Why is slut shaming such a terrible thing now?

[GroovyChips]

I'm not saying they should be burned or persecuted or banished or anything stupid like that. I'm not a nutcase prude. I was on a question that asked about society being full of sluts now and people were actually defending promiscuity and ragging on the qa, calling her judgmental and implying people who thought like her were judgmental and prudish pricks. Does this only seems backwards to me? LOL I didn't wait until marriage, I don't say people should. I think people should at least know and care about the person before sleeping with them and apparently that's a prudish prick's point of view LOL People are so casual about sex and just jump into bed with anyone, complete strangers, and people are defending that claiming sexual liberation and saying they're not hurting anyone. in my opinion I think they're hurting themselves, thinking of sex as nothing more than a nasty bump and grind for temporary pleasure. People who will just sleep with everyone should be ashamed to share their bodies with everyone they meet in my opinion. I feel bad for them because it speaks to a low self worth. Shouldn't sex still mean something? Maybe my wife and I are alone in this.

[MaskedSanity]

The problem with slut-shaming is that it implies sex in itself is something to be ashamed of. Why? How is sex bad and why should people be ashamed of it? Why do people have this weird obsession with sex and rating people's worth based on something so natural?

It's because for as long as we can remember sex has been ingrained in our minds as "man dominating woman" & "woman giving up her body" through various doctrines (a lot of which are religious), therefore if a woman "gives herself up" too soon - she's of low value.
Us humans effectively repressed ourselves and made ourselves miserable by setting standards that the majority ought to adhere to without question, otherwise they're "bad people".

"Poor is the man, whose pleasures depend on the permission of another."

Think about it really hard. What exactly is wrong with being promiscuous? Forget STDs, imagine the person in question is on birth control and a condom is involved every time. What is oh so wrong about going out and having sex with another consenting adult?

I personally think it's absurd to put one of the most basic instincts on a pedestal. Literally millions engage in it every day. Is it really that special?

Of course, some people may deem it special and that's absolutely fine. If you believe sex to be special - all the more power to you.

But often times than not, this mindset results in putting others down and of course results in a backlash. As someone else mentioned here, promiscuity doesn't necessarily point to low self-esteem. Do some promiscuous people have issues? Of course! But it's unfair to paint everyone with the same brush.

Lets not forget that the majority of this shaming is done mostly against women and is made "fair" by the key/lock analogy, which again diminishes us to mere objects, a trophy to be sought out and of course and easily won trophy is not as "valuable".

You will rarely see a man be told to be ashamed of himself for sleeping with a lot of women.

[Anonymous]

Some people simply don't attach an emotional connection to sex. They think of sex the way I think of hugging. They're able to have sex without feeling anything for the person, because they want sex for the physical pleasure, not the emotional one.
If that's how they want to live, I have no issues with that. They can do whatever they want with their own bodies.

It does make me sad though, because they aren't going to understand how amazing sex is capable of being when you waited some more time for it, when you really know someone well and STILL adore them, when you're crazy about that person and want them to feel as much pleasure as you want to feel (if not more), when you're able to try kinkier things and be playful and uninhibitied because you both already trust each other and care, when the foreplay of teasing and not doing anything has lasted for months and months and months, when you get that feeling of FINALLY having him inside you after craving it for so long. To me, that's so much sexier than the idea of sleeping with someone you barely know or someone you just met, or someone you don't really care about.

The intimacy of sex is what makes it so sexy and irresistible, to me. Two people are literally joining their bodies to become one so they can explode with pleasure. How is that NOT special? :-)

[Opinion Owner]

And I have noticed the trend of people calling someone prude for not sleeping around. I've been called prude MANY times when I'm really anything but. Calling someone a prude is the same as calling someone a slut though... it's all judgment and a silly way of segregating the masses.

[GroovyChips]

Wow! What an answer LOL

[Opinion Owner]

Haha! Thanks?

