Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

This can also apply to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships as well; I just didn't want the title to be too long. Well, the reason I am writing this is because I have seen a lot of questions having to do with sexual desire on this site and I was curious enough to research about it, and here are some possible reasons why a girl or guy's sexual desire is so low and how to fix it.

The basics

Let's start off with some estimated statistics and facts of common problems having to do with sexual desire in relationships.

-As many as 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men have a sexual dysfunction problem.

-According to a survey 20 percent of American couple's are having sex less than ten times a year.

-Low sex drive complaints are the number one thing asked about to a sex therapist.

-There are many things than can cause a low sex drive, it is not a simple fix.

So with looking at those few points alone, you can tell a low sex drive is very common in a lot of relationships and it is by no means a rare occurrence. But now let's get started with the possible reason's for a couple to have no sexual desire and the possible fixes.

Fix/reason: Medical issues

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

I will get through this one first because there are so many possible medical issues that I won't list them all. It could be a low libido, hormone deficiencies, anti-depressants or it could be other things. Usually when it isn't temporary or when you tried to fix it yourself and fail it's more than likely something medical. Many medication are out there to fix someone's low sex drive if it happens to be because of something physical or psychological.

Reason: Society

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

Have you ever been so stressed one day where you just didn't want to do anything and it effected many of your performances you usually do? Well stress from a job or somewhere in society can effect sexual desire. A high stress job or something that stresses someone out can indeed make someone not want to have sex. Let's say every day one of the married people come home stressed out, more than likely the last thing on their mind is sex.

Not only stress can be involved but being physically tired can also effect that. If someone works a ten hour shift, sometimes they will not want to have sex and if it's very common that someone does then well..you see where I'm going with it. Or if someone tries to have sex with a job on their mind they may not keep being erect and that may lead them to not try at all.

Fix: Encouragement and support

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

This leads off of the society point. To fix a lot of low sexual desire, it is very important to encourage them to keep trying without too much pressure will help. Supporting them as well and make sure they realize that you know what they are going through can help a lot too. Sometimes someone is just going through a rough point in their life and all they need is just a mutual understanding and some sympathy. Those can go a long way in a relationship.

Fix: Counseling

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

An alternative to medication. Sometimes it may be just a psychological problem and sometimes women/men do not like the fact that taking a pill or some sort of medication makes them turned on and not actually them. This is where counseling can help a lot, there are many counselors out there that can help these sort of problems in a relationship. It is important to realize that medication is not the right fix sometimes and counseling can go a long way.

Reason: Conflict and resentment

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

Another big reason is conflict and resentment. When conflict is brought up a lot and arguments happen more often than not, this often leads to a low sexual desire because of the build up of numbness and no sexual feelings. This is why often in bad marriages, sex happens less and less. But obviously not a lot of sex does not equal a bad marriage as shown in other examples.

Fix: Communication

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

First off I want to say no offense to anyone who asks these questions on this site. In my opinion I think there isn't much communication between couples that ask the questions about sexual desire on this site. But communication is so important when trying to fix these kinds of problems. Without proper communication, nothing would be fixed. Sometimes having a serious talk can solve a lot of issues. This can be done in a respectful manor and of course consideration for each person. This can also help you learn more about one another by expressing turn-on's and turn-off's.

Reason/fix: Body image

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

When someone doesn't perceive themselves as attractive because of maybe aging, gaining weight and even pregnancy. This is why communication is so important, to communicate to your love in your life about how much you like their appearance. That could change how they think of themselves dramatically.

Reason: Substance abuse

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

If your partner is an alcoholic or is doing drugs like cocaine or anything else that is highly addictive and damaging, that can effect their sex drive as well. It's important to help your partner seek help if this is the case.

Reason/fix: Long lasting relationships

Reasons Why Married Couples May Have Less Sexual Desire, and How to Fix It

Finally, I think a more common reason is that when a relationship starts going longer and longer into a few years, sex may get rather boring. Not to all couples but I am sure some face that sort of feeling. That's why it is always important to try new things with each other, always try your best in bed and to make both of you happy sexually. Speak with each other about fetish's and other sexual related topics to make things better in bed.

Hopefully this will help someone that reads this or at least gives someone an idea on why people may not be having sex a lot. These aren't all the reason's of course but....well I tried to keep this as short as possible. There are other reason's but I think these may be the main reason's.

Also another note, I am in no means a professional at this so please if I said something wrong or something that doesn't make sense please correct me so I know what I have done wrong. But I think most of what I have said is pretty straight forward and not much science behind it. Thank you :).

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know where this came from but all my married friends say they have the best sex they have ever had. I mean they don't have it as often as they used to, with work, and kids, but it is really great when they do. I think married couples are just more likely to bring it up when they are sexually dissatisfied, because they will try and save the relationship. Whereas single people would be much more likely to just break up and move on.

    • Good point. But well from the many posts on the site about sexless marriage and when people said "you should break up because you aren't getting sex", I thought I would post this considering you don't have to break up when you have soo many options, or cheat.

