I got a tubal ligation at 18. Stop telling me I will regret it for the rest of my life!

[schulzy]

As the title says, I got my "tubes tied" at 18. I know, most doctors won't give you the okay until at least your first child, but I have a special situation. I have a heart condition called FAA, or familial aortic aneurysms, which will cause a rupture if I were to take on the stress of carrying a child.

I've never had a "maternal instinct" before this, and I still don't. I know people who have known they wanted kids when they were in middle school. A guy I knew found out he was infertile and is still super upset. When I found out I couldn't have kids, I shrugged and said okay. My cardiologist said "I'm sorry." And that's where it all started.

Ever since, when I tell people I can't have children, they say the same thing. I nicely respond in an upbeat voice with "It's perfectly fine. I've never wanted kids and at 17/19, I still don't." Then they respond with "You say that now, but you'll change your mind later." I was content with it and I could handle those conversations pretty well, after all I'd been telling people who have asked since I was 15.

However, when I was 18 I decided to get tubal ligation, with full support from my parents and long term boyfriend. Why even put myself at risk? Ever since then, people will have the same conversation with me, but now they will add in the phrase "You're going to regret it later."

Why is it, in the 21st century where most people don't even get married till they are 30, is it still thought that every person will want/have kids? Why can't those of us who don't want kids can't just be left alone when it comes to it. Everybody uses the "biological clock" as an excuse, but we have found so many ways to cheat biology that it's probably not even valid to use that excuse anymore. In a world that is becoming more and more diverse, with less and less people conforming to the standards of year's past, why am I, and many other people, told that we will regret or not be happy with our choices not to have children. People, kids are great if you want them, and if you have kids, congratulations to you. Really. However, please don't tell those of us who can't or don't want them how much we will regret not having them. We have heard it so many times, and the more we hear it, the less we believe it. Let us live with our spouses or boyfriends or animals or roommates or whoever keeps us happy in peace. You don't need a child to be happy, especially in this day and age.

[dragonfly6516]

I'm 33. I've never wanted kids, and I still don't. Sometimes I think about kids, because it's just accepted and expected as something that every woman does. If I were ever to get pregnant, I would want to try and keep him/her and raise them, or at least an open adoption, but I have no plans to have kids on purpose. I guess I just believe in Fate, in that it's meant to be if a baby does happen for me. I say "happen" because the only %100 pregancy proof method is no sex, and that's not something I can live without ;-)

[Chief16]

Ok, you're not gonna regret it for the rest of your life.

[Prof_Don]

nice #sarcasm

[bombamboum]

As you said, in your situation, it's for the best. You will never risk your health for that.
As for the idea of a woman not wanting children? I do think that many women will change their mind.
I have a friend who kept saying how she would never ever ant to have children when she was a teen. That she liked them but would never consider it. She would even get mad when we told her she could change her mind. It was almost over the top when she talked about it.

She kept saying so until she met a man older than her who already had a kid. They live together.
One day, I asked her again if she still didn't want kids. She got all mad at me, saying she wanted kids with him.
So yeah... I think I've never met a woman who was so opposed to had children. It turned out, she's a step mother now

[MaskedSanity]

Not having kids is a personal choice for me, but since I'm 27, hardly anyone ever asks at this point.

However, how people treat you seriously angers me. You have a very valid reason not to undergo pregnancy aside from not wanting to. How fucking idiotic for people to suggest that preventing yourself from getting a freaking ANEURISM is something you'll regret.

Holy shit, what an utterly retarded thing to say.

I've been asked when I was getting married when I was 15, ffs. People are phenomenally stupid and will usually judge based on their own personal limited perspective.

[WhiteSteve]

My girlfriend got hers done last summer, at 31, and she's been trying to get someone to do it since she was your age. People can be crazy about kids and act like your life isn't about shit if you don't have them, and that's just dumb. Some people just aren't into it, and there's nothing wrong with that. And anyway, you have a medical condition. But it pisses me off when people say "oh, you'll change your mind" when we say we don't want kids (whether born or adopted). Just once, I want to tell someone who's like "we're trying to have a baby, we're really excited about it", that "oh, you'll change your mind", and see what reaction I get😂😂😂

[MargaritaPeach]

I had one at 25, and I have never regretted it, not even once. It's been 15 years--fifteen glorious, wonderful years of never once having to worry about birth control. Good for you! Not sure why this option isn't WAY more popular than it is.

[NineRobes]

I don't think that every human is supposed to live the same and have the same aspirations. I don't believe that there is someone special for everyone. I don't think that everyone is supposed to want to have children, or that just anyone can/or should be parents. Some of us are comfortable and okay with not being like everybody else. If you don't think that you'll regret not having children, that's fine. I'm not sure what you were wanting or expecting to hear, but I agree with you.

[In-sight-ful]

If we're talking seriously here then there is a very very good chance that someday you may want kids. Your brain isn't even fully developed yet. But you have a medical condition that makes it impossible, that makes anyone's arguments invalid. Even if you changed your mind pregnancy still wouldn't be an option. But there is a chance you could change your mind and decide to adopt, but getting your tubes tied was a great choice to keep yourself safe.

[Minxxie]

I'm so jealous that you were able to get one I have tokophobia so I could never go through with pregnancy and I know 100% that I want to adopt it's just what I always imagined myself doing and people will tell me I am selfish for not "giving my parents grandkids" but I think my parents are selfish for basically saying an adopted grandchild wouldn't be good enough. I just don't think a child has to be biologically mine to still be mine! I will be prepared for the challenges that come with adoption but it's my body and my life and my choice.

