Is he lying about forgetting the names of the girls he slept with, is he hiding something for a reason?

[findingforgivenss]

When he and I first dated neither of us were honest and up front about our past relationships. Later we decided we wanted to be open and accepting of each others pasts. We told eachother the number of sex partners we had. He first said he slept with 2 girls in addition to me My number was more than 2... Months later when having an open conversation about past relationships he tells me about all 6 women he's had sexual relations w in the past At another point in out relationship I confessed to Caleb that early into the relationship I cheated on him Not much longer after confessing I found a secret email my boyfriend had with breast pictures of two people we knew who he said he stole the pictures off their phone He admitted to meeting random girls online and sexting them, only one email was in the inbox, he covered his tracks pretty well The confessions trickled in more and more over time. Sometimes on his own and sometimes bc I catch an old lie. Caleb admitted that the 6 girls he had sexual relations w he actually did have sex w (not just bjs like he said before) ... somehow he does NOT remember ANY names besides the 2 he told me when we first dating. Not first name. Not last name. Nothing. These were NOT one night stands. He went on dates w these girls some he even saw on 2 or 3 occasions. I think he's being loyal now and doesn't tell new lies but sticks to an old story (lie) for as long as he can. Its hard to forgive and move on when I fell he's still capable of lying (even if its an old lie) Is this another lie he is sticking w or can someone really forget all the names of the very few people he's slept with. Do you think he's withholding names bc I may know them? Or he has possibly seen them while we were together? I dont know why he wouldn't just tell me their names, I've always been honest with him... but as I've seen before my boyfriend will stick with a lie up until you can physically prove to him that he's busted

[Arwens-Fire]

For starters, you're in a relationship you helped to create. BOTH of you weren't truthful in the beginning, you cheated, he has pictures of girls... etc. You're equally at fault as he is. Secondly, the trust is gone between the two of you. Your relationship was on a faulty foundation from the very beginning.

He lied. You lied. Now you want the truth, and he is unable to give it to you. The cycle continues. Its possible that you are familiar with the girls, or some other reason he is with holding the name of these girls.

In his defense, the names in my opinion is highly irrelevant especially since it is the past. You focusing on the names of these women is just furthering the drama within your relationship. But that's just a byproduct of that lack of trust the both of you share. I wouldn't be surprised id he saw one of these women after you two were together, but again... you cheated as well.

The relationship between the two of you is toxic. My advice: Forget the names of the women. The trust is gone. Find someone else and be truthful, and they hopefully will be truthful in return. If you don't have trust, you have nothing. Good luck.

[findingforgivenss]

Thank you for your opinion. Valid points made! Indeed when we first dated we had little value for the relationship and low respect for ourselves and the other. This mistrust is self inflicted but it also presents the opportunity for growth (forgiveness, retrust, humility). We both realized that beyond the lies we deeply cared for another and wanted to preserve the relationship for the good parts. Names are completely irrelevant, this is true, it's petty and probably unimportant, however maintaining a lie or secrets gets I the way of rebuilding trust. I respect privacy but its only fair to give the same disclosure that's been asked of me. If he felt it was fair to ask me about details of my past I find no fault in wanting rreciprocation. *side note moving on and trying to find trust in a new relationship has always been a thought but I am expecting, therefore I have more reason to give it a fair shot

[Arwens-Fire]

I understand wanting to give this another fair shot, but if you're the only one willing to show full honesty at this point, maybe your relationship is too tainted to start afresh. It is a collective effort for a relationship to thrive, not one sided. Just be prepared, realistic and open to the possibility that this isn't the relationship for you.

[findingforgivenss]

Well said, definitely something to think about. Thanks for your opinion.

[Arwens-Fire]

You're welcome. Good luck and give updates.

[sockz]

I put in the 'no' vote because I don't think 2-3 dates is long enough to necessarily remember someone's name if its a while ago and that person didn't mean anything. I have actually forgotten the names of people I dated over 2yrs ago. 2-3 dates isn't a relationship, one night stands can span a couple of nights and still be as meaningless.

Is it really important that you dig up the past in such detail?

[islands7]

A: because he's been rejected before by others not as forgiving as you. The more you press, grill, catch him, the more he will reserve for fear of losing you to his past loves that never stuck. Think: the reason these gals didn't stick, the reason he had "so many" was because THEY found found out about 1 or 2 previous sexual relations and that was too many for them = goodbye.
With so few gals past, it seems impossible to forget their names when not one night stands. I can remember all mine decades ago.
So get mad? Then you become or are working on being #7
So forgive? Seems like you are his best chance to stick and allow him to have a normal life for a change.
by the way - it took years from me to discover the names of wife's sexual partners YEARS ago - so what? Of course attractive people worthy to share our lives will have other partners beating down their doors, of course! Are they proud of that history? Not always...

[findingforgivenss]

I agree. I no longer press him for the truth but I made it clear that I won't be as disappointed about a lie if he can be the one to come forward and come clean. I've also explained that if he wants all my trust he has to prove he can do the hard thing and be honest about all the lies he's told. I respected him enough to be honest about my indiscretions and my past relationships too (more than 6). I would hope for the same in return. I've been patient but he stickd to his guns

[islands7]

We are all beggers in life/love and no one has to prove anything to us; there's plenty of others willing to take them at face value. We are poor sinners ourselves not worthy. We love in hopes that this new union can be greater together than we were solo. If we are a team, all the good things grow from this, be they honesty, confessions, whatever - all fulfilled.

[findingforgivenss]

Thank you.

[Apophis]

What the fuck, Columbo? Why do you need to know their names? How needy
"I've always been honest with him" lol No you haven't. Seems both of you love to lie, eh?

[UlsterScot]

Ain't the lovely garden of modern sexuality grand?

[COCOCHANEL]

i chosd A. i think he is withholding information.