Why do I only attract total sluts?

[Anonymous]

Of the four girls I have been with in my life 3 of them have slept with over 20 men. They always tell me years into the relationship and my current one confessed after we were married. I don't want to hear the past is the past and it doesn't matter because it matters to me. It's disgusting that I'm the 20+ person that has been inside her. I have a heavy moral standard for myself and I want a woman that has the same standards but here I am feeling betrayed again by another loose woman that knew I didn't want to be with a slut. Why do I attracted the exact type of woman I don't want. Also why have they all lied to me even after they know my view on this.

[Anonymous]

Men like you really intrigue me. You sleep with girls then get upset that they slept with people in the past. Now imagine if she lost her virginity to a guy she thought she loved and he lied and left her. Now the next guy she dates sleeps with her and finds out she's not a virgin gets disgusted and leaves her. The next guy leaves her because she won't sleep with him. And the next guy and eventually she gets fed up of getting hurt because she's not doing something she actually likes doing. So she starts sleeping with guys but now she's labeled a whore and guys like you come around sleep with her than degrade her for having sex...WITH YOU! You sir are in your late 30s (or your lying) and yet you're acting like a teenager. It's sex. You put a penis in a vagina and move it around. Occasionally people get infections just like how people get infections from standing next to someone coughing. No one intends for it to happen. I got an STD when I lost my virginity from a girl who lost her virginity to a liar and had no clue she was even carrying gonorrhea. Which happens actually happens quite often. She was far from a slut yet still gave me an STD. It happens. Your problems with sleeping around are total bull. You don't have heavy moral standards if you did you would have the compassion to care about people and accept the mistakes they may have made in the past. You sir are just judgmental hiding under the guise of morality looking for a reason to abandon these women without making you look like the bad guy or you're a coward and afraid to give these girls a chance because they might hurt you by leaving. And now your probably going to get mad and defensive instead of looking inward and realizing there may be some truth to what I'm saying. It's just human nature. Get over yourself.

[Asker]

I know my wife's full story. Blowing guys she just met in a parking lot, using sex to hook men...I could go on and on. That's a slut and she lied about it. And nothing will change my mind that sleeping around is gross. I'm not upset she slept with people in her past. I'm upset she lied about it. If you thought you had a diamond then you found out you were sold a cubic zirconia wouldn't you be upset?

[Opinion Owner]

No because they're still both just rocks to me lol. But why not stop looking at your wife's past actions and try to just look at her. Look at who she is to you. Look at the good things that you like about her. Look at why you married her. Did you marry her solely because she didn't sleep with other guys? I doubt it. I'm sure you have several other reasons why you love this woman. So why not just get over your moral hang ups. It's in the past she can't change that why continue to punish her for a life that probably already punished her. That guy she gave a blow job to in the parking lot probably treated her like shit and hurt her and finally she finds a guy that's willing to marry her and love her and now he's going to punish her for the same mistake made in the past. So she's not perfect and she did things she probably regrets who hasn't. Why sit around pissed at something that has nothing to do with how things are today.

[Opinion Owner]

She lied I understand that hurts. Let her know that but seriously you married her and I'm sure she's still a diamond just a diamond where the preowned sticker fell off. Still quality still lovable. You don't even seem mad at her. You sound more like your just upset and feel like you got tricked. But you didn't she's still a great person. She's still the same girl you fell in love with.

[Asker]

That was a big reason I asked her to marry me. I was so happy I found a girl that didn't sleep around. Well 26 is a huge number from what I was told...and the girl I fell in love with wasn't a liar that intentionally told me something she knew would hurt me if it ever came out. It changes things and it's fresh still.

[Slimart]

26 isn't a lot..there's 12 months in a year..and she's been live for over 30+ years..360+ months out of those months..only sleep 26 days of those with different guys, that's such a small amount

[Asker]

Her count goes like this 14 by the age 19 married for 21 years. An additional 12 from age 39 till 41 until we met

[Asker]

Breakdown or not that is a lot of people to sleep with and that doesn't include the 10+ others she gave head to. She can't remember that exact number

[Opinion Owner]

Well assuming that you live in a first world country with their abundance of contraceptives that number really isn't that high. Majority of women would lie about this sort of thing to avoid the very thing that your doing now but I know quite a few women with list very similar in length and if over half occurred before she was 19 don't you think you could chalk most of that up to immaturity. And honestly a women that's married for 12 years that gets a divorce was probably so misreable in her marriage that she would be dying to be involved with anyone else so seeing a spike of sex right after a divorce doesn't surprise me either. Your wife has a past she can't change. Option 1 you move past it and return to being happy. Option 2 you stay upset eventually it's going to tear your marriage apart and you're going to end up finding another girl with a list of guys very similar to your wife. Why is this so important for you? Try and describe what's bothering you not what's wrong with her.