Most Helpful Girl

  • There are lots of theories out there that married people not only have more sex but also more satisfying sex. It's definitely the case in my life while you have a nice take I'm not sure I agree with the premise at all.

    • No I'm not saying that all married people are like this at all, I made this point specifically because of the question's asked on this site about "why doesn't my husband give me sex anymore". This is specifically for couples with a low sexual desire problem.

    • Gotcha. You made many good points.

    • Thank you :), maybe I should've specified more in the beginning. It was like 2:00 at night when I wrote this LOL.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I have been married two times, both marriages lasted 11 years. The second marriage was way more sexually satisfying as both of us had no hang ups. We both have had sex with other people and knew the best way to approach this is to simply have fun with it.

    We never gave up on experimenting and having sex in different places and ways. We brought toys into our sex lives. I remember walking through our two story home together looking for a place we had yet to have sex at. We did some roll playing. Surprise sex, both oral and penetration was always fun.

    Just looking at her ass while she was in her nightgown sometimes would get me hard. I would walk up behind her with my cock already out, have her bend over and fuck her. She told me she found that erotic, too. You have to keep it interesting.

    We would have our dry spells of no sex for two or three weeks. It was always fun to jump right back in again :)

  • Great article! Well compiled, if someone going through this situation is reading, I'm hoping they get some clarity
    Great insight on the different reasons though 👌

    • Thank you :)

  • Lmao #foreveralone #Getdrunk #Catsarebetterthanpeopletho

  • I was invited to say something here, but I have, like, zero experience.
    But nice take! You just keep on giving, don't you?

    • Thank you LOL, also uhhh I don't know I think most people I invited don't have much experience I think.

  • I know that when a lot of women reach a certain age... their sex drive can drop to nothing. They can get some hormones... but some just dont want to fix it. I feel sorry for their husbands.

  • Wow this was super thorough, good job!

    • Thank you very much!

    • Welcome :) You keen on getting editor status or something?

    • Uhh ya I think so actually LOL, I like doing MyTakes and I want to try to post more.

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  • Super take - Lots of good advice for couples who may be struggling

    • Thank you very much :)

  • Cute. At 19 you've got it all figured out.

    The problem is that you don't have the cures for all the problems you point out - those are just some of the problems, and you never really hit on the big ones, like hypergamy, why women are bored with monogamy, or becoming lax in your attraction in a LTR. Selfishness, narcissism.

    Over a lifetime you learn real tools, communication tools, drills, changes in attitudes, introspection, the list is endless.

  • I can't stop fucking, my wife will be so lucky

  • According to kinsey they actually have sex more frequently
    kinseyinstitute.org/research/index.php#frequency

    • This is for people who specifically have the problem. Fuck me I should have named it "The reason's why married couples MAY have less sexual desire and how to fix it" Can a chief editor make it less factual LOL.

    • Didn't we have a discussion showing that the data from that website aren't credible.

  • Nicely written.

    • Thank you!

  • age:19
    "i like anime"
    just LOL man

    • Yaaaa buddy

  • good take-

  • Habits...

  • Yes well we fixed this problem a long time ago - for the the last ten years or so we have made love - each and every day. and we have been married for close to thirty years... I would consider this a problem that was repaired successfully... Oh the every day part was never my goal - it was and remains HER initiative... and we both look forward to it.

  • Real Reason: Women use sex to get commitment. We see many instance of in real life when a woman thinks her man's eyes are lingering somewhere else and she gets off her lazy ass and tries harder to please him in the bedroom. This has happened many times with men who tried everything to get their woman to put in effort to have sex with them regularly and it only happened by cheating on her, or making her think he was going to in the future.

    And this is why when a woman gets with a man who displays he has tons of option and can replace her at any moment, she constantly want to have sex with him and keep him happy. There is no "No tonight honey, I'm not in the mood" with a guy like that.

    With marriage a woman has a new tool to make sure men will not leave her and it is called divorce.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK9owmJL4cw



    So now a man has less incentive to leave her unless of course he wants to be financially ruined. Thus, women no longer need to try in both their appearance or need to put the doggy bag (sex) on display for men. She literally has you by the balls and your her bitch her life whether in or out of marriage.

  • All that is great, but if you don't have the money to afford all that, then maybe it's just time to allow the once-sexual relationship morph into a compassionate, faithful, sexless one.

    • The only thing I've seen from couples of a sex less relationship is the thought of cheating. There's really only 3 good options, no sex, divorce, or work through it together.

    • "Working through it together" may entail a sexless marriage, where both partners don't have sex but are perfectly satisfied with their lifestyle.

    • It's possible, it's of course possible. If they're both happy with no sex then this whole take won't really apply to them.

  • The fixes are worth trying but generally don't work.

    • Well even if the options I gave are a small chance or medium chance, at least there's still a chance.

    • Yeah worth trying. The challenge is that in most cases the low libido partner doesn't see their libido as a problem. Rather they view the other persons desire to still have sex as the problem.

    • Yup pretty much, that's why it's so important to have some form of communication. But ya some people are less communicative about it anyways.

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