Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Can he still be my makeout buddy?

I had a thing for one of my friends for a while. A month ago on a trip with friends I told him I liked him, and he said he had feelings for me. We ended up cuddling one night, which turned into making out hardcore in bed, and then cuddling/sleeping together (just clarification, there was no sex). For the next month up until this last weekend we went out with friends and when we got drunk we would end up making out. I thought I wanted a relationship with him but as time went on I realized I didn't really. I still do like him, and I really really like kissing him, and when I thought about it I would always say I didn't want that to stop, and I guess maybe I just liked the idea of having security to be physical and not feel bad about it. We finally discussed it the other day and we both agreed we don't want a relationship right now. He kept saying he had some feelings for me on the trip, and that we did have chemistry, but never clarified if those feelings are gone. I don't want to rule out a relationship EVER happening, but at the moment it doesn't feel like something that's in the cards. I'm not much of a friends with benefits type, and I reserve sex only for relationships, but can we be makeout buddies? Or since we are on such good terms, is that something I should avoid?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • 1. Wow you sure are confused at this point of time

    2. You are torn between morality, sense of righteousness and requirements

    3. You don't want to be seen as someone who is a s*** but seen as a good girl but on the other hand you have requirements and feelings to cater to

    4. There is nothing wrong for sure with what you are feeling and want to do

    5. But the problem is that guy has feelings for you and he's confessed that to you

    6. As of your question that if he still has those feelings for you, I'm sure he does

    7. He has however probably told you that he doesn't want a relationship cause you probably 1st mentioned to him that you didn't want one :)

    8. Girl, accept the fact that you think you are safe with him as an FWB though he isn't your ideal or dream man

    9. You seem to be someone who looks more for safety, security and maintaining a clean record socially - again nothing wrong with that

    10. The only problem is that the guy in question here has feelings for you and knowing that as time goes by as a FWB (a proposition I'm sure he won't probably refuse), he will really want to get into a relationship.

    11. The problem 'may' start IF and WHEN you do have another relationship with someone who you think is your ideal guy. Even if there's no problem, chances are that the guy really likes you, feels hurt but will keep quiet for your happiness

    12. Other side of the story can be unravelled and putting all these logical assumptions to rest is to just ask him if he will be an FWB. Whichever way I don't think he will refuse.

    13. You are off the emotional hook especially since he's also mentioned that he's not ready for a relationship too :) - no harm in trying and nothing immoral about it

    Good luck :)

    Nothing I've written above is intended to patronize, insult or hurt you. I don't see anything in this situation as degrading or selfish. You are merely confused between various things in this situation which is normal and common. I appreciate that you did write about it and are seeking advice. But end of the day make your own decision. Think - don't feel ;)

  • i think the best friends with benefits situations are between two people that have clearly defined expectations. Benefits, friends, not much more.

    When you start adding in feelings it gets dicey. Even if you only have lukewarm feelings but don't pursue them because you don't wnat a relationship there is still a chance that feelings get hurt. If one of you were to hook up with someone else, or one day one person decides to end FWB relationship because they met someone it can be a tough emotional pill to swallow

    I personally would avoid this, but if you choose to go forward with the making out you need to try and put as little emotion into the situation as possible. You need to make it crystal clear that this is only FWB and there are no other expectations, and he has to be able to agree to this 100%. If you have all this doubt it probably means this setup isn't really gonna work, but if you decide to go forward (and that is 100% an OK thing to do) you just have to prepare yourself and be aware of the potential pitfalls

Most Helpful Girls

  • I have been in this situation and It did not work out at all. He got his feelings all over the place and I was just left in the dark about it and I tried bloody hard and it took a whole year but in the end we stopped even being friends because he didn't try hard enough to sort out his stuff.

    It sounded good at the time, I felt the exact same as you but as time went it got worse. What I would do differently is make sure you two are both on the exact same word on the exact same page every single time. Communication is so important and you must not be afraid to be open to each other cause then you two can compromise and figure something out without hurting the other. If something feels a little bit odd, say it/ ask him etc.. so it won't drag out and become really confusing and regretful and upsetting.

    Problem is that there will always be something that one just can't tell the other and they pretend it's nothing but then it affects everything.

  • I'd say do what makes you BOTH feel comfortable. If the two of you REALLY aren't looking for relationships, or even a friends with benefits type of thing, I think a little making out should be fine, but only if a lot communication is incorporated, otherwise people will get hurt for sure.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 14

  • Making out is like eating a small appetizer. It can be fun, and once in a while they can be okay by themselves, but in the long run, an appetizer isn't a meal, and sooner or later (and probably sooner), you're going to want to eat a whole meal, and so will he. And if you put on the brakes at that point, he's going to feel like he's been used and led on, even if he tells you he's okay with it.

    If he isn't the right guy, fine, no problem, but save the foreplay (because that's what this is) for another guy who IS the right guy for you. Teasing and leading on this guy with the promise of sex that you never intend to deliver is no better than a guy who teases and leads a girl on with the promise of a relationship that he never intends to deliver.

    It's very common today to have these ill-defined relationships with no formal rules and very blurry guidelines, and the result is ALWAYS chaos and suffering, because in the end, there were different needs and different expectations, and since neither side was willing to talk it out and negotiate a set of rules and expectations that both people could live with, each person just proceeded as if THEIR rules and expectations were in place. When you do that, serious conflict is inevitable.

    You can't expect to constantly get what YOU want from someone without ever giving them what THEY want, and think they're going to be okay with it. They might bite their tongue for a while, but that's just going to make them blow up at some point further down the line, and it won't be pretty when it happens.

  • avoid please! because I promise he already thinks about you all day and night and even beats off to the thought of you (awkwarddd) haha.. sounds bad but its true... right now you are playing him.. I know it doesn't seem like it but, eventually you will find another guy and when you do this guy will be so sad and he won't forgive you for it ... I know he seems that he's on the same page as you but it seems he is really wishing you were his girlfriend and I bet right now he's thinking of you... or he's smoking a bowl ahhaha

  • You sound like you're just asking for it, if you keep up these half-ass emotions. someones going to end up getting their feelings hurt an it won't be pretty.

  • If you care about him at all you shouldn't cloud things with sporadic trips to 2nd or 3rd base because he wants. To. Have. Sex. With. You. You are already in the FWB arena. You can keep this up for awhile but eventually he's going to call you on it.

  • You better be willing to bring more than just making out to the table because eventually he is going to get sick of only kissing

  • Lol make out buddies. I never heard of that. Is it abbreviated MOB? Lol. Screw fwb, the world needs more MOBs!

  • Honestly, there is no such thing as a make out buddy! He probably restrained from making a sexual move with you because he though you might end up with him. But remember anything is possible!

  • someone will get hurt , if you are not the friends with benefits type don't start kissing him , it is foreplay

  • You need to stop it or start it.you can't stay in limbo get worked up and keep stopping.If he is a good one go for it and start a real relationship.

  • Heck do what feels right have sex make out and all the good stuff your still young

  • What is so hardcore about making out? And do what you want

  • Can I be your makeout buddy?

  • Nope, sorry

  • No

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