Why Is Virginity Important?

First off,i am 16 years old and a virgin.But I've always wondered,why is virginity important.Here's my thought,or opinion,everyone is born a virgin,virginity isn't something to be proud of or ashamed of because it isn't an accomplishment,it's just a natural part of life.Being a virgin doesn't make someone a better person,just as having sex doesn't make someone a better person.And in my personal experience,although I am a virgin,i notice some virgins[not all] have this "holier than thou" mentality,as though they are better than those who have had sex.I don't look down on people who have sex,i say as long as you're educated about safe sex,use protection and understand the consequences,then go right on ahead,of course there are certain circumstances that don't include what I'm saying.I'm not trying to push my views on other people,if that's what it sounds like,nor am I judging others for their sex lives or virginity,as I am one.I understand everyone has different views on sex,virginity and premarital sex,but I'm just wondering,why is virginity so important?


Most Helpful Guy

  • A good question, well thought out and well written. I hope I can give you a worthy answer.

    In my opinion, it is not important. It is merely an individuals choice and that choice should be kept too oneself, not broadcast too the world. You are exactly right about the " "holier than thou" attitude many individuals display. Perhaps it is a way they can feel superior. Many people have self image problems and derive some satisfaction from feeling themselves superior too others.

    The origins of this myth are bifurcated by economics and religion. Priests were supposed to remain celibate and if they couldn't have any, they didn't want others to get any either. As they rose through the hierarchy of the church they eventually arrived at the level of making the religious rules and so they ordered no sex unless you are married. Some of the real Zealots went for no sex except for the purpose of trying to get pregnant. Probably the modern day prize winners would be the Shakers. They dictated no sex ever for any reason; which probably explains why the group eventually became extinct .

    The other reason is economics. It used to be that finding enough food was the major effort of mankind. We used to devote most of our effort just too producing enough food to survive. When you think about that you can easily understand why parents would be opposed to their daughters bringing home unwanted additional mouths to feed. In order to prevent pregnancy these parents fed their daughters all manner of propaganda with the intent of making them believe sex was a bad thing, that virginity was something to be cherished. They were in fact very successful as the attitude still exists today and modern day parents are still feeding daughters the same propaganda without even knowing why they are doing it. You see they are just parroting parental techniques they were exposed too as children.

    This will also give you an understanding of why it is that female virginity is such a treasure, but no significance is attached to male virginity. You see the sons never come home pregnant so no brain washing of the males was needed. In fact male promiscuity is sometimes applauded, the "stud".

    There are significant benefits too being a virgin and also significant drawbacks, just as there are both with benefits and drawbacks to being sexually active. In the end, sex should be delayed until the participant is able to deal with the ramifications in a responsible manner. One needs to be well informed on birth control, disease prevention, be emotionally stable and be able to financially and emotionally deal with the results.

    • MAINTAINING virginity despite crazy hormones IS an accomplishment. Falling into fornication is NOT an accomplishment

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    • Are you kidding buddy? Anyone can choose not to have sex despite their raging hormones. Easy task. We choose to have sex because we want to.

    • There's a practial reason to it also.
      It's a bit important if you live in a small town and are bound to meet that first guy/girl every other day when shopping or daily on the job, even after both of you married another person: that could be a bit delicate given the fact that our education isn't able to cope with sexuality.
      In a big city or when you move out of town that isn't likely to happen.

What Guys Said 18

  • You're absolutely right. Too bad more don't turn out like you.

  • Well said!

    "wondering,why is virginity so important?"

    A belief stemming from history when

    -childbirth could cause death

    -even a minor ilness could cause death.

    It also was a question of money:

    -it was important to keep the family fortune in the family through arranged marriages. To expand the family fortune through marriage.

    -for lots of girls it was the only "quality" they could offer since education and schooling for girls were nearly non-existent.

    A girl had to be worth the dowry and lots of girls couldn't offer much. Non virgins brought a smaller dowry.

    Who thinks about a dowry in 2010?

  • Virginity is one of those things someone can boast about without having to do any physical or mental effort to get it: "merit" free for all.

    Of course, getting a degree is more difficult.

    Basically, virginity is just a word to describe the period in ones' life before he/she had intercourse or the first time. Nothing more.

  • There's the rift between people who think casual sex is okay and the people who think that sex is something that's special and not to be taken lightly. Those two differing opinions mean that there's gonna be a lot of conflict. The casual sex side has stated what they think pretty well, but for the other side (I have mixed feeling on the issue) they see sex as something more than primal nature. They sort of see someone who just gave it up to any him/her out of curiosity or to get sex off their to do list as someone who just threw away something you only get to experience once, and think that the first time should be remembered fondly, not as something you did with someone you didn't really think was special. I myself, think the first time should be special, but by special, I mean you should feel strongly for the other person, but you don't have to want to marry them, but definitely feel more than just physical attraction. Of course sex is a big thing, but it's really primal too, and perfectly natural for people to want it.

