Why do men value sex in a relationship so much more than women?

Question

I get that sex is good and all that but why is it that men value is so much more and even seem to need it?

kheserthorpe · Accepted Answer

I speculate that the reason we have the biological foundation for romantic love is that - for men and women - bonding to have and raise children can be a useful evolutionary strategy. Obviously, it's not the -only- strategy - men can (and do) also have a drive to simply impregnate as many women as possible, and women can (and do) have a drive to simply have sex with -very- high value males (which is what, say, groupies do).

But finding a -pretty good- partner and bonding and raising kids is a useful strategy as well, so its something we have evolved to be inclined to do.

So back to your question... why is sex more continually valued by males in a relationship then women? Because men who didn't value sex in a relationship (or who didn't get jealous about their partner's sexual activity) raised other men's kids and died out of the gene pool. For most of our evolutionary history, the 'relationship' benefited the woman and her children. If she wasn't so into the guy, it was still useful, and she could perhaps sleep with a higher value guy on the side. For the male, the 'relationship' had evolutionary value ONLY if the children were his.

It's more complicated then that I expect, and I didn't get into HOW having sex makes men feel or not feel in a relationship context, but that's just the mechanism. I more answered 'why would we evolve mechanisms that would make us feel that way'.

Ultimately men feel sexual rejection from their partner as total rejection, and it really undermines how they feel about the relationship.

stubbsy · Accepted Answer

For men, sex is a essential way of communication. Guys  can't  express emotions verbally to well, so they use sex as a communication process, so when girls fail to accept advances from a guy, the guy takes it personally, and wonders where he is going wrong, but it is a essential part of our relationship success, a little like how women like to talk and have us guys listen lol, its just that after sex, we really mean more than just sex, we become one with you, and that's pretty deep, so to lose this connection, is pretty hard to accept as "not to night or I'm tired" we always feel as we have done something really bad when we here those words lol, x

sweatgirl · Accepted Answer

in my last relationship I wanted it more then him, but towards then end of the relationship he wanted it just as much as I did. with him he was tired at times when I really wanted it, but there has to be more to a relationship then just sex or the relationship will die eventually. you have to be able to communicate outside of the bedroom. talking and communicating is essential to a long and health relationship. you have to have some of the same interests to and you have to spend time apart as well to value the other person for what they bring to the relationship. if there is no sex at all in the relationship then the relationship will also fall apart because eventually the person who wants it will end up cheating and then most likely the relationship will fall apart because the trust will then be broken.

Blooberry · Accepted Answer

Personally, I think I value sex a good deal more than my boyfriend. Sometimes it worries me that he doesn't want it more often!

PercyMe · Accepted Answer

I don't think that's true. In my opinion sex is very important in a relationship. Its an expression of love

AustinMan · Answer

Libido varies all over the place for both sexes.  There are some men that are either sexually apathetic or asexual.    The same applies to women.  In general, men have higher sex drive in their teens and twenties and women kick in in their 30s and 40s.  Sex is the engine that drives intimate relationships so it sounds to me like you need to be diligent in finding a man who matches you libido.

Voice · Answer

I wouldn't say that is just guys are so often the chasers and we tend to compliment women without merit inwhich is apart of fore play 'thus is why some men cum before women.if we pulled back on our own stimulus we wouldn't so easily ejaculate before we even started.then woman would see longer performance in men then women would expose their true involvement in it...or  at least  tell their girlfriends.

Hrothgar · Answer

I don't think that men value sex more than women in a relationship. Some may, but, across the board, it's either 50-50 or more valued by the woman. A man isn't risking as much because he can't get pregnant, and he's genetically predisposed to impregnate as many women as he can, while women are genetically predisposed to accept a man so she may become pregnant.

lonerider · Answer

There are 2 complementary reasons
1) biological:- not much explanation needed..
2) psychological:- sex gives an assurance of commitment, mutual attraction and the feeling of having conquered a fort for which many other soldiers died fighting and many gave up the fight.. Sex also assures that she is not just playing with you but is actually interested in you..

kambo_trick3y · Answer

That's a good question. I haven no idea.

Part of me wishes I could run a social experiment. I want to like, take sex away from women for like, 50 years, and see if they would still feel that way. Like, poof, the libido of all men, suddenly, just gone.

