Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
After a long needed hiatus, I have returned to you G@G, and not without the take that I promised. If you all recall, I wrote a racy take titled A PSA About P*ssy that detailed some facts, myths, and general opinions on the wondrous female anatomy. Well today I have decided that dicks need a little more love; from tallywackers to pork swords, chodes to horse cocks – today they all need a little attention and a little bit of a voice to dispel some of the fuckery myths and misconceptions about them, while sharing a few fun and helpful facts about them as well.
So without further adieu, allow me to educate you on the sorely under valued member of the male anatomy club: the male member!
See what I did there? Did you? Did you see it? It was a shitty joke in case it wasn’t obvious.
Now I won’t be doing this in the exact same format as I did in the other take as I don’t like to limit myself to any structure in particular, so if you find that the two don’t entirely coincide, don’t worry: I know. Some will be facts, some will be opinions, some will be nothing but me coming up with new ways to say yogurt swinger, peepee, Peter, baby arm, ham roll….
*Cough* I got carried away. Sorry, legit: without further adieu let’s talk about peckers. But first, cock cake,
What is a penis?
Call it a lollipop from 50’s candy shop if you will, but the truth of the matter is that peenors rarely contain a tootsie roll center. ~ RJ 2016
As a matter of fact, the male schlong consists of three kinds of tissue material: two corpora cavernosa (super epic special muscle pieces) and then corpus spongiosum, which is literally spongey material that sits between the corpora cavernosa. Indeed, while we like to call em’ boners, the penis doesn’t have any bones in it at all. Actually, the love shaft becomes hard typically upon either sexual arousal or other forms of stimulation (we’ll cover this later) which is a process in which blood rushes into the shafty-shoot and causes Mr. Winky to bulk up. By that I mean it gets longer, harder, and generally thicker.
Of course, we all know that no skin flute is complete without a set of balls, which is where they keep the baby gravy. Who is getting uncomfortable now? Anybody? Anybody at all?
**I sincerely hope that my mother never finds this take. Then again I somehow doubt she’d be too surprised…
You have to be aroused to have an erection
False. Ladies, think about this for a second: how many of us have had a day where we got drenching wet for NO REASON? Contrary to popular belief, men don’t have to be thinking of porn scenarios in their mind in order to get an erection. Erections can happen during sleep (with no stimulation) or by other various forms of stimulation, intentional or not. This is how male rape exists ladies and gentlemen – yes, a man can be raped FYI, that’s another fact I’d like to put out there. The body will respond to stimulation, this goes for women as well; if you stimulate something enough there’s a chance of getting results. But I won’t get too far into the heavy stuff here for the sake of keeping this take light hearted, I just had to get my two-cents about that issue in. More on that subject later.
There are gents with tiddly-bits that can stand to attention at the slightest breeze and there are dudes who simply wake up with their penetrator looking up towards the stars; the phenomenon of morning wood is actually more neurological in nature than what one would expect. Scientists actually believe that it’s caused when the neurotransmitter Norepinephrine basically causes vasoconstriction in the blood vessels that exist in the whang. What does that translate to you might ask? It means that you won’t piss yourself in the night actually in a lot of cases. The erection restricts the urethra and can prevent bed-wetting, which has psychological benefits to say the least. Hurray for not soaking the sheets!
Appreciate your morning glory.
Penises are UGLY!!!
Okay, let’s take a moment to be serious here: I am the first person to say that penises are a lot like being best friends with Shrek; you love and appreciate them but they smell and you don’t want to look at them too hard. But my opinion on the matter began to change after a rather inspiring video submitted by YouTube icon Shane Dawson on the matter of penis shaming. Naturally I’ll provide you with a link below if you feel inclined to watch it.
You all know I addressed the issue of women being ashamed or shamed about the appearance of their vaginas, but if we really want to compare the two, one-eyed-anacondas not only get that same shame tenfold, they’re typically treated as a joke. I mean come on, cockles are basically the pinnacle of cheap, crude humor and we all love to poke fun at how ugly they are or how they cause men to make situational and bad decisions.
While it is all intended to be fun and games, men can feel the affects of genital shaming just the same as a woman can when she’s told her pootie-tang looks like a viral plant monster from Resident Evil Outbreak that has to be destroyed with acid to advance in the game.
I mean how many size questions have you seen on G@G? There’s a reason for that you know; people poke way too much fun at the size of guy’s ding-dongs like if you can’t rock at least an 8 incher your life is fucking over. But that’ll be the next segment’s issue.
So before you go shitting on the spiddle-stick, keep in mind that it’s not okay to shame something somebody can’t change and keep the jokes light-hearted and to a minimal. You wouldn’t like it if somebody called your cooch a swamp monster so don’t tell a guy that his joystick is ugly just for being a joystick; if anything, you should appreciate the tube steak. After all, it gives women a lot of benefits: children, pleasure, an increase in endorphins that can help fight pain and even depression … you get the gist.
Size matters, doesn’t matter, is important, isn’t important…
Here’s a new rule: don’t bitch about size unless you want someone to bitch about tightness. That’s right: I’m leveling the playing field! No one is allowed to complain unless they are ready to have their genitals taken into question and ridiculed. Sound fair?
In all seriousness though, size is such a big (no pun intended) issue when it comes to talking about nature’s ham-hocks, so much so that the G@G feed is ever plugged up with size questions that stem from insecure men who have been made to feel that if you aren’t 8”+ that they’ll NEVER be able to satisfy a woman.
I’m going out on a limb here and I am going to say NAH. That’s not true.
First of all: length doesn’t necessarily improve sex unless you are capable of hitting the g-spot, which doesn’t require you to have a 10” lightsaber. In fact, the g-spot is often located only inches from the vaginal opening and is stimulated easiest if the shaft has a slight curvature. Even then, g-spot orgasms are so rare and elusive for 70% of women that the easiest bet for her to achieve sexual satisfaction is through either a mixture of foreplay and intercourse or by just plain ol’ clitoral stimulation. That’s right: that means a chubby-chode could very well be just as satisfying as a 6” dick, if you know how to use it. I'm not an expert on the matter but all I'll say is the women I questioned came to a similar if not identical consensus.
Of course, that doesn’t mean there aren’t women out there who won’t be turned off if you have a micropenis, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to accept the worst possible scenario. All I can say is to be a good and attentive lover and you can make your martini mixer work in a pinch. If you can’t, well, there’s always the alternative:
**I didn't put this picture as an insult, it just made me fucking laugh.
Alright that's my time ladies and gents, as always feel free to leave your comments and feedback below and be sure to include the hashtage #sexedwithrj if you want to see more takes like this. I hope this made your Monday a little bit better and you got a kick out of it because I know I did.
Keep it classy.
Most Helpful Girl