Why does my boyfriend lose his erection right before sex?

My boyfriend loses his erection right before we have sex and sometimes during sex. He's fine during foreplay and stuff, but when we actually want to do it, he can't keep it up. He's really embarrassed and says its not me, it's him.What's going on?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • He probably has performance anxiety and isn't into what he's doing enough. A lot of guys can't perform on demand. They also need foreplay sometimes and being close to their partners. Usually, when a guy can't keep his erection it's often because when couples hang out and mess around a little they're like, well lets have sex. Since a guys biggest sex organ is in his head, he has to have a strong sexual feeling and desire for the girl he's about to have sex with. If he doesn't, then what starts out as a good erection fades away as his emotional feelings for the girl fades away. In your boyfriend's case it could of course be a personal physical thing or it could be emotional. But more than likely when he's having sex with you his subconscious is telling him that what he's doing isn't right. Like he's just not into it enough. You need to stop having sex and start enjoying the things that lead up to having sex instead and wait until you have a loving relationship rather than be having sex as a fun thing to do. For some people that still works great, but for others it doesn't good at all.

    • We waited 7 months to have sex actually, we are in a very loving relationship.

    • Loving? It sounds like a semi-long relationship to me. Ilovelegs has a great response to your question. What I would like to add is this: If he says it isn't you, it more than likely isn't. Head games can do a number to your feelings, but if a guy isn't arroused by you, why would he be sticking around?He diggs you, enough said... It could be many things and the only way to find out would be by talking WITH him about what's going on (i.e. recognizing when something is wrong and identifying it)

    • Very good added contribution ArtistBboy. Well said!

What Guys Said 3

  • Yea, any number of physical things: stress, hormones off kilter, exhaustion, poor diet, etc. or anything emotional. Best thing to do is relax and not worry about it. If it doesn't go away, he should see his doctor.

  • well this can be caused but several things...if he smokes...that could be a reason for it...or if he has a habit of eating unhealthy things...but the most common reasons are what everyone else has mention...stress...whether it be everyday normal stresses that are getting to him...or where it is that you guys are having sex could be stressing him out thus he loses his erection.anxiety... to much anxiety... anxiety is part of the sympathetic nervous system and will literally turn off the ability of a man to sustain an erection (this includes performance anxiety...he may just be terrified that it will bad for you) and finally depression...if he has been going through a rough time with something lately or just down about whatever...depression can have a huge impact on his sexual abilities..often leaving a man limp come game time.if this has been going on for a while now...you could try boosting his confidence...just making him feel good about what is going to happen and about himself can have a tremendous effect on his ability to maintain an erection...dont expect it to be fixed right away but try it out for a few days and see what happens.if that doesn't work then I would suggest going to see a doctor...as there are medications and techniques they can give him to help with this problem.hope this was helpfulBrian from www.ideabombs.com

  • The same thing use to happen to me. I have no idea why. I use to get hard during foreplay but when it came down to it I will get soft. Not all the time this happened but it does. I have no idea why and to be honest it is not her. I am not gay or bi, I really don't know why. It is embarrassing though

What Girls Said 1

  • Performance anxiety? Sexual dysfunction? It could be a number of things. If it doesn't go away, he should probably go to see a doctor.

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