I'm not a highly attractive woman and I'm quite insecure. I usually feel ugly. Ok, so my boyfriend is upset because I'm insecure. He says I'm to bitter and worry about nonsense and that he feels like he can't do anything that he wants.
I get upset that he looks at pics of naked women. Not to masturbate, he masturbates to porn videos, because he says he prefers getting off to the acts. But why does he like looking at pictures of naked women? I asked him, and he got upset and couldn't really answer he said "Well, just because! So what if I want to?". I don't really get it since I never actively look at pictures of other men, because I don't feel like it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asexual, it's just I did when I was younger and single, but not now that I'm with him, I just don't get the urge.
This will sound stupid, but I feel even uglier because he looks at these gorgeous girls, who, without the airbrushing still look better than me. Ugh, so why do guys like looking at these pics so much? I feel so ugly, and he doesn't understand he says that's stupid. I'm not asking him to stop, I just want him to understand that it makes me feel ugly, I mean come on, they are hired because they're gorgeous and I could NEVER EVER get a job as a model!
You seem like a decent girl, and I feel sorry for your situation. You shouldn't beat up on yourself so much, the world will do that enough on its' own. I went out with one girl who didn't look like much in public, but was the best I ever had, in private...
You're not an unattractive woman; you're an attractive woman who feels unattractive. If you were REALLY unattractive, you wouldn't have a boyfriend. (Note: you're also implying your boyfriend has poor taste in girlfriends, an implication that annoys him, I'm sure.)
It's not your insecurity that bothers him, but the implication that your insecurity implies his change. Some insecure women operate under the idea that their boyfriend must change his behavior to make them less insecure. This is mistaken.
If a woman's ego is fragile, she needs to work on her self-esteem to make it more robust. He can encourage, but he can't do this for her. I wouldn't ask a woman to stop enjoying clothes, or cars, or jewelry just because her man can't afford it. Not only is it an extreme solution, but it also does nothing to solve the central problem.
It's not you it's just that any form of porn can be additive. And I'm sure that your not ugly just because your not a size 0 dress and have 36dd bra size ( or maybe you are). Just make sure he knows your not ok with him looking at other girls naked and if he loves you he will make his best effort to stop. And most girls that think there ugly are not at all. Hope this helps
For a guy (well okay, for me personally) losing the urge to look at other girls, naked or otherwise, is about as likely as losing the urge to eat. Or as likely as suddenly no longer being affected by the smell of a nice restaurant, just because I've started hanging out with a chef (who may happen to thinks she's not a very good cook). Or some such strained food metaphor... :D
Some people do lose the urge to look at other people once they're in a relationship, like you mentioned happened to you in a comment below, but many others simply don't ever lose the urge. And it's not the kind of thing that you choose -- it feels seriously hardwired to me, and certainly not an indicator of dissatisfaction in a relationship. It's its own thing.
But that said, your boyfriend could certainly take into account the fact that it bugs you and be discreet about it, while you'd be taking into account that it's highly unlikely to disappear from his behavior.
Our brains have changed very little since prehistoric times. That is why urges and desires may seem irrational or out of place. Cave people didn't look to see what they had in common personality wise before they chose a mate. A male is unconsciously attracted to a female who is fertile. The only way to tell that is through visual cues. That is why even today men still are very captivated by the face and figure of a woman.
I'm only answering the naked lady part of the question.
Don't feel ugly, please. Feel good with yourself, love yourself. And if you still feel ugly, then put in your agenda a time for doing exercises and try to eat healthier food, changing to these habits may give you a better view of the situation. And try to think more positive, do activities that can develop spirit, body and mind.
And don't get upset with the fact that your boyfriend sees porno or naked women in Internet because that's what normally men do (even if they are married), and also women do it but you know how society (machismo) is so women do it more discreetly.
Remember one thing, watching porno or naked women is different from cheating, so don't worry.