Does he genuinely like me romantically or is he just using me for company & affection?

[Anonymous]

So I met this guy a month ago through mutual friends. We're both in different colleges (I'm a freshman in college and he's a foreign exchange student) but since we've met, we've been hanging out a lot with our friends as a group (average of 3-5x a week). We've gone out alone once but that's cause everyone bailed on us. Our "relationship" is weird cause we're not even casually dating (let alone official) nor are we "just friends" or even friends with benefits. We are really really close though. We've kissed, cuddled, made out, held hands in public (and in front of our friends), etc. but never had sex. I've spent a few nights with him when we didn't even do anything (we didn't even kiss) but talked and cuddled until one of us fell asleep. Our conservations are really deep and we talk about everything to each other. We text pretty regularly updating each other on each others' lives when we don't see each other. I didn't know he saw me as more than a friend until he held my hand one night. He has never flirted with me verbally or said anything sweet, he just shows affection through his actions. The thing is, he's only here until Christmas, in which after that he'll be moving away to a different country for good. He broke up with his long-term girlfriend earlier this year, so I'm afraid I might just be a rebound (although he's not using me for sex, he could be using me for company). I know we don't have a future together (which sucks cause I've never liked anyone as much as I like him) but I just need your opinions. I'm scared I might be too emotionally attached by the time he leaves. At least if I know he genuinely likes me I'll make the most of the time we do have together and if he doesn't then I could put an end to this before I fall for him.

[Lommelun]

Are you "using" him? He is the one working his way in a foreign culture here. You're on your home base. Maybe you should give the poor guy some slack and try to understand his position?

For all I know, he may be desperately sending signals and waiting for you to do some obscure little thing before he knows you accept him. Or he is just happy with whatever you're doing together right now and see no reason to go any further. Is that using you? Are you using him?

That being said, in my cultural setting, you'd be considered an item allready they way you're going on.

[martyfellow]

There's nothing wrong with wanting company and affection, so I wouldn't phrase it that he's 'using' you. He needs company and affection; he's far from home and famil and just broke up with a girl friend.

He's probably in a high rebound emotional state, so he wants your company. But he's being honest about it; he is leaving soon, so isn't pressing you to have sex and isn't making any false claims about being together long term.

Enjoy his company while you can.

[Asker]

You're right, but what I meant was, does he just want company or my company in particular?

[martyfellow]

Oh, I think he genuinely likes you, but all the same, you may have been the first unattached girl he met...

[Asker]

Well, all our friends are single and so are the girls he has met (I've been invited to their house parties by him). However he's not that close to them. He did say that I'm the only one out of the girls who "gets" him and we have tons of common interests. But then again he could just see me as a friend who's willing to fill his void. He mentioned he misses home a lot

[martyfellow]

He's being honest with you...that's a big plus. Try to keep in touch after he leaves..that will tell you how much he is really into YOU..

[Asker]

That would be a bit too late though. I just wanna know how he feels towards me now so I can prepare myself: either a) make the most of our time left knowing he likes me or b) move on now and put an end to this if he doesn't have romantic feelings for me. I'm scared maybe he's just lonely and doesn't necessarily have emotional feelings towards me. What do you think I should do?

[martyfellow]

I'd just continue to hang out..as the time for him to leave gets closer, he will show you his feelings.

[martyfellow]

That's the plan, good luck!

[Asker]

What's the plan? Haha. Do you guys actually receive notifications of updates on the question btw?

[martyfellow]

What you just said..kepp hanging out and see what develops. Thanks for the BA!

[dunfriendme]

I honestly think it doesn't matter. You will part soon and your relationship, even if seriously begun, has a set expiration date.

Just let him go now if you want to spare yourself more heartache.

But be sure to tell him all this honestly. All what you told us just now.

Do this so you can get an acknowledgement on his side. Even if he doesn't speak, it will mean he agrees. Get closure before you say goodbye.

[sexydezzie123]

Have you ever asked him how he feels about u? if not then I would take it as he enjoys your company and affection if he does nothing more. But then again if you probably come off a way to where you don't seem like that type of girl (that's easy) then he probably just has enough respect for you thinking your not that type of girl and that's why he doesn't go any further than cuddling with you.

[Anonymous]

have you ever thought maybe he is just super shy and doesn't want to make the first official move? don't laugh its possible he could go on this long without taking the initiation. Have you ever tried to kiss him first? id try that and see how he reacts with that.

[Asker]

I'm not sure you read my description...?

[Opinion Owner]

oh I see, sorry I didn't read that part . OK, so maybe he is waiting for you to initiate sex? :)

[lerzygirl]

I think you should straight up ask him. Ask him if he just wants companionship or a relationship. And if you guys become serious you both will make the extra effort to make it work. But just be honest with him.

[lerzygirl]

Long distance relationships are hard but they can work. It just depends on how willing each of you are to work for it.

[lukewalker1212]

Since he is gonna leave I think you should try to shy away from this relationship from even starting. He may like you romantically and also be using you for company. So I think its better you don't start a relationship with him before you become his next long distance relationship girlfriend

[Lommelun]

Jump on him. Stop diddling around.

[madhatters4]

i think your two poll choices can be one in the same. he could like you romantically but also be using you for company and affection.

I think that is the case here. there is no sense in him digging down into a relationship that has a termination date (in that he is leaving the country soon) but it does seem clear that he does like you or at least like your company.

i think you just have to decide are you cool with having this fling for however long it lasts or are you going to be too hurt in the end when he leaves. it could be fun just to have this fling and enjoy it while it lasts knowing that it will end.

[Cromartie]

"o I met this guy a month ago through mutual friends." - You can't tell. Don't bother.

[Asker]

Not sure I get what you mean. Care to elaborate?

[Cromartie]

Not really, no. In essence: You would not know anyone's intentions within 30 days esp. considering most of the normal circumstances ( meaning that you spend less than a collaborative week with him over these 30 days, etc. etc. )

[abundantlyrich]

Depends where he's from, he might be shy or he's just playing around cos he's only here for studying and that's it, he's going back home later.