Please help me understand my friends with benefits relationship!

[Anonymous]

I am an older woman and have been involved in a friends with benefits relationship with a much younger man for about a year now. This situation is completely new to me as I divorced about 5 years ago after 23 years of marriage. My friends with benefits was the first man to show relationship interest. We made it clear from the start that friends with benefits is all it was and that no one we knew mutually would find out about it. I know, though that he has told at least one person we both know. A male friend of his that I am also good friends with. I have not told any of our mutual friends. He has a girlfriend, but says that he thinks it is about over for a variety of reasons, and I know it can not go anywhere because of the age difference and I don't think I could ever really trust him anyway. For the most part we don't get together except for sex, but we usually spend the night together and talk for hours about our lives, mutual people we know, etc. No cuddling after the sex, though. He even tells me about other women he is interested in. I don't know if that is to set boundaries with me or to test me. I guess I want to know what this relationship really is. I admit, I have some feelings for him. I have given him chances to get out, but he doesn't seem to want to. Can anyone help me clarify what is going on? Is there a way that I can tell if he cares more than he lets on? Should I want him to? Is it okay to want to let it continue? I am 47, he is 25. HELP!

[Pedantic]

You fox, you ;) So! Its time for him to learn the hard way. You had an agreement to keep it discreet, and he broke it. Now the honey has to stop flowing. End it, or he'll never respect you. He's going to cry and beg for one more chance. Kick him to the curb. You are not a trophy for him to brag about with mutual acquaintainces, and losing out will help him take future agreements in his life far more seroiusly. FWB relationships are generally rooted in selfishness, each party taking their cake and eating it, so to speak - which is implicitly understood. However that does not grant additional usage rights, or imply someone gets to be a doormat.

I know it may be hard for you, since it seems you have feelings for him too.

Anyway! On to how I think he feels. I'm going to hazzard a guess and say that you effect him emotionally on some level, but he also has that tight-walk of trying to keep it just FWB. I think backing, or rather his decision not to, isn't just a question of interest or disinterest. There are other things involved, such as self-perception of failure of not being able to "cut it" with an older and more experienced woman, and he may stay in to show he can handle it. Its hard to say without really investigating further.

Your last questions show signs that your sails could be in disarray. Is it okay to want to let it continue? Should you want him to [care more than he lets on]? These are deeply personal things that people decide for themselves. How could you possibly ask us to define what is right or wrong for you in just a few words? At your age, the moral compass should be steady. You should know the answer to those immediately.

[Pedantic]

Have a good trip! Hope our answers helped!

[MrOracle]

Let me make this crystal clear for you:

To him, you are JUST SEX, and a bit of companionship. You are easy, stress-free sex with no relationship expectations or obligations (that's not a bad thing, because he's the same thing to you). But he does NOT have romantic feelings for you. I'm sure he cares about you as a friend, as he would any of his other friends, but it really doesn't go beyond that.

Most women can't have sex without getting attached. That's not a weakness, but just a biological truth; women evolved that trait because that trait was better for survival of the human race, but men didn't need it to survive, so they didn't evolve to work that way. That's why most men have little difficulty separating sex from love, and can easily have sex without any emotional/romantic attachment.

Read my article for more details:

link

[lovedcursed]

ooh dear , it is a bad thing to fall for a friend with benefit , but tell you something far from if he is interested or not ? haven't you heard about the many cases of divorce that result from the great gap between ages? most of the time after a while the younger side carves his/her same age new experience and they tend to cheat or leave their older partners specially if the gap ismore than 3-5 year (Demi Moore and Achtun Kutcher ) ever heard about them ? ! so he may be interested as well as you but dear just don't settle for that relationship cause you really don't need to get hurt or heart broken as a result of turning it to love - so for now be happy with what fun and sexy moments you had with this guys -and cut things of- it is okay to give whatever reasons you want but just end it before you get more involved and start finding a more suitable partner who would be at the same age level and experience to grow old with and feel more safe ,good luck <3

[spassticer]

just sex. he has a girlfriend, think about it. you never cuddle, he tells you about other women?

both male and female only talk about the opposite sex when they're entirely not interested in the person romantically.

[Turtleluv]

It's only sex for him. If you want more then you're going to have to tell him that. Be prepared for the rejection though. I don't think he wants anything more than sex.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

That's all the relationship is. You meet, you have sex, you leave. When you get these feelings, it will eventually ruin the FWB situation.

[bh6676r942]

well I think you should marry him that way no body can say she's an old cougar

[1inmillion]

You better tuck him in with his blankie before he goes night night.

[Shivamkverma]

Good for physical as well as mentally.
I am also interested in mutual benefits
Can we talk over it

[Anonymous]

Its all about the bangin, What ever feels good.

[Anonymous]

sexually dominate him into your sex slave, trust me, he'll do anything after words. wink.