Sexual Health
+1 y

Girls: How many sexual partners have you had? Am I overreacting?

I recently found out from my girlfriend that she's slept with a large number of guys (think the scene from Clerks, except she's not just talking about BJs), and I've been hung up on it for days. I haven't slept or ate since I found out. I'm so confused. Part of me thinks its no big deal, a lot of girls sleep around in high school and college and settle down later. But more of me is really freaked out. I have all these insecurities now. Like I think about her with all those guys and I just get mad for some reason. And ever since I found out, I stopped being attracted to her sexually. I mean our sex means nothing now. I don't mean to say that I don't find her attractive in general anymore or that I don't think I could have sex with her again, but at least right now I'm so mixed up I can't do it. And now there's all these other thoughts that pop into my head, like how can I trust someone not to cheat who thinks so little of sex? But then I think of other things, like the fact that she already realizes that the way she used to be wasn't good for her and she's changing that. And then I think about our past sex life, and I realize that she's still trying to live out these fantasies of being taken and abused by a guy (won't go into details here, too graphic I think) through me. Even though she's affectionate at other times, the way she wants to have sex is really making me paranoid that she hasn't changed. I'm saying a lot of negative stuff here, but I wouldn't be asking on here if it was all negative, so my conflict is that she's also obviously likes me, my friends can tell as can I. And I like her a lot too, we get along really well although I have only had a few girlfriends so I don't have much frame of reference. I also have no reason to believe she's cheating on me or would cheat on me. I mean like other than this one thing, our relationship has been going great. But I just can't evade these negative feelings about it, even though I myself don't have any moral/religious opinions about sex. Still, I can't help but thinking these things, like what if she was low balling it like I'm told most girls do? What if it's really more? Or if the number she gave me didn't include guys she just fooled around with? I mean we could be talking triple digits if she just meant guys she's slept with and not anything else. I think I'm not being rational but I can't help it. So I'm asking here, just ballpark range, ladies, how many guys have you slept with? Do you usually lie about it? Do you include fooling around? I don't know who to trust in real life with this because I don't think my friends girlfriends were necessarily honest with them when they told them how many they'd been with (I'm told most people aren't), so I'm asking the anonymous internet. Do you think I'm overreacting? I feel like my reaction is too harsh, she's a human being who doesn't deserve to be forever rejected because of her past.
Updates:
+1 y
Talked to her about it, found out a lot more, like she cheats on guys, has had sex with her ex since she's been with me, doesn't know if she can control herself, etc. Our relationship is over. Thanks for the advice anyway everybody :)
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • I found myself in your same position a few years back. I met what I thought was this nice college girl, and at some point we were sharing how many partners we have had, and back then I was so inexperienced, I could count my sexual encounters with half a hand. This girl on the other hand told me she lost count at 50 guys. I would have never ever guessed it. Like you I felt sick about it, and as much as I tried to look over that, I finally realized that there are plenty of other guys that racked up the same body count at her age, so I figured she would be better off with somebody that had a similar experience.

    I thought I deserved better, and well, I just broke it off, and looking back, good thing I did.

    Basically, if you have an issue with her body count, then I would then ask the question, can I get over this, and if you can't, then simply come to the conclusion that I did---there are other men out there that are better prepared for this girl, so just go find somebody else that has what you consider to be a 'humane' body count cause if you don't have her type of numbers, then you deserve better, and believe me, plenty of other girls out there that don't get around as much. Good luck.

    • Thanks for the empathy. Thing is, I probably don't deserve better. I'm a pretty f***ed up person.

    • Well, somehow subconsciously you think you deserve better; otherwise this issue wouldn't be a problem for you. Good luck in your final decision.

    • Thanks man.

  • All you girls are fucking the same unfaithfull ASSHOLES that make you feel like shit and unwanted *but enough ".. HEY *gruff*" that you give in and fuck 'em. And lo and behold, he ain't faithfull, CUZ YOU'RE ALL FUCKING HIM.

    There's a reason y'all can say 8-10 guys EASILY, and some bitter ass lonely nice fucking dudes are barely scratching a few. Maybe you should fuck the guy with under 5 sexual partners, before he turns into an angry bitter fuck who finally gets how to abuse girls emotions so they FUCK HIM.