[Asker]

The lie bothers me. What else has she lied about? Also if you can jump in bed with that many people I'm sure cheating is pretty easy. She's did admit to cheating at the end of her marriage and on her last boyfriend. Yet another fact I wish I knew years ago. Also what bothers me is I thought one thing about her and now it's totally different. I didn't go into a few shady things she did when we first met and I just chalked it up to she's had a rough go after her divorce we will get through it. Now I don't know if I believe she's telling the truth about things that happened with her ex's when we were together.

[Anon474748]

Don't listen to these beta cucks for a man here. i understand you bro. You attracted women who have no self respect for themselves and you don't like those type of women. i'm only 19 and i'm the same way. i don't wanna be with a woman who has slept with 10+ men and i'm sure some women out here don't wanna be with a man who has slept with 10 or 20 women. Women are complicated, they mess around while they are young and sooner or later when they get older, they'll want to settle down and find a good valuable man. that's basically what these modern feminists are pushing nowadays and this is what society is coming to. in your case, she has lied about sleeping and doing that with many men in the past. i'm guessing she did that because she didn't want you to see her as a different person or this ran through slut. don't listen to these opinions here. men want to know a women's past and women want to know a man's future.

[Anonymous]

That sucks man. These girls are after you because they really were searching for a good guy like you all along but they actually never met one or had a chance to be with one like you. They don't know if they will ever meet a good guy like you (feeling hopeless) and try to make it work with the guy who is currently available. Its a viscious circle.

I had that problem in high school then figured out how to cut to the point so I can accept or reject.

First we would get to know each other. Then when I knew I had a chance to go to 3rd base, I would actually have multiple (on accusing) conversations before I actually went to 3rd base with anyone.

I told them my expectations and had good luck on reading people because their true colors (and more accurate sexual number) would come out after multiple conversations as opposed to 1.

I avoided a couple of girls with STD's as a result. I protected myself from STD and protect myself from the disappointment of a girl not being up to my standards.

[Opinion Owner]

My advice to you going forward: Take it slow because you got the power to accept or reject now, not them. Its your time to find what you want. Have multiple conversations (maturely) like and interview process before you get all sexual with someone. If the girl starts to get impatient and wants to rush sex then she is lying to you and probably has a high amount to sexual partners. Good Luck.

[Opinion Owner]

*non accusing conversations*

[harakiri]

They wanted you to like them and they knew their number would be a deal-breaker.

Why does it bother you so much that they had this number of partners by what I'm assuming is your age range? Let's say a girl sleeps with one guy per year starting from 18. By 33, she's had 15 partners. I'm not sexually active but figuring out the numbers in this manner doesn't seem unreasonable even to someone like me. Loving people doesn't make you a bad person. I think a lot of it depends on the context...

I don't mean to be offensive- but I don't really know how to say this without being so I apologize in advance. Your attitude towards a woman's sexual history is extremely off-putting. Personally, I think I would prefer someone who also didn't have the type of sexual history that needed to be archived but still... With this attitude, you would definitely push away people of a similar mindset as myself.

[Asker]

Her count goes like this 14 by the age 19 married for 21 years. An additional 12 from age 39 till 41 until we met. Does that change your opinion?

[harakiri]

She was a bit promiscuous when she was young- but hey, hormones can make yo go crazy. Staying faithful for 21 years says a lot to me... the additional 12 seems reasonable for a sexually mature woman who knows what she wants and just got out of a marriage that probably wasn't making her happy sexually. The 14 by 19 does seem a bit much...but young people tend to be rash and a bit careless (generally). I would have overlooked something like that. I thought a high sex drive was a good thing.

[Asker]

I see it as a new guy every two months after her divorce. I find that disturbing. That's not even enough time to truly get to know someone. I made her wait for three months before I slept with her and even then I felt like we were rushing. I'm just from a different line of thinking then you on this. I so no need to sleep around.

[harakiri]

Sometimes the desire for physical intimacy and being seen as an attractive sexual partner trumps the need to explore all the recesses of someone's mind. I don't believe in sleeping around myself, hence I don't do it. But I don't think it's right to judge others when their motivations aren't wholly apparent.

[Asker]

Well I know her whole story now and I know the motivation. She even said she was a slut in her own exact words. If the person doing it says they are and the story confirms it I'd say it's true.

[harakiri]

Or maybe she's telling you want she knows you want to hear. I can't be sure, regardless. I think if you were less dogmatic about your moral values, it would have been easier for these women to be honest with you much earlier- at which point you could have ended the relationship.

[Asker]

Maybe. Guess I'll never know.

