Girlfriend won't let me go down on her?

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a good amount of time now and we've had sex and everything. However, I have yet to make her orgasm and I really would like to. Yet when I bring up the subject of going down on her it's an almost immediate no with no real reasoning behind it except that she thinks it's "kