Told my boyfriend the last guy I was with was bigger than him, now he's upset, what to do now?

[Anonymous]

One night after my boyfriend and I had sex, he was saying something about how he needed to be bigger down there. I told him no, that he was good down there, and that it's not always a good thing to be big down there, because the last guy I was with was too big. I told him that it hurt and didn't feel good, and that I would bleed almost every time. None of that mattered to him besides the fact that I said my last boyfriend was bigger than him. He became very angry and it still comes up every now and then and then we'll start arguing. I don't understand why he was so upset. it's not like I was saying that it was great w/the other guy, I was saying that it was bad. anyways, what can I do to try to fix the situation? thanks for your help!

[ilovelegs]

You said nothing wrong so it's too bad he didn't take it the way you intended. There's always a chance for misunderstanding in any conversation. You had every right to have a boyfriend before him and the fact that he was bigger has nothing to do with that anymore than the last girlfriend he might have had had bigger boobs than you do. I don't know why some guys make such a big deal about size when it comes to the size of their girlfriend's other guys in her life before him. As it turned out his bigness wasn't a benefit to you. Probably the best thing you can try to do to get his mind in the right direction is to assure him that he has the perfect size for you and that if he was big like your ex you'd probably have to leave him. So you can tell him that fortunately he's not. Tell him you're probably not as tight or tighter than other girls... or even most girls because we're all made so unique and differently. Also, tell him he has to get the notion out of his head that bigger is better when it comes to girls because it's not. Besides, a guy doesn't have to know everything about his girlfriend's previous relationships. Just plain tell him he needs to stop talking like that whenever he starts arguing. You don't need that since you're trying to be so honest with him. If this continues you'll just have to tell him if that happens one more time you're leaving him, and then if it does, do it. He might think you're bluffing and call you back and stop acting like a child, and then that problem will become history. Good luck!

[thepianist]

you did nothing wrong. first of all. Second, its just that the male mentality is that penis size is manliness. The bigger you are, the more of a man you are. It doesn't matter if it hurt you during sex, that's not why he's upset. It's just that it makes him feel very inadequate about himself. It's just something that comes with the male mentality. it might help if you convince him he's perfect in bed tho.. Also, you can try feeding his man ego, like convincing him that he's more of a man than anybody etc... either way, I think its less of a sex thing than it is a man mentality that bigger is better, and that bigger is more manly. Don't compare him to anybody, that doesn't help, just make him believe that he in himself is perfect for you. That he's an excellent lover and that he's such a man etc... believe in himself essentially.

it might also help to just sit down and talk to him calmly, see what he's thinking and address it.

[Olivia9]

That's tricky well, you could compare him to your ex on other things as well and make your current boyfriend feel better about himself. But that's gotta be hard (no pun intended ; ) for your boyfriend cause guys take that stuff really seriously. You can say that your ex boyfriend smelled down there and had some kind of crabs. And you can tell your boyfriend that you are a PERFECT fit. and make it seem like he's irresistible and then afterward complement him about it and really boost his ego. Even if you don't believe it I think it would really help. Good Luck I hope I helped a little bit : )

[cuteflirtygirl]

You need to tell him to stop that childish talk. So your ex had a bigger one, so what? A bigger one doesn't mean bigger pleasure and that's all he should be concerned about. Tell him to be glad he's the size he is or else you'd probably not enjoy having sex with him as much as if he was the size of your ex so he should be happy, not be arguing. Tell him if you liked it so much with your ex you'd still be with him.

[babygurl228]

Tell him you're happy with him, his size, and your guys' sex life.

Tell him he's really good in bed.

Boost his ego.

[dave216]

Maybe you killed it maybe not. Lets leave it up to the boyfriend. Tell him"My next boyfriend is going to have a smaller dick. Do you want to drop this now or should I start the search for small?" He should either get over it or confirm that it is over when you tell him that.

[l-hedoniste]

Note to girls: Any statement, on any topic, that begins, "the last guy I was with..."--don't bother finishing. Your man doesn't want to know. Even if--ESPECIALLY if--he's fool enough to ask.

Now to your problem. You're going to have to make your man believe that he's the best lover in the world, while your ex was the worst. Make your ex out as an ogre in bed, throw in a lie or two about how awful and selfish he was.

Meanwhile, abandon yourself to your sex life with your man. If there's any treat he's been begging for that you're considering giving him, now's the time. Eventually it should all blow over.

[Russian]

Just do not talk about it, he will slowly forget

I guess that is the only way

[1FastFC]

you killed it with him already, just move on to the next guy

[Steezy]

Agreed

[AccipiterR]

To be honest, his confidence was ruined a bit. Not sure why it would ever come up or why you'd tell him that. Wrongly, when you tell a guy he's not as big he will hear "you're not as good/inadequate". It'll always be in his head now and we will feel self-conscious when you do stuff together, or try to talk a little suggestively. All that'll be in his mind is "I'm not good enough and she'd prefer someone else. I don't really matter. She's probably wishing she was with *insert name*"

Not sure of an equivalent ego hit for girls so it's difficult to explain what you've done to him. It's not the same as the small boobs thing that some would say. Boobs are not as private a thing as they're displayed more easily in public and it's common knowledge that there's a split of what someone may prefer in regards to size etc... The same can't be said for a guys penis.

Not sure how that could be rebuilt other than don't damage his ego again by telling him he's not the best or he's smaller and give it time to see what happens. Just know that he will never have the same self esteem or reach the level of comfort in the relationship that he could have. I know this post was a while ago and I hope things worked out ok, mainly I'm hoping that this is a good warning to others.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me and my girlfriend broke my Heart.
5 months on and it still hurts the same.
Don’t know if I will get through this with her.
She’s been excellent and tried all the things mentioned.
I hate myself sexually now.
You didn’t mean anything by this so there is no blame.
Even if it isn’t over, it will stay with him forever so you may as well move on. EVerytime he has sex with you he’ll think of the size difference and feel ashamed.
Tragedy if you love him. Absolute tragedy.