  • >Here's my thought,or opinion,everyone is born a virgin,virginity isn't something to be proud of or ashamed of because it isn't an accomplishment,it's just a natural part of life.

    I think this is one of the smartest things I've read on here. 5 stars!

  • I would say virginity is important because becoming sexually active changes you emotionally, and needs to be carefully considered before that change is made, In other words, make sure your ready, because you can't take it back. Age and maturity need to be considered, but in final analysis you make your own choice. Your very smart btw.

  • Because stays in your memory.

    Imagine a nice guy get's married with a girl he loves, and then other guy comes alone in a party, he is probably drunk and tell the guy in public or not: Haha look at you, you are banging what is left, I'm the one that made her a women, my dick was the first one she felt, I was the one that made her bleed and cry of joy, and she will always remember it. Then the nice guy looks at her and she is remembering how good it was, and sometimes when she does it with him, she remembers how it felt with the other guy, etc. So it can get very painful.

    In the other hand that's also the way we evolved, we were suppose to protect our girls so they don't get spoiled with other dude's sperm and our genes disappear. So is biology and psychology together.

    • So you're basically basing this off of a guys insecurity of his performance in bed?And I didn't realize sex makes a person used up

    • Just the second part, but is just psychological thin, it's up to you to care or not

  • Its not that there is some sort of mystical thing about virginity, it only that you give it up when you are ready to do so. You are a minor, I'd say leave this until later when your older. Sexuality is a powerful thing, both emotionally and physically. Hold out to when you have the right person and when your ready. Do this with the wrong person and things easily get spoiled.

    • I never said I was going to have sex.I just do not understand why some people worship virginity

    • Virginity is one of those things someone can boast about without having to do any physical or mental effort to get it: "merit" free for all.

      Of course, getting a degree is more difficult.

  • I actually agree with you completely, it doesn't make sense to me either other than I know there is something to do with religion about waiting till your married but I don't know 100% what it is.

  • It's important because, in the long-run, it will be well worth the wait when the right person comes along.

  • In my opinion, it's only important to people who care about their future (especially if it's not safe sex). I honestly don't understand the whole "you're a bad person if you have sex before marriage" mentality (because in this day and age it seems like fewer and fewer people actually care), I just personally think you're really foolish if it's unprotected and you seriously care about your future, but as long as you can handle the consequences, I don't see anything horribly wrong with it.

    Also a virgin by the way.

  • It makes possible the WHOLE gift of self to my future wife.

  • I really like that question. You see, its not that virginity is a must but its for your own good. Why am I saying this? its because if you should break your virginity at this age no police man will get you arrested but for the sake of your future husband. It has been the dream of every man to marry a virgin. You might not marry the one who broke your virginity and for that matter you need to keep your virginity until you find the one you want to marry. I don't think you would like to marry a man who has slept with almost all the girls he knows. Please even though its not a must, you have to keep it for your future husband.

    I hope am making lots of sense here? Think about it very carefully

    • >It has been the dream of every man to marry a virgin.

      No it isn't. I'm a man and I don't dream about marrying a virgin.

  • It isn't important.

    • And could you explain your opinion?(this is not a fact,an opinion rather)

    • It's an outdated concept. In the time before birth control and DNA testing, a man was never sure if kids were his. The only way to be certain was to marry a virgin. But that is an old and outdated concept now.

      Also, some guys like virginity in a girl because their jealousy is so intense, it can reach back through time, to the men she dated before him. This is what call the "OJ Simpson" sort of guy.

      The kind who will gut you like a fish if he can't have you. Guys this jealous are bad news.

  • It's not in modern days but it was a big deal years ago when men and women were set up by their parents to be wed. At that time if a woman wasn't a virgin then it meant she was dirty as in she can't lose her virginity to only the man she is supposed to be destined for.

  • Your virginity is a gift... simple as that. Why give yourself and have sex with 15 other people and then marry someone who you (now) can't give your entire self, emotion, etc. to? You could possibly live in regret if you have sex too early. Risks are involved as well, unwanted pregnancy (which is serious), STD, and so on.

    I'd be much more worth the wait to wait till you are married, because you can give your virgin self to your one and only. How would you feel knowing that someone saved themselves for you in a world where people frequently sleep around and all that? Its tempting, sexual desires are very strong and are frequently fulfilled nowadays with people just finding a casual sex partner where there's little/no emotion... But they overcame that desire and saved themselves for you where they can put all their love and emotion and self into you.

    Tried to explain that as clearly as possible...

    How would that make you feel if someone did that for you?

