Sexual Relationships
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I feel like my serious relationship is robbing me of my youth?

Hi! Let me start off by saying that I am 18 years old, and my boyfriend is 25. We've been together for quite a while, and everything seemed great at first. He was my first serious boyfriend, and I lost my virginity to him. He was pretty much my first everything. He, however, has had many girlfriends, many sexual partners, and many life experiences. Which leads to a lot of jealousy and insecurities. I never really thought that our relationship would get to be so serious. I was just getting into that exploring stage when we met, where I wanted to party, have fun with friends, and date different guys. He already went through that stage. He partied a lot, dated a lot of girls. got drunk a lot and had fun while he was young. He got to live in dorms at college, and had the full experience. He got to live his youth, and I feel like he's robbing me of that. We live together, so I can;t even stay in the dorms at college. I can't go out with friends, I can't go to parties, I can't date guys, or explore my sexuality with other people. I feel like I can't do any of the things a normal teenager should do, all because I have a boyfriend. And considering how serious things are (he gave me a promise ring and we have talked about marriage), I'll probably never be able to do any of those things. I see all of my friends having fun, living their lives, and I feel like I'm stuck on the sidelines. And I secretly recent my boyfriend for taking all that way from me. I don't want to be 50 years old wishing I could go back and live these years the way I should be. The way he already got to do. But at the same time I love my boyfriend, and I don't want us to break up. I'm just so confused and don't know what to do. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Truthfully, it's a lot wiser to blissfully enjoy your youth then save the serious stuff for a further stage in your adulthood. Psychology even supports that idea. Personally, I agree that it's not the most intelligent idea for young women to invest so much of their time, energy, and youth into such a serious relationship when they're in that delicate stage of learning their identity. When women do that, they tend to manifest their entire identity around a relationship role. So if things go wrong, like say he cheats and they break up or God forbid , he dies; she sincerely has an identity crisis because all she's cultivated of herself is how to be his partner. It's very healthy for young females to explore the single life. Not just for the sake of dating around and experiencing various sexual explorations, but because being single is a polar opposite lifestyle. You would find yourself going down a different road and maybe even thinking, processing, and living an entirely different way when you are single. It's truly a beautiful thing.

    Anyhow, this relationship is going to become toxic. It's pretty sad that you feel like your youth is slipping out of your fingers. Especially considering for how many people in this world where youth is not optional for them. Youth was truly never really apart of their future and yours is just being wasted. Also, if you really are beginning to resent him, then it's going to put a strain on your relationship. It's time for you to leave this relationship in the past, embrace what else life has to offer, and delve into adventures! Enjoy your youth while you can before you have no choice but to be a grown up. Don't do things that are going to cut your youth short. Break up with him and if you two are truly meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other.

    • Well he's not dead, obviously. But he actually has already cheated on me.

    • Asker, leave his ass lol At this point, the whole experience just seems like dead weight. As if it wasn't bad enough that you feel unfilled and you express that this relationship jeopardizes the timeline of your life, but now he has encouraged you to dispose of him by shitting all over your trust and the bond you two built. It's time for you to move on with your womanhood, girl!

  • It seems like you just want to be single. If you want to be with him you can talk to him about going out and partying with you more but if he is not into that than it looks like the two of you have different priorities. You should talk to him and make a decision though because it seems like he is looking for a girl to settle down with.

    • I agree with questioner

    • Very well said

    • Thanks:)

  • Then break up with him. Honestly, it creeps me out that you are just barely legal, he's 7 years older than you, and you've already "been together quite awhile". He should be encouraging you to go have the college experience. It just sounds passively controlling.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You already know the answer to your question: you rushed in too soon to a relationship that became much more serious than you were ready for, and you were too naive and too unused to the emotional connection you have with him to be able to say "no" or even "slow down."

    You say he's cheated on you already - you should have broken up with him then, but, the way you are feeling now means it's definitely time. You don't need to hate him or anything, but you've grown beyond your 15-year-old self, and need some time to discover who you are when you AREN'T in a relationship. That's normal, as you know from seeing your friends.

    I recommend you break up, and that you commit to staying single for at least a couple of years. You can date, and even have casual relationships if you like, but do NOT allow yourself to get sucked into another serious relationship for a while.

  • You need to be able to find out who you are, and if you fail to do this, then your relationship will end up with a use by date on it, and eventually it will go rotten. I understand you love him, but you need to gain your own identity before you can decide what it is you want, and it sounds like you have not been able to do this yet. You have a hard choice, but is single really all that bad when all you see is something you are missing out on? your choice, but if you do feel this way, then your relationship has been numbered all ready, x

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 15

  • You're putting his needs before yours, when a real serious relationship is when two people meet halfway. Don't be scared of telling your boyfriend how you feel, and that you feel you need time to yourself. You're only 18, what you crave isn't just about friends or sex but also discovering who you are as a person. You'll end up being just his girlfriend, a sort of mirror image of him, and that's actually a bad thing for the both of you because eventually he'd get bored of it too.

    If he freaks when you're just honest with him about genuine feelings and genuine desires, and feeling a growing resentment from being confined within the relationship, then that shows deeper issues than just being ready to settle down. That's a glowing red flag and legitimate ground for breaking up.

  • You are immature...but hey it doesn't matter, we are all people here. We need air food shelter love and how we love and receive it is what separates us as individuals. You just need to get out of the relationship and live according to how you want to.

