Why does doing sexual stuff make me so uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

I'm nearly 19 and still haven't had sex...please listen and help! I had a handful of boyfriends in high school, but didn't have my first kiss til 16, and my first 2 boyfriends were EXTREMELY timid and shy, so I was never comfortable doing anything. I was a tease and flirty, but I never had the chance to actually do anything. I grew up with a strict dad that promised I would be thrown out of the family if I got pregnant, and I was forbidden to have a boyfriend til 17. I was also raised Christian, which has something to do why my hesitation doing anything sexually, but not that much. I do want to try to refrain from sex for as long as I can, but I'm not looking for abstinence. My 3rd boyfriend, when I was 17, was timid, but I still felt nervous and anxious when he tried to first finger me, and I didn't let him. I moved away before we could do anything but make out, and then I didn't have a boyfriend for over a year. Which sucked. But I got a boyfriend who loves me for about 4 months now, and I was just so nervous when he tried to finger me, and I just didn't want him to do it. I thought I was gross and he'd think it was disgusting and just...ya. I wasn't comfortable being topless in front of him and was so turned off when he started hard core dry humping me and when he 'finished himself' off when my arm just tired. I just get so turned off and disgusted. I love making out and love fingering over pants, but he was the first person to finger me and completely see me topless and just be extremely sexual. I enjoyed it, but the entire time I was self conscious and was always thinking too much and worrying and just couldn't fully get into it and love it. He always LOVED everything, but I was just like..eh. He tries telling me that blowjobs and handjobs and going down on me isn't a big deal, but it totally is for me and I have no idea why. I trust him, but I just get so uncomfortable thinking about doing it. We are long distance dating now, and he wants to phone sex, but I get so embarrassed and turned off even thinking about it or trying it. WHY am I like this? I love boys and love the idea of getting really hot and heavy, but when I get to the actual point of doing it, I feel gross and turned off.

[leph58]

Well Jarett is right you know my girlfriend have the same problem at first she didn't wanted me to touch her down there but with some time she agree on that. Some days ago we had phone sex so she told me that she enjoyed that but at the end she felt bad like guilty or something so I'm giving her time so she can get over it I mean sex is not that important at least not for me of course I want to but that is OK I guess she is not ready as you are not ready when you realize that sex is not a wrong thing it is just something natural on two people who love each other. So it is all about trust so your boyfriend have to make you trust him and you will see that step by step you will do those things with him and enjoy them just remember trust him if he shows you that he really loves you everything will be OK jejeje I guess I am an idealist but hope it works 4 you too : )

[l-hedoniste]

Aside from the self-consciousness, you're really, really okay, and the self-consciousness passes with time and habit.

The only trick you need to learn is to feel when you're going from hot to cold, from excited to gross, and to keep yourself on the right side of that balance. You should push yourself, but not force yourself.

Good luck. It might not feel like it, but you're doing really well.

[Anonymous]

I think the feelings you described are very common among woman. I am twenty and have only had one bf. We never did much because I always felt guilty about it. I felt like I was doing something wrong if I did sexual stuff with him. I have been single for a year now and well...I guess I'm in no rush.

I think since I value sex and intimacy a lot...and think it should really be kept within the marriage bed...I will probably wait to go any further until I get married.

I just pray that I can find a guy who won't demand it like so many seem to these days.

My best advice is to try to realize that it's okay and that you don't have to be doing those things if you don't feel right about it. See...after all...that's the whole point...it should be enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

i just want to say that I'm the exact same way! I love the IDEA of having sex and doing sexual things, but when I'm in the moment...I feel awkward and dirty. hopefully someone can help us!

[Jarett]

There is nothing wrong with it. You need to realize that sex for women is definitely an emotional thing. Some girls get to the point where they can lessen the emotional part of it if they do it enough. But for you it seems like there is still a subconscious moral part to it as well. You feel uncomfortable because you feel that it is wrong.