How do I confront my husband about his webcam account?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I just had a baby a month ago.He accidentally left his e-mail up and after past experiences,my curiosity got the better of me.I found that he had a few accounts to pornographic web cam sites.I didn't allow my pregnancy to interfere with our active sex life but now I am recovering and it makes things difficult.I have a week left before we can have sex again but it has been 5 long weeks so far for both of us.I have no problem with looking at porn(I do myself at times)and I wouldn't have a problem if he looked or if we looked together but the idea of him being contacted by other women and making a profile for himself on these sites bothers me. How can I confront him? This has happened in the past and #1, he got mad that I looked through his stuff and #2, tried to convince me that he set up a phony situation hoping I would look (to test me).It's truly breaking my heart thinking that since I have not been able to satisfy him lately, he may be looking for the company of someone else.What do I do?!

[Texan83]

What?

Ok first let me tell you that you are not at fault at all.

You need to tell him to MAN up. Sounds to me this is your first baby and if it is there is a tremendous amount of responsibilities that come with it. Instead of him using his time to please himself sexually he should be putting his family first. Thinking about the kids future. Providing for you and your new baby.

A lot of men are stubborn. The way to approach him first is to tell him agree with him first. What you say is "I know that you have not been able to satisfy your sexual hunger and that is fine. Say that all that you ask is for better communication in the marriage. If he wants to look at porn that is fine just don't hide things from you. Hiding things is bad in marriages and leads to distrust.

There are tons of other ways to sexually please him just visit a local sex store and get some lotion and blind fold him and use your hands. (This is just a suggestion)

But there are lot of options for you two to work on to satisfy each others needs and wants. This is a marriage. There needs to be good communication. Don't be angry with him. Men make mistakes and women fix it for them. Learn to approach his mistakes without being hostile and fixing it for him.

And to answer your #1 and #2 past approaches. Of course looking through someones stuff is a bad thing. But then again he is your husband and you live with him. People just like animals have instincts. You can sense that something was different in the atmosphere and mood of your partner. So you got curious and you snooped around the house.

and for #2 that phony situation is BS how would he feel if you were seeing another guy for lunch and hoping he would catch you to test him out.

So in conclusion you need to approach him in a cool and understanding way and get to the bottom of it without bringing your emotions out and find a solution that will work for the best of you.

Hope this helps!

[Asker]

All of you people are pathetic, how could you think you are getting the whole story from these people? This is amateur hack advice from uninformed people. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Signed: the A**hole husband (who can snoop just as easily haha)

[SaucieMaMa]

hes an asshole. simply put. he did it the first time, and he did it again... I'm so sorry this is happening. You're already going through so much as it is, with JUST having a baby, being a mother, your body getting back into shape and starting to feel like yourself, and other post pardum issues, this is the LAST thing you need! You can play it the kinky way and contact him through webcam and be kinky together, or you can leave a message on his webcam account, or, leave a nice cute letting inside a pretty envelope taped to the monitor for him to read when he gets to it, telling him what you saw, know, and how you feel. He's done this once and he'll continue to do it again, its unfortunate that porn (whether we admit or not) is adicting, I have no idea why, maybe because its so easy to get to... IDK, but since you don't mind the PORN, then think about the LYING, come on.. Be a flippin man and be like "Yeah, I am on the webcam I am being kinky, I am cheating, I am maturbating with other women... " This guy is an ass I would kick him in his balls lol! I hope things get much better for you! and congrats on your new baby! welcome to motherhood!

[Asker]

Thanks everyone.On a side note, it's not like I'm not pleasing him.I have given oral sex and it's not like my my mind needs healing, just my body.I miss the sex just as much as him.He has shared the responsibility for the baby & I'm really not sure when he is doing this.Your answers were helpful, keep em' comin!

[Asker]

Nice to pass judgement on people you don't know, nasty little ****.

[Asker]

Hi. You people are pathetic. How could you think you're getting the whole story? This is amateur hack advice from uninformed people. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Signed: The a**hole husband (yes I can snoop too, haha)

[Asker]

"This guy is an ass I would kick him in his balls" Oh is that right, SkankyMaMa? OK, well lets just see if I can use your account information and IP address to find out where you live. Then you can give it a try...

[mrsvincenoir]

First of all you don't have to have actual sex to satisfy each other sexually...there are plenty of other ways you and he can be intimate...so I don't really see this as an excuse.

I don't believe the "phoney situation" I think that's a phoney excuse.

Secondly, if this is your first child,you should be getting in support in how having a little one changes things for a bit,not him doing this.

You have the slepless nights,the exhaustion recovering from the birth (not everyone,i was loading the dishwasher an hour after lol),the effects of pregnancy on your body can interfere with your confidence and it may be a while before you feel like yourself,allt hese things...he should be there for you.

I myself would find that really quite hurtful,and I think the only way you can deal with this is to be open and honest with him and talk to him.

You don't have to be aggressive or off key...tell him openly you checked because of the past-he can't have a go at you for that,and that it is hurting you,and say why.

What more can you do but communicate and be honest?

[Asker]

That's very enlightening from someone who has no idea who are what they are talking about. Why don't you stay out of other peoples relationships? Don't have one of your own to ruin?