Why is my boyfriend flinching in bed? Why have we not had sex by now?

[Anonymous]

This is probably going to sound really strange since he is the guy and I am the girl. My boyfriend and I have been together for a good 5 months. We were very flirtatious with each other for a long while before we got together. One time we were in bed together, I was staying round at his and we were kissing and undressing, but when it got down to it, I was about to give him a bj, I looked up and he had like seized up or something. It was one of the strangest things ever. Now we get to that stage and if I touch him intimately he flinches or laugh awkwardly and holds my hand so I can't touch him. It's not getting further? Why are we not having sex? Why is he like this? I feel really frustrated!

[cotsia]

I really agree with the review saying that flinching is a sign of sexual or physical abuse. Guys usually are up for losing their virginity if you ask me. This is not about his confidence at all. The nervous laugh indicates that you make him nervous about this thing. This might be due some past bad experience he had according this. Guys usually masturbate anyways so why is it that when you touch him he is feeling nervous? Just try touching him only and see his reaction. This might help you understand. If he does react then you should have a heart to heart talk and you should not show him that you are frustated with this because i'm sure he wants it as much as you do.

[Slimart]

...Fliching is a sign of sexuual abuse or physical abuse..usually from a young age
Source:A once molested child
I was like that..I was sexually molested as a child and I wouldn't let anyone touch me and I have had to known you for a great amount of time before I touched you..and I had to go through a whole lot of itching my arms, holing onto my ears or flinching when I felt uncomfortable..Now I'm fine and dandy..sort of but that's for another time

You should really talk to him about it, but don't push the topic..let him come to you or you'll scare him off

[Asker]

I hope that is not the case. He's coming round tonight, we'll see. I really hope he hasn't gone through something like that. I'm sorry to hear that you have and you are very strong for coming through it.

[Slimart]

Thank you, it's all good and I wish you the best of luck

[melissa2]

Sounds like he's really nervous and not ready. Talk to him about it but also let him know that it's okay if he isn't ready yet.
He's not rejecting you.

[AustinMan]

Godfatherfan is right. It's something to do with him. Once you've discussed it openly, I'm guessing it will no longer be a problem.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Maybe he's just nervous. Start a little slower, maybe. A massage or other touching

[godfatherfan]

You need to sit down with him and talk it out. There is no logical reason for it. Only he knows.

[Asker]

Is he messing me about?

[godfatherfan]

Why would he do that? Any woman willing to give me a blow job or have sex with me I am going to let her. So I can't see that being the case.

[Asker]

Well then what? I just don't understand. He is being so unreasonable.

[godfatherfan]

Did you try and talk to him? as I said, unless your leaving out information there is no way to know why. instead of trying to guess, talk it through with him.

[Asker]

Well I texted him but he hasn't replied. Text: Hey baby I know this is probably coming out of the blue but I've been really confused lately at why, like when we get intimate with each other you always flinch away like you don't like it? I just wanted to talk to you about it, to see if I'm doing something wrong, or if I am not attractive to you, please get back to me soon, sitting by my phone xxxxxxxx

[godfatherfan]

well something like this would have been better in person. Or at least wait until your on the phone to bring it up. I guess young people are just to ingrained on texting

[Asker]

I don't understand it when people say that they prefer speaking about serious things in person. I hate face to face reactions and stuff.

[godfatherfan]

Well it is what adults do.

[Asker]

He's replied with along the lines of, oh it's nothing just me acting weird, sorry. He put an XD on the end to try and be cute, he always tries and make it cute but its' jut fucking rejection.

[LilyTaylor]

I don't like phone conversations, but maybe you SHOULD wait till you are in person. Do you want a calculated response? It'd be better to see how he reacts. I feel like if you can't talk about this, maybe you shouldn't be doing it anyways, because there's some emotional barriers you guys haven't broken into yet. G'luck!

[Asker]

How do you know we're not emotionally ready. I definitely am. I have had sex with others. As far as I know he hasn't but he's 18 so... he's ready.