Would they miss it? Is it biological or is it a social construct for women to (in general) not want sex as much as men?

It'd be an interesting experiment.

TheManHimself · Answer

For men sex means acceptance, if a women doesn't have sex with him, he feels rejected, unloved and outcast, also of less value.

Women know that sex doesn't mean they are loved. So sex is just pleasure.

If a women has sex with him, a man feels accepted, valued and loved.

yaddayaddayadda02 · Answer

Well we are biologically driven to 'spread our genes'.  Plus, our sex organs are outside our body.  So at a basic level, our penises are getting stimulated (even a little bit) all the time.  Men also tie sex to  their desirability in a relationship.

ChronicBoys26 · Answer

No, it depends on the couples and the situation of that moment so we can't see that men have much more values than women. However, men are agressive and dominant on the bed, to illustrate, guy penetrates a a girl's vagina from behind place during the doggie style, besides that, girl bends to the bed and lays her hands on the bed surface, meanwhile the guy penetrates her vagina till cum. In that case, men are more dominant and agressive than women. But it doesn't mean that women hadn't got any value in the sex.

AndyWes · Answer

Think about when it's that time and you're just dying for sex, because of hormones and what not.  Imagine being like that, except way more so, every day. All the time.

Prof_Don · Answer

Her having sex with the guy...shows that she is serious about him, because she gives him access to her body.

Without any sexual play at all...a guy will ALWAYS feel distant with you while in the relationship.

bh6676r942 · Answer

Very simple, men crave sex more than women it's a proven fact

mario1321 · Answer

Because its the only intimacey we know how too give

MithocondrialEve · Answer

because women are too sexy, that men can't think about anything else than their boobs. I'm a lesbian.

legalboxers · Answer

sex isn't the beat all to end all (no pun intended) but to me, if I love the lady, I will value the sex from her.

Anonymous · Answer

Because we're socialised that way. We're supposed to rely on female validation through sex. If we aren't getting it we're supposed to feel like shit. This is why people mock male virgins.

The reason marriage was invented was to give men an incentive to work harder. There's evidence thatsuggests that in the past, 80% of women managed to reproduce while only 40% of men did. That means a lot of men didn't have families to provide for- and obviously single childless men didn't have to work anywhere near as hard to support themselvesas theywould a family. So marriage gave more men a chance at having a wife and kids by swapping their easy life for much longer, harder work. That's how we got to where we are today - sex drives our society. Imagine if men didn't give a shit whether they got laid or not? They would no longer be working their 70 hours workweeks...

Anonymous · Answer

It serves the same purpose in men, that talking/communication does in women.

Ask yourself - why do women value talking in a relationship so much more than men?

And you might be somewhat closer to an answer.

Anonymous · Answer

I really think its just in our wiring. Believe me, if I could swear off women and sex to avoid all the accompanying hassles I'd do it in a heartbeat. Ok, now I'm just talking crazy, haha, but life would still be easier if we were all on the same page. Its another nature vs nurture question to me. Males of most species are designed by nature to spread the seed if you will, and try to mate with as many females as possible. Females are discriminating and look to mate with the strongest, most suitable male they can attract. Like it or not, we're just animals who started thinking too much for our own good and created this wacky thing we call society, which is fine, but its not what we're naturally built for. So there will always be that residual effect from nature, while we let our emotions control our societal behavior, and it will squash our natural tendencies to some degree.

So all that said, men by way of nature want to bang everything on two legs, but society tells us its wrong, based on the emotional distress most of us feel when our "mate" or whatever gets involved with someone else. Plus, girls really hold the power with sex. Guys all want it, but we have to jump through various hoops and win over the girl for access to it. That drives the market value of sex up. Guys are willing to do things they don't want to do to get it. If girls just gave it up freely, there'd be a lot more out-of-pocket dudes that will do what they want with no regard for female feelings since the market would be flooded. But girls make it a challenge, so guys are forced to either fall in line or go without it. I think I can speak for most guys when I see our need for sex is the most organic thing in the world. I couldn't stop it if I tried. We wouldn't physically suffer much, per se, but mentally we'd be going absolutely nuts. I feel like women don't get like that, even though they still enjoy sex.

Basically, a girl's attitude is "I want to find a companion to spend my time with...

Why do men value sex in a relationship so much more than women?

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