Sexual Relationships
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Why does my bf prefer masterbating then have sex with me?

Hi I'm 33 and my bf is 31. he prefers to masterbate all night long every night rather than have sex with me... and when we do have sex I do all the work while he just lays there I am an open minded women that will do anything he wanted to in bed as long as it makes him happy... He knows that I know he is masterbating. we have talked about it. He knows it is hurting me but he still does it all night long... what made me upset is he told me I wanted sex to much but then rolled over and masterbates all night... please help me understand what to do or what is going on. I also want to put in there i avoid arguing. I like to talk things out rather fight and argue!! I cater to his every need as well!! we have been together for 2 years now and it has been over a year since he tried to initiate sex with me. I normally am the one to initiate it and i am a very sexual person. just 2 nights ago i put my hand on his hip like i normally do to cuddle him and he flipped out on me said he couldn't sleep while my hand was there but then i feel our bed shaking.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This is NOT normal, and in my opinion, not acceptable. It's one thing for him to masturbate if you aren't available (that's normal and fine), but it's totally different for him to choose masturbation over a wet and willing partner next to him in bed. That's just crazy.

    This is a BIG DEAL, and a RED FLAG that something in the relationship is not going right. You need to start by talking it out with him, and telling him honestly how it makes you feel, and that you desire him sexually. Then, find out how HE feels. If you can't break through on your own, then you really need some relationship counselling. If he won't participate in that, then, in my opinion, your relationship is in SERIOUS trouble, and is nearly unfixable. I wouldn't recommend that you stay in such a relationship if he won't work to resolve this issue, and at the very least find a compromise that you can both live with.

    • I tried talking to him multiple times about it, it seems like he doesn't care about my feelings i tried everything even a dildo whixxch he freaked out on me about!!

    • And the fact that he won't talk about it and doesn't care about your feelings isn't alarming to you? Why would you stay with a guy who doesn't care about your feelings and won't talk to you?

    • Im not really sure mostly because i care about him and love him

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  • If guys masturbate too much, his penis can become desensitized. When this happens, sex might not be pleasurable to him because a vagina is never as tight as the grip of his hand. This can be fixed if he stops masturbating for a week or two, but I don't really know how you can convince him to do that. It sounds like he's obsessed, so maybe talking to a sex therapist would be the best option. Maybe even couples counseling so that he can understand that it affects how you feel about your relationship with him. If none of that works, I would kick him to the curb if I were you.

    • That's not true. The penis never loses sensation.

    • You're probably right, just because I'm a doctor doesn't mean that I know anything about the human body. But, really though, it can happen if somebody masturbates excessively.

    • thank you I'm about to try something new i have tried everything and i accidently click on the vote thingy cause i thought it was arrows to read more but it turns out it's a vote thingy so i give a personal vote of 1

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Maybe I've been reading comments wrong, but this guy seems like a total dick. You tell him how his masterbating makes you feel and he totally blows you off but when you go and do what he's doing he freaks out. Total double standard. They're may be underlying issues in your relationship that's making him lose interest in having sex with you. I'm kind of in the same boat as you so I know where you're coming from. My boyfriend and I are trying couples counselling next week. Maybe it's something you should consider.

  • Eighther he is gay or he has serious whore/virgin issues. If its the latter, he needs counseling. If he is gay in denial then you better find yourself a straight dude.

    • i have questioned him being gay myself!!

    • Ooooh! Ouch! Did you have normal sex at the beginning? If so, maybe you should be more careful with what you say to him. Maybe he is scared to underperform or he is anxious when he has to have sex with you. Careful with words, men are deeply scared of our Sharp tongues.

    • i never asked him if he was i meant to say i question that same question myself!! when we have sex it's passionate from me i do everything he asks during sex and don't say no or anything like that!!

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  • He's on dopamine overload. You should handcuff him so he can't get his hands below his waist.

    • Lol...ty...i have tried everything...

    • any type of addiction causes brain damage. :)

    • He must have serious brain damage then cause all his exes said he did it with them as well

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 8

  • Masturbation addiction is a serious problem.

    • It seems to be here...im pretty sure he is addicted to masturbating!!

  • hmmm... well... thats a new one...

    If you are 100% sure he is straight and is sexually attracted and turned on to you... i have absolutely no idea.

    Maybe he is not comfortable with himself OR you. But yet i think again it has been 2 years since you guys met.

    • we had sex until recently!! it's like he just got lazy

    • thats STILL weird tho. I would have sex over masurbating anytime. Maybe trying giving him a handjob? Doing it for him? Might open him up to you more

    • i will try that but he freaks out if i touch him when he is trying to do it!!

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  • He probably doesn't want to have sex with you. Even if he was insatiable, he would, at least, care enough to mitigate his behavior as to not hurt your feelings. You have to re-evaluate your relationship and see if he really care about you. I think satisfying sex is one of the most important aspects of any relationship.

    • i have bought bedroom outfits because he said he would like to see me in them my main goal is to satisfy him... he use to never turn me down and just recently he started to masterbate to masterbating all night long!!

    • how do i go about seeing if he cares about me?

    • He lost sensation in his junk awhile ago from masturbating even a couple of hours after we have sex...

  • woah... u definintely turn him off then

    • I dont think it is that!!

    • Snce all his exes told me he did it with them as well

    • u know what u should do? just grab his penis and drag to the bed and start munching on it!

  • Sorry about that. Don't know what to say. It seems like you have done everything.
    But maybe you should masturbate and see how he likes it. Maybe he will get jealous and say "why is she masturbating when she can have sex with me." and do it to p*rn too.

    • I guess I will try that!!

    • i tried the whole masturbating thing he freaked out on me about it and it continues for hours upon hours!!

    • what continued for hours?

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  • What a weird guy. You should just break up with him, he probably has serious intimacy issues and does anyone really want to deal with that?

    • not really

  • Best case scenario he is selfish. Worst case he has mental problems.

    • Im thinking both...but more selfish than anything

  • It honestly sounds like you're either not good at sex, or your bf is one lazy motherfucker who would rather his own hand instead of you.

    You mention you do all the work.. so I'm going with lazy, instead of you being a bad lay.

    Lazy people don't change. They are lazy for life. Dump this asshole.

    • All his exes said he did it when he was with them so i doubt it's that im bad at sex no man has ever complained about it before i got the best compliments from them

  • I don't no what to say other then he needs help or it's over for the two of you?

  • No offense, but are you very out of shape?

    • no i am not out of shape i am very flexible do to doing gymnastics I stretch everyday i can tighten every single muscle in my body voluntary including the kegel excersize

    • When I say out of shape, I mean do you have excess fat?

    • no none

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