FWB wants Monogamy? Wtf, lines are so blurred! HELP!

[Anonymous]

Sorry this is long! Met him a few months ago, no labels, we just chilled then it kind of developed in to a kinda friends with benefits thing after we slept together. =\ But lately everything has become so blurred, this is the curse of FWB's I guess. Never planned for more than friends with benefits but this isn't like any other friends with benefits I've had before. friends with benefits = NSA Sex / Booty Call / f*** Buddy right? For example; Since we met we've barley gone a few days without seeing each other, we sleep over at each others' houses regularly, he introduced me his best m8 and the 3 of us often chill and go out together, he planned movie night and we went on a crazy goodies spree round tesco, we text each other daily and say good night, his messages aren't booty calls, they are to ask about my days etc, he let me meet his mum, she's cooked for me and I get on really well with her and she invited me along to his sisters for a big family meal (woah! to much ha ha I politely declined!), then he stopped having sex with me to prove he wasn't using me (we just cuddled!) I got frustrated he wasn't putting out, tried to distance myself knowing that it was getting to much and I might end up catching feelings. Then he started getting funny with me, asking why I'd been so quiet and off. Why was I on whatsapp so late, who was I talking to, am I shagging someone else, do I want to etc. What is this? What is he trying to prove? If it's not sex or money... What does he want? His response was a friend that's real because all the people in his life are frauds. This pushed me further away because I thought how the hell can I not fall for this guy when I'm so involved in his life and yet he just wants a 'friend' or the best of both worlds without the commitment haha. Then he dropped the bomb, he wants monogamy or nothing at all. He said that's not him, he doesn't sleep with more than one person and if I want to then he'd rather we go our separate ways. I cried... not I front of him, secretly it had been knocking me sick wondering if he'd been with anyone else but I was angry at myself for falling so I wouldn't admit it. And then my walls came down and I told him that I was being weird because I was scared, I was catching feelings and I don't want to get hurt. I told him that real friends don't fuc*k but I couldn't bring myself to say I wanted the title and he basically said that I needed to tell him what I wanted and he'd respect my wishes if I just wanted to be friends lol. The fool that I am didn't ask for the title, instead I said its cool, your not seeing anyone else and neither am I so I don't see a problem as long as we promise to tell each other if that changes... Wtf why did I say that?! I want to be his girl! I feel like a complete idiot now because he's getting all the benefits but I'm not good enough to be his girlfriend or did I scare him off? Or am I his girl? Guys what the hell is going on here, am I being played? Girls ever been in this situation?! Thanks!

[madhatters4]

if you want to be his girlfriend you need to stop being a friend with benefits.

being in a monogamous casual sex relationship is definitely something people do and it does't necessarily need to reflect any greater feeligns towards teh other person than any other FWB situation. It simply is to say I want to have sex with you and no one else but doesn' t mean that the relationship suddenly becomes boyfriend/girlfriend...essentially friends with benefits and monogamy aren't necessarily mutually exclusive

I think if you want something with this guy you need to just tell him. First clearly figure out what you want with him and then tell him. if you can't only do the casual sex relationship (and I wonder if you can because it seems to cause you a lot of anguish) then you may need to put a a stop to it. but don't simply continue the casual sex because you are afraid to lose him all together.

[Asker]

This is really helpful, thank you,

[GingerGuy]

I'm in a very similar situation currently and I'm you. It hurts like F$%K! But MHG is right. You've got to do what's best for you and you need to figure out exactly what you want the relationship to be, and tell him so and ask. But don't be mad at yourself for your feelings. Feelings are uncontrollable. You have them whether you want them or not. My fwbs and I were monogamous to and I wanted it that way. Mostly because of STD's, health. It's the only way I'd be in a fwbs situation. I don't want to constantly wonder who she's been with, how they've been with etc.

On update: this doesn't necessarily mean that 'you're not girlfriend material", not at all. It only means he doesn't want that officially. It often comes with drama/stress and that's what he doesn't want in his life. It could be you or anyone, it wouldn't matter.

[Lommelun]

What is the big deal here? You're playing with words. You're in a relationship with him, so just get over it and say it out loud. You could even give him a ring and ask him to marry you, that'll set things straight.

[Asker]

Lol, things are not always as they seam, thanks for your input. =)

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You are both admitting that you are having romantic feelings and both want to be monogamous. Just freaking take that leap and admit the truth to him. the whole truth.

[Asker]

Took the leap, least I know where I stand now. Thanks for your input, =)