Can't get a hard on?

So, I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks, and yesterday he spent the night at my place, I made it very clear that I wanted sex, we started... Show More

Updates:
Thanks for all the answers! It's not really 100% but it's better.
Yeah, I actually dumped the guy. Not because he couldn't get a hard on, some other issue that was a lot more important and difficult to deal with.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Assuming he's around the same age as you, if he isn't taking any drugs that might cause sexual problems, he almost certainly was experiencing performance anxiety or some other kind of anxiety. Anxiety kills boners easily. It's pretty important that you be patient with him and keep giving him more chances. Nothing is worse than being with someone you want to have sex with really bad and having to wonder if you're going to get another chance any time soon if you don't get it up right at that very moment. Such a situation is almost certain to cause penile shrinkage. Also, if that happens too many times, the guy will just always be worried about it no matter what the situation is and then it starts getting hard to enjoy sex at all.

    The best way I know of to combat this problem is to just ignore the flaccid schlong problem and concentrate on pleasing each other anyway. Live the notion that it doesn't matter if he gets it up or not and over time it will just happen. Even though you both want to have sex, there are lots of other sexual things you can do that don't require him to have an erection. He can even have an orgasm that way. For instance, if you like giving him oral, do it even if he doesn't have an erection -- that will send the message to him that he doesn't need to worry about if he can get it up or not because it won't really change much either way.

    When he does get it up the first few times, it will probably go away again because the newfound erection made you both notice. Expect this and treat it like it doesn't matter as well. It's important that you talk about it too -- he probably doesn't know why he can't get it up and is really concerned both about the problem itself and how you feel about it. He needs reassurance.

    To answer your specific questions, if you initiated before, you should initiate again -- it sends the message that your affection isn't contingent upon his turgidity. In fact, even if he initiated before, you should initiate for the same reason.

    • Excellent answer and I agree completely. I don't know why anyone would down rate you on it. Cheers to you.