Guy was super into me, we slept together, now I feel like he's over it. Is it in my head?

[Anonymous]

This guy was chasing me like crazy. Trying to hang out, telling me how beautiful I am, etc. We hung out a few days in a row and there were major sparks. He was constantly kissing me, telling me how beautiful I was, and admitting a few times that he wanted a relationship with me. I didn't mention anything about a relationship because I don't know if that's what I want... but I made it clear that I really like him in return and want to keep dating. He told me he doesn't do one night stands, he hasn't hooked up with many girls, etc. I was nervous and didn't intend to sleep with him but in the moment it just happened. Afterwards he kept saying he couldn't wait to cook me dinner, make me breakfast next time, etc. But now, two days later, he is practically silent. He was really busy with work the past few days so I'm not surprised we didn't hang out, but he's barely texting me etc. I guess I just expected that even if we couldnt' hang out for a few days, he'd still be making that effort to text me/call me/let me know he's thinking of me. Am I reading too much into it? Should he be texting/calling me more or am I overanalyzing this situation? Has he lost interest or is this simply a case of "text neglect"? lol. I REALLY like him and I want to date him more.

[celestialdaeva]

I'm going to copy and paste here what I answered on a different, but similar, question:

A lot of guys "rubber band". My boyfriend does it, but in all honesty - I do it too. Essentially, after a "breakthrough" like the first time you sleep together, making things official, or saying "I love you" for the first time, people will pull back to take some time to reflect on it and reorient themselves. Falling in love can be dizzying. Sometimes you have to stop for a few seconds to catch your balance. And it can be scary. Taking a little smidge of time to be like "holy shit, did that really just happen and am I really ready for this?" can be a GOOD thing because then when they come back around, they are confident they are ready to proceed.

Even though I'm a puller-backer too, it'd still make me feel insecure in the beginning when I wouldn't hear from him as quickly or as often for awhile after something increased the intimacy between us. I found that predicting when he would pull back and just assuming from that moment of closeness that it was going to happen made it actually kind of flattering. Like you're knocking/sweeping them off their feet.

[Asker]

thanks, this helps a lot. i'll give him a little more time before entering freak-out mode, haha !

[celestialdaeva]

no prob. if he goes a long time, you have the right to be pissed. but i'd say if he contacts you within a week or so of having slept together, just be cool about it. responding with "howdy, stranger! how ya been?" will get you a lot further than "why didn't you call me?"

[characterdeelaa]

I think this girl ^ is right! As a guy I felt this way with my ex after we first had sex... I had to pull away, because shit felt so surreal and I needed time to breathe. After a few days, I felt good and normal again. So I contacted my girl (now ex) and everything was normal again and we just dated further on.

[wumpus972]

Glad you did paste that again. Nice, wise answer.

[CityCutey]

Your first mistake was spreading your legs too quick, your emotion took over and he took advantage of it ( I'm not blaming him, he is a guy. I'm sure he was excited as much as you are) But you know better. Why don't you text him your self, relationship go both ways not one way. text him and ask him whatever you want to ask. You have to understand that, guy will not be chasing you 24 7 even though you gave yourself up. If you not doing your part and putting at least a little effort, he would feel it and would be isolating himself from you, because you kind of made his job A LOT easier, you not calling and not txting. In his mind, his mission is a total success a. k. a. no strings attached and you played your part perfectly. Next time keep your legs closed for 3-5 weeks. BE SMART

[cavmanier]

I think it's really sad this is how it is for so many young people. Guy wants to fuck. Girl is trying to get the guy in a relationship so she better not give up sex. That's just terrible. Reminds me of the 1500s or something

[CityCutey]

I'm sure back in 1500's there were 50 times more couples and married people than in 2014. Television and music sending a wrong message to people, guys especially. Isn't it better to have a GF and have sex with her 24 7 and just share your life with someone special, rather than wasting your life braking women hearts on the left and on the right and then making it even harder for normal guys to find normal girls because they can't trust guys no more? Most guys in our time are weak garbage, because they don't know how to keep their Dick in their pants.

[Asker]

I had sex with him because I wanted to; I shouldn't feel slutty or "not smart" because of it. I appreciate the answer but if it doesn't work out with him, I don't attribute it to me not being smart

[CityCutey]

I don't know things that you know, I have to work with whatever you provided in your question.

[Asker]

Sorry.. I just got frustrated because I don't feel like I did anything wrong. But i do appreciate the advice

[celestialdaeva]

Thinking that delaying sex 3-5 weeks is the secret to getting a man is the opposite of smart. If it feels right after 1 week, go for it. If it feels right after 3 months, cool. What matters is going with the flow of the relationship and doing it because you WANT to, not because you think it'll make him like you. Newsflash: Men ain't the holy grail. We can take 'em or leave 'em, too. This whole mentality that sex should be used to secure a relationship is stupid, degrading, sad, and pathetic.

[celestialdaeva]

How old are you, exactly?

[CityCutey]

It doesn't matter how old I am, what matters is what I know and the way I see it, I know A LOT more than you do. Sleeping with a guy after a week? your brain definitely didn't catch up to your whatever age. Flow can go only to a certain point, and if your so called theory was right, MANY MANY MAAANY girls wouldn't be struggling to find a guy with whom they could spend decades to life together. Your theory therefore you thinking is Flawed and immature and that automatically makes me wiser regardless of my age.

