Is it wrong of me to not want my boyfriend to jerk off?
Is it wrong of me to not want my boyfriend to jerk off? I told him I really didn't want him to jerk off because I'm always willing to give him one... Show More
Most Helpful Opinion
I asked my boyfriend the same thing! He and I have been together for several years. The whole porn and masturbation thing never bothered me until last year. I found a ton of hardcore porn on his computer and my heart hit the bottom of my stomach. I also notice that on the days he masturbated he didn't want to make love, and if we did do it, it wouldn't last very long. We took it one step at a time. First, I asked if he could please cut back on the porn because it was really starting to bother me. Then, I asked if he would just come to me whenever he was feeling the urge to masturbate and I would do whatever he wanted. Yeah, sometimes I'm not always home when he really wants to do it, but he told me he either thinks of me or looks at one of my pictures. So, I can't complain about that. :) He may even wait until I get home. It just really depends on his mood and when I'll be home. LOL
I think a lot of girls wonder the same thing. I know I've had lots of conversations with several of my girl friends about this topic. Most of them pretty much agree and are on the same page as I am. I don't think you are being too uptight. You just need to talk with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about it.
What Guys Said 61
About all people (m/f) masturbate, whether single or living in couple, (and often long before they hit puberty)
Only a tiny minority of religious people may abstain(?-I have my doubts, each time I read it)
It's just part of his privacy.
You're just too controlling.
No, your attitude is fine. He should be paying more attention to real women and less to digital ones.
You might indeed be a bit uptight.
Exception made for the factor 'domination', oral sex on men is grossly overrated, especially when it's no longer new. Some men need a long time to come that way, if they come at all. Lots of men don't feel the same sensations from oral sex they feel from masturbation.)
1.You can become his favorite porn star.
2.There is porn you'll like too.
I'd suggest you look at porn together and you give him more handjobs (eventually after you got your own orgasm, of course) Just learn it.
What if he just likes jerking off? What if it's an important part of his sex life? Guess what: that's up to him, not you.
A more responsible approach would be to discuss where his masturbation would fit into your sexual relationship. But if a girl were to just tell me: "You can't masturbate anymore. I don't like it." I would think, "Psycho control freak--deal breaker. We're done."
I would think you wouldn't want him to get to that point.
I think you need to remove the lock from the bathroom door.
I find your attitude to be absolutely sterling! You are a very classy lady! :)
Its something guys are just going to do. Deal with it. Sorry, just the truth.
So yeah, it is wrong of you.
I think I t might be a guy is still a guy no matter what and we pretty much like to do what we want...idk ingrained in us...we don't like being controlled
masturbation is normal
and let him do it
maybe he gets certain fetish or fantasies fulfilled by jerking off which cannot be done with u
do you know wht kinda porn he watches>?keep a check on it
give him his space a bit
but if he is like avoiding sex all the time and wants to just jerk off with his laptop
dump tht loser
maybe try something new in bed like roleplay or sumthng.no matter how weird he thinks bout it,dont make a big issue or else he won't come out on tht issue
Despite what you might think, this not uncommon. Don't let it hurt your ego, as it doesn't mean that you are not attractive to your partner any longer. A married friend asked me the same quiestion about her husband seeming to prefer masturbation to having sex with her, and honestly, at the time I did not know her well enough to give her an honest answer at the time.
Here is a blunt, upfront, answer about thow I perceive this kind of sexual behaviour. I have only had one GF, who was honest enough to discuss this kind of thing with me. We BOTH masturbated, separately and ofter together, and found that it was a satisfactory way to be satisfied. Sometimes, for different reasons, men and women don't want to be that "open" with their sexuality and 'expose' themselves that way to their partner. You will only know that by some honest discussion on the subject...if he will talk about it and if YOU want to talk about it...Give it a try.
Over thinking, if you have such a problem surprise him! You females are dime a dozen with this question. If you want to prove your better then what he can watch, then watch it with him and form a plan to win him back from internet porn. Its not hard. Sit with him with his laptop go on his history and tell him you want an idea of what he likes and your willing to put out like those in the clips. Guys have erges 24/7 and some times we just don't wanna bother a female. Plus you can have that time of month and porn is our stress free break of worrying if we can satisfy you or not. Also when guys look at porn it gives them more ideas of what they like so it also helps in the bedroom. don't over think this
I don't think you are upset that he is jerking off. You are upset that he is satisfied that way and not having sex with you. If that is the case, then frame your thinking in that manner. Try having sex with him before he can go to the bathroom and masturbate.
