Sexual Relationships
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Guys, are you romantic or anti-romantic?

Just got through dating a guy who was not into romance at all. He actually said that he'd rather swim with sharks than propose to a woman in some romantic way. In fact, he'll mostly likely never get married because he wants to live by himself all of his life. Would merely prefer a good friend he can do fun things with and have sex with. I'm glad to have learned all of this early on about him since I realized that I want the full relationship package, not some friends with benefits situation. But it got me wondering, are there guys who are truly romantic, or do they just do romantic things because they know it works on women? And if not romantic, why? What is wrong with a little romance? Just curious here.
Romantic for real
Vote A
Romantic only because it works
Vote B
Anti-romantic
Vote C
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
1 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • Some guys are over-the-top romantic, and honestly, I believe that it's because of what they've "learned" about women from literature and movies over the years. They become good at it as they see what girls actually like or don't like. Some girls appreciate the over romance, and others don't. :)/:(

    Other guys are "medso-romantic" -- they sort of get the concept and try their best to find a midpoint between how romantic the girl would want them to be and how romantic their testosterone levels would allow them to be, lol. This is a fun crowd as they are constantly battling it out within themselves and coming up with some really awesome gestures and some really "OMG, I was too horny to think of the right flowers for your corsage, so I bought you a coffee" gestures. Take it easy on these guys. They're doing their best. Most girls appreciate this sort of guy -- especially when he gets the gesture right! :)

    Lastly are the guys who have been defeated by their own romantic gestures, either because they feel very awkward or because they were with a girl who was too stupid to realize that they were trying to be romantic (and so she shot him down, mid-flight). Now romance is dead for these guys. They make half-assed attempts to make a romantic gesture if they REALLY are into a girl, but with the thought (in the back of their mind) that they'll screw it up, which becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy over time. :(

  • My boyfriend is romantic. I don't know if he'll do some showy proposal, if/when we get to that point...but I know him well enough that it will be at the very least romantic. My birthday is this month and he's arrange a party for me, a 'just him and I' night for Hibachi, not sure if that's for birthday or to celebrate 3 months though. He told me he wanted to take me out...just him and I and had me choose a restaurant. He sees things like my love of cupcakes and decides he wants to take me to Sprinkles. He doesn't do it because it 'works', he already has me, he does it to see me smile. He doesn't resort to romantic gestures though, to show his love, he's already sweet and attentive as it is. He's got a fantastic balance because he's still a masculine guy, just one that knows how to treat me well.

    I've dated a few romantics. Some simple, others overzealous and showy. Many guys are romantic, they just have their own ways of displaying their romance.

    • *AND a 'just him and I' night lol

  • I'm a romantic person because it works. The more a couple does something like hold hands, talk to one another, kiss the closer they feel.. but I'm not the romantic type where I'm like spouting poetry lol I think everybody is different in the way they show they love their partner.. I'm romantic cause it works.. its how I feel close to my partner if I hold their hand or tell them I love them... lol I'm definitely not anti-romantic or super romantic lol I'm just in the middle cause it does work :D

Most Helpful Guys

  • Some guys are just super practical and don't 'get' it.

    Others hate it because they view it as hoops they have to jump through.

    Others think its a sham. I think a lot of guys growing up associating romance with love (and sex). You ask about 'romantic because it works'. My take would be that in fact, it does not 'work' at all. Romance is icing on the cake. If a woman wants you, she will ENJOY you being romantic, if she does not want you, its tolerated at best. So while the movies make men think romance wins women over, in fact its just a way of heightening the experience.

    I think a lot of men keep trying to be romantic when the passion isn't there, then give up on it and vow not to put themselves out like that again when it means 'nothing'.

    For women who say they reciprocate back - that's very nice, and I suspect women who do this tend to be great partners ... however ... for most men its not necessary. Guys buy girls flowers. What they want is not for her to buy them flowers back, its for her to be happy and appreciate it and love him and be passionate. IF she's doing those things, he'll keep being romantic. So its not romance 'only because it works' but more like 'romance for real, as long as it is working'.

  • I'm a big romantic, hopeless at that. I know not to go all lovey dovey right when you meet, but I know what I want in a girl. I'm still trying to find a girl who seems like she is a romantic herself or would absolutely love to be serenaded by one.

    Why not? If you actually love her, and she loves you, why not highlight it with good times? Leave her a rose or love note somewhere in her room for her to eventually find. Make a poem or song for her. Take her somewhere where the view is almost as unbelievable as she is. Star gazing while lying on the grass close to each other. It's fun, exciting - romantic.

    Say what you want, I'm soft, mushy, whatever. All that would matter is me and her. Find the right girl, and make her smile never fade.

    Some girls and guys actually don't like it for one reason or another, that's fine. The thing is that being romantic and just giving into the emotion love is like winning "that game for two." Worries seem to drift with a soft spoken kiss.

    Do I act romantic with every girl I like? No, haven't even had a first date. She'll be special to me, and I know enough about what I want to see if she'd appreciate how I'd show her how much I care.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 17

  • Most men that answer "anti-romantic" are romantic, but a girl in their past dumped them for it...

    But don't tell them I said that.

    Some girls eat men's hearts out these days. Sadly, the LADIES need to learn how to indirectly bring that side of a man back out from hiding.

    Not to say men haven't been romantic slobs the past generation... But some girls these days treat guys like pieces of sh*t. It really aggravates me when I see a guy that's choking on his balls over asking a girl out etc, and especially some of the questions on this site I see make me laugh at some men's patheticness, but at the same time, having gone through some quantum bullsh*t with girls myself, I can't blame them...

    Some men are just better at moving on then other men are I guess.

