Is it wrong of me to not want my boyfriend to jerk off?

Is it wrong of me to not want my boyfriend to jerk off? I told him I really didn't want him to jerk off because I'm always willing to give him one if he needs a quick fix if we're not doing anything sexual. I also told him I don't care if we're arguing or mad at each other or regardless the situation I want him to know ill always be there to give him his fix if he needs it, I don't want him jerking off besides we live together so I'm always available. Well as of late he's been taking his computer with him in the bathroom with him and it takes him a while until he gets out. I really didn't care until I started surprisingly giving him head and he's barely cumming. I asked him about it and he denies it. I don't know what to think because first I don't want him looking around on the internet for diff naked women so he can jerk off when I'm hot and I live with him and second why jerk off when he can get it anytime and mind you he's not a sexual person and I am... Am I just over thinking everything and too uptight or something?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I asked my boyfriend the same thing! He and I have been together for several years. The whole porn and masturbation thing never bothered me until last year. I found a ton of hardcore porn on his computer and my heart hit the bottom of my stomach. I also notice that on the days he masturbated he didn't want to make love, and if we did do it, it wouldn't last very long. We took it one step at a time. First, I asked if he could please cut back on the porn because it was really starting to bother me. Then, I asked if he would just come to me whenever he was feeling the urge to masturbate and I would do whatever he wanted. Yeah, sometimes I'm not always home when he really wants to do it, but he told me he either thinks of me or looks at one of my pictures. So, I can't complain about that. :) He may even wait until I get home. It just really depends on his mood and when I'll be home. LOL

    I think a lot of girls wonder the same thing. I know I've had lots of conversations with several of my girl friends about this topic. Most of them pretty much agree and are on the same page as I am. I don't think you are being too uptight. You just need to talk with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about it.

    • Exactly right :).

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    • We'll for almost all men that do masturbate, it is the addiction of the P*rnography . For some it can be just the addiction to the rush from an orgasum. A p*rn addiction is one of the toughest to break and they will deny it everytime. (i know i did and im still not over it!) The only thing you can do is talk to him about the p*rn , and maybe even get serious about the consequences if he doesn't get with you instead of the computer.

    • On point!! Work through it together!

What Guys Said 64

  • No, your attitude is fine. He should be paying more attention to real women and less to digital ones.

  • About all people (m/f) masturbate, whether single or living in couple, (and often long before they hit puberty)

    Only a tiny minority of religious people may abstain(?-I have my doubts, each time I read it)

    It's just part of his privacy.

    You're just too controlling.

  • You might indeed be a bit uptight.

    Exception made for the factor 'domination', oral sex on men is grossly overrated, especially when it's no longer new. Some men need a long time to come that way, if they come at all. Lots of men don't feel the same sensations from oral sex they feel from masturbation.)


    1.You can become his favorite porn star.

    2.There is porn you'll like too.

    I'd suggest you look at porn together and you give him more handjobs (eventually after you got your own orgasm, of course) Just learn it.

  • What if he just likes jerking off? What if it's an important part of his sex life? Guess what: that's up to him, not you.

    A more responsible approach would be to discuss where his masturbation would fit into your sexual relationship. But if a girl were to just tell me: "You can't masturbate anymore. I don't like it." I would think, "Psycho control freak--deal breaker. We're done."

    I would think you wouldn't want him to get to that point.

    • I agree with you, its kind of weird irrational thinking.

      Honestly, what harm is he doing by maturbating, nothing. Seems more to me like the girl more of an issue then he does, control issues.

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    • I wouldn't go that for, she did say that the boyfriend masturbation is sort of f'in up the sex which could be somewhat of a problem

    • I'm not sure I believe her. She doesn't have too much to say about what's wrong with the sex, and a LOT to say about what's wrong with the masturbation. I'm guessing she just threw in "and the sex is bad" because it's what a lot of girls do when they feel like being mean.