[vishna]

I was actually going to say "I think 18 is very young for such a procedure unless there is an existing medical condition making it highly important she does not get pregnant, ex) genes." In your case, your condition.

Explain to people you reason why, if you want, and move on.

17/19 is really young to know you're not going to want to have kids forever, not being rude, I respect the idea. No kid should be forced upon anyone. But your brain hasn't even finished developing yet, you could want kids down the road, especially if you get in a relationship with someone who makes you feel like having them. (I've seen this happen more than once) Again, I'm not saying it's bad to not want kids, I'm just saying, you're pretty young to know how you're going to feel on that matter for the rest of your life.

Best

[TimTim56]

We are already overpopulated anyway. If you really want kids there are already plenty of kids without homes. I personally find having your own children while there are so many children without homes is kind of selfish. So yeah I doubt you will regret it.

[Dim_121]

Why would you regret it. you can always adopt a child.

[godfatherfan]

Some people are not the kind that want kids. There is certainly nothing wrong with that. You can still adopt if you want them later. But you can't say 100% that you will never regret not being able to have them. People change a lot and your still young. However, not wanting them at your age does make the chances less that you will change your mind. I mean at 17 I knew I wanted kids. But I knew i wanted them only when the time was right. That is why I made us use 2 forms of birth control when I was only engaged. I used a condom and she used either bc pills or the sponge when they were still around. once I was ok with her getting pregnant if it happened, I stopped using condoms. then I got a vasectomy almost 17 years ago. so now I can shoot cum at anyone, doesn't matter lol...

[SunsetRose]

People need to mind their own damn business. You have a serious medical condition that would result in bad things if you got pregnant. I am glad that you are okay with this and you don't base your self worth on children, which can be common for women. If you want kids later in life you can adopt. Or, it's possible you will never want kids and just live happily ever after :)

[Spiorad_Aisce]

Even though we are on an advice site sometimes urges take over where you think you know best but you should never tell another person what to do or what to think or how to live their life. Hitler tried that and became one of the most hated men in history. We offer our input and a person takes that information away and puts it with their own, analyses it then decides a course of action.
First thing that springs to mind is you had a medical reason for the procedure, IF at some stage in the future you want kids, you can investigate adoption, fostering or surrogacy etc. At the moment you feel not wanting children is your preferred option well then society should accept that. Hopefully we are in a modern society now where there is room for everyone no matter what their intentions are. I have a very simple rule of thumb which is if whatever you do doesn't hurt/abuse anyone including yourself (quite a simple definition but you get my drift), you are entitled to do it, I may not agree with it (I am neutral on your situation, happy to leave choice to you) but it is not within my ethical rights to interfere with your choices in life.

[teawrecks]

I envy you, I want to get a tubal ligation but I don't want to deal with doctors across the board telling me no.

I'm kind of appalled people are telling you you'll regret it when it was essentially a move to save your life, it sounds like.

[PippiL]

It just sucks not to have options, that's all. Especially at your age.

[rescuemyheart]

I would say no bueno if it wasn't for your condition. But for most gurls you shouldn't make this kinda decision until your brain abd thoughts and ideas are dine forming. At least not until after 25.

[thewanderingme]

also, even if you did change your mind there's tons of kids out there needing to be adopted. some people actually prefer to adopt over having biological kids for just that reason. you could tell them they're being selfish by over looking those kids. ;)

[ComDom]

I'm leaning toward it being the right decision given your condition. Although waiting a bit longer might have been wise as your brain does not finish developing until around twenty five and that isn't even counting the experiences that assist a person's development in the mean time.

Not to mention that isn't even taking into account the rapid medical developments that happen seemingly daily. All in all there is an argument to be made from both sides. If you were planning to have sex immediately it was probably the right thing to do. Although abortion still would have been a questionable option I'd imagine.

tl;dr there is massive human development that takes place from the late teens until around twenty-five. Was this the right decision? Hopefully.

[Dulcedulcexoxo]

so, you did it for health reason. That is understandable did you at least freeze some eggs? And some women are raised in situations that make them not want kids. We all have maternal instinct, obviously its biological but the nurture part plays a huge role

[lolatyou]

I wish I could get it already lol. You're right doctors don't want to do it unless you've already had children but I doubt they give men as much shit if they want a vasectomy.

[Waffles731]

You'd be surprised. Not only do I not want kids but I've got mental disorders that can be passed down genetically. I'm functional but I'm definitely not up to the task of being a father. I'll get married someday but I'm not the right person to bring a new soul into this world. As such I'm considering a vasectomy at twenty-one, There are several things though, I haven't told my parents that I'm considering one and I'm on their insurance still. Second after doing research a lot of doctors won't perform a vasectomy on someone my age.

[lolatyou]

Oh I didn't know that actually. I've known cousins and uncles who have gotten one but it was after a child or two, they were also older than you. And they said it was quick and easy. I'm curious though could men just lie and say they have kids even when they don't just to get it done? It's also a shame that people who don't want kids have to go through hoops. Like having a procedure done because we "might one day change our mind"- doesn't also apply to people who have children too, because lots of people who have children also "change their mind" about having them lol. Which is why so many people are fcking awful parents and so many kids have no homes. Yet it's still just a one sided thing, kind of annoying.