Sexual Health
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My boyfriend can't stay/get hard. Whats the problem?

I just recently started being sexually active with my boyfriend. We usually always start out making out then move on to a little bit of foreplay, but not enough to make each other orgasm. Every time that we try to have sex, he's either soft or just semi-hard. He's told me that he can't keep a hard-on for that long before sex and he's blamed it on the condom. I believe the first one more but then again, while were kissing and messing around before sex he's not even that hard. I know it can't be a scicological thing because he seems very attracted to me physically and he's told me many times that he was. I've tried giving him a BJ so I could at least get the condom on but he's still only semi-hard or not that hard at all. My last boyfriend could last for hours with a hard-on and only coming once. So I'm a little confused as to why my current boyfriend cannot get hard or even stay partially hard. Could it be some sort of erectial dysfunction? He's only 18 and was a virgin before he met me. I don't make him feel bad about it at all. I try to be completely supportive. I've even blamed it on me not being sexy enough or doing the wrong things but he always swears its not my fault. What could it be? Do you think that he should go to the doctor?
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • At 18 he should be hard about 23 hours a day even after sex many times a day. Does he stay hard when he jerks off? Yes you may have to ask him, all guys jerk off, so ask him. Does he stay hard if you give him a handjob?

    Sometimes alcohol and/or cigarette/weed use can inhibit erections? Are they the case?

    Has he been able to orgasm with you or does he get soft too soon? Try a lot more foreplay. Don't rush things. Get naked and then slowly tease his penis. Don't try to give him a handjob, just enjoy being naked and spend 30+ minutes gently stroking caressing him. What do you think?

    • He doesn't stay hard when I give him a handjob. Just the other day when we spent more time on foreplay than anything he said we spent to much time messing around and he couldn't keep a hard on that long. But in reality we were only messing around for like 30 mins. Other people are saying thats its a nervous thing. Since I'm not a virgin and he is that he had his mind on doing his best instead of just being comfortable and going for it. He don't smoke or drink. No drugs. And I don't mind asking him if he stays hard while jacking off. And so far, he hasn't gotten an orgasm. I haven't even seen him all the way hard. Just semi-hard. Do u think it could be a nervous thing? Or could it be a medical problem?

    • He is young and healthy... so it is most likely nerves. If he can jerk off with no problems that rules out any medical issue. Hang in there.

  • It couldn't hurt to go to a doctor. But also keep in mind that some dudes just kinda get nervous in situations like that and their minds start the wander, especially if this all happened "just recently" and your his first to get that serious with. Maybe over time he'll be able to maintain because he'll be more comfortable with you sexually. I also doubt it has anything with you not being "sexy enough", usually the very thought of being close to an attractive moment is enough.

    Also I think it's really cool that you're being helpful and understanding. c:

    • Ayeee thanks for giving me most helpful c:

    • Thank you for the help! I wasn't really thinking that deep into it. Considering the fact that I'm not a virgin and I had done much more than him, I'd understand why he'd be nervous to perform his best. I'm sure once he gets more comfortable then it will be easier for him to get hard and stay hard

    • My pleasure! Just keep being supportive and he'll end up feeling comfortable in no time. c:

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he's very nervous being a virgin and knowing you are not only very attractive in his eyes, but are not a virgin yourself. He sees you as being way above him, like @Carter43 said. Try complimenting him on the stuff he does during foreplay and kissing, or how attractive he is. Getting the ego boost should help him loosen up.

    • Thankyou :) I will try to boost his ego. Hopefully he will losen up and start feeling more comfortable with me if I do

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Based on the fact that he was a virgin before he met you, it sounds like he's nervous. He's in his head overthinking things because he doesn't want to disappoint you and as a result his thoughts become anything but sexual and his erection fades. I don't know him well enough to give you advice on how to make him feel comfortable with you in that situation but that's what's going to have to happen for him to be able to keep one up.

    • Thank you! That was very helpful. I'm sure once he gets comfortable with me then he will be able to get/keep a hard-on. I just hope that I can show him that he don't have to try so hard and over think things

  • Yeah, I agree.. It's very hard😌

  • Could he be asexual?

  • It's the condom, they suck. I can be hard for a long time, but I put that constraining piece of rubber on and I start to get soft.

    • He did blame it on those. But I don't think thats the problem. He couldn't stay hard during foreplay

  • performance anxiety, he has you on a pedestal. tell him you are just a normal girl.

  • could be an ED, as most of the guys on here stated, he wants to keep you sexually happy

  • Lol he is impotent or semi impotent... I can be hard if u bj me... Ask him to go to doctor... Till remedy make me ur stand by buddy...;)

    • Lol he isn't impotent, he is 18 but turk 666 cracks me up ask if he wakes up with erections and if he can get it up while masturbation... if so then it is just in his head. that is what a doctor would ask, also ask if he is on any meds for depression

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