Is it wrong of me to not want my boyfriend to jerk off?

Is it wrong of me to not want my boyfriend to jerk off? I told him I really didn't want him to jerk off because I'm always willing to give him one if he needs a quick fix if we're not doing anything sexual. I also told him I don't care if we're arguing or mad at each other or regardless the situation I want him to know ill always be there to give him his fix if he needs it, I don't want him jerking off besides we live together so I'm always available. Well as of late he's been taking his computer with him in the bathroom with him and it takes him a while until he gets out. I really didn't care until I started surprisingly giving him head and he's barely cumming. I asked him about it and he denies it. I don't know what to think because first I don't want him looking around on the internet for diff naked women so he can jerk off when I'm hot and I live with him and second why jerk off when he can get it anytime and mind you he's not a sexual person and I am... Am I just over thinking everything and too uptight or something?


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What Guys Said 57

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    I asked my boyfriend the same thing! He and I have been together for several years. The whole porn and masturbation thing never bothered me until last year. I found a ton of hardcore porn on his computer and my heart hit the bottom of my stomach. I also notice that on the days he masturbated he didn't want to make love, and if we did do it, it wouldn't last very long. We took it one step at a time. First, I asked if he could please cut back on the porn because it was really starting to bother me. Then, I asked if he would just come to me whenever he was feeling the urge to masturbate and I would do whatever he wanted. Yeah, sometimes I'm not always home when he really wants to do it, but he told me he either thinks of me or looks at one of my pictures. So, I can't complain about that. :) He may even wait until I get home. It just really depends on his mood and when I'll be home. LOL

    I think a lot of girls wonder the same thing. I know I've had lots of conversations with several of my girl friends about this topic. Most of them pretty much agree and are on the same page as I am. I don't think you are being too uptight. You just need to talk with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about it.

    • It's a little disappointing to see that 6 people voted down this very honest and correct-minded answer.

    • I agree with you. It is so nice of you give him another outlet, I don't think he could have stopped if you didn't give him it.

    • MrNameless what are you talking about?

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  • No, it's how you feel. Men and some Women will tell you that you are wrong. That you are over reacting. However, it's how you feel and you are allowed to feel that way.

    Masturbating is only a problem when the Man is doing it so much it affects your sexual life.

    Now the p*rn, for some - It's an addiction! It's called immediate gratification! Sex addicts are like this.

    Men have this real issue of not wanting to recognize what they have in front of them. A real life human being with feelings, a body and someone they can be with. They fail to recognize that perhaps if the Woman isn't into p*rn too that him viewing it all the time is a HUGE turn off and so then you won't want to be with him because you are wondering or recognizing you are just a vessel to him, perhaps acting out what he wants to do with other women, with you! HUGE turn off!

    Unfortunately in today's world p*rn is accepted to be good all of the time and it's because you live in a Man's world and they dictate what's right and wrong with you sexually. The ugliness behind the p*rn industry that includes sex trafficking, underage girls (pedophiles), and drugged up girls that hate who they are because of what they do is nothing to them. In fact, some of these Men participate in making all that possible. Sad, but true.

  • hi, having had boyfriends of all ages, the one thing they ALL have in common is the need to jack off (masturbate), regularly. Some, daily, others not so often, but all of them did. They're wired different than us. Just the way it is. I had one Boyfriend that frustrated me so much. He was a super attentive lover, but I just have a need to experience copious amounts of male ejaculate. He masturbated so often that he hardly produced a thimble full. He even masturbated up to an hour before our dates. Weird, huh?

  • Your doing fine but damn you should tell your boyfriend what you felt?

  • ahah I'm glad guys are majorly turned on by watching a girl masturbate. so this would never be an issue for us.

    its really not fair of us to make such a big deal out of it in return.

    why do you care? its not like he's cheating on you...

  • im the same way but that's odd how he's going into the bathroom with his comp maybe he's talkin to another woman on msn or somethin an jerkin off? who knows but id be upset

  • from what I hear guys kind of need to, its part of their biology.

  • When I was younger, I felt that way. You'll get over it with maturity. It's a guy thing. They think on impulse. To be perfectly honest, it's even recommended by doctors as a healthy stress relief. They actually ask you to do when under stress. It's socially accepted, and it's a natural way of life. Trust me, you won't feel this way forever. It really has nothing to do with you or how you look, act, how sexual you are. Don't beat yourself up over it. You'll grow out of that mind set.

  • Like most things, it depends on the individuals. My boyfriend does it all the time, but luckily it doesn't affect our sex-life. In fact it's useful for him to do it sometimes. For instance, we were both about to leave the house one morning last week, when I came out of the bathroom he liked what I was wearing and got a massive hard on. I just didn't have time to sort it out for him as I was already late, so he just said he'd jerk off before he went to work. Problem solved.