    • "Your virginity is a gift... simple as that."

      Excellent: if they had to do something to get it, the immense majority of "virgins" would be normal people.

    • What do you mean exactly about virgins being normal people?

  • It's important because some people give it up too easily and without caring. Also, they give it up caring about someone and that relationship doesn't pan out, so they end up with someone else that knows that they cared enough about that other person to sleep with them. At some point, sex is just sex and doesn't matter, but being a virgin and sleeping with your virgin partner can create a special experience and romantic gesture that can't be matched. I don't know that it matters so much as it's something you might regret not being able to share with the one you end up with and love.


What Girls Said 18

  • it's important because in a way it is influenced by male preference

    if a guy truly loved a girl, he'll take her even if she isn't a virgin because what matters is inside, not the physical characteristics of a person..through age, your appearance and other physical aspects deteriorate.

    in terms of some religions, cultures, they value virginity

    but it seems shallow to soley base mate selection on just whether or not a person is virgin or not

    and if you're concerned, make sure you don't give it to some random guy if you hold it as something valuable to you

    it is what you remember for the rest of your life.

  • i think its important because in my opinion sex is something to save for marriage. I see no point in giving up the most sacred part of you to someone unless you know your going to spend the rest of your life with them. and don't you want to be the first and only person your spouse has sex with?

    And I completely agree with how some virgins think there better, but its not our place to judge them on their choices, its something they gave up so why should we care its a choice they made, not something that effects us.


  • I was wondering the same thing.

  • your virginity is something that you only have of to give. I'm Catholic so the religious aspect comes into it for me. but aside from that I don't want to just give mine away to just anyone. to me sex should be a sign of love and there's not greater love than someone saying that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. these reasons combined is why I'm saving myself for marriage..

  • For me, virginity is a gift that you can only give once. It's the gift of yourself.

    And I want to share that with the man who loves me enough to commit to spending his whole life with wacky old me.

  • Virginity is not important at all to me either. It's nothing to be proud of because like you said, we're all born with it. You have very similiar views that I do :)

  • I think sex is an important part in relationships. It's the way you can be the most physically intimate with the person you care about. I don't think its something that should be taken lighthearted though. It's not just your virginity that's important is the act of sex itself. I think sex itself is something so amazing when done with the right person. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen but I did it with one of my closest friends and we are still friends. Then I had a boyfriend for three years. I don't regret my decisions. Things have worked for me. As long as you conduct yourself in a respectful manner how can anyone think less of you, whether you have had sex or not.

  • well I'm 16 and a virgin and my boyfriend, who's 19, is also a virgin, and it makes me feel safe that he hasn't had sex before and that if we do end up having sex I'll be the only person that he's ever been with and he can't compare me to someone else. and I also know that he doesn't have any diseases or anything.

  • Good question, you ask why virginity is important, I'll tell you it's because it's something really special and precious to the girl, something that can't be given to anyone, it's a something many people will respect you for even if they didn't share your same point of view, do you think people will respect a girl that sleeps with every person she meets? Even if she only do it with her boyfriend, is your self really that cheap to give to anyone just because you date them regardless if they're worth it or not, to me, virginity is a huge deal and if my boyfriend didn't understand that then he's dumped, just like that.

    • "do you think people will respect a girl that sleeps with every person she meets?"

      I would. I respect anybody who's a good person, regardless of their sexual lifestyle. I advise you to stop perpetuating the slut-player double standard.

    • Well some people like to judge people based on their sex life,of course,we all know sex defines how good of a person they are right*Sarcasm*

    • @ Kevin: And I advise you to accept people's point of view, just because you'd respect someone who'd jump in the bed of everyone she meets, doesn't mean people will do the same thing, anyway it's ur problem not mine.

      Oh and for the OP you asked our opinion and I gave you mine, no need to be sarcastic >_>

  • I am the exact same way. I am 16 years old and I am a virgin, too. A lot of my friends aren't virgins and I don't look down on them--but I also don't see myself better than them. Virginity is important in a way because it is the one thing you can never get back. Guaranteed there are so many people who aren't virgins that are out there that deeply regret it. Guys find it attractive when girls are virgins because they simply are viewed more intelligent and won't give it up to just anyone. I see what you are saying, though!

  • Look girl I was 15 years old having a baby so I'd actually admire people like u. my life was completely jacked up. my teenage years all destroyed so you know what enjoy ur life and don't mind other people judging you. there're only bringing their own insecurities onto you think of it that way.

