I am 22 year old virgin male wondering if I should get an escort?

[Anonymous]

OK so I am 22 yrs. old and have very little sexual experience. I've kissed a few girls and done a little more but am still very inexperienced and am obviously a virgin. As well though I'm not in peak shape I'm not fat or ugly and have recently quit drugs and begun to exercise and watch what I eat to help boost my confidence and get in shape. Although that has been a successful start due to my extreme shyness, and anxiety I have around girls especially in party/bar situations I have not been able to find relationships or intimacy. Also I was better about this in HS and had more "girl" friends and even girls who wanted to be intimate with me but do to stupid ego and mostly anxiety let those chances pass be my and have gotten much, much worse throughout college. (Sorry for the long set up but now the important part.) I have been seeing a therapist for a while and last week she floated to me the idea of hiring an escort to get over what we believe to be a sexual threshold that has caused me over time to lose all confidence, become greatly depressed, and even more isolated or at least much more anxious in social scenarios. (btw before you out right scorn my therapist, she pushed the idea because her husband, though since it was the 60's the escort was actually a surrogate, was a lot like me and used the surrogate to get past all the problems I listed above) I have read many other sites where people commented on several similar questions. In them people have mostly said wait, you'll regret it, etc...but I fear that without this I may regret much more for a lot longer. That's not to say I, or my therapist for that matter, feel this will fix all my problems, far from it, rather just something to help take away the mental block that has dogged me my whole life. So really to wrap up (sorry I know I wrote a book) I want to know if people agree with my therapist or not. And if you think its a mistake, why do you feel that so strongly and if honestly your first experience was really that special or if I could simply look at this as a stepping stone to my first "real" experience. guys and girls responding would be great. Thanks in advance for the advice.

[bobair]

I can relate to feeling inadequate and awkward because I was like that for most of my youth. Now I'm great with women.

Getting laid is never going to give you the "confidence" that you think you're lacking.

I wrote a blog post on this topic once found here ( link )

The truth is that you're always going to get nervous with every new woman you get naked with. It's normal and natural. And with time you'll enjoy that feeling, because it's fun.

You need to spend more time learning about all of the relationship steps that occur LONG before sex, because once they're NAILED down, the sex will be a easy, even if you're terrible.

What?

Because if you're with a woman who loves you for who you are, she's not going to care if you're awesome in bed, or terrible. As a matter of fact she'll be willing to try anything while you figure those things out for yourself.

So how do you find this wonderful woman?

You first learn about dating, relating, women, attraction, rapport and seduction.

The work you're doing on yourself (therapy, freedom from drugs, working-out, etc) is AMAZING and I applaud you. Most men NEVER get around to this type of personal improvement, and so I think you're completely on your way!

I'd suggest saving your money on hookers, and spending it on Educational Materials. Google terms like pickup, seduction, superior man. That will get you started on the path of Man Mastery. Ha!

In the end, sleeping with a hooker is fine, if you don't expect it to cure you of your insecurities. But think of how damaging it might be in the long run (disease, guilt, dependency?)

Best of luck dude,

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

[Anonymous]

Hey man. I don't really have an answer for you, but I just wanted to say that your first 2 description paragraphs describe me exactly, except I'm 19. But I've been strongly considering saving up and getting a nice escort myself... I really do think it would solve some problems. I've been in a few significant situations in my life where I could have had a relationship with a girl, but I never did, and it was honestly because I was too scared. The only times I've ever been able to break the physical barrier have been when I've been exceedingly drunk, and that's obviously not healthy nor very productive.

This might sound stupid, but the whole idea of getting an escort popped into my head while I was reading a book the other night that is set in older times, when fathers would send their sons to the brothel when they came of age. That doesn't happen anymore of course, but I don't think the need itself has completely gone away, especially for (frankly) pussies like us. It seems to me like a completely normal and reasonable thing to do, and I certainly plan on fulfilling this plan for an escort in the near future.

[TaurusFemmeFatale]

From a woman's perspective,

Being with an escort/prostitute is only ephemeral. Her service will be solely based on monetary gain. This will not cure you of your insecurities. Find an older woman who is in her prime, and at her sexual peak. You will keep her spiritually young, and she will return the favor by teaching you a few things about sex. This will help ease the intentions, and help you come out of your shell. Whne you're ready to date someone around your age, you will be BOLD, CONFIDENT, READY and SEXUALLY CHARGED!

[scnbabe89]

no your still young its ok loose it to someone that you care about its so much better that way its not like your 40 or anything.

[tts1980]

I am 29 and still a virgin and I am seeing a sex therapist and surrogate currently. You are more "advance" in a way that I have yet to have my first kiss.

It is probably important for you to know that surrogate sessions rarely involve genital intercourse. Most time is spent talking and having physical contact either through touching exercise or massage. The whole idea is to get you in tune with your body and getting use to physical contact. If you think you just need to get laid, surrogate would be an expensive route, you should just go for escort.

For me, surrogate and going for relaxation massage helps and my therapist can see I am making major improvement in various aspects (confidence, assertiveness, and more open to physical contact). But for any of these to really work, you must first learn to let go of what others think.

[l-hedoniste]

First, be clear on something: a surrogate is NOT an escort. A surrogate I a person who works, in conjunction with a therapist, on solving a particular sexual dysfunction. An escort, by contrast, gets money for time and, perhaps, sex.

An escort isn't qualified, isn't trained, and usually isn't inclined, to deal with sexual dysfunction. She will be professional, and sympathetic, but typically not terribly helpful, especially over the long run.

Generally, I think surrogates are a vastly underused resource--largely because therapy nowadays is largely pill-driven, since you get higher patient turnover and revenue reimbursement that way. If your therapist can find a good surrogate--there VERY rare nowadays, I say go for it.

[Dela1111]

Just go have sex with a random girl (use protection) and that might help ur confidence. Looks definitely aren't everything and to be honest really aren't even a big factor for most girls (even the hot ones). I've seen hot guys get shot down and average joe bring home the entire group of girls. Just go have sex, or do something that will give you some confidence. Watch comedy central and become funny, lol.