[lacelover20]

Wow.. thats fucking pathetic. Why would the girl who wanted to marry you tell you that after your married why not before? I can see why your mad your probley feeling like your whole relationship was a lie. They probley want a good guy now that there done with being a slut but bitch it dont work that way once a hoe always a hoe. Sorry not sorry. I would be mad to and that happened to me once when I was dating a guy he never told me untill later that he didn't even know how many people he slept with. Like gross. I never had sex with him tho so it wasn't that big of a deal for me but i understand.

I think if you wanna not attract girls like that your going to have to go after the more quiet ones who arnt that over you in the beginning more to themselfs, even if she is outgoing she shouldn't be that open into getting physical right away. Thats how you know she's a good girl

[Asker]

Thank you. That's what my girl told me. She wanted a nice guy and found me and she knew if she was truthful I would leave. So yeah I feel like she tied me down with a lie and here I sit. There's no going after someone else at this point for me so I'm going to need to learn how to deal with it.

[lacelover20]

Well at least now you know

[lacelover20]

Not like this is going to help none but you shouldn't have been like I hate sluts with a passion. Fuck sluts eww gross. You ahould have been ike how many kntches do you have bbg without letting her know yu dispise them and hen she would have been like "50" and then thats when you be like oh by the way I hate sluts bye

[Asker]

Damn...Well if I ever need to find someone again I'm going to ask that way. Awesome thanks.

[PrismFemme]

Since you've only been with 4 women in your life (it's a good number for a man your age by the way), I'm assuming what you're looking for isn't a virgin nor a woman that's been around the block but one in the middle, the one that's only into long-term relationships. If you read my other question, it does seems like humans keep trying to reason through extremes (virgin vs slut).

We do exist. I'm 27 and have only been with 1 man in my life but I broke up with him a long while (we're friends now). We aren't into casual sex either and if that's what you want because you're like that yourself it's a reasonable preference.

I think you would need to go elsewhere or try not to desperate ask for her past. The more you keep asking and overly use the word slut, the less likely you'll find what you want and you'll keep running into women with heavy past.

[Asker]

Exactly what I was looking for and what she told me she was. That's why it hurt so bad to find out. I compared it like this before. I had a diamond and found out I got hustled and sold a cubic zirconia. I'm just using that as a comparison. I didn't want to know when she started telling me and I told her I'd rather not know...then it all just came out...then yeah I started having questions.

[PrismFemme]

Yet, we too are asking also the same question. Where are you men found at? I think it's a very depressing generation where the trend seems to be to accept anyone that has a ''sleeping around'' past and keep on settling for ''the past is the past'' mantra. I seriously think it's not normal for neither men nor women to have slept with a number of people closer to or more than their current age.

[Asker]

I couldn't agree more

[PrismFemme]

Thank you. And no, I don't see you as asking too much. I truly don't get what's with the downrating. What I explained is the simple truth. Having 20+ partners isn't the norm for the average man nor woman. The average man or woman simply doesn't want to keep changing partners every single month.

[PrismFemme]

There are always going to be deviations (sleeping around versus a bible fanatic believing sex in a relationship is a sin) but I somehow still believe most people of both gender are found in the middle of the bell-shaped curve while the ones on the right and left are just the deviations.

[Daph81]

Maybe it's the type of girls you're attracted to? If you're attracted to attention whores who wear revealing slothes all the time, well, what do you expect? Some guys go crazy after girls like that, and then get all butthurt when they hurt them.

Also, keep in mind that "sluts" are usually more open to making the first move on a guy. Nice, shy girls usually don't approach guys that easily. So if you feel like only sluts show attraction to you, that's because the nice decent girls are too shy to show it.

[Asker]

If that was the case I would agree 100% that's not the type I go for. Maybe because I'm shy and these type of women are just more aggressive. That makes sense.

[Daph81]

yeah, that must be it then. If you're just responding to women who approach you, then I think that's the reason. Gems are harder to get ;)

[Asker]

Well thank you for actually answering my question!

[udolipixie]

Why do I only attract total sluts?
Possibly because you're interested in the appearance or personality of such gals. Or because your personality is aggressive and such gals may be more of the aggressive type.

"Since its come up in replies. I made it damn clear very early to these girls how disgusting I think sleeping around is and I didn't want a girl like that but they all choose to lie. And yes this was brought up before I slept with them."
To me this is irrelevant as I find people generally lie/omit when it suits them. No different than a guy who knows or can guess that visiting prostitutes is a dealbreaker, frowned up, or dislike by it seems most gals but chooses not to disclose something he knows will most likely affect her decision to be with him.

[Asker]

I'm very shy. Someone said it's because they are aggressive and that makes sense. So your staying its fine to lie to someone to make them stay with you? That's horrible in my book and shows total lack of character. I was totally honest with my past...even my dark stuff.