    Instead of the retard who's nice and appreciates you from-the-get-go, so you think this means love and in turn MAKE HIM WAIT FOR SEXUAL INTIMACY WHICH IS ALSO PART OF LOOVE FOR A FUCKING MAN.

    this shit is fucking retarded. Ugh. Kinda wish I could throw my pussy and ass around and get affection.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If you guys really like each other I think you should work it out I personally have had sex with 7 and been with about 8-10 (can't remember) I usually say I've been with five. I'm with the person I lost my virginity to but we broke up a couple times and I slept with other people then. My bf has had sex with far more people then me even when I lost my virginity to him and it upset me for a long time although it didn't make me not want to sleep with him. He assures me that I'm the best and most attractive he's been with, and I think he's telling the truth. That reassures me but even thinking about him watching porn which I won't let him do angers me. Try to be fair with her even though she been with what seems to be an excessive number of people, she probably doesn't remember them that well or think about them when she is with you.

    It's just a matter of whether you can live with it, she obviously cares about you to be honest with you so don't hold it over her head because she's probably trying to put it in her past

    But I would have her get tested and use protection.

  • 1 (1.5 - i attempted sex once with the only other guy i have ever loved but DH popped my cherry), but I don't include how many guys I've fooled around with but would be honest when asked. 3rd - 5, 2nd - 8 and 1st 28 (2 girls & 8 were dares or spin the bottle). All of it happened between 14 and 16. I am 28 (almost 29) now and have been with who is now my Husband since I was 16... It'll be 13years in a few months and 9 months married. the past is the past. Think of it like a guy... it's experience... doesn't mean it meant anything at all other then fun and learning what the hell you were doing. Being wild young was great for me cause now when people talk about missing out on something when they were young... I don't have that. I lived it up and was done. Try if you can to get over it. It was what it was and it's done. If you can't get over it cut her lose.

    FYI my husband had only kissed 6 girls including me. Only went to 2nd (hand and finger) once before me and he was able to get over himself. He was 18 then and almost 31 now and we have an amazing relationship.

  • I don't think you should worry so much about it. I have had quite a few sexual partners. Over 40 just talking "straight" sex. Not oral or messing around other ways (which would add a lot more) and all of that was before I turned 18. But when I was in college I settled down and got married and have never, in 10 years of marriage, cheated on my husband. The way she wants to have sex may be because of her experiences, people do tend to like things they have tried, but also a lot of people enjoy rough sex that haven't been with a lot of people. I don't think that is a sign that she hasn't changed. I don't think you should base your feelings about her on how many people she has had sex with, but on how she acts now. Women who have had sex with a lot of men often feel like they have been used and mistreated by men in general, so to have you reject her because of it would probably be heartbreaking. If she obviously likes you and you like her, don't make your judgments on her past and realize that people can and do change.

    • Thanks for the advice. My logical thinking agrees with you completely. Unfortunately my feelings in this situation are coming from something much deeper in my psyche that I cannot seem to control, which is why I'm in such conflict over it. Do you have any advice on getting over it?

    • uh...

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

Girls, do you have sex drive?
I just want to get fucked! How to get a guy to approach you/notice you at a party?
Are you mentally ill or mentally healthy, and is it difficult or easy for you to orgasm during masturbation?
If a guy told you he could cum farther than he can pee, what would be your reaction?

What Girls & Guys Said

10 3

  • im 22, and have only been with 2 guys... people call me frigid and shit like that, just because I don't go home with the uy at the bar. but you know what? one night stands just do not appeal to me. having sex, with a guy I'm not in a relationship with, just doesn't appeal to me.. so yeah, I get very shocked when I hear that chicks my age, have slept with over 20+ guys! ridiculous!

    • You are a dying breed of woman! Please come to england so I can marry you :D

    • LMAO

  • Two.

    And she's with you now isn't she?

    You, not all those other guys.

  • I feel that if it's bothering you this much than no you are not overreacting. Perhaps you feel a little betrayed by her casualness when it comes to sex. And now you find yourself second guessing whether or not she thinks sex with you is also this casual. Maybe you should talk to her about it and as lame as it sounds express your feelings about this--more than likely she will get defensive but if you keep it calm maybe you guys could work past this. Good luck

  • Well, as long as she hasn't ruined her life, it really doesn't matter. If you like her enough, and if she is faithful to you, you should just enjoy having her in your life, and don't hold her past against her.

  • Five guys in all.

  • Eight.

