Thoughts on long term relationships and condoms?

Question

Due to having been in a long term relationship, I have not dated in years, but I have been single for a while now, concentrating on myself, and want to start dating again but I have some reservations...My previous (and modest) experience in the dating world has generally gone something like this... Condoms for the first few months of the relationship, then discussion of birth control and stds and what not ...which would lead to the decision we would not need condoms anymore...NOW, the aforementioned scenario will have to include a conversation that would probably start with me saying, "Hey, so about a year and half ago I had a life threatening blood clot that was caused by birth control.  We will have to continue to use condoms because, as my doctors have advised,  I am not currently on birth control, nor will I be anytime soon."Here's the thing.. I am more than happy to use alternative methods of getting off that don't require a condom (i.e. oral,hands, toys, I'm fairly open minded), but in the event that those methods aren't being utilized,  a condom is REQUIRED...no condom = no sex...My reservations are because this is one of the reasons I left my ex, he was not interested in any other methods and didn't want to use a condom...He didn't want kids but yet, every single time we had sex it came down to me literally walking out in the middle of it because I refuse to argue with someone about prevention...On top of that, everyone I talk to about this (all women btw) mention that their men would NEVER use a condom, so they're glad this didn't happen to them and blah, blah, blah...I haven't even started dating and am getting completely discouraged...  I mean, it's nothing I can control and it can turn into a life or death situation for me so I take it very seriously.  I guess I like to think that there have to be some men out there who, if they cared about a girl enough, wouldn't have any problem with this...so guys, is this something that you would have a problem with?At what point in a relationship would you want to know this information?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I actually have the same issue. So far, only one serious relationship and he was okay with it all. We ended up combining FAM and condoms. Fertility Awareness Method does work if its done right. It allowed us to have sex without condoms part of the month and we'd use condoms the rest of the month.

My boyfriend was actually the one to suggest this. He doesn't like the idea of hormonal birth control in the first place because it can have so many side effects. It does take patience and understanding but well, I'm still here without any children so I would really suggest you look into it.

As for when I brought it up, I think it came up the first night we had sex and then talked about it some more, he told me where I needed to look up things and it went from there. He was 100% on board with it.

I'm sorry that everyone around you doesn't understand. I have more friends who don't use the pill than friends who do. So in my social circle, it is 100% understandable. FAM does take more effort than remembering to take a pill at the same time every day but at the same time, it also tells you when something is way off. As long as you do it properly, it does work.

ShesSoSilly · Accepted Answer

Obviously I can't speak for guys, but I just wanted to answer and let you know I am sorry this happened to you. I can't believe you had those kinds of responses either, like saying, "I'm glad this never happened to me." :/

Anyway I really agree with a couple of the answers you've gotten. Some will care and some won't but that only means they aren't right for you. I can't imagine this would be a deal breaker, when you meet someone you're really compatible with and they are serious about you I imagine they would do anything for you. A guy who expects you to risk hurting yourself or worse, dying, is not someone you need in your life anyway. That's just beyond me someone would even think that way.

Theguyoverthere · Accepted Answer

I have slept around a little bit and honestly, I could never see myself going without a condom. It's just not worth it. I know of someone who used birth control and still got pregnant.

I honestly feel it is selfish for a guy to insist on going without a condom because "it feels better." I personally feel the sex is better when I'm just enjoying the girl's company and we are just happy from having good chemistry in bed. Many girls have told me they have had partners who were so anal(no pun intended) about making her have an orgasm and it got to the point where it was turning the the girl off.

Plus, I don't think I'd sleep well at night knowing I went unprotected for both STD and pregnancy reasons. I'm already looking to get tested from sleeping around and all all my intercourse scenarios involved condoms.

If you're comfortable with the pattern you mentioned go for it. I personally would have to be married for unprotected sex to happen because that's the point I would picture having a child.

yaddayaddayadda02 · Accepted Answer

I would not have a problem with it.  And I'd assume this conversation would take place along the time you'd move from condoms in your previous relationships...like maybe a month or so after you started having sex.

ironeddie · Answer

I would have no problem using condoms anytime. Especially if other forms of control would cause my partner health problems. :-)

gonyr · Answer

I've been in a relationship for 4 years and we use condoms. Sure! going raw feels better but it's not like condoms are bad.

She was on back for a while but didn't enjoy taking it. We had a scenario where we weren't seeing each other for a while so she got off of it and never went back on. I don't mind. It's not that big do a deal

sirspauldo · Answer

Those guys are jerks, that's disrespectful. No, that should never be a problem. That's just selfish on their part to refuse to wear a condom.

madhatters4 · Answer

I've been with my girlfriend, no fiance, for more than 3 years. we always use condoms during intercourse. It's really that simple. Birth control messes with her hormones too much, and to be frank I don't need anything else screwing with her hormones.

I think any guy who would have casual sex without a condom is a guy you should run from as fast as possible.

I have no problem wearing a condom. of course it doesn't feel the same as going bareback but the safety and security are well worth the concerns of (in my case) an unwanted pregnancy.

serp777 · Answer

I would recommend getting an implant actually. They don't affect hormones and it's pretty cheap compared to condoms and birth control over time.

Not liking condoms makes sense. I very much dislike condoms and it reduces the quality of sex at least 50% for the guy.

M_A_X · Answer

I'm the kind of guy that expects sex without a condom, but I don't think all guys are like that. There are lots of guys who probably haven't even done it WITHOUT a condom before. I can't say I know a lot about the escapades of other men... not attracted to them, so I don't focus on them much and have no reason to be interested in things like that.

Would I NOT date you because of that? Meh, I'd probably not make that big a deal about it, but again, everybody draws the line at different places. For some people, having kids is a deal breaker, and for others, not being able to have kids can be a deal breaker. It's all a matter of each individual person's outlook and sexual preferences

dave4u · Answer

have you tried going on the pill?

Anonymous · Answer

So you're single and you make problems on condom?

Anonymous · Answer

Did your doctor discuss other birth control options with you, such as a diaphragm or an IUD? Regardless, the choice is yours. If using condoms is what helps you sleep better at night, that's what you should do. If he doesn't see eye-to-eye with you, he's not the right guy for you, and it's probably better that you find out now.

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