[udolipixie]

Egh no nowhere did I apply any 'right' or 'wrong' judgement on lying to someone to make them stay with you. So I'm unsure why you're asking me if I'm saying it's fine. I think it's irrelevant.

[Asker]

I don't see how a lie is irrelevant when I wanted the truth. Seems very relevant. I know if I tell my girl...you know I didn't really have 4 but 44 she would flip out especially because one of the reasons she fell for me is my lack of sexual partners. When a huge reason you fall for someone turns out to be a lie it's relevant.

[udolipixie]

I think it's irrelevant in regards to why you only attract sluts as you fell for her despite the lie. So I doubt why you're attracting sluts is because they lie to you rather it's because you like something about them. I think it's irrelevant in regards to you making it very clear you find sleeping around disgusting as I find people will do what they want to get what they want.

[Asker]

I see thanks for clearing that up.

[pineneedle]

I wouldn't say that you attract what you consider to be "loose" women. As you have mentioned you have only been with the four ladies, so it's not a great chunk of the population, you just seem to be unlucky.
I think they probably lied because they really like you, and there is this concept that once a guy really falls for you, they won't care about your past. I blame the backstreet boys, and that "as long as you love me" song:)

For you the trick will be not telling them about your values and beliefs regarding past sexual practices, until you find out how many partners their past holds. If you don't place any judgment about it before hand, i think they will be less likely to lie to you.
But whatever their response is, you have to be respectful of their decisions. They may not place as much value on the sacredness of sex if you will, and that is their right and choice. So nod politely and move on.

[Asker]

I tell them so they will respect my wants from the start not so they can lie and trick me into a relationship. I'm married now so this shouldn't ever be a worry again but I have been lied to by the woman I'm sharing my life with. I'm not respectful of there decisions. I can't respect someone that sleeps around. Just like I can't respect liars and cheaters. I shouldn't have to. They should be honest so I can find the type of woman I want.

[pineneedle]

You know, you should really listen to that backstreet boys song.

[Barnesy]

If it's that important to you why haven't you asked before getting serious? If you don't like the answer then leave. If she actually lies to you about how many men she's been with then the issue is her lie, not sexual past.

If she simply didn't want to tell you when you asked then I have to say it's your fault for not making it clear as to how important it was for you.

[Asker]

I was very clear and she knew on our second date. She told me 5. The issue is the lie and now I'm married.

[Izzy2102]

Well I think kinda of answered it. You attracted to the type of women you claim you don't like.
It may not always hold true, but generally speak girls who sleep a lot of different guys have some different character traits from those that sleep with less. Not better or worse just different. they may be more confident, less traditional, more coy and playful things like that and you are attracted to those women while wanting something them to be all that but stay chaste. While you overlook girls that would fullfill the latter requirement yet may not be the centre of attention.

Secondly you may appear to be the kind of guy that is into sluts as you call them, maybe you give of the impression of being quite a player, having loose morals and slept with loads of girls yourself

And also, you're quite old. 20 partners is a lot at 18, not that big of a deal at 40

[Ocicatlvr]

35 to 40 isn't old. wtf is wrong with you?

[Asker]

I have 4 girls I've been with including my wife and I'm 38. Her count goes like this 14 by the age 19 married for 21 years. An additional 12 from age 39 till 41 until we met.

[Izzy2102]

well age range says 36 -45 and ya that's definatley old, by mom is 50 which isn't far from 45 and in fact my brother made her a grandma this year. That wasn't really the point tho, it's that people on average will have slept with more people at 40 than they did at 20 I'm not saying that you do sleep around, I'm saying you may come across as such

[Asker]

I see what your saying. It's just with a 21 year marriage and just about 30 years of being sexually active that number is distributing. So basically it's 26 people in nine years...gross

[WhiteSteve]

Bro, you gotta realize, after a certain age, you're not going to be planting any flags anywhere. What is it that you find so unsettling about a woman being with people before you? What is your ideal number? You'll be hard pressed to find any virgins in their 30s. And there are a lot more important things in a relationship than sexual history. Would you prefer a woman who you don't get along with as well but has fewer past partners? And you shouldn't call these girls sluts, there's no law stating that you have to be a certain number of people. Moral codes of the past are outdated and don't really apply to modern life, I'd recommend adapting or you're in for a lot of anguish. I've slept with 20+ people too, pushing 30. I hope I'm at least a slut in your eyes too. Honestly, I don't know how I COULDN'T have slept with that many at my age. If I was successful all the time I'd be in the thousands, haha. Why is this so disgusting to you. If she has no STDs, what's the issue?