  • 0: no sex until marriage

  • Well, you're in the 18-24 age range. I would say that most girls in that age range have had about 3 partners. At 24, if she's had more than 5, she's probably a really insecure person. If you want to continue a relationship with her, you need to make sex, more than "just sex".

    Plus, if a girl is lying about her number, she usually lies by bringing the number down. If you think she's lying up, she probably has some pretty serious issues. Maybe she just needs and craves attention and she'll get it anyway she can.

    • I'm certain she did *not* give me a larger number than the real number, based on what I know of her past. Can you explain what you mean by 'you need to make sex, more than "just sex". '?

    • You need to connect with her on a real level and tell her things honestly. You need to tell her how you feel. Are you a happier person just because she walked in the room? Does she make you want to be nicer, funnier, easier going? How does SHE affect you? Before (and even during) you could tell her that she makes you feel so good. (Not like she's good at sex, but good WITH you). Tell her that you and she make "a nice fit" or "fit well together". You BOTH need to feel connected.

  • For the girl that said anything over 5 for a 24 year old is an insecure person is very untrue. The bottom line is don't judge. If you say that everything has been going great in your relationship and its this one thing that's bothering you than it may be an insecurity on your part. Not judging you, but I know with my ex he was used to dating virgins and I think this made him feel extra special when he was with them, but with me I wasn't a virgin and I think he felt insecure like "what if she is comparing me? " Trust that is never the case. If she's not some nympho slut running around having sex with any and everyone than see her for the person she is and not her sexual past.

  • 11, but technically 10 because I was raped.
    And yes, I would absolutely tell him the complete truth. I had a really hard time valuing myself and my body for along time, and I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who judged me for that. However, I don’t condone cheating at all. Although I was promiscuous for a while after I was raped, I never cheated. I’d never break someone’s heart like that. It’s just evil.

  • 0 =(

    im 17:(

    • Well that was 10 months ago.. have you been laid yet?

    • No

    • You're still a spring chicken, go out there and start talking to people.

  • ummmm

    i think you need to look after her. if she's nice in every other way then she's probably really insecure

    i waited 11months with my first boyfriend, because I loved him and wanted to wait

    then the next guy was kind of pushy, and I only waited like 6weeks, which is a BIG difference and I didn't care about him nearly as much!

    then he left me and I found out he wasn't that faithful and since then I've been kind of turning into a slut cos I've lost my self respect

    just make sure she knows you don't expect it of her

    even if she's always the one making a move - I do that cos I've stopped believing guys want anything else from me and I just want to be wanted any way I can

    retrospectively I know this is stupid

    but at the time that's how I feel

    this sounds a bit emo

    but still, don't blame her too much

    sex is irrelevant

    judge her on her emotion and cute habits and stuff, if you love her

    (Y)

  • Ok so what's her # you never did say what you think of as a large #. I have had sex with 56 different guys. That's not something that I'm proud of, but that's the real #. Do I count the guys I messed around with NO, I don't. Would I round up NO. Would I count the guy's who didn't last but a few minutes YES that's still sex (although not good sex) truth is I was looking for someone to love and appreciate me, I was young and foolish and I thought that giving my body to them would make them want to be with me. Silly huh. Yeah well I know that now, but that does not change my past, and truly there is NOTHING I can ever do to change it. It's something I have to live with. I was sad & lonely and wanted someone to be with, but I went about it the wrong way.

    On the bright side I have never cheated on a Boyfriend of mine I don't have a problem with fidelity, or even boredom with a sexual partner. I only want to be with the guy I'm with now. We have been together for almost 2 years and I've never strayed not even once. I've found what I'm looking for. Someone to love and appreciate me.

    Would I ever tell him how many guys I've been with, the answer is no I wouldn't, I'd be too afraid he'd act like you are now, and I'd loose him, because of things I did before I even knew he existed. It would be a very hard thing to get out of your head how many people she has slept with. I'd never want to know how many he has slept with & I'd never ask him.

    • 56 WOW

    • What can I say I was popular

    • What if he asked you u would lie to him

    • Show All

Latest Questions

If you had the power to snap your fingers and make something happen instantly what would it be?
Do women really squirt or is that a euphemism for orgasming?
Are married men really happy seeing the same T&A and screwing the same woman every night?
What’s your favorite part about going down on women?
Home >  Sexual Health  > Girls: How many sexual partners have you had? Am I overreacting?