Old thread, but gotta put in a response.
Girls, if you tell your guy that you don't want him to do something, "Masturbate or Porn" They are going to do it anyway and probably do it more often because the excitement of getting caught / not getting caught is extremely addicting.
So when you say, "Don't do it!" He says in his mind, "I have to be more careful next time."
Its not wrong to wish your partner to share his sexual moments with you.
It is unreasonable though to try and control your partner overly.
If your too obsessive over things it will reduce his sex drive with you and won't be good. Make him feel secure, let him know its alright but you don't like it and it hurts you, tell him to come to you and you will give him more than he could ever get alone with some stupid computer (this advice is only for a serious committed relationship).
You don't know what he's doing with his laptop really. If you find he's lying to you then ditch him, its one thing to be addicted, its another to outright lie to your partner about things. If he admits he can't give up and will probably do it again, its ok, just support him. He's being honest and it he's been doing this behavior from very young age its very hard to stop.
I don't mean little lies of course, sometimes people lie because they are scared of the consequences of the truth. I mean if he's outright hiding it from you shamelessly.
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we need to jerk off, period. Its in our biology. unless you are willing to give him sex WHENEVER and HOWEVER he wants, you have no place to tell him what he can or can't do with his own body.
This is a case of you being a control freak, sorry
dont ever tell a guy he can't jerk off...and besides, even if you tell him he's still going to do it anyways
Ask your boyfriend what kind of orgasms he has when jerking off. I'll BET you find out that a guy actually has a number of different orgasms depending on what part of his penis is stimulated and for how long. Sometimes guys don't even realize this. The orgasm attained by stimulating the very end of the penis is far different than the one gotten by jacking the middle of the shaft.
Depending on the moment I can give myself several really different feelings depending on grip and the area I concentrate on. And, to be honest, I have never found a girl... OK Maybe one in a massage parlor, that could handle my equipment the way I like.
I think there are two issues here that have gotten tangled together:
Problem 1. You don't want your boyfriend to masturbate. IMHO this is an unreasonable request; it's harmless (in moderation) and totally normal for him to jerk off once in a while. Yes, you're often available and willing - and that's awesome, it really is! But sometimes people (yes, many girls too) want a quick-fix orgasm that doesn't require any effort or time investment.
Problem 2. Your boyfriend is acting less interested in sex, possibly because he's masturbating too much. IMHO this is a totally reasonable thing to be upset about because it affects your sex life as well. If he's doing it so often that it's affecting his performance, that is a problem. (Is that it? Not all of us orgasm easily or at all from oral sex, so that in itself doesn't necessarily indicate anything. But if your sex life has taken a turn for the worse, that's worth worrying about.)
Two friends of mine who were each other's boyfriend/girlfriend had the second problem: he was masturbating several times a day and having a hard time reaching orgasm. They agreed to compromise: he could masturbate, but only a few times per week. Believe it or not, this worked pretty well for both of them. Their sex went back to normal and he still got to have his, um, private moments when she wasn't looking :)
Well its nice that your willing to give him quickies and surprise head you sound like a damn good girlfriend. But do you want to do that all the time? Most men are embarrassed by how much sex they really want. Masturbating is relaxing and something most boys have been doing since they were very young. Even before we could come we knew it felt good to touch our penis. Maybe its best to let him do that and save your energy for really good intimate sex. If he loses interest in having sex with you if you want it that's a problem. But if he just masturbates sometimes so what. Maybe you could masturbate together most guys think its hot to watch a girl go at it. He might learn a thing or two about how to please you. Don't make him feel bad about it unless it gets to be a big problem. If ur both young he will probably do that less and less as he gets older
he needs space...he still wants to explore things and other ways to get himself off so let him explore and when you see him ask him if there's anything in the porn he's seen that you would liek you to do for him
Ok, this is kind of a tough one but I'll confess, being a guy, I don't know where women perceive cause for concern. And I say that because I going to have to throw my chips in with "it's a guy thing" thing.