[celestialdaeva]

Nice try. Not all girls are so insecure that they need a relationship to feel complete, though. That's not a fundamental truth. That's daddy issues.

[EmeraldSky]

@ celestiadaeva At least waiting to have sex ensures that you don't get used. It's not smart to just spread your legs after one week because "it feels right". That is how women get used, manipulated, and put themselves in emotional and futuristically risky situations. It may not ever even BECOME a relationship and then the female has given the most intimate part of herself to some momentary guy. I don't think it's about abstaining from sex to secure a relationship, but abstaining from sex to ensure she doesn't get used and manipulated.

[EmeraldSky]

@CityCutey, ignore her. She speaks as if you're opinion was a personal attack against her and her own sexual choices. You are perfectly entitled to believe what you want; you don't have to explain yourself to her.

[Susumi8]

Its not a great sign that he hasn't been in contact with you, but its only been a couple days. Don't contact him though, make sure he texts or calls you first. Honestly, I've had the best of luck acting as if I didn't care. Guys are more attracted to you when you reciprocate their emotional level. Don't think you did anything wrong though if it doesn't work out, since most relationships don't.

[Asker]

he texted me the next day (yesterday), but didn't seem that eager to keep the conversation going

[thetundrawolf]

You might be reading too much into it, or the fact that you gave him what men desire most: your body has made him question how much farther this can go. You gave him the peak, the epitome, the pinnacle of any human relationship, and that was sex. What more is there? Sorry, but this is why people should not be so quick to have sex. It takes time to develop knowledge of your potential mates heart and soul. Being kissy and saying sweet things is nice, but what were his true motives? Only time will tell if he loves you enough to forgo sex long enough to learn who you really are, and put in the time and effort, and self denial before finding out if you are the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

[celestialdaeva]

What more is there? Wow. Your relationships must be AWESOME.

[thetundrawolf]

Maybe in your world there's something that bonds people together more than sex, but in reality, sex is it. What a shame people fail to recognize how important and sacred an act it is.

[Asker]

So after sex you have no desire to get to know someone more? There's no desire for an emotional connection? In my experience, THAT'S what makes sex the best...

[thetundrawolf]

Not no desire- that is crazy. But for men, it inhibits that natural desire something fierce. Sex is the icing on the cake. If you give it to him before he spends the time to get to know you, to love you (Conversely, if he refuses to spend that time without sex, then you know what he was always after. Sadly, this is okay with a lot of women.) to commit to living the rest of his life alongside you, then he has what he wants, and the desire to get to know you, to cherish your heart, etc, will diminish in a natural capacity (Especially if he has not even dated you for long).

[celestialdaeva]

So.. bonding early is bad? Because bonding makes people lose interest? What a shame people make assertions and don't even realize they are contradictory.

[thetundrawolf]

Bonding early is great! The ultimate act of sacred bonding before true commitment and time invested to understand one another's hearts (This can take years) is disaster.

[celestialdaeva]

So the more bonded you are to a person, the less likely you are to commit to them.

[thetundrawolf]

That's not what I said, oh bearer or circular logic. There is a limit to human bonding, and sex is it. Share it with someone who is not worthy, who has not put the time and effort in the relationship, and you are going to dilute the relationship. Same as someone winning the lotto and blowing all the money at once, on nothing of substance, so are the people who view sex as little more than fleeting pleasure.

[celestialdaeva]

And diluting a relationship with an unworthy person sooner rather than later is bad because...

[AndyWes]

We men have mood swings to... and it's a lot harder to think clearly when you're really horny and wanting sex. I hate to say it, but our logic/reasoning faculties aren't working nearly as well.

With his head a little more clear, he might be rethinking.

Show you're still into him, but don't be too pushy/clingy.

[EmeraldSky]

He probably only wanted one thing. Despite what he said, actions speak louder than words. No offense girl, but that's why you don't give it up so easily and you can't just expect a guy to treat you like his girlfriend just because you slept with him.

[Curmudgeon]

WHOA, it's only *two* days. For all you know, he is busy with classes, work, etc. Give it until this next weekend at least.

[EmeraldSky]

Curmudgeon, that could definitely be the case, but if he really cared all that much then he wouldn't want to taint her image on him. He would have at least said hello

[Curmudgeon]

WHOA, it's only *two* days. For all you know, he is busy with classes, work, etc. Give it until this next weekend at least. Then you will have an idea. And feel free to call.

[cavmanier]

So it's only been a few days? I would wait a little while to really find out what's going on. If the whole thing was to get sex I don't really see what you can do.

[GoldCobra]

Are u sure he enjoyed the sex? Did it go well with no problems?

[Asker]

I think so... he seemed to enjoy it... but I guess you never know with someone new

[GoldCobra]

Well if nothing went wrong during your sex and he seemed to enjoy it he probably did. How old is he and are u guys in college?

[Asker]

no nothing went wrong (at least that I noticed ha!) I am 23 and he is 22 and we are both out of college

[GoldCobra]

Well he lost interest for some reason. Does he talk to a lot of girls?

[Asker]

he claimed that he doesn't talk to/hook up with a lot of girls... said he is more of a "one girl" kind of guy... he actually volunteered that. but of course he could have been lying

[Bobaflex42313]

any word yet?