[WhiteSteve]

I dig that she lied to you, that's not cool. But can you blame her with your attitude towards this? If I had a girl grilling me on my past I'd run for the hills.

[Asker]

The LIE and it's gross. Yes I consider you a slut. She admitted herself she was one and wishes she lived her life different. My ideal number is based on the situation. For her in particular with a 21 year marriage in the mix under double digits would be ok. She did have an std that turned to cancer. It's unsettling because it shows a lack of respect for yourself and the other people. You sound like you'll fuck any girl that will let you. Yes that's a slut. Do you respect every girl you slept with?

[WhiteSteve]

Well, sorry to hear about her illness, first and foremost. I assume its HPV/cervical cancer, and I hope she's on the mend. I'm glad your slut standard at least reaches across genders. But the big one: how does it in any way show a lack of respect for myself and others? I respect myself just fine, and I'm actually pretty discriminating in my taste, at least in the looks department. If a beautiful woman wants to have sex with me, why in earth would I refuse, so long as she's good people, and they all were. One was a little crazy I guess, but she was cool to me. The others, it was mostly girls I dated, and I can't even fathom the concept of dating without sex. Why are we dating then? Late night games of Scrabble? I respected all of them and certainly didn't degrade them for having sex with people before me. Honestly, GAG blows my mind sometimes, I feel like I'm in a church group. I'm probably middle of the pack vs my friends' sexual histories. Where are all these prudes coming from?

[WhiteSteve]

This lack of respect thing has me very perplexed. Its not like I or they were selling or bodies for crack or something...

[WhiteSteve]

*our bodies

[WhiteSteve]

You also said to someone else that if she hasn't lied it would be a different story...would it? Sounds like your mind is pretty made up on this already. So if she told you on the first date that she slept with 20+ people, you still would have dated her? Also, its really no one's business how many people someone has been with. I wouldn't even ask that question to be honest.

[Asker]

Well my girl said it was out of lack of respect for herself and she did what she thought she had to in order to make guys happy and keep them around. I would bet a girl or two that you slept with will have these same feelings. Being in a relationship is one thing but going to find a girl just to bust a nut is another. That shows no respect for her and she is being used as a cum dump for nothing more then sexual gratification. Same if a girl uses a guy in the same way. That's not respectful that selfish.

[Asker]

Yes it would be a different story because you are correct. I would have left her and found someone that had the same values I have. She knew this, lied do I wouldn't leave and then years later decided to be honest.

[WhiteSteve]

OK...I mean, we also live in an sexually repressed society, so we get taught that we should ignore our instincts. You might be right, maybe some girls I slept with are remorseful, I just personally think they shouldn't be. In my mind, if you have sex, and no bad things come of it (I.e. STDs, unwanted pregnancy, etc), it might has well have never happened. Most of my girls weren't one-nighters, but our interest in each other was more often than not purely sexual. We would hang out and I'd take them out sometimes, but we both knew the deal, we were college kids not looking for anything long term, but obviously were not going to sit around and not have sex until we're in relationship mode. Sex is good, sex is healthy, and it saddens me that people have so many rules about when we could all just be enjoying ourselves, and most of it is based in people's hang ups. I just don't get how sex between two willing people, regardless of their relationship, could be a bad thing.

[WhiteSteve]

Fine, no argument about the lying, and I guess you have your right to discriminate as you see fit. I just think there are better ways you could pose this question than "why do I only attract total sluts." I think you'd get better responses. But basically it comes down to this: do you love your wife or not? My girlfriend has been with 5 guys including me, to my knowledge. If she turns around today and says, "I lied, I actually slept with 50 guys", I'd still love her just the same. If anything, I'd feel bad that I made her feel like she couldn't be honest with me. I get that your upset that you were deceived, but you either care for this woman or you don't, and very few secrets should be able to change your mind if that love is genuine.

[Asker]

That's all fine but not what I want. Maybe it is my age because I can't tell you the number of people I know that slept around and now years later regret it and wish they didn't. If people didn't sleep around like they do just think what would happen to the std rate. It would plummet. Just curious would your opinion change if contracted herpes? I'm not getting on you just curious. Thanks for the words about her hpv. Yes she's in recovery and hoping she's in the clear.

[WhiteSteve]

Glad to hear she's doing better, got my fingers crossed for her. Yeah, I'd be pissed if I got the herp from a girl, but she could get that from just one previous partner, its not necessarily correlated to promiscuity, although it obviously increases the odds. Unless you just mean my history in general. That's why you wrap up, my man. I'm all for sexual exploration, you just gotta be safe about it. But there's risk in everything. I'm not going stop driving even though tens of thousands of Americans die in car crashes every year, you know? I just put on my seat belt and be as safe as I can.