    • I don't see how her acknowledging her lust for life is immature

    • EmeraldSky, it is immature to put yourself and another person through a hell or a lie of a relationship without being honest with them, and yourself. She just needs to go out and do what makes her happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, that's all. She sounds nice, and there is nothing wrong with being immature...it just happens.

    • It's not like we haven't talked about it before. But every time we do he always says that he will "Try to recreate it as well as he can so I don't feel like I've missed out on much", but then he never actually does anything...

    • Show All

  • If it makes you feel that way, you are right, find the exit door NOW!

  • When did you first start getting together with him? 14?

    My advice would be to talk to him honestly about how you feel? There's no other way to get around it.

    • I was 15. And I've actually already talked to him about this several times. But it's like talking to a brick wall. With any sort of issue that we may have.

    • Ok what options do you have right now? Talk to him again = if not, threaten to leave him. Or can you? cos you cohabit with him and it's not easy to leave unless you got friends to allow you to stay at theirs temporary until you find your own two feet financially speaking

    • *temporarily

  • You should just ask him to give you enough space to enjoy your life the way you want. If he still tries to control you or stop you from attending parties, then its your call. You should do what you truly love to do.

    Ask yourself: Should i just leave for the sake of having fun and being adventurous?

    Or you can ask him to take you out to adventures trips and parties and other stuff.

  • Why can't you hang out with friends? I suggest you start leading your own life NOW

    • Because he's one of those guys... We pretty much always have to be together. I mean he had his party years and now he's ready to settle down. So he wants to spend all his free time with me, and he would freak if I told him I wanted to go to a party. I can't even ask him to come with me, because he's not into that anymore, not to mention it wouldn't be the same going to parties with your boyfriend who doesn't even like to party anymore...

    • I don't know.. I know you're not too young to know what you want but are you sure you want a relationship where you're controlled so much? I prefer my boyfriend to be in charge of me for the most part but he still encourages me to pursue my interests

  • You should consider talking to him. But this is obviously a sign that you don't love him enough to sacrifice something, something a man would only want to do. As a woman you should be thankful you found your soulmate, but your not because by your discription your trying to find your soulmate. This man who you share your life with is not your soulmate, because if he were you would be satesfied with what you have instead of discovering something better. And since you want something better this means he isn't your best. So if you truly love the boy you will sacrifice your youth, but if you feel as though he isn't good enough for you so be it. Besides your not in it for the sex and parties that is what a player does, and women cannot be players they are qualified as sluts.

    • I see that you haven't selected Most Helpful. Would you by any chance be willing to grant me with Most Helpful?

  • Isn't there any way you can find a compromise? Its completely possible to party and experiment without having sex or dating other people, I know a lot of people who do that.

    • Well I don't want to live my entire life having only had sex with one guy... Not to mention that it's mediocre at best. But anywho, he won't let me go to parties. And like I said in another comment, I would ask him to come with me but he already went through his party years, and he doesn't like going to parties anymore. So pretty much, he's pretty overprotective and I'm not allowed to do much as long as I'm with him.

    • Sounds more like possessive than overprotective

    • You're both at two completely different life stages, and you both need to understand that about each other. Its not necessarily a bad thing, but its clear that you want two completely different things. If you really think he's a hindrance to you then its the best thing for both of you to break off the relationship. If he won't change his mind then you're only going to resent him more unless you decide to conform to his beliefs. If he's going to control you like that then its not a healthy relationship.

  • If you resent him and you're not happy with your relationship, break up with him and go party like you want to.

  • So go out and party! But know that lots of those girls are lonely and would kill to have what you have.

    • I can't just go out and party. He won't let me...

    • Tough call. Who do you love more?

    • I don't know. It's not the fact that I love partying, it's the fact that I never actually got to go to a party. Never, not once. And I know I never will as long as I'm with him. I was such a sheltered child growing up, I have literally never done any of the things normal teenagers do. But I'm finally 18 and out of the house, so I feel like this is the time for me to do all of these things. But then I can't.

    • Show All

  • Break up with him and live your life.

  • Then I think you may have to dump him

  • You sound like someone I know, anyways go to him an express what you feel or tell him you need to have some more time to grow before you commit to him! Yu let him know you love him but you feel something's missing in your life n if he loves you he will A. Understand, B. Allow you the room to grow or C. Let you go cause he really love's you n believe n you'll come if it's meant to be...

  • date different guys?
    >you are not happy with his personality? or do you want to just have one-night stands? or tons of short relationships?

    explore your sexuality?
    >why can't you do this with your bf? or you mean you want to see what its like to have sex with a girl? or 3somes? or some other crazy stuff?

  • One of my good friends in college dated the same guy for all four years of school. He was really not a fun person, and she missed out on a lot of things with her friends due to dating him. They broke up and now she really regrets missing out on the college experience.

  • You are making your own choices. If you are unhappy then change that choice you made to be with him.

  • That kind of fun... is it really what you're looking for? Or you are looking for a sense of thrill, adventure, and some boasting cred for your gal friends?

    Try adventure sports. Try taking a weekend trip off with your boyfriend. Go camp overnight under the stars. Go for an open air gig. Hike some trails.

    You can have a meaningful and rich youth which focuses more on the world, nature, and adventure. Or you can have a tightrope, emotionally charged youth that focuses more on conflict, understanding your emotions, and being naughty.

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