  • Yes its wrong

  • hes a guy let him do his thing

  • Well the thing about jerking off is the guy doesn't want to think about it and they don't want to worry about you getting off or anything. they are in it for themselves at that moment. well he isn't going to tell you about it because he doesn't want to start anything with it. and you know its a normal thing that he had probably been doing for a long time before you. and I think you need to calm down about it and tell him you can accept it. because he is only human and just because he is looking at them women doesn't mean he doesn't love you or want you. You need to calm down about this matter he would never do anything to hurt you and he would never be with any of those women over you. so there's nothing wrong with what he is doing. To me it sounds like you are just very insecure about yourself which isn't fair to him, you know?

  • Sorry, that is way wrong. You have no right to tell someone what to do with his body. You should definitely let the man jerk off. It's his penis, for god's sakes.

    I don't mean to hurt your feelings but have you considered that maybe there is a reason he'd rather do it himself than have you do it? Something similar happened to a couple friend of mine. He didn't want to have sex with her because she was very controlling when it came to their sex life. The fact that she didn't want him to jerk off p*ssed him off and made him want to do it more. And then when they were intimate, he could barely summon any desire for her. It ended up being a huge reason why they broke up.

    Men like some freedom. We all do. If I were with a guy who told me not to use my vibrator, we'd have a serious discussion that would result in either me getting my way or walking out the door. It is my body and if I choose to masturbate well then I will masturbate. Same goes for your man.

    Have you examined the reasons why you really don't want him to jerk off? Is there a larger issue of insecurity?

    Also, making yourself too available is a turn off. It seems like fun in theory but in practice, it's not so great. Ever see that Twilight Zone episode where the petty thief dies and gets everything he ever wanted? He wins every gambling game, has lots of women and drink - everything. Eventually grows bored and listless because there's no variation, no element of surprise. And he soon finds out that he's not in Heaven but Hell.

  • Once they addicted to porn, you can forget about a Sex life girlfriend...

    Let him jerk off, I would rather him do that then with another woman...Maybe somethings bothering him that's why he's barely cumming...Talk to him about your relationship and see if everything is cool..?

  • As a woman, yes, I think it's unacceptable. His relationship with his 'self' has nothing to do with his relationship with you. We all need quality time to ourselves, it's healthy and normal. It doesn't mean you aren't enough or that there's anything wrong with anything you are doing, it's a completely separate thing.

    • Relationship with his "self"? wtf?

  • I don't think its wrong, but I think its a fact he's going to do it anyway. I don't like that my boyfriend does it either, but I just prefer he not tell me about it. The problem is if it affects your sex life. Because if he'd rather jerk off then have sex with you on a regular basis, then he's being selfish, and selfishness isn't a good quality in a boyfriend.

  • Do you masturbate? If not, why not?

    I have run into this same type of question way too often around here and so I am tapped out. I can rant no more. So in a nutshell: Yes. It is wrong of you. Best of both worlds is that you both jerk off as often as you like. Try finding some porn that turns YOU on (don't say there isn't any until you have looked). Level the playing field. Make it more equal by sharing each other interests more. Masturbation is an essential healthy activity that naturally starts between ages 4-10 with ALL people (some people just forget those experiences). You seem well spoken, mature and generally open minded about it and not a screaming banshee like some people, so that's cool. That shows that you can make real progress. It also sounds like you are at least willing to do all different kinds of sexual acts and in that sense you are not a prude. That is good too.

    My best advice is that you both communicate a lot more. Find out and then indulge each other's fantasies. Assuming all other aspects of your relationship are good then I guarantee you that he will not think you are less of a woman or less desirable than the women in the porn if you are both allowing each other more sexual freedom. If you truly enjoy doing whatever it is that he likes then you are a sure win every time (and vice versa with him).

    One more bit of advice: I believe you when you say you are hot. Being sexy (I mean really sexy) is not passive though. Even the most gorgeous women aren't sexy if they don't behave sexily. Maybe you do already. Maybe you already know this. And I don't mean wandering around being cheesy and ditzy like Marilyn Monroe, I mean just being flirty, inviting and naturally accenting your positives to quote a phrase.

    • @oliver & melissarose8585 --- Thanks for the support.

    • Exactly!

    • I wonder why she didn't pick your answer as the "Best Answer", since it was the best thought out and probably the most mature of the bunch she received. Good for you, as what you suggested was alnost the same exact thing my GF/ and later fiancee did in that same situation. I hope she read and took your good suggestiion.

  • TRY something different.. he seems bored maybe.. its not your fault.. he's being a butthead. hhaa. but. I like doing it.. gets me in a mood(:

  • This isn't about sex - it's about control. While I may not advocate a huge amount of continuous porn watching...I do advocate the need to have private moments that allow you to release some tension in a way that having sex with someone doesn't cut. Could be he just occasionally wants a quick jerk - without all the emotion, or he could want to release the tension that was created during the day at the job...and it may just be a phase. What is clear to me is your so in need to control this guys behavior you're volunteering to "do it" whenever he wants. This is unrealistic and immature to say the least. It says to me you are abdicating your own needs and who you really are to control the relationship you have. Not so smart - especially in the long run.