  • Its not wrong to wish your partner to share his sexual moments with you.

    It is unreasonable though to try and control your partner overly.

    If your too obsessive over things it will reduce his sex drive with you and won't be good. Make him feel secure, let him know its alright but you don't like it and it hurts you, tell him to come to you and you will give him more than he could ever get alone with some stupid computer (this advice is only for a serious committed relationship).

    You don't know what he's doing with his laptop really. If you find he's lying to you then ditch him, its one thing to be addicted, its another to outright lie to your partner about things. If he admits he can't give up and will probably do it again, its ok, just support him. He's being honest and it he's been doing this behavior from very young age its very hard to stop.

    I don't mean little lies of course, sometimes people lie because they are scared of the consequences of the truth. I mean if he's outright hiding it from you shamelessly.

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What Girls Said 34

  • This isn't about sex - it's about control. While I may not advocate a huge amount of continuous porn watching...I do advocate the need to have private moments that allow you to release some tension in a way that having sex with someone doesn't cut. Could be he just occasionally wants a quick jerk - without all the emotion, or he could want to release the tension that was created during the day at the job...and it may just be a phase. What is clear to me is your so in need to control this guys behavior you're volunteering to "do it" whenever he wants. This is unrealistic and immature to say the least. It says to me you are abdicating your own needs and who you really are to control the relationship you have. Not so smart - especially in the long run.

    Read some books on understanding men and being a confident women. I say this because sex for men many times isn't always about expressing his "love" to you. He's not negating you in any way because he's jerking off (except if it's always to porn perhaps and then he may have a problem...) but you are negating his physiological needs because you don't know how to have a relationship that allows the other person to be who he is. Or you for that matter.

    He may need help - but no more than you.

  • When I was younger, I felt that way. You'll get over it with maturity. It's a guy thing. They think on impulse. To be perfectly honest, it's even recommended by doctors as a healthy stress relief. They actually ask you to do when under stress. It's socially accepted, and it's a natural way of life. Trust me, you won't feel this way forever. It really has nothing to do with you or how you look, act, how sexual you are. Don't beat yourself up over it. You'll grow out of that mind set.

  • As a woman, yes, I think it's unacceptable. His relationship with his 'self' has nothing to do with his relationship with you. We all need quality time to ourselves, it's healthy and normal. It doesn't mean you aren't enough or that there's anything wrong with anything you are doing, it's a completely separate thing.

  • Sorry, that is way wrong. You have no right to tell someone what to do with his body. You should definitely let the man jerk off. It's his penis, for god's sakes.

    I don't mean to hurt your feelings but have you considered that maybe there is a reason he'd rather do it himself than have you do it? Something similar happened to a couple friend of mine. He didn't want to have sex with her because she was very controlling when it came to their sex life. The fact that she didn't want him to jerk off p*ssed him off and made him want to do it more. And then when they were intimate, he could barely summon any desire for her. It ended up being a huge reason why they broke up.

    Men like some freedom. We all do. If I were with a guy who told me not to use my vibrator, we'd have a serious discussion that would result in either me getting my way or walking out the door. It is my body and if I choose to masturbate well then I will masturbate. Same goes for your man.

    Have you examined the reasons why you really don't want him to jerk off? Is there a larger issue of insecurity?

    Also, making yourself too available is a turn off. It seems like fun in theory but in practice, it's not so great. Ever see that Twilight Zone episode where the petty thief dies and gets everything he ever wanted? He wins every gambling game, has lots of women and drink - everything. Eventually grows bored and listless because there's no variation, no element of surprise. And he soon finds out that he's not in Heaven but Hell.

  • YES, it is VERY wrong of you to ask such a thing. Do you not masturbate? give it a go, when you have a few times come back and tell us how you would feel if your Boyfriend asked you to stop, that he preferred it if he was the only instrument of your pleasure.

    I know what I'd have said if my boyfriend asked me to stop, I'd have told him to stop being a controlling maniac!

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