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for MH too :-)

[cipher42]

Well, firstly, because of someone is promiscuous, it's their own choice, and just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean you have the right to shame them for their decision. If it's not hurting anybody, and they're being responsible, they have the right to do as they please. You may think people should only have sex with people they are close to, but some people are less emotional, and their pleasure from sex is entirely derived from the physical pleasure. Just because they have different minds and world views than you doesn't mean that one of you is wrong, or that they shouldn't do what they do. It just means they see things differently, and that should be respected.

Secondly, there's the problem with the word "slut" itself. It's a gendered insult, and is applied to women much more often than to men. It simply encourages society's double standard that man should be alpha and strong, and should have high sex drives, while women should be virtuous and pure, and be less sexual. While you may think neither gender should be promiscuous, that doesn't seem to be society's view, or the message the media is giving out. And especially if the word "slut" is specifically used, that sort of shaming is targeting women more than men, and reinforcing that double standard.

[AndyWes]

Not quite. For example, promiscuity spreads STD's, many of which will not be stopped with a condom. So promiscuity hurts people.

[cipher42]

That's why I also said that Tey should be being responsible. Promiscuity in and of itself hurts no one. It's the being irresponsible about it that spreads STDs. Someone can sleep with many, many people, but still be smart about it and always use condoms, or make their partners get tested before they do it.

[GroovyChips]

I don't know anyone who'd agree to get tested for someone they're only going to sleep with once or twice, and for someone that they don't know or care about LOL

[cipher42]

Well then they use condoms. It's not a difficult concept.

[GroovyChips]

It's not, but people still fail to take those precautions all the time LOL and again, think nothing of it.

[cipher42]

Well yeah, but that's being stupid, not being a slut. Promiscuity does not mean irresponsibility. Sure, there are people who do stupid things, but in general they'll do those stupid things either way.

[AdamThomas]

STD rates continue to rise - even while using a condom you're not completely safe. More and more people cheat these days, there are a lot more teen pregnancies, a lot more unplanned pregnancies. Plenty of people grow up not knowing who their Father is, either because he isn't there, or because the woman has lied to them/her Husband/boyfriend about who the real Father is. Watch this video and see how much damage this causes to the poor kids and families:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YFoBMwrUa0

I will admit before I go further that I went through a stage where I slept around a little bit, and I'm not proud of it.

It's a load of bollocks that sleeping with a load of randomers doesn't hurt anybody. The goal of feminism was and always has been to destroy the traditional family, to destroy traditional values, and that's exactly what's happening. People will call me crazy for saying this when it's happening right before their eyes.

As for slut-shaming being only a woman thing, it isn't. Plenty of women criticise men who sleep around, and plenty of women criticise men as being "dogs", "pigs", or "only ever wanting one thing" and "only thinking with our dicks".

The only difference is that men tend to care more about a woman having a high number of partners than vice versa, in the same way that women tend to care more about a man's job/financial situation than vice versa. It's just one of those things.

[GroovyChips]

THANK YOU

[lumos]

"The goal of feminism was and always has been to destroy the traditional family, to destroy traditional values, and that's exactly what's happening." Because guys like sex. And they like it when girls put out. So don't pretend like women are at fault in this. If you wanna blame women, you gotta blame the people they're having sex with as well, which in this case, is mostly men. Also, I'd just like to say that your view of feminism is completely skewed, which is a shame. But oh well.

[Metlahead]

Oppaoppa is right. Also, I know plenty of non traditional families that are much happier than some of the traditional families I know. I know married men with children, married women with children, I know married swingers with children and married people in open-relationships, all who seem way better off than some of my friends in traditional families. So I would say you don't know what you are talking about.

[AdamThomas]

Feminism has persistently attacked the family and the institution of marriage for the fast five decades. “The nuclear family must be destroyed…Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process.” ~Linda Gordon “We can’t destroy the inequities between men and women until we destroy marriage.” ~Robin Morgan “Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women’s movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage.” ~Sheila Cronin In addition, much of second wave feminist literature specifically opposed marriage: •Kate Millett, Sexual Politics (1969) •Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch (1970) •Marilyn French, The Women’s Room (1977) •Jessie Bernard, The Future of Marriage (1972) •Shulamith Firestone, The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution (1970)

[AdamThomas]

Plus, nowhere in my post did I blame "women". I said feminism. Women are people, feminism is an ideology. Not all women are feminists. Not all feminists are women.