Now please don't be put out. I know you said you were willing to help him out in this regard anytime he wanted (you're my dream girl by the way) but as easily as it is to render an opinion on this, it is equally hard for me to believe you can stay true to that. Not saying that you can't, it's just hard to believe. That being said I know you put in "work" on his tool and it shows how much you care for him. I, myself, do not come quickly from head unless my doer really knows how to handle me. It is and can be a lot of work.
But this really isn't about you, your talent at getting him off or a question of technique. This is mainly about QT for himself. As much as you are the dream girlfriend ( and you are) you can't be everything all the time. The Internet porn allows him to have QT without stressing or obligating you to meet his ever present need. On the flip side you don't want to become commonplace to him either. That can be just as hazardous as flat out denying him "bishop flogging" time. I know if I had one meal, the SAME meal, everyday then I wouldn't get as excited to eat as I would if I knew if there were a bunch of other things on the menu. The Internet fills in the rest of the menu. See?
So don't over think it and don't let it stress you out. He's not thinking of replacing you he just want's a bit of variety and not stress you out by being demanding. (God I wish I had a girlfriend like you! lol )
Yes, it's wrong of you. You have the option to encourage him and be willing to join him or just leave him and stay single.
your boyfriend is a looser, your very sweet. I lol when you say quick fix like its a drug or something, its a bad sign when your boyfriend turns from you to a computer screen means he's not sexually attracted to you or less attracted to you
Let him get his groove on and be honest... tell him that you wouldn't mind at all if he sat at the PC while you did it for him.
The real deal is way better then jerking off to porn, but maybe he's just bored right now of having the same style sex, in the same room, & stuff like that. I suggest a change of scene, maybe try dressing up, or sex in an exciting place, or doing something you guy's have never done before in the bedroom. Or maybe even try watching porn together try anything just to mix it up for a little while.
Ok, the porn can be an issue. If a girl doesn't want her guy looking at porn, it's reasonable to ask him to stop. That being said, telling him not to touch his own d*** is a no-no.
First of all he is going to the bathroom to jerk off looking at other women. Trust me, this is something we guys know. You have said enough to back that up. As for as you not wanting him to jack off, well I believe you have gone too far. You are narrowing his interest in his own sexual experience with his own body, while still being faithful to you. Why not just bring this out in the open? One night, I would like for you to try an experiment. I want you to go to bed early. Make sure you have him in tow behind you. Pull the sheets down on your bed. Strip naked and tell him to do the same, that you want him to try something new. Without you two touching each other, start to masturbate while looking at each other. Hopefully you have found some creams and other toys that you can enjoy together. I think that it is wonderful you are so willing to be there for him, but you need to broaden your horizon in the bedroom. You might not be aware of it at your age, but there is something called erotica. Erotica is stories of sex that you can read to excite you or your lover into wanting sex. You can find some stories he will like and he can do the same for you. Be open and enjoy.
yes, you need to let it go. stop thinking that there is any connection between a man's life with his partner and getting off by jerking it sometimes. they are completely unrelated.
why don't you embrace it by jerking him off and sucking him off while he looks at porn. or make the fantasy so good that he doesn't bother with the porn. like pretend you are someone else or do crazier porn type stuff with him.
guys will never see what is wrong with it. we have been getting boners to every hot girl we have ever looked at since we were 12. why would that stop once we love someone and marry them? it is so weird that girls don't get this.
Well, maybe he just wants some time to fantasize about other women -- and can't do it with you because you would be to jealous. Want to stop him? Try bringing him home some of your girlfriends to play with together -- I guarantee that would stop most of the "jerking".
Yes, you need to back off and don't let it bother you. He's going to do it. He's a man. We all do, like it or hate it. Your whole "I'm always available" idea is nice, but not realistic in practice. Besides, do you really want him using you as a masturbatory device (which is essentially what he'd be doing by asking you to get him off) instead of making love to you?
I've been with my partner for over 5 years, married for 3. I masturbate several times a week and look at other women via internet porn. Never - and I mean not once - have I ever wanted to be with one of those women instead of my partner. My wife understands this, knows I masturbate sometimes and is fine with it. That said, I don't flaunt it in her face either. I'm very discrete and usually masturbate when she's not home. Not because she'd be mad or hurt - it's just something that I feel should be done in privacy and because it shows respect for her. Good luck.