[Deft_maiden]

@white Steve good words, well said. Since it coming from a man hope it will resonate with the asker.

[Asker]

I know what your getting at but the fact still remains my view is my view and it wasn't respected and makes me wonder what other lies I have been told. All I was really saying was if people didn't sleep around std's would be rare and not every 1 in 4 Americans having herpes. Just that stat alone tells me sleeping around can lead to trouble. Glad you play safe but tons of people don't.

[WhiteSteve]

That's fair, man. I fully understand the deceit aspect. And you're right, an active sex life needs to be done safely. Is the STD thing a concern for you with your wife?

[Asker]

The concern is her cancer will return and we sweat every year she has her check up. She got it from a guy she had a one night stand with in high school.

[WhiteSteve]

Gotcha. Well, that's obviously legitimate. Sounds like you guys have some stuff to work through. I know its something you're not pleased about, and trust violations always hurt. Just try to keep it in perspective and realize that this is your wife for better or worse, and there's a lot more to love and (I'd assume) marriage than sexual history. I'm sure you guys have been through hell with the cancer stuff, and I hope she remains cancer-free going forward. But that said, you've probably been through deeper stuff than this, so keep that in mind. Best of luck to you both!

[Asker]

There are so many reasons I love her I just wish she would have been honest from the start. When you think one thing about someone then you find out it's a lie it's pretty hard to handle. The funny thing is she told me she loves the fact I have such a low number. She said it shows that I don't just use women for sex and actually care about who I'm with. Go figure.

[islands7]

These sort of gals may be thinking
> oh hell, what's one more, I pity the guy
> damn he's hot and sex has never been a hurtle to getting what I want... a man or pleasure
> he bought me drinks, so if I'm happy, he'll be happy
> I love to f**k prudes and he'll never know my past

[Ildskf]

I think it may be because you are focusing on that...whatever you focus on will present itself...no matter if it's negative or positive in your eyes...I've found that happens in my life as well...

I don't really think the past is the past...I do think if it's important to you than you have a right to know your mate's number before things get serious...unfortunately they lied...In my culture/parents' religion if a girl isn't a virgin before marriage she's most likely not going to find anyone else that would want to marry her...there is a double standard though...the guys will sleep with "white" girls and then demand an untouched woman for marriage.

[laurkattt]

Sounds like you have jealousy issues. I don't think you're attracting any "type" of woman, they're all individual people who've cared about you (somehow).
Why are you giving them the blame for your shallow standards? If you care so much about how many men they've been with then maybe this is something you should be bringing up when you first meet them.. not when you're MARRIED.. that way you can know right up front and you can give them the decency of not wasting all that time with you.

[Asker]

I really should update this. I told my now wife on our second date about how I felt about people that sleep around and I had no interest being with someone that had a high number. I blaming them because they knew my standards and lied anyways. And all these women are the same type. How can you say they aren't? They all slept around with multiple people. It's disgusting and I made it very clear from the start with all but my first girlfriend but they all choose to lie about it. And why it so bad to have a standard? I know plenty of women that won't even look at a dating guy with no job. That's a standard. Mine is I didn't want a slut.

[laurkattt]

Slut shaming is a brutal "standard" to go by. You're degrading sexually confident women and it sounds like you're just threatened by them. Perhaps your dream girl wouldn't ever have such a high kill count, but if your dream girl DID, would you automatically dismiss her? Someones kill count doesn't determine who they are as a person, plus if it's something thats in their past and they are committed to you, you should be happy knowing they've chosen you to settle down with. Women judge men that don't have jobs not financially independent, its hard to take someone seriously if they can't afford to have a relationship. Being a slut in the past effects your future relationship in no ways other than a great experienced sex life. EMBRACE THE SLUTS!

[Asker]

My dream girl wouldn't have a high count. And when two of the four admitted to being sluts in their own words including my wife well it is what it is. Sexual confidence is one thing but sleeping with guys to make them stay, sleeping with guys for revenge, sleeping with guys navigate they would be dumped if they didn't ask spells slut to me.

[Asker]

And it's the lies that's the worst part.

[laurkattt]

That doesn't spell slut, that spell insecurity, and if that is what your wife has been through, maybe its best to sit down and talk to her about it rather than dismissing her because of her past because in the same gest, you're dismissing her feelings and self-confidence : Not husband material. I'd say a husband should be a woman's bestfriend, maybe you should talk to her about how she feels now.

[laurkattt]

man, GET OVER the lies. People make mistakes and if you're going to be all self-righteous, "i'm so wounded, everyone lies to me, women are untrustworthy", your "issue" will remain right where it is.