    Read some books on understanding men and being a confident women. I say this because sex for men many times isn't always about expressing his "love" to you. He's not negating you in any way because he's jerking off (except if it's always to porn perhaps and then he may have a problem...) but you are negating his physiological needs because you don't know how to have a relationship that allows the other person to be who he is. Or you for that matter.

    He may need help - but no more than you.

  • Okay my boyfriend looks at porn. I know he does but he doesn't know I know. It doesn't really bother me though! THANKFULLY like firmwear says. He respects me enuff to do it when I'm not around. Plus I get curious and look at some porn too! I'm very sexual and feel the need to have some fun when he's not around. You should try it. Find what fits you. And maybe if he doesn't like it you can give him a taste of his own medicine lol

    You aren't over thinking anything. Just try to understand him and maybe join in on the fun.

    Another thing I noticed was that you're getting less sex. It's interfering with your sex life. So talk to him about it. Make sure he understands how you feel.

    Good luck.

  • go out buy a porn dvd and ask him if he'd like to watch it with you. also if ur arguing and fighting he will not go to you for relief if ur more sexual than he is he is probably punishing by not giving you sex.

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  • About all people (m/f) masturbate, whether single or living in couple, (and often long before they hit puberty)

    Only a tiny minority of religious people may abstain(?-I have my doubts, each time I read it)

    It's just part of his privacy.

    You're just too controlling.

  • sometimes you need a nice ol' fashioned

  • Yes, it's wrong of you. You have the option to encourage him and be willing to join him or just leave him and stay single.

  • we need to jerk off, period. Its in our biology. unless you are willing to give him sex WHENEVER and HOWEVER he wants, you have no place to tell him what he can or can't do with his own body.

    This is a case of you being a control freak, sorry

  • Old thread, but gotta put in a response.

    Girls, if you tell your guy that you don't want him to do something, "Masturbate or Porn" They are going to do it anyway and probably do it more often because the excitement of getting caught / not getting caught is extremely addicting.

    So when you say, "Don't do it!" He says in his mind, "I have to be more careful next time."

  • I think you need to remove the lock from the bathroom door.

  • your boyfriend is a looser, your very sweet. I lol when you say quick fix like its a drug or something, its a bad sign when your boyfriend turns from you to a computer screen means he's not sexually attracted to you or less attracted to you

  • I think I t might be a guy is still a guy no matter what and we pretty much like to do what we want...idk ingrained in us...we don't like being controlled

  • Let him get his groove on and be honest... tell him that you wouldn't mind at all if he sat at the PC while you did it for him.

    • Best Idea Ever

  • No, your attitude is fine. He should be paying more attention to real women and less to digital ones.

  • I find your attitude to be absolutely sterling! You are a very classy lady! :)

  • dont ever tell a guy he can't jerk off...and besides, even if you tell him he's still going to do it anyways

  • You can't ever stop a guy from masturbating he has being doing it most his life you can't just stop. Some guys just like to have a wank in privet theirs no harm in it but if he never wants you to have sex with you or want you around when he is masturbating then maybe he is gay you should just ask him way he masturbates bay him self .

  • wrong AND pointless.

  • wait wait... you are hot, and you are willing to toss him off any time he wants? even in the middle of an argument?

    You are the stuff that dreams are made of.

  • masturbation is normal

    and let him do it

    maybe he gets certain fetish or fantasies fulfilled by jerking off which cannot be done with u

    do you know wht kinda porn he watches>?keep a check on it

    give him his space a bit

    but if he is like avoiding sex all the time and wants to just jerk off with his laptop

    dump tht loser

    maybe try something new in bed like roleplay or matter how weird he thinks bout it,dont make a big issue or else he won't come out on tht issue

  • They make these things called "cock cages", which come with a little padlock... and so only you will have the key... ;)

    • Obviously, it would be consensual!

    • Thats mean..

  • yes it is wrong... masturbation is normal and healthy!

  • look, when guys masturbate, it can be to absolutely CRAZY things that don't get translated into actual, real life feelings for other women. I'm not going into details, but I have masturbated to things that quite simply would be impossible for one human girl to duplicate, and after I was done, even I looked at these videos and thought "woah." normally, I HATE rape. simply hate it. my AUNT was raped. but I can totally masturbate to rape stories or fantasy vids. I'm not into bondage, (okay maybe light bondage) but I've masturbated, consistently, to hellfire sex vids. no idea why.

  • no its not wrong at all if that's how you feel let him know

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