Boyfriend won't let me get a boob job... but why?

[pandah]

Firstly I am in no financial situ to do this yet but it's something I've always wanted as I am very self conscious about my chest area. I found out a few months ago my boyfriends p*rn (I know, bad girlfriend!) but it hurt me cuz he had searched "big boobs" and it killed me, cuz mine are small and I feel he doesn't find me that hot now. He is very boob orientated when he touches me and says he loves them as they are. He gets really annoyed when I go on about wanting to get a boob job, telling me if I get them he will leave me. I am thinking hang on, it's my body I should be allowed to do what I like, and I am doing it for my confidence and that I know he'd prefer them if they were big as I know he's into that. He loves me very much and tells me he wants me as I am. But part of me can't help but think he doesn't want me to get it cuz it'll make more men want me and me be more confident to other men. Do you think this is what it is? Cuz if it is, it makes me feel inadequate cuz he will always prefer bigger boobs and I I'll constantly be comparing myself and feeling down :( if he loves me surely he should respect my decision? I dont know what to do! :(

[MrOracle]

Try to turn this around. Imagine your boyfriend found you looking at a guy with a big penis, and so he was determined to get a penile implant to make himself bigger (yes, these don't exist, but pretend they did). Would you want him to get an implant, and thus have a fake penis (and the risks that come along with surgery), just to be a bigger size, or would you prefer that he accepted who he was and stayed natural? Because that's more or less what's going on here.

Guys are genetically programmed to desire VARIATION. If you were a blonde, he'd likely be looking at brunettes or redheads. If your skin was light, he'd probably interested in darker skin. If you had a big ass, he'd probably be looking for small ones. If you were short, he'd be looking at tall girls.

The point is: he already HAS a girl like you in REAL LIFE, so in his FANTASIES, he's going to want something different, just for a change of pace. Girls often do the same thing (want something very different in their FANTASIES from what they've got), but guys are especially prone to this because of our biological instincts. But wanting something in a fantasy does NOT mean that's what he wants in real life. In real life, HE CHOSE YOU.

As some of the girls said, implants won't change your insecurities, and it's your insecurity, not your breast size, that's the problem here.

[pandah]

Thank you for this outlook. I understand what you are saying. I guess I would rather him be exploring variation through p*rn than through real women so thank you. I guess I just sometimes feel like watching p*rn like that will make him then look at me and be like not as turned on cuz p*rn has desensitized him to it.

[MrOracle]

While that's a common fear that women have, the reality is that men simply don't work that way. Having a p*rn addiction is one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's an issue here. I've never heard of a guy actually doing what you're worried about: losing interest in his flesh-and-blood girl because of p*rn.

[jesseray]

Men are visual-oriented and diversity-loving by nature. Just because your man looked for P*rnography that features large breasts does not mean that he prefers large breasts. I indulge in that kind of P*rnography too, but prefer breasts of average size and smaller (even down to flat-chested). Your lover says that he prefers your breasts as they are. You would do well to take his word for it.

[Troian]

Honestly? p*rn is totally different than real life. Sure, those p*rn star have big boobs... they all have big breast!!!
He like your breast, it should be enough.
Most men, just like women have physical preferences in the opposite sex but often, when you date someone, it's not that important anymore.
My boyfriend love large breast, I have large breast but in the past he dated women with smaller breast and it didn't bother him.
A woman is not defined by her breast, small or large, you are a woman. Trust me, I have large breast and most of the time, I wish there were small, we just have to make the best of what we have.

[Anonymous]

Getting a boob job would only be putting a bandaid on the bigger issue: your lack of self esteem. I highly suggest you see a therapist or psychologist. Once you can honestly say you are completely satisfied and happy with yourself…*if* you still want a boob job, then get it. But don't do so until then.

[LittleSally]

Why does every problem get solved by some sort of plastic operation?
Doesn't this sound completely crazy to you?
You do realize you could DIE on the operating table?
Are bigger boobs worth risking your life for?

Damn...

[farmerguy]

Littlesally, Great answer! Keep what you have. If all a man is interested in are your boobs, move on girl...

[LittleSally]

Thank you =)

[farmerguy]

In lactation, she will produce the same whether small or large breasted. ( Am I right)

[LittleSally]

Yes. They can't 'build in' more mammary glands (even if they could, this question was all about the physical appearance of the act of operation)... It's best to keep things as they are. P. S. with the operation you could lose the sense in your nipples and/or their ability to harden (become pointy)-which is needed for breast feeding.

[animalwithin]

If he loves you surely he should respect your decision? As someone who is against boob jobs I'd say him doing what he is doing now, telling you against it, saying/showing he wants you as you are, is what love is. I think many girls definitely have a skewed mentality when it comes to boob size and us men. Do we like large boobs? Speaking for myself, I like them in p*rn and if the girl I'm seeing is well endowed I wouldn't be against them, but I prefer smaller women, B-cup for example. If he says he loves you the way you are, then that's it, period. The man means it, whether he looks at "big boob p*rno" or not. To think that he doesn't want you getting them because you'll be attracting more attention from other males is definitely unfair to him, I'd be mad if my girlfriend told me that as she is clearly not seeing how I truly feel for her.

