Girls: How much do you struggle with sexual frustration?

[Anonymous]

I think we all know the popular perspective that "a guy must jump through hurdles and fight tooth-and-nail to earn sex", whereas "a girl simply needs to want it and it's right there. Always available." Perhaps that's an exaggeration, but I guess that helps get across the idea I'm talking about. I've never really known a girl who was celibate involuntarily. One of my exes once said "Do you know the sacrifices I've made for you? I haven't had sex in 3 months and it's killing me." I was (am) a virgin. She didn't like it when I told her "Well, I mean, I haven't had sex in 21 years. I can't really relate." She was waiting for me to use some specific line on her or something. It wasn't until we broke up that I found out she actually wanted me to spontaneously pin her down or something. Which I wasn't willing to do, given it would have been my first time, and I would rather wait for clear and convincing consent. I guess consent is for wimps? The point this brought up is that pretty much the only girls I've known who haven't had sex are the ones who aren't interested in it. Whereas some of the best guys I know are involuntarily celibate. It's treated almost like something that just "happens" when you want it. But I don't see how, when it seems like most of the interactions involving sex and women involve sex oppressing women, disrespecting women, being degrading, objectifying, and shallow. It's why I've had trouble bringing up the subject in my past relationships: Respect comes first and foremost to me. And when it comes to being a straight guy, the idea of bringing up sex is the murkiest and hottest of waters. Girls, how often do you deal with things like sexual frustration? What form does it take? I'd imagine the main difficulty would be trust.

[hellbunny]

I hope I'm not missing the mark with my response here, as you seem to have covered a lot of ground here that goes in several directions. So I'll try to break it up. In terms of sexual frustration: I deal with this daily and have since the hormones presented themselves that gave me sexual drive when I turned 16. I'm 19 now and I've still only been able to satisfy myself with self gratification. It's sorta pushed me into being a toy enthusiast as it's the only means of relieving my frustrations in a manner that fulfills a PART of what I want. In terms of form: So it takes the form of hornieness. If I'm horny it's because I'm frustrated sexually and am unsatisfied. When I'm PMSing it takes the ugly form of anger as I can't do squat to relieve my frustration :P And you're right with the reason why I'm sexually frustrated is due to the fact that I can't find I guy I trust or that would respect me as an individual... That and most guys steer clear of me because I look A LOT younger than what I am. They're afraid people will mistake them for a pedophile if they're seen with me :P So no action other than the one found in the nightstand for me YAYYYY!!! -_-

[Asker]

That's actually exactly what I was wondering. Lol. Nail -> Head.

[hellbunny]

Okay thanks! :D

[Asker]

A girl my friends tried to set me up with actually had a similar problem. She was 20 and looked 15-16 tops. I mean, she was drop-dead gorgeous, but I did think she was much younger at first, which certainly made her flirtatious gestures rather scary, in a "how am I supposed to respond to this" kind of way. Unfortunately she got a boyfriend before I could acknowledge my interest to her.

[hellbunny]

Sorry to hear you went through that. I know there are a lot of other women that have the same problem as I do and it really does suck. People are always asking how old I am and when I say "19" they freak because they thought I was 12 instead. I just wish people wouldn't assume so fast-I mean who lets a 12 year old wear corsets in broad daylight? Still-sucks :P

[Asker]

"I mean who lets a 12 year old wear corsets in broad daylight?" You would be surprised. Especially with first graders running around with sweats that say "juicy" on the rear. At that age the "juiciest" thing down there should be a diaper. (Why did I even say that. That's so disgusting. *gags* ) But yeah, I don't make that assumtion so much now. And look at it this way: That'll come in handy when you're older! Fountain of youth.

[Prof_Don]

Never knew guys steered clear of young looking legal girls due to "pedo fear". Dudes can be so insecure sometimes.

[smalls1995]

I have the same problem! Every day at my new job I get customers saying I look like I'm 12. At my other job, everyone is used to seeing me so they know I'm older now. I definitely feel like guys don't look at me as much because I look younger, unless I'm in a setting that would have to mean that I'm over 18. Sucks! I'm also super short so that doesn't help.

[hellbunny]

Yes they do. I had one guy that I was interested in straight up tell me once when he started to realize that I liked him. It's especially a fear in the area of Ohio where I'm at because they apparently have a law here that gives ANYONE the right to call the police if they think a person is having relations with a minor. The police would end up detaining and questioning the couple in question until it's either been proven or falsified. In my case it would be falsified and I'd be T'd off worse than a bull with it's balls stuck to it's horns at the one who called the cops.

[Asker]

Oh dang! And you know what happens in those cases. They often publish the suspect's name in the newspaper as "likely pedophile in questioning" and don't retract their statement when it's proven false. I could have had something similar happen to me when girls started spreading rumors about me, leading to death threats and being mildly assaulted at lunch. If security hadn't taken my side, Title IX would have allowed the school to expel me and post my name on campus without due process.

[hellbunny]

Thanks for MH! :)

[smalls1995]

I guess you could say I deal with it. It's not that I can't have sex with guys. I know I can have sex whenever, it's just based off trust. I know myself pretty well and I know my commitment problems. Because I have built so much on how things are supposed to be, I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I lost it in a way that was against my morals or standards. For example, I want to wait until I'm in a relationship and although that sounds like it's easy to be in a relationship, for me it's the hardest thing. I've never been in one because of my commitment issues, so I know once I trust someone enough to have the title as boyfriend, that means I trust them enough for the next step. The problem is it's so easy for me to detach myself from people so I need to find someone that I'm willing to go through all the anxiety for. I'm talking to someone right now and I'll see how that goes! But yeah, definitely get sexually frustrated, especially when I'm talking to someone.

[Creole_Flavor]

I'm sexually frustrated sometimes but I'm also lonely so my sexual frustration could come from that. I just masturbate and watch p*rn for my needs.

[Fanyk]

I already have sex and I'm not frustrated if I don't have sex for several months or years. The most of the women after have sex they ger addicted but not all of them

[Anonymous]

How do you think all the non-voluntary celibate girls feel when they hear how easy it is for women to get laid, how they can basically just walk in to any bar and leave with a guy if they like? I think you're underestimating how many unhappy, not that attractive girls there are out there - they just don't go on and on and on about like guys.

[Anonymous]

I guess I deal with it all of the time. It's in forms of not being able to get him to come sometimes, or not being able to come our selves. We can get sex like 50% of the time, but you have to look at who they why they want to have sex with us, are they just doing it to experience me because I am black (for me) or etc... I don't like being used as some type of exotic/taboo sex toy.

Right now I am experiencing a lot of frustration because I've become aware of how much my partner really likes me, so now I'm just now being all self conscious... It's very frustrating.

[Anonymous]

I honestly never had sexual frustration when I was in a relationship - Even if we weren't having sex for months at a time. Me and my boyfriend broke up two months ago and now I'm having some serious sexual frustration due to the fact that I haven't had sex in four months and now I can't just walk into the next room over and get it. I haven't really figured out how to deal with it yet because masturbation does nothing since I just get as horny the next day, so aside from jumping the bones of the next guy I see I have no idea what to do - I'm not the kind of girl to sleep with a guy outside of a relationship so I'm screwed (I really wish I meant that literally) at the moment. ):