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What Girls Said 34
hes a guy let him do his thing
As a woman, yes, I think it's unacceptable. His relationship with his 'self' has nothing to do with his relationship with you. We all need quality time to ourselves, it's healthy and normal. It doesn't mean you aren't enough or that there's anything wrong with anything you are doing, it's a completely separate thing.
YES, it is VERY wrong of you to ask such a thing. Do you not masturbate? give it a go, when you have a few times come back and tell us how you would feel if your Boyfriend asked you to stop, that he preferred it if he was the only instrument of your pleasure.
I know what I'd have said if my boyfriend asked me to stop, I'd have told him to stop being a controlling maniac!
you are going a little too far, watching everything he does in the bathroom. if he isn't denying you, then you should give the man some space and privacy.
This isn't about sex - it's about control. While I may not advocate a huge amount of continuous porn watching...I do advocate the need to have private moments that allow you to release some tension in a way that having sex with someone doesn't cut. Could be he just occasionally wants a quick jerk - without all the emotion, or he could want to release the tension that was created during the day at the job...and it may just be a phase. What is clear to me is your so in need to control this guys behavior you're volunteering to "do it" whenever he wants. This is unrealistic and immature to say the least. It says to me you are abdicating your own needs and who you really are to control the relationship you have. Not so smart - especially in the long run.
Read some books on understanding men and being a confident women. I say this because sex for men many times isn't always about expressing his "love" to you. He's not negating you in any way because he's jerking off (except if it's always to porn perhaps and then he may have a problem...) but you are negating his physiological needs because you don't know how to have a relationship that allows the other person to be who he is. Or you for that matter.
He may need help - but no more than you.
hi, having had boyfriends of all ages, the one thing they ALL have in common is the need to jack off (masturbate), regularly. Some, daily, others not so often, but all of them did. They're wired different than us. Just the way it is. I had one Boyfriend that frustrated me so much. He was a super attentive lover, but I just have a need to experience copious amounts of male ejaculate. He masturbated so often that he hardly produced a thimble full. He even masturbated up to an hour before our dates. Weird, huh?
Like most things, it depends on the individuals. My boyfriend does it all the time, but luckily it doesn't affect our sex-life. In fact it's useful for him to do it sometimes. For instance, we were both about to leave the house one morning last week, when I came out of the bathroom he liked what I was wearing and got a massive hard on. I just didn't have time to sort it out for him as I was already late, so he just said he'd jerk off before he went to work. Problem solved.
Well the thing about jerking off is the guy doesn't want to think about it and they don't want to worry about you getting off or anything. they are in it for themselves at that moment. well he isn't going to tell you about it because he doesn't want to start anything with it. and you know its a normal thing that he had probably been doing for a long time before you. and I think you need to calm down about it and tell him you can accept it. because he is only human and just because he is looking at them women doesn't mean he doesn't love you or want you. You need to calm down about this matter he would never do anything to hurt you and he would never be with any of those women over you. so there's nothing wrong with what he is doing. To me it sounds like you are just very insecure about yourself which isn't fair to him, you know?
Your doing fine but damn you should tell your boyfriend what you felt?
Yes its wrong
Sorry, that is way wrong. You have no right to tell someone what to do with his body. You should definitely let the man jerk off. It's his penis, for god's sakes.
I don't mean to hurt your feelings but have you considered that maybe there is a reason he'd rather do it himself than have you do it? Something similar happened to a couple friend of mine. He didn't want to have sex with her because she was very controlling when it came to their sex life. The fact that she didn't want him to jerk off p*ssed him off and made him want to do it more. And then when they were intimate, he could barely summon any desire for her. It ended up being a huge reason why they broke up.
Men like some freedom. We all do. If I were with a guy who told me not to use my vibrator, we'd have a serious discussion that would result in either me getting my way or walking out the door. It is my body and if I choose to masturbate well then I will masturbate. Same goes for your man.
Have you examined the reasons why you really don't want him to jerk off? Is there a larger issue of insecurity?