  • I'm only 14, but I've talked to guys that's older than me, not more than 2 years, but it seems that as soon as we start really gettin to know each other, they ask if we could have sex or anything. I'm a virgin, actually I've never even kissed anyone but I think it's degrading for someone to just have sex with a perso they've been with for only 2 months or something. I think virginity is important to an extent. What a person does with their body is their business, but in society today everyone is going to judge you, and everyone will criticize. If you've been with a person for over a year, and your ready to take that step, by all means do it. But you have to realize, no one else will have you like he will. It also depends on your age. I don't know a 16 year old that's a virgin, but I know a 14 year old that has had sex. At my school, there has been 2 girls get pregnant their eighth grade years, and another that is 17 and is pregnant with her second child- a drop out. Basically I have no idea what I'm getting at but, Virginity is important to a point, and it vary depending on the person.

  • I totally, 100 % agree!

    If everyone was as half as intelligent as you are... pointing figures particularly towards men, the world really and truly would be a better place. No honor killings and no circumcision, I don't know if you know about female circumcision but it's plain awful. Not to make light of male circumcision.

    Also less needless disrespect of women who enjoy sex.

    These holier than thou women have be brainwashed by Daddy, who is a man. And I'll tell you one thing, I don't understand why any man would want their daughter to marry a man she's never spent time in a long relationship with, and even lived together, before she decides she wants to marry and have kids with this guy. It's crazy and so immature, it's why divorce is so high, people just getting married willy nilly having kids and then finding out they are totally incompatible with each other, and learn to hate each other.

    And who suffers, the kids!

    Sex life is a massive thing that people need to be compatible in for a really long relationship to work and both parties to be happy. A person with a high sex drive, isn't going to be too happy with someone that prefers a cuddle in front of the movie screen. And vice versa, the cudder will start to feel used when she seems to be constantly demanded of sex.

    All these things are important, but sadly men love feeling as though their the only person to have had their women.

    And they dislike women that have regular sex with different partners, this being a mans world still, that is how society is. But it is getting better, if the human race survives another 500 years we may see a difference.

    • Well,i've heard in certain cultures,like a particular culture in China,promiscuity amongst women is extremely common,but it isn't in men.And that it's even encouraged.I'm not saying promiscuity is for everyone,because it isn't.But when people start degrading women for doing something completely healthy and natural,it's uncalled for,especially when males are praised for it

    • I like you. *thumbs up*

  • It's not that sex is bad, It's just the fact that for MOST girls, emotion and sex are tied together. It's hard to separate the 2 and women can't help but feel attached to and a need to the guy they had sex with. It's more of a way of preventing emotional baggage, because when you have sex with someone it's harder to break up with them, especially your first due to all that emotion you feel during sex. I don't know what it's like for guys but for girls it's something that could hurt your self esteem because you can't control what you're feeling.

    • Good point.Other than saying "It's special" or a "gift" you've made an excellent point...other people just said "it's special yadda yadda"

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    • >It's not that sex is bad, It's just the fact that for MOST girls, emotion and sex are tied together.

      It's like this for most guys too - though in many cultures, we're expected to hide it. It's hard to say whether sex is more or less emotional depending on gender, though there's some medical research on oxytocin levels suggesting the differences are probably subtle.

    • Yeah, I read once that phycologically woman see sex as more of an emotional thing because their genitals are on the inside, and guys see it as more of a physical release because their genitals are on the outside. It's good to hear that guys can see it as an emotional thing too :D. A lot of questions I have read on here make it sound like sex doesn't make a difference for guys.

  • Whats important is to have sex when you're ready. I don't like this "wait til you're married" stuff because that's just not realistic. You're only 16 so you're right to wait til you're around 18. If a girl loses her virginity too young, she does regret it years later. I know someone who first had sex at 14 and is a bit embarrassed about that now. Make sure you're with a boyfriend the first time you have and not just a booty call. That's all I'll say. Sex before marriage is fine but don't just sleep with anyone. This "gift" idea of virginity is a bit too corny for my liking but at the same time, your body is scared (in general) and you shouldnt just offer it to any guy. Have your standards. I don't think virginity is a "gift"-you have it, then you dont. Its not like a talent or something. Just have self-respect, standards and practice safe sex! You don't want to be getting pregnant or catching a nasty STI! Sex is better when you really like the guy anyway. You feel much more comfortable and at ease if you can trust the guy.

  • well I never did the so called DO ,with a guy but I have had sex with girls .I'm not gay bisexual is what I am. I'm 18 and I would like a guy who I am married to .or am deeply in love with,to share that moment with .but I do not look at virgins or non virgins any kind of way .i mean sex is an expression of love .who's to say a girl who has 10 partners did not love all of them .and sex was her way of showing them she loved them,i mean sex is a bond and gift between to people who love each other .simple and as beautiful as that!

  • im pretty much 16 and a virgin I can' t really answer your question but everything you said is what I've been searching for. thank you for sharing your views. I totally agree with you.

  • well I'm 16 and I'm a virgin