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Why does my boyfriend take so long to cum?

See, my boyfriend takes a long time to orgasm, and sometimes never does because we both get so tired. Even when I go down on him, he loves it but it takes so long my mouth becomes sore. He says that he's been like this in all of his past relationships too where it takes him a long time to cum, if he does at all. Thing is, the way he usually masturbates on his own is almost like the guys in the porn movies, where he beats it like a jackhammer. And even so, this will take a long time. He says that its the only way he can cum. Could this be similar to when a girl uses a vibrator too much and kills the nerves in his clit? In my past relationships, I never had trouble making my exes orgasm, but are there any techniques that I can do to make sure that he will orgasm 100% of the time without us both passing out from exhaustion? Lol.

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • I have the same deal as your boyfriend, and speaking only for myself all I can say is that it's NOT the girl's fault. My girl sometimes indicates she thinks it is but I reassure her it's not. I'm really not sure why it is. Sex feels amazing the entire time, there's no problems getting it up or anything. I can tell you a few factors that affect it though. Condoms. They're a great idea, but my dick feels numb using them. I like them because they let me f*** "like a jackhammer" for a long time without being overwhelmed by sensation, which I know she enjoys, but at the expense of me only being stimulated just enough to stay hard but not enough to want to cum or even feel really great. If you're using condoms now (and if you are, good for you), and you know your guy is clean, perhaps alternative birth control methods could be used. Failing that, they do make thinner condoms. Second is masturbating. When I know I'm going to be with my girl I have to stop myself from jacking off for at least 24 hours beforehand, or longer. It's not because I don't want to but not allowing him to release himself will help build up the pressure to ejaculate. I don't think it's a case of becoming desensitized at all, more likely just the body not responding as strongly sexually at the idea of having sex because he's already ejaculated that day. Third, foreplay. Make him do it if he's not. If I go straight into having sex, well I guess I never do, because without sufficient foreplay I won't even get hard enough to have sex. Anyway, lots of touching and teasing really gets me going, so maybe it'll help your boyfriend too. Something else that hurts my chances of getting off is feeling pressure to cum. I find it hardest to release myself when I can tell my girl is ready to be done but I'm not. So even though you might just be saying "cum for me" or whatever to try to turn him on, there's a chance it's stressing him out because he's already aware of his ejaculation issues. Long story short, some guys just have this "problem". I personally use this to my advantage because it allows me to have sex for hours and I usually give her multiple orgasms, but it has a downside in that I'm so exhausted that sometimes I just give up and don't cum. One time I even puked from exhaustion (not on her, of course). For me this issue is ultimately a good thing: I am king in bed because I can go at it for as long as she needs, even though sometimes it means I don't cum. I'm not personally bothered by not ejaculating, I know that it's a total reversal of typical sex when the girl squirts every time and I only cum sometimes, but at the end of the day I'd rather be this way than cum too soon or not please her. Having her cuddle afterward and tell me how awesome I was is better for me than just getting off. Talk to your guy about this, you might be surprised to learn he's ok with not getting off every time.

What Guys Said 13

  • . I can control myself, I thought girls always hate it when guys ejaculate too soon. Wtf.

    • Haha, I know where you're coming from. But its also a matter of making sure that he does cum at all =P I want to be able to pleasure him in return! Lol

    • Sometimes going for a while can be great, but other times, not so much. Just a little insight to female biology--the lubricant (clearish discharge) that the vagina naturally produces (well, technically it comes from the cervix) changes throughout the month. During ovulation, there is peak lubrication (makes sense, as this is also the prime time to get pregnant. Evolution at work, people, willing the population to continue). So during other times of the month, women might not get as wet and sex can start to hurt after a while. If you want to go all night, be prepared to take breaks to add more lube. If a woman is on the pill, her monthly cycle will look differently. But often the pill can make women more dry, so again, make sure there's lots of lube (or saliva...) around if you want to go for a long time.

  • I'm more or less in the same boat as I can usually go for hours. The women I've been with are usually happy with that until I go past what's fun for them and then they start getting sore and tired. Only a handful of woman have actually been able to get me to finish and my current can only do it about 3/4 of the time. I would think she knows it's not her fault, but she still gets frustrated the times I don't.

    • How do you do it, man? What are some techniques or exercises, if you don't mind sharing/helping a bro out.

  • I also suggest then in the sex, perhaps you could have him focus more on pleasuring you in the beginning. A good foreplay, intercourse involving many good positions, and then after a time longer than you usually have sex, give him the blowjob. Women have the benefit of being able to receive multiple orgasm, so it's a great benefit to the both of you.

  • Studies have shown that people who have "meaningless" or casual sex, report less intense orgasms and/or more problems achieving them. So you may want to try and get him to NOT focus on just having an orgasm, but rather on the intimacy and closeness of the act, not the end result. He sounds like the type that needs more mental stimulation prior to physical stimulation, in order to get him off. Or you could just take advantage of the situation for yourself and just ride him till the cows come home.