Also, making yourself too available is a turn off. It seems like fun in theory but in practice, it's not so great. Ever see that Twilight Zone episode where the petty thief dies and gets everything he ever wanted? He wins every gambling game, has lots of women and drink - everything. Eventually grows bored and listless because there's no variation, no element of surprise. And he soon finds out that he's not in Heaven but Hell.
Ok this is a touchy subject for me too... So this morning I woke up and my boyfriend was jerking off with the door cracked. I peeked ny head inside and he was jerking to a stripper we know. It fired me up, but I stayed at the crack of the door and quietly got back on the bed... it bothers me because he doesn't touch me at all. He doesn't eat me out, or finger me, he doesn't like vibrating me at all... I dont think im unattractive, but he sure does make me feel that way. We live together and Have a son. We aren't married, but still... My heart races and I get anxiety because Id give anything to be touched, and he can even wake me up to get some... yet I walk in the bathroom and he didn't even bother to put my nice lotion away <\3
When I was younger, I felt that way. You'll get over it with maturity. It's a guy thing. They think on impulse. To be perfectly honest, it's even recommended by doctors as a healthy stress relief. They actually ask you to do when under stress. It's socially accepted, and it's a natural way of life. Trust me, you won't feel this way forever. It really has nothing to do with you or how you look, act, how sexual you are. Don't beat yourself up over it. You'll grow out of that mind set.
Once they addicted to porn, you can forget about a Sex life girlfriend...
Let him jerk off, I would rather him do that then with another woman...Maybe somethings bothering him that's why he's barely cumming...Talk to him about your relationship and see if everything is cool..?
go out buy a porn dvd and ask him if he'd like to watch it with you. also if ur arguing and fighting he will not go to you for relief if ur more sexual than he is he is probably punishing by not giving you sex.
Let me first ask you this:
Do you masturbate?
If yes, do you ALWAYS do it in the presence of your boyfriend or have you EVER done it on your own by yourself since you've been with him?
How about BEFORE you were with him?
BTW, I'm not asking you to answer or reply to any of this out loud...just to yourself.
I ask because, if you have BEFORE your boyfriend, you remember the "freedom" you felt with being able to do it whenever you felt the need. No complications, no strings, no worries.
Whether it was by yourself or not, I'm sure you enjoyed the release it gave you.
This is how men want to feel as well - free and released.
With that said, I'm glad you talked to your boyfriend about it and told him how you felt. I think you should continue to talk to him about this.
Are you ALWAYS there, at every waking moment, ready, willing and able to do this whenever he needs or wants it? Seriously, every single moment...even when you're severely sick and he's horny as all get out?
It's good that you're willing to, want to, even when you're angry with each other too.
His jerking off to porn WITHOUT your permission is a very bad thing.
I don't blame you for not wanting your boyfriend to "sneak around" with his lap top to do this. Make sure he understands that he only masturbates with you in mind, and not his "internet hoes." Maybe if he feels more accepted and reassured for his sexual act, he'll feel more like including you instead of leaving you out.
Would it make you feel more comfortable if you made a tape of yourself masturbating for him to watch while he masturbated...this way, it's you he's seeing and not some other chic?
I can also understand and sympathize with you that him doing that without you is offending, especially under your stated circumstances - that you live together.
I too have felt that way before (my fiance and I have lived together for eleven years) and I had to narrow down WHY it made me feel offended.
It's because I felt that I wasn't needed - bottom line. Like maybe he was replacing me, even for those few moments, with something and/or someone else.
Now, it wasn't until recently that he even attempted to do this by himself. He used to get the heebie jeebies just from the thought of it. He's much more comfortable now, because I'm comfortable with it. We talked, set boundaries and rules. He reassured me and I realize he isn't replacing me and under no circumstances is he allowed to do it to porn online or off, unless I say otherwise. The same rules apply to me.
i don't feel that you are wrong for not wanting to give your boy toy a jo its your decision
My boyfriend is the same way he just admitted it to me tonight. In past I have asked him he always said no but when I would use his phone its always what he had last googled i had told him it bugged me and and time he wants just ask. He has stoped asking and is just jerking. It makesne ask myself if i have gotten bad at it. Maybe he's getting board. What's wrong with me that makes him want to do that. Does he not love me as much anymore? Help
I am basically going through the same thing right now. I think he's jerking off in the bathroom while I am home and it upsets me that he doesn't want me. I give him all he wants and I just feel defeated and not wanted anymore
ahah I'm glad guys are majorly turned on by watching a girl masturbate. so this would never be an issue for us.
its really not fair of us to make such a big deal out of it in return.
why do you care? its not like he's cheating on you...
from what I hear guys kind of need to, its part of their biology.
