getting any he'll calm down and stop talking about it so much it's like a thirsty man bitching about being thirsty give him some water he quits bitching.

    • I am NOT going to have sex with him just because HE craves it. He's a grown man and should be fukkin able to control his d***

  • If you are in real life like you are on here then how could he act any differently? More than half of what you say is how horny you are and how much you crave anal sex.

    • oh lol, well that's not what I talk about with him or anyone really lol

  • If he treats you so badly he isn't a friend and if he doesn't respect you he never will. I don't get why girls want to stay friends with certain guys, like an ex or this type of jerk. You deserve better.

    • He never will?There's nothing I can do to stop this and make him actually gain respect for me? :S

    • I really don't think so. Once a guy sees you that way he probably won't stop

    • I hope you're wrong! :/

  • You are a sex object, if it really bothers you why not move to the middle east where you can be covered from head-to-toe?

    If it wasn't for this attraction none of us would be here today. As far as being annoying why don't you casually bring it up that "you don't have to bring up sex all the time" hopefully he gets the hint.

    • You're very much offending me now, just so you know. I AM actually orginally from the middle east, I was born and grew up there, my parents are middle eastern, so its really not nice of you to talk about my background in such disrespect, but this isn't the first time and it won't be the last, keep talking sh!t about stuff you have no clue about, its alright. I am good at acting like it doesn't hurt. Tho thank you very much for the advice, I have said that to him before, but still same old.

    • Here's a shocker for you...I'm middle eastern too! And I have family there. Yeah, so I do know what I"m talking about ;)

    • I wouldn't dress any differently there than I do here

  • Stop acting like a sex object then. I mean look at yourself.

    • Look at myself? How am I acting like a sex object?

    • rawr, catty anon

    • catty? have you read any of her Questions? You cannot now- she has changed them all to Anonymous

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  • Honestly? You just have to tell him. But you tell him in such a way that he doesn't think you're just reacting to being playfully teased.

    Tell him if he doesn't stop doing that, then you can't be friends any more. Because none of your other friends treat you with such disrespect, and you're not kids anymore. Adults don't do that sort of crap. And if he's incapable of acting like an adult, you do want to be friends with a child.

    Telling him something like that, should work.

    • Good point

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