[AdamThomas]

@Metlahead - well in my experience it's been the opposite. People I've known who've had "open relationships" have almost always had messy break-ups, and of course they, along with swingers, are at a much higher risk of contracting STDs.

[Metlahead]

You are right about the definition of feminism. However, I personally also oppose marriage. I would never dream of getting married, and would urge others not to, but ultimately if thats what someone wants, who am I to stop them? I am even more opposed to rigid thinking, and trying to tell me that different dynamics of a family cannot be just as healthy, or even healthier, is doing just that.

[AdamThomas]

It isn't healthier, I just gave reasons why e. g. swingers have STD rates comparable to teens and gay/bi men, both considered to be high-risk groups for catching herpes, chlamydia and HIV, among other infections.

[kheserthorpe]

Because they don't fundamentally agree with you that people should be ashamed, that there is any 'should' regarding what sex should mean. They may think your choice was fine for you, they may even make the same choice for themselves, but see no reason why others can't make different choices that may be right for them, and not feel ashamed for doing so.

I expect some would note that there is relatively little cultural shame for men (and some pride) in sleeping with a lot of women, so its not just a generic 'sex is special' thing, its an old 'women's value is as virgins' thing, which offends them.

[ImSoSozzled]

It's terrible because you're shaming someone for something that is a personal choice and has absolutely no affect on you. Let people live their lives how they want.

[GroovyChips]

What if it does have an affect on me? Do I have any rights then? LOL

[ImSoSozzled]

lol if you can think of some convoluted hypothetical situation in which you would be affected by a girl having casual sex, I will give you a cookie

[GroovyChips]

LOL no hypothetical, it was just a girl I dated. I was appalled to learn she'd slept with a ton of people. that was it

[ImSoSozzled]

Oh how did that affect you?

[GroovyChips]

I got tested LOL and it disappointed me because I thought our sleeping together was special but she clearly didn't.

[ImSoSozzled]

Oh did she actually have something? Or did you just assume she did, just like you assumed sleeping together wasn't special to her?

[ImSoSozzled]

And how long were you two dating before you slept with her?

[GroovyChips]

Nope, she was clean, as was I. She said sex wasn't a big deal, so that wasn't an assumption. We dated for about 5 months before we had sex.

[GroovyChips]

She also cheated on me, so there were a lot of problems there connected with her promiscuity that she hid from me for a long time.

[ImSoSozzled]

So is that why you're so bitter?

[GroovyChips]

Not bitter.

[xobrowneyedbeauty]

i think society is just really backwards at this point honestly. i think slut shaming is wrong because it's that person's decision and it isn't affecting you, and i also think prude shaming is wrong because again it's not affecting you (you general, not you specifically QA lol). but at the same time, i think people need to see sex for what it is. in my opinion, there should be some kind of balance. it shouldn't be either you wait until marriage or you sleep with 100 people - i think the extremes are not the healthiest way to go. speaking from a scientific and psychological perspective, humans do have animalistic instincts and are not necessarily meant to be monogamous and people aren't really meant to wait until marriage. but at the same time, it can be psychologically damaging to just have sex with everyone. if you want to someday be able to make a connection with someone, sleeping around is not a good decision. but sex is healthy and part of life and should not be treated like taboo the way it is by a lot of people who wait until marriage.

[Izzy2102]

well part of it is that it only applies to women. In your post you were talking about people but society differentiates
If a guy sleeps with a lot of random girls, he gets praised for it. That's a problem if it's a general attitude in society because then some people will blame women for getting raped or assaulted because they may have been wearing a short skirt. In a few cases even courts seemed to reason like that

[GroovyChips]

Men and women can be sluts, gender makes no difference to me. Sleeping around is sleeping around.