[Asker]

When I straight tell someone I don't want to be with someone with a huge sexual past and they straight lie to me because I'd break up with them if they didn't of course I will have an issue...and how doesn't it spell slut when my wife said she regretted being a slut? And she married me because of my standards and my views but she made me compromise them by lying.

[laurkattt]

lol this is going nowhere, I'm done here

[lumos]

I understand how the lie is an issue to you. But I don't understand why you'd say the lie is the ONLY issue? You wouldn't go around calling these girls sluts if the lie is the issue. You even said "It's disgusting that I'm the 20+ person that has been inside her."
So yeah, you're a judgmental asshole. And maybe you attract these "sluts" because you pretend to be someone you're not.

[Asker]

You right. I think sleeping around is disgusting and if that makes me a judgmental asshole then I'll wear that badge proud.

[Asker]

Oh and the reason these girls said they fell for me is because I am myself. I don't hide my opinions and I'm very real. I would never pretend to be someone I'm not.

[MaskofInsanity]

They had feelings for you and knew that you would want nothing to do with them if they were honest. Yes, they lied. Their reasons weren't malicious or ill-intended. They just wanted you to see beyond their number of sexual partners. Sometimes once you tell a lie it's hard to go back.

[Asker]

That doesn't make me feel any better. I think manipulating sometime into thinking one thing when it's a total lie is very malicious. Especially when they knew I would dump them and they lied to keep me.

[MaskofInsanity]

I wasn't trying to make you feel better, just trying to explain their motivations is all. I do thinkk it was wrong of them to lie about it.

[Asker]

Ok thanks I see

[Betwyn]

Why does it matter how many went before?

It should only matter how many have gone since you've arrived on the scene.

[Asker]

Because it's disgusting. Shows no morals and no self respect. Not the kind of woman I want.

[Betwyn]

well, its the kind of woman you keep getting.. so, on some subconscious level.. it is.

[Asker]

I have to disagree. It's why I asked in the first place about sexual history.

[misscocobutter]

I agree I think sleeping around is awful, absolutely awful. You were probably attracted to these women because they are confident and know how to work it on a man

[kheserthorpe]

Please swap with me, I spent my youth attracting prudes.

[Asker]

I would in a second

[shannon21]

Same reason a girl goes for a jerk, there confident, playful, teasers etc. Its attractive I admit. But they fuck you over.

I'm a virgin at 21 and I meet horny jerks who sleep about. They lie about how many and didn't believe I was a virgin but hey ho :/ I'm never going to be a slut. Not in my persona. Just not who I am
I respect my body

[madhatters4]

well perhaps it's the girls you approach or are attracted to. you say 'why do I only attract' but isn't this one of those it takes two to tango situations? It sounds to me like for some reason the disclosure and honest swap of information that should occur early in the relationship is flawed. Or you just have general bad luck

I think in your future encounters with women just be extra dutiful and learning about their sexual past. Maybe be slower to act sexually with them as the sooner you do engage them sexually, 1) the less likely they will be do disclose information that may turn you off and 2) will force a promiscuous girl to re-consider whether or not she wants to wait to be engaged physically

[Dzindzer]

If it's that important to you then why didn't you ask them before it got really serious? I wouldn't be annoyed if a guy asked me how many I have slept with if things were getting serious. We all have things we absolutely want our partner to have.

[Asker]

I asked before I even thought about sleeping with any of them with the exception of my first. And what good does it do when they have all lied to me when I ask?

[Dzindzer]

Okay, that is pretty bad. They shouldn't have lied about it. I personally have no tolerance for lies, especially if they know it's important to me. You have to decide whether you can live with it or not.

[Asker]

I'll get over the slutty past but not the lie. I even told my wife on our second date how gross I think sleeping around is and she said that's what made her know I was the guy she wanted to be with. She knew full well I didn't want sloppy 20th plus

[Dzindzer]

I understand, maybe that made it even harder for her to confess after she had lied. I understand her, there is something about men that don't want girls who have slept with many men. It makes me feel more valued.

[ArsCarpeDiem]

DON'T SLUT SHAME. A woman is a human being, and virginity is a state of mind.

[Asker]

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

[ArsCarpeDiem]

She ain't a product and you ain't a customer. Get over it.

[Asker]

We are all products and we are looking to "sell" ourselves to the opposite sex. When you "buy" something and you find out it was misrepresented and not what you wanted/thought you get upset.

[ArsCarpeDiem]

Well unfortunately for you, your wife wasn't manufactured on an assembly line with your needs in mind. She was born, she grew up, she discovered the delights of sex, and acted on them. Maybe a blow up doll is more your speed.

[Asker]

Wow you are so far off on this. Maybe a blow up doll is my speed. At least that won't lie to me and make me think it's something else.

[kambo_trick3y]

Woah HOOOOO that is a hell of a pickle you're in.