In the end, its your life, your money, your body. Do what makes you happy but evaluate the reasons why you want to get this done, you might be surprised to find out that getting them might not make you all that happier/confident.

[pandah]

he did blurt out when i was talking about getting a boob job that id probably leave him if I got one which does kinda hint that he probably is self conscious about himself and bringing that onto me to stop me getting one

[farmerguy]

Think about this... He may not stay your boyfriend. Secondly, He also has a pretty good argument about other guys. Be happy with a guy that is interested in who you are. NOT what you have tucked inside your bra!

[Prettygurl12]

I mean, it IS your body so you CAN do whatever the heck you want. He doesn't HAVE to stay with you. If you want to get a boob job, do it but don't be surprised if he dumps you. I understand how having small boobs can make you insecure (I mean, I'm a prime example of small chestness lol) but it'd be a lot cheaper if you could search for the good in your size. You were made this way for a reason. If men out there didn't find your size good enough women would not be made that size. Make sense?

[myspacemybroke]

You're putting yourself and your boyfriend through all sorts of mental cul-de-sacs and backlashes. You're obviously very insecure, and that's one of the most annoying things to have to deal with for a guy.

He's looking at big boobs? Yeah. If you were watching p*rn would you prefer to look at a guy with an average dick or a big one? Larger body parts are more interesting when it comes to viewing purposes alone. I look at chicks with huge tits all the time, but the girl I'm seeing right now has relatively small ones. I fucking love them, I could suck her nipples all day. I don't give a damn that she doesn't wear a D cup.

[Michaelmwm19]

That could be it yeah, but he may also just prefer natural big boobs.

[AndyWes]

Maybe he doesn't want you going under the knife...

And of course it's your body and you're free to get a boob job if you want, just as he's free to dump you if you go under the knife for that. Simple.

[AdamThomas]

When I watch p*rn I search for different things all the time, that doesn't mean I don't fancy my girlfriend. If I think my girlfriends boobs are just right, and she wants to have a boob job, yes I will wonder why she's doing it. I mean she's already got me, so I'm going to wonder if she wants to attract other men.

"I am thinking hang on, it's my body I should be allowedto do what I like,"

You are allowed to do what you like, absolutely. And he's allowed to leave the relationship too.

Stop comparing yourself to sluts on the internet. You're fine as you are.

[pandah]

yeah but I just think if he loves and respects me, he would let me do this. It's a pretty silly reason to leave someone, I'd still be the same person. But thanks for your response, I should stop comparing myself. I just wonder if he'll change his mind and allow it, i dont want him to leave me I just wanna be the best for him cuz I love him more than anything.

[AdamThomas]

It's probably because he loves and respects you so much that he won't let you do it. Women with fake tits usually look. like sluts - I garuntee you that's what most guys think when they see them. You don't want that, and neither does he. If he says you're fine as you are, believe him.

[lkjhg69cum]

Honey, it's you. If other makes you feel better about yourself then just do it. If he doesn't like it then dump him. There are plenty of men out there who will love it, and you.

[Apophis]

Wait... so you think he prefers bigger boobs because he typed it in while looking for p*rn? That's ridiculous.

[Metal189]

he's allowed to do what he wants. it's not a law that he has to stay with you. however i do believe it's a bad idea to leave a girl just because she wants a boob job. it would make me think though, that they are with each other for the wrong reasons

[Metal189]

also, i've read lots of people who have wanted boob jobs, then later on, regretted it. if you're going to do it, make sure you won't regret it

[Dandeus]

"if he loves me surely he should respect my decision? I dont know what to do! :("

Um, no? Might as well say "if he loves me, shouldn't he respect my decision to start taking heroin?"

Love doesn't mean passively accepting everything your partner does. It can also be loving them enough to stop them making a bad decision.

[alliecheergirl123]

its your body and YOU only have the right to do what makes you happy.. not him. If your going up like 1 cup size thats not a big deal!

[pandah]

yeah I was only going to go up one up size. Just to proportion myself cuz I'm quite curvy with broad shoulders. I dont want these ugly stretched balloon tit things, yuck

[yawst]

Personally I think a girl with plastic tits is gross. You may look hotter but that knowledge still irks me. Boobs that are too big are also bad. If it's really that small and you just have to change well then ok.

[McC0530]

He's right, plastic tits are disgusting.

[Thatdude27]

Get the boob job. Bigger are better.

[Anonymous]

Surgery is a very major change and not worthwhile exposing yourself to such risks if you can avoid it. It may be your body but you shouldn't abuse it for no reason. I'd refer you to psychological aid instead and if you assess positive for a certain disorder that comes to mind that would be the only time I would consciously be able to suggest surgical alterations.

Also the presumption that your boyfriend would like you more if you had larger breasts is likely false.

[TadCurious]

this is a great answer. Also consider that when I had a gf who'd had implants I found them to feel very unnatural, and not like what normal breasts feel like. Remember that normal breasts come in ALL sizes and they're ALL great.