    Welcome to the 21st century.

  • So sad that this is what men have become. They'd rather have a friend they can f*** than have a companion they can be romantic with. smh. It's rare to find a romantic one

    • Check below you

    • walk-around-blind, okay so that's one girl with intimacy issues. Most girls aren't like that; she's got issues.

  • A guy I believe will be romantic just to prove the girl he is with that he thinks she's worth it, guys who don't bother seem to think they are the alpha male so have no need to prove anything which often leaves the girl feeling as if there's something missing in her life, but for me, I would always make an effort, especially at times like a birthday or anniversary etc, I think its nice to see her face show the expression of worth and the eyes speak volumes, and if I ever grew tired of seeing that, then I would join a monarchy,x

    • Fantastic answer. ^__^

  • I tend to be more more romantic type, but I'm not going to gush over my girlfriend 24/7. Plus, that's smothering. I've had a spritzer with my girlfriend on the beach, taken her to nice restaurants for dinner just the two of us, have deep talks about our relationship and more. Sometimes, though, we just chill, have sex or play sports or something. It's not always romantic.

    • Sounds like a good balance. (:

    • Thanks. I try my best, but I'm far from perfect.

  • Most guys have different opinions about romanticism. If you want the complete package, you can find a lot of decent guys hanging around who can provide you with such, with added benefits.

  • funny thing is, I have found a lot of guys that think theyre romantic when they really arent

  • Dear QA,

    1st regarding your date sorry but (WTF?!) why did he dated you in the first place?!

    Regarding romance, I used to adore romance...to the extend of being expert when seeing couples kissing wither it was mutual feelings or just sexual infatuation .

    Used to!

    Yeaaaaah, until many bad events that wiped out all my beliefs in emotions and romance.

    I am sorry, but at least "sharks won't pretend and show they're not here to hurt me" :D

    • We met on a dating site. And at the time he wasn't really sure as to why he created an account in the first place. He deleted it only after a couple weeks. But he was glad to have met me. We're still talking, but I know it won't go beyond friendship because I want something more than what he does.

    • In the process of getting to know each other I think I ended up helping him figure out what he's looking for. I think on a subconscious level his body was motivating him to find someone to befriend because he hasn't gotten any in a long time.

  • I know a lot of girls are romantic, but I'm not romantic or anti-romantic. I find that if you overuse romantic gestures, they can become less meaningful over time. I personally would like a guy who is not romantic for the most part but does something really sweet once in a great while. It is sweet and it still makes the relationship surprising and therefore exciting.

  • I am a romantic, but sometimes I'm just awkward in trying to be romantic. Takes me awhile to get to that comfort level with a girl.

  • "Romance", like other things in this crazy society we live in, is highly subjective. It really depends on the couple. I know some women who think very differently than others about what is romantic. It also depends on the guy. If he does this for every woman he's with, what makes it special? Say he's trying to get to know more than one woman at any given time and went for a long walk with both of them? Does that mean they both have the potential to be swept off their feet? Unlikely. I've met women who think going to a bar is romantic. It just depends on the person.

  • That guy.. Well, he is entitled to his life choices...lol

    I enjoy the romance, it makes me happy to make her happy. Although, I did the marriage thing, which did not work out, I would not be turned off by being attached again.

    • Yeah I didn't try to change his mind about it. Accepted him for who he is. Was disappointing though. He's a very sweet & sincere guy.

  • im not good in romance...i just can't fake my feelings nor over exaggerate it

  • I would be romantic if I had a girl to be romantic to...

    • If I was still in Indy, where I was born, I could be your cougar. ;-)

  • I voted A. I like to consider my self a real romantic, Well, I'm a hopeless romantic. Does that still count? A lot of the girls I know don't like romantic guys though.

    • I'm getting the idea that the younger generation of gals don't care for much romance. I don't know why though. Having never experienced true romance from a guy I don't know what there is to dislike about it. But if a guy I barely knew were to start laying it on thick then I'd be wary of his intentions.

    • Well yeah, laying on the romance at the beginning is kinda pushing it. I wouldn't do it straightaway. I would start doing it once I've gotten to know her for a while and after a few dates.

  • It depends on what level. Like I would take her out on an surprise dinner every now and then and give her flowers and sh*t on Valentine's day, but I wouldn't stand outside her window holding a boombox over my head as it plays 'In Your Eyes' by Peter Gabriel.

  • Kind of in the middle, I guess. I'll do some romantic stuff but there's a line in the sand.

  • I think most guys do it because it works. I believe some guys truly are romantic but not most.

  • I'm not romantic at all. I don't believe in marriage (even though I want kids) and I do prefer FWBs to real boyfriends. I don't think that being romantic has to do with whether you are a girl or a guy, but more with your upbringing.

    I don't mind a little romance. I like romantic dinners and hugs and kisses, but I don't want to have a cinderella story or anything.

  • Some guys are really really romantic !

    Went out with 7 guys already , and I noticed that horoscope plays something in it lol!

    Kind of funny but when I started noticing that all my friends experienced it , I said yeah I could be!

    So here it is : Most guys with cancer and Capricorn as their zodiac sign tend to b more romantic.

    Try it out and tell me !

    • Well I wish that were true, but the guy I mentioned above is a Capricorn. Actually born on Christmas eve, only 15 minutes short of midnight. And as it usually goes, now that I know I can't have him, I want him more. Argh!

  • Yes I'm romantic but only if I can trust the girl I'm with & know she appreciates it. Some girls think you're soft if you do romantic things for them every once in a while. There is no better feeling then doing stuff for the girl you're with when you know she loves it & is mature enough to accept it..

    • Yes, maturity is essential.

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