[LemguinLunge]

Why God, why can't I have the same problem?

[desidoll]

LoL its because of the age. What do you expect? A 30 years old woman who only been with 3 dudes?

[Asker]

I'm a 38 year old guy with only 4 partners so yes I do expect that from a woman.

[desidoll]

That's tough but I'm sure there are some outside there.

[desidoll]

Funny how the women here thumb down me when I was trying to defend those women he was talking about. Clearly when people use their emotion to think instead of brain, they unable to understand sarcasm.

[idonnntcare]

I honestly think women here are ashamed of their sex history.. They get all angry when guys reject promiscious girls. I mean it's fine, chill.

[Asker]

And why isn't it ok to reject someone because of that? I got dumped one because I wasn't a classy enough dresser. I'm just curious. I'm sure getting a lot of flack for a preference. I know your not giving me flack. I've known women that won't date guys under 6 foot that's a preference. What makes me not wanting a promiscuous girl so bad.

[desidoll]

Because if they left their past and changed into a better person I don't see the reason why you still hold their past. They might be the best partner you ever have. Who knows?

[Asker]

Like I said the same goes for someone who doesn't date a guy under 6 foot. I'm sure my friend has passed on tons of great guys due to her preference and yet people don't give her flack. I'm not holding her past but the lie about it.

[Deft_maiden]

How many women have you been with?

[Asker]

4 including my wife and I'm 38

[Deft_maiden]

I see. I understand where you are coming from and how you might be concerned. The thing is, if some is 30 and has been sexually active for 10 years with ave. of one lover per year that makes 10. This is a VERY low number. I have to agree with white Steve here. You can't judge people's worth based on the number of lovers. I best advise her is get to the heart of the matter and see what about the woman sexual past concerns you. I suspect it goes deeper than numbers and has more to do with you than them.

[AndyWes]

The flip side of that is though, one of the thing that's supposed to separate us from other mammals, like dogs or cats, is we're supposed find partners for life. Or for a very long time. We're not supposed to have a new one each year.

[Deft_maiden]

by the way if STDs are you concern, you certainly are entitled that that. Just the other day I answered a post. It was about a young who had contracted Herpes from her 1st guy and boyfriend she slept with. Does that make her a slut? I choose to see her a terrified young girl who sees her entire future at stake.

[Asker]

It goes way deeper. It brings into question some things that she told me happened with her ex's when we were together. I could tell you if you really want to hear. And andy hit another thing I believe. And that's me and I should be entitled to what I want and not be lied to. I'm not saying I'm wrong or right but if someone only wants to date people that are red the other person should not paint themselves that color and lie because eventuality that paint will come off.

[Asker]

No diseases don't make someone a slut. Jumping into bed with random people, blowing guys she just met in a parking lot, and sleeping with two different people on the same day does. Well in my book at least...and in my girls book as well and yes all things she did.

[PrismFemme]

I seriously doubt most men and women sleep with 20+ people. That to me is an extreme devient. As a 27 year-old woman, I'm also not into the ''hooking-up and having 20+ partners in total'' lifestyle. I seriously doubt most of your common folks people want to sleep around. I think the there must be still a majority of men and women that only want monogamous long-term relationship and/or marriage.

[Deft_maiden]

@ asker As I suspected, you need to figure out what is really bothering you about a woman's previous lovers. The picture you painted can be bad for any man or a woman. I know I don't Ike to go out with a guy who has been/is promiscuous. That just it! A man/ woman can have 20+ lover over a long period of time but may not be promiscuous. Giving blow job to a random guys is def. Promiscuous not to mention demeaning. Dating a guy or two a year is not.

[Asker]

I agree and if the situation was that I'd be ok with it. I could understand a guy or even two a year but 12 guys in two years is a new guy every two months. You can't even get to know someone in two months. Then you add in the blowjobs (those aren't included in the 26 she slept with) and I consider that very excessive. Before she was married it was a new guy every three months from the time she started having sex till she met her ex husband. So that spells promiscuous to me and not the kind of girl I thought I had.

[Deft_maiden]

What are you going to do about it? You can't change the past. Do you like the woman before you?

[Asker]

There nothing I can do. I don't know how I'm going to get ok with this. And are you asking if I like my ex?

[Deft_maiden]

That too. Or any woman who crosses your path. You have to work through this in your own way. Or will have a hard time maintaining a relationship. Here is a suggestion don't bring the subject up EVER! judge the woman before you for who she is today. Don't dwell in that house.

[Asker]

Oh I see...sorry I read that wrong. Yes I do love my girl. But like I said this brings into question other things that happened with her ex's while we were together that I'm not sure she told the truth on now and makes me wonder what other lies or secrets are hanging out there.