Sexual Relationships
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Why do some gay men try to deny their sexuality?

It's so frustrating being a girl and having blatantly gay men hit on you. Not only does it make me view them as insecure/uncomfortable and afraid to be who they really are, but it just makes me want to shake them until they come out of the closet. Right off the bat, I can name three guys that act like they have feelings toward me even though they're obviously gay. One admitted to liking men, the other one is VERY flamboyant and admitted to "experimenting" with another boy when he was 11 (I found out they gave each other HJs and BJs to know what it felt like), and I just KNOW the other one is gay. He said, "I wish I could touch you right now," and no joke sounded like Michael Jackson when he said it. They all hit on me and compliment me like they're interested, but they're not fooling me. My question is, why do some of these gay men try to hide their true identity? Are they that ashamed of who they are or is it that they don't want to be mocked by society? I'd much rather have an openly gay friend than one who tried to pretend he was someone else.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm gay and I'm in the process of coming out as a homosexual. I can definitely understand your frustration, but I don't understand why these guys are pretending like. Who are they trying to fool, themselves? Or maybe they are trying to live up to society's straight expectations so they won't be shunned.

    Coming out is definitely not easy. It's a constant process. Most of us have had to hide who we are and be secretly gay at some point in our lives. If these gay men are not out of the closet, they might be worried that you will tell other people that they are gay? I don't know. I don't really get it. But it's nice to know that there are gals out there who are interested in having gay friends.

  • It's probably down to their religious upbringing.

    If you've been taught all your life that gay is wrong and abnormal and evil and sinful... then no matter how you feel about guys, you're going to try hitting on girls and hope and pray that one day you'll wake up and be attracted to them.

    You know, pray the gay away as they say.

    Not all the guys who are in this position are flamboyantly obvious either. Some of those poor sods go on to marry women, have children with them, and then one day the pressure of living under such a lie just snaps them inside, and they wind up taking a male prostitute to the Bahamas or blowing dudes for meth in a public toilet.

    • Yep, I know my old headmaster used to be one of those men. He had a wife and kids and ended up coming out when he got caught writing emails to his gay lover through his school email account he was about 50.

    • That's rather sad actually. Lived a lie his whole life...

    • It is really sad. He wound up getting fired for the whole ordeal too. This is why I'm asking this question. Isn't it better to just have people judge you (which they will inevitably do anyway) than live your whole life pretending?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe they're actually straight, like they tell you. I know quite a few very flamboyant men who are in committed, heterosexual relationships. How about you look past stereotypes and turn them down because you're not interested, not because of what you think their sexuality should be. Experimenting does not mean they're gay. Many straight men and women have experimented with their own sex in their lifetimes. And even if they do turn out to be gay, if you want an "openly gay friend," you should support them in their entire process of discovery, including when they believe that they are interested in women.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 7

  • maybe you just think they are gay some people seem gay and are not and same goes the other way.

  • Gays have a really tough life. If they come out, a lot of them will be judged and get called a "f*****" and what not. They are afraid they might not have as much friends plus not to mention the reaction from their parents. Anyways why does the dude below me has d*** out and all? That sh*t is nasty!

    • I completely understand that side of it, but at some point, you just have to be yourself and accept who you are. It's inevitable for someone NOT to be judged - no one escapes judgment. Even if you're not gay, there's always going to be that "something" that someone else is going to frown upon. And I have no idea...that sh*t is gross.

  • There is a stigima with being gay.

  • They could be bi. Some effeminate men do like women, believe it or not.

    You are also very beautiful, so maybe you have the ability to turn guys. lol

    • Aw, thanks buddy!

    • lol Well, you're welcome.

  • Maybe they're bi?

  • Maybe they aren't gay. I buddy of mine grew up with a single mother and 3 sisters and he is very flamboyant in nature but he is straight. Did you ask any of them if they were gay?

    • Yeah...the one (who sounds like MJ sometimes) says he isn't gay. If he isn't, I can somewhat believe it, but he certainly has tendencies. The other two are undoubtedly gay - any 11-year-old whose natural instinct is to get blown and blow another guy for the sake of trying to understand what that feels like, instead of masturbating and imagining a female is definitely not heterosexual. The other guy said he was "bi" and talks about Jared Leto all the time. He has a GF, but I know he's gay...

  • maybe they are bi. maybe you look like a homosexual man.

    • Or maybe I don't like, considering the fact that I asked this question genius...

    • what don't you get? some women look manly yet kind of feminine. you probably remind them of a gay man.

    • Yeah...I'm sure that's it.

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