[godfatherfan]

I do not know what XD is supposed to mean. Sorry, I am old... this is not just him acting weird. he didn't thump you on the nose as you tried to suck his cock. he actually stopped you..that is not normal behavior

[Asker]

but why though?

[godfatherfan]

how many times can I say I have no idea. you need to ask him. if he won't tell you then dump him and move on.

[Asker]

I have asked him... he avoided the question. God damnit.

[ArabianPwincess197]

maybe he's having a nightmare...

[Asker]

...Well he is awake when we get close like that.

[ArabianPwincess197]

oh maybe he's nervous then

[Asker]

I wouldn't try to give him a blowjob if he was asleep... I'm not a fucking creep.

[ArabianPwincess197]

ookay what should i do with that info?

[Asker]

Nothing. Stop replying. You're not helpful. Are you foreign or something? You don't seem to understand English too well.

[ArabianPwincess197]

ha lol I am a Britisher - I know English fluently but u sound American...

[Asker]

I'm actually British as well...

[ArabianPwincess197]

i wouldn't know that... ur anon

[Conviction]

@Asker: Calm down, Lol. She's just giving you her opinion. I say, just sit with your boyfriend and ask him. Talk it out. Once, he has comfortably let his guard down, you'll know why he acted like that.

[Asker]

I'm stressed. I want to have sex with him. You haven't seen him... he's very good looking, I feel sexually frustrated.

[ArabianPwincess197]

then talk to him no I haven't seen him... you have but I wouldn't push him - ask him what's wrong though

[lifes_curve_ball]

Lol maybe a nightmare from what he sees haha jk jk

[ArabianPwincess197]

Lol i dont think he wants u that way sorry

[HandsomeRaj]

lol 2 little Brit girls squabbling - that's cute :D Ok I could have put this up in the opinion area but I want to say this here if it makes any sense :) 1. Are you guys virgins or is he one? 2. He certainly is having an anxiety attack even if not performance anxiety i.e. he may think you may not like the smell of his penis or taste of the cum or that he may cum too early that may put you off etc and this is the most likely possibility 3. The only way you can ease this out is by getting him to open up and start talking. He needs to trust & believe you enough to do so :) so get going on that and he sure will be more than willing to talk. 4. I don't think it's because of you he does that :)

[HandsomeRaj]

I'm following this question so I guess I'll know when this thread is commented on :) Good luck to you :)

[HandsomeRaj]

Good luck to you AND your bf - he needs it more cause he's missing out on something really good (and that is not just the sex or bj that's good in this case) :)

[Asker]

Thank you HandsomeRaj, ignoring ArabianPwincess197 now, I thin she's being unnecessarily rude. Plus I'm confused at why she's called herself Arabian if she's British. But end of, he's coming round later on this evening, and I'm going to get whatever this is out of him.

[ArabianPwincess197]

Arabian cuz its part of my religion/culture... I'm only British by nationality as in being born in UK... As for being rude lol if that's how u interpret it go ahead...I was giving my opinion - you didn't like that's up to you -truth can be bitter sometimes they say. Not saying that might be the case but it could be. You're ruling out possibilities you don't like...

[Conviction]

Hey! Talk to him about it. Thats the only way!! :D

[Metal189]

sounds embarrassed/nervous. his laughter is probably nervous laughter. is he a virgin?

[Asker]

Yeah he is, I'm more experienced though so he should feel comfortable with me.

[Metal189]

not necessarily. its always really freaky your first time. when i lost mine, i was so terrified

[Asker]

Why would he be scared of me though? I'm not scary, he needs to get over this its tiring -_-

[Metal189]

i know, but it's just a lack of confidence

[Asker]

well he's hot as hell so he should have confidence.

[Metal189]

doesn't matter, i see women who are hot, that constantly suffer from low confidence

[Asker]

... Fine I'll show him how hot he is then. I'll go for it with him, calm him down during.

[Metal189]

his confidence has to come from within, external stuff will help but won't do the job

[Asker]

Sex will fix it.

[Metal189]

nah. i dont really think so