    • Interesting response

  • Wow lol, there are a variety of factors that could contribute to that. Genetics, frequent masturbation, the food he eats, etc etc.

  • If he's watching p*rn and jacking off to that regularly? ...then you need to figure out what kind of p*rn he's watching, and what his real kink is, and play into that.. Then you can be vocal in bed, and play into what he finds hot in pornos.. for example, if he watches groups sex, you could tell him how much you want it, and how you want it, with lots of sexy details and all, and he'll cum WAY faster.. Every guy has a weak spot that gets him hard and ready to cum instantly.. just got to find it.

  • First comment is: what's the problem? :) Seems like it's usually a good thing. Sometimes I'm the same way, and I actually don't mind not coming, if the girl gets tired. As long as we've both had fun for a good long time, seems like a successful experience. But yeah, coming is great too, and maybe satisfying for you as well when he comes. So. My idea is to find something that really turns him on mentally. A particlar position, exposing your ass, a particular act or technique you can do. Something that hits his particular fetish, or that feels really good to him -- along with the genital stimulation, of course. Orgasm is not usually just about genitalia, stimulation of other body parts, or mental imagery has a lot to do with it too. And as for the blowjobs, yeah. I bet it feels good for him, but feel free to quit when you're exhausted and/or dry :) It feels great, but some guys will never come that way :)

  • You seriously need to read ---> link here are a few tips for at least giving him a better blow job1. First you need to get him turned on - be more aggressive, grab his stuff, slowly massage his balls through his pants, it's important that you act as seductive as possible - the more you're turned on - the more he'll be turned on. Pull his pants down slowly and act as naughty as possible - this is a great turn on.2. Grab his hand and lick on his fingers slowly before you give him head - just put his middle finger slowly into your mouth and suck on it, up and down, slide it slowly and moan - you have to moan a lot so he feels like a king.3. As you're licking one finger, slowly start stroking his shaft (penis) with your other hand, you have to be on your knees and he should be standing, look him in the eyes - this way you can see his reactions. You need to love giving him head if you want him to really enjoy it.4. Most girls make the mistake of being too soft - don't do that, grab his penis tightly and stroke it hard, as you're twisting his shaft with one hand slowly start sucking on the head (the tip) of his penis, curl your tongue around it, twist it in circles, then point it upwards and slowly lick it while you're watching him.5. Say something like "mmmmm I love it" then smile, smiling is very important - it conveys that you love it. Keep on stroking and sucking harder.6. Start talking dirty to him, put your hands around his balls and tickle them gently - make sure you are gentle 'cause his balls are very sensitive, as you're tickling, keep on stroking and sucking.7. Once you see that he's getting closer start stroking harder - and don't even think about slowing down. Scream at him, tell him you want it - tell him where you want it (swallowing will make him go crazy just as you want it) - then as he starts to come, you have 2 options - you can hold his penis or he can hold it - I suggest you let him hold it and squeeze it out.8. Then hold his penis and stroke it slowly, just as if you were trying to squeeze every last drop out of him into your mouth, give it a few more finishing licks.9. Then smile at him, open your mouth and show him what you've got in your mouth, smile, then swallow all of it - then look up at him again and open your mouth to show him it's gone.10. Smile again, believe me he'll love you for it.You can learn more here ---> link

  • You seriously need to read ---> link here are a few tips for at least giving him a better blow job1. First you need to get him turned on - be more aggressive, grab his stuff, slowly massage his balls through his pants, it's important that you act as seductive as possible - the more you're turned on - the more he'll be turned on. Pull his pants down slowly and act as naughty as possible - this is a great turn on.2. Grab his hand and lick on his fingers slowly before you give him head - just put his middle finger slowly into your mouth and suck on it, up and down, slide it slowly and moan - you have to moan a lot so he feels like a king.3. As you're licking one finger, slowly start stroking his shaft (penis) with your other hand, you have to be on your knees and he should be standing, look him in the eyes - this way you can see his reactions. You need to love giving him head if you want him to really enjoy it.4. Most girls make the mistake of being too soft - don't do that, grab his penis tightly and stroke it hard, as you're twisting his shaft with one hand slowly start sucking on the head (the tip) of his penis, curl your tongue around it, twist it in circles, then point it upwards and slowly lick it while you're watching him.5. Say something like "mmmmm I love it" then smile, smiling is very important - it conveys that you love it. Keep on stroking and sucking harder.6. Start talking dirty to him, put your hands around his balls and tickle them gently - make sure you are gentle 'cause his balls are very sensitive, as you're tickling, keep on stroking and sucking.7. Once you see that he's getting closer start stroking harder - and don't even think about slowing down. Scream at him, tell him you want it - tell him where you want it (swallowing will make him go crazy just as you want it) - then as he starts to come, you have 2 options - you can hold his penis or he can hold it - I suggest you let him hold it and squeeze it out.8. Then hold his penis and stroke it slowly, just as if you were trying to squeeze every last drop out of him into your mouth, give it a few more finishing licks.9. Then smile at him, open your mouth and show him what you've got in your mouth, smile, then swallow all of it - then look up at him again and open your mouth to show him it's gone.10. Smile again, believe me he'll love you for it.You can learn more here --->