[AdamThomas]

I don't think as many men get praise for it as people make out. Guys who sleep with loads of women are often viewed as selfish assholes, "players", "snakes", "womanisers", "dogs", "pigs", people claim that "men only think with their dicks" etc. The shaming goes both ways.

[Izzy2102]

I really don't think it does. I mean when was the last time you heard someone call a guy slutty because he was wearing I don't know speedos to the beach, or tell him it was his fault he got raped, because maybe he was asking for it/ flirting... Player or womanizer are actually used as positive and I've hardly heard someone using the other words in that context

[ColdFeet]

Everyone's free to do as they like. So long as they are doing what they do for the right psychological reasons and being entirely honest then I see no harm in it. It's easy to stand back and say one-night-standers are lacking self-esteem or going to feel bad but there are many reasons to have sex, not just to feed self-esteem.

A study you might find interesting: www.psychologytoday.com/.../is-casual-sex-bad-your-mental-health

Having been a prude and gone through a period of relative promiscuity, I wouldn't judge. There's a lot more to it. Sex can still mean something but it's also a path to self discovery. It can heal as much as it can damage. It just depends on the reasons you are doing it. There's nothing slutty about consenting adults who respect each other having a little fun.

[GroovyChips]

I guess I don't see how people who sleep with anything can be respected. I feel like they don't respect themselves and I can't respect someone when they don't even respect themselves.

[ColdFeet]

I don't think there are many people who would sleep with anything. There are more who would sleep with people they know and respect on some level. Complete strangers usually is a case of the wrong reasons unless they have a very high sex drive and don't approach sex as a shared experience.

[lumos]

Let me copy-paste a neat little list I found just for you.
- Women are not allowed to express themselves sexually without being scrutinized by other men AND women.
- Slut-shaming contributes to rape culture, where it is okay to rape a woman because she was ‘asking for it’.
- It promotes girl hate, which is completely detrimental to the feminist movement and only creates more internal sexism.
- The message it is sending to girls is: sex is bad. Sex can never be good. And having sex more than once is the worst thing you can do and everyone is going to hate you for it.
- The message it is sending to men: girls who have sex are sluts. If you come in contact with one of these so called “sluts” you can do whatever you want to them because they are not full, whole human beings. Just objects.
- Slut-shaming is in itself an objectification of women’s bodies. Of their sexuality.

Aaand "men and women can be sluts, gender makes no difference to me", yeah, no. It doesn't really work like that. You can pretend that you think guys are sluts too, but in the end, no. Girls get so much more hate for being "slutty" or "whores". And yeah, guys DO get praised for being "slutty". So even if guys are slutty, they get praised for it. While girls don't. It's like wanting to call random people the n-word because it's just soooo neutral and not offensive at all. Yeah, no. It isn't.
And since when do you have the right to shame a person for what they do in the bedroom, legally, with consent? Since when is it any of your business? Since when is it your right to label another person like that?

[GroovyChips]

With all due respect, please don't tell me what I think. I said gender makes no difference because that's what I think. Thanks.

[lumos]

Sure. Maybe to you. But to the majority of people? Yeah, slut shaming is associated with women being sexually active. Not guys.

[Metlahead]

I don't believe in slut shaming or prude shaming. I think you need to be informed and to be a prude or a slut for the right reasons. There are reasons to be either though, but they should be personal, and not because of shame, guilt, religion, insecurity, ignorance.

[Metlahead]

All I know is that I would want my girlfriend to be a slut, and not a prude.

[GroovyChips]

you missed the point. People call people prudes when they're not. They think being prude is just not sleeping with everyone.

[Metlahead]

Sorry I guess I didn't answer the question directly. I think those people are associating their own beliefs with what the standard should be and don't value other people's personal choices as much. They are doing something wrong, and you shouldn't be affected by their ignorance and rudeness.

[ddisme]

Funny how men call women who sleep around, sluts, skanks, whores, but if another guy does it, he's a "stud"!!! Really?