I don't think its wrong, but I think its a fact he's going to do it anyway. I don't like that my boyfriend does it either, but I just prefer he not tell me about it. The problem is if it affects your sex life. Because if he'd rather jerk off then have sex with you on a regular basis, then he's being selfish, and selfishness isn't a good quality in a boyfriend.
Do you masturbate? If not, why not?
I have run into this same type of question way too often around here and so I am tapped out. I can rant no more. So in a nutshell: Yes. It is wrong of you. Best of both worlds is that you both jerk off as often as you like. Try finding some porn that turns YOU on (don't say there isn't any until you have looked). Level the playing field. Make it more equal by sharing each other interests more. Masturbation is an essential healthy activity that naturally starts between ages 4-10 with ALL people (some people just forget those experiences). You seem well spoken, mature and generally open minded about it and not a screaming banshee like some people, so that's cool. That shows that you can make real progress. It also sounds like you are at least willing to do all different kinds of sexual acts and in that sense you are not a prude. That is good too.
My best advice is that you both communicate a lot more. Find out and then indulge each other's fantasies. Assuming all other aspects of your relationship are good then I guarantee you that he will not think you are less of a woman or less desirable than the women in the porn if you are both allowing each other more sexual freedom. If you truly enjoy doing whatever it is that he likes then you are a sure win every time (and vice versa with him).
One more bit of advice: I believe you when you say you are hot. Being sexy (I mean really sexy) is not passive though. Even the most gorgeous women aren't sexy if they don't behave sexily. Maybe you do already. Maybe you already know this. And I don't mean wandering around being cheesy and ditzy like Marilyn Monroe, I mean just being flirty, inviting and naturally accenting your positives to quote a phrase.
dear lord, that is mean!
i thought everybody masturbated, regardless of their relationship status.
if I told my boyfriend to stop spanking the monkey (pardon ) he would probably lock me in a closet for a half hour everyday .
if he told me to stop, I would just... kill him
Masturbation is a private activity,and you can't be there every second of his life and every time he is sexually arouse(for men arousal occurs at the most random times)
Now if his masturbation is becoming a habit,and it is taking a toll on his relationships with you(not including your insecurity,i mean in general),his friends,family,work and etc,then that is when it is an issue
How about talking to him about it and not trying to force him to do anything.Masturbation is natural and you're trying to stop him from doing what he wants to do.And the best sex is with yourself,no one knows your body or pleasure but you.Sometimes you just have to take it into your own hands
It is unrealistic. Self-pleasuring for either partner in a relationship continues and it should continue. It is a great outlet to explore fantasies and to deal with sexual tension when your partner is not available or you do not have the energy to give anything to your partner and just want a quick fix. Oh, and guys looking at porn isn't a big deal either. When I masturbate I don't think of my guy. I don't even think of myself in the situation either. I have a fantasy or a thought that turns me on. Guys are the same way. Also, I have read as well as been told by ex's, that guys often need a stress release in the form of cumming. Guys jerk off at work if they can manage it and need it. None of this has to do with being unfaithful or not loving you. In fact, by being accepting of this you can add to your emotional connection with your partner instead of forcing them into lying to you while they continue to do what is perfectly natural.
Yes, you are over thinking and too uptight. It is normal because you are still young. You are being insecure and controlling. Excuse me for being straightforward but you are the problem not him.
Give him naked photos of you to jack off too that's what I do for mines.
TRY something different.. he seems bored maybe.. its not your fault.. he's being a butthead. hhaa. but. I like doing it.. gets me in a mood(:
I actually like the thought of my guy jerking off :-) It kinda turns me on lol
Unless the porn takes over and it affects our sex life, I'm totally fine with it, and you should be too. Every guy has been doing it since they discovered what penis was for.
Maybe you can bring the porn into your sex life with him. I told my guy before that it turns me on to think about catching him masturbating to porn and joining him. He did exactly that the next day :-)
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