  • Many of us only here about impotence. The idea of impotence is a dramatic psychological distress. But, there are such things as reverse ejaculation or in your BF's case (most likely) retarded ejaculation.If RE is related to prescription drugs or nerve damage from an accident there is little help. But, if it's mental there are some things to try.One - your Boyfriend should only come once a week until the problem is resolved. let that come build up.Two - your Boyfriend should take a p*ss right before sex. if its taking a long time - urine can build up in the chamber and not allow the valves to work. Three - Work your Boyfriend until he's close to unloading and then let him penetrate. do this a few times to train him to ejaculate after penetration.Four - get naked together and turn each other on but plan on not having sex. Make it just an intimate and loving event. Do this a few times interspersed between your sexual episodes throughout your relationship. Basically - lower the expectation of finishing and realize what you both really enjoy about sex. Five - have him drink real ginseng tea and soda. Ginseng not only is an aphrodisiac, but it helps the body get rid of used up adrenaline that stays in the body. Adrenaline prevents cumming. Six - have your Boyfriend work out daily. 1/2 hour of cardio resets the body's functions and hormones. Seven - if after three months of doing these things, the problem persits, then you will have turn more extreme - have him wear a a thin butt plug during sex. Yeah, I'm a dude - I do know how it sounds - but ... the prostate controls a lot of what's going on down there. pressure on the prostate can cause release without sexual interaction. embarrassing - maybe - kinky - definitely. Still having a problem - have him see an ass doctor - he might have prostate cancer.

  • (this post assumes he've dulled his nerves)
    Here's why; because he masturbates by using his hand as a jackhammer, as you kindly put it.
    Yes, he have likely dulled the nerves.
    But before i explain how it can be solved, let's get some things straight:
    1. do not cater his kinks. This does not help anything, and only serves to sircumvent the problem.
    2. Unless it's merve damage (different from dulled nerves) it can be easily corrected..
    3. Condoms CAN make him feel less, but it is NOT andviced to skip the condom unless both of you have recently tested negative for STD's AND you are using contraceptive. Even then i'd still use it just to be sure.
    4. Focusing on him not cumming during sex makes it worse. Pressure to cum actually makes it harder for men to relax, and thus achieve orgasm.
    5. LUBE! Use it, even for vaginal! Well, this mostly goes for your pleasure, but it's still a good idea.
    Okay now over to the "sollution". This is something i personally call soft reset of his sexual habits. It's simple, no p*rn, no mastubation and no sex for one month! Also you are NOT to tease hi in any way, it will make it a lot harder for him and blue balls hurt like a bitch (blue balls isn't just a myth, they do happen and it hurts). His nerves are dulled from the intense and rough stimulation of masturbation, and the abstinence will let them "heal" and "reset" so he'll enjoy more subtle and gentle touches. Also for the first intercourse after the month, be ready for a serious load XD
    Anyway IF he suceeds he still needs to break the masturbation habits, so only gentle touches when masturbating
    One last thing, there is ONE situation that lets him cum during the month; priarism, or cronical erection. It means it does not get soft. If more than 1 hour passes without stimuli and he's hard, he (or you) are allowed to give hime release, but ONLY with gentle touches! IT may take anytihng from 2 to 30 minutes, but is the only way to do it or else he must start over again!

  • Sounds like he might be in a funk

What Girls Said 2

  • Perhaps, he is just used to his hand?If he does masturbate as you say, and goes as hard as a jackhammer, then if you do the same you'll make him come.try to have him stop for at least a week, and see how it goes for you.the same happens to girls if they masturbate often, then they get used to their fingers or the motions they're making because they know just how to turn themselves on.Ask him w hat he wants, and how he likes it.If a guy doesn't come right away, it is usually fun because you both have fun and you can tease him all kinds of ways. It shouldn't get to the point to where your lips become swollen though, because then you may feel disappointed as in you may not be doing it right.But don't worry, just give it a bit of time and he'll come for you in no time. :)

  • I certainly don't think this has anything to do with you or how turned on he is. That's probably just how he is. But I do think guys that masturbate too much can some times have a difficult time cumming from having sex. Having sex with a woman is obviously different than a guy using his hand. If he gets used to his hand then it might be harder to reach orgasm from sex. He probably just needs a lot of friction to cum. I would just do what you are doing and then let him help you when it comes time for him to cum. Also, if it doesn't bother him not to orgasm every time you have sex, then just enjoy it. As far as techniques, maybe watching porn while you guys make out. Try to find out the things that turn him on. And make sure he is not masturbating on his own cause that will probably make it take longer.

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