[GroovyChips]

Did I say that? No

[ddisme]

Not saying YOU did, but that is the subject so I was making an observation!

[kambo_trick3y]

I'm on the same boat.

Nothing is wrong with enjoying sex, honestly, but the day you do something THAT intimate with someone, you should at least fucking know their name, let alone give a at least 1 or 2 shits about them as a person.

You're not playing tennis, you're taking your clothes off and going inside them, it'd be nice if you at least liked them as a person.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

Because no one should care about other peoples sex lifes, its creepy and its wrong

[rotarymoon]

What if a sluty biych sleeps with someone else's father and husband. Knowingly? What would u call that? what about some horny whore who wants to sleep with some other gilrs bf and sabotages their relationship. The man in the first case is equally guilty but what would u call the girl in both cases?

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

sigh... most girls just get called sluts for no reason at all the majority of the time.

[GroovyChips]

That doesn't answer his question LOL He's not talking about the girls who get called sluts for no reason.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

I know he is just talking about people who sleep around. It doesn't really matter people are animals and not animals are monogamous

[yaddayaddayadda02]

The concept of "slut shaming" evolved when people got the idea that they should be able to behave however they want with zero negative consequences.

[GroovyChips]

and don't feel they deserve to be called what they are. I'm a man, I don't get mad when people call me a man LOL

[AndyWes]

Women and white knights can't stand anyone publicly saying that something they like doing is bad.

[GroovyChips]

People get teased now for NOT sleeping around. Scary

[Thatguy321]

Because tellin someone how many people they can have sex with would be like telling something to follow a religion to me. Although religion is more serious, i dont think it or sex should be regulated

[letmeaskthis]

coz it's a hypocritical double standard...

[letmeaskthis]

@rotarymoon "What if a sluty biych sleeps with someone else's father and husband. Knowingly?"... fathers and husbands like that are disgusting... they knowingly sleep with a "slut" and betray their families... "The man in the first case is equally guilty"... what would you call the man in this case... i don't see society blaming these lecherous pigs much... everybody's bashing the firl in this case... o_O

[rotarymoon]

i am confused where i wrote this... even though i know i wrote this lol.

[kangaru2]

I agreed that people are much more willing to have casual sex now. I can't understand why as I value sex as connection that I share with man I love and trust and only in exclusive relationship.
To me, it isn't nice to call people with those names even if they sleep around and it is the choice they made it isn't up to me to decide for them.
There are still pple who have strong moral values.

[bubbletrouble]

I don't care since both genders are shamed in that department.

[Anonymous]

It seems people (here?) are now differentiating between sluts and prudes in which sluts sleep around and prudes don't.
I don't wanna be called a prude just because I haven't found someone I like and therefore haven't entered a relationship, nor being called "weird" and "with issues" just because I'm X years old and still a virgin.

I don't think people who dated seriously a small number of people are sluts, but those people who do nothing but one night stands certainly are. I enjoyed watching Sex and the City once in a while mostly for its comedy, but it seems most people took it as the new bible.

If sex really is just as natural as breathing or eating, some people must be guilty of gluttony.
I don't think it sets a good example to the kids anyway, unless we wanna go tribal again.

[Anonymous]

It's important not to generalize sex as just sex though. I believe it's important to not slut shame or prude shame because sex to me is an experience that can always be different, learned from or reinvented in so many ways and to me, any and all experiences make you a more well-rounded person. Plus really, who are you to judge? If a person is comfortable in their own ways of being and is being safe and most of all happy, why must they change how you see fit?

[Anonymous]

It isn't the "politically correct" thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Yes I find it hilarious when people defend "slut shaming". Its not about ethics... but the more people you sleep with... it seems the more fickle you are. Relationships are very intimate things and when you have engaged at that capacity several times... its not very special anymore. You are also prone to more drama and diseases. It is just a stupid idea in most cases as per me. I certainly am not willing to put the most precious member of my body in any "waste-basket-hole" found. I certainly do not have enough money or time on this planet to waste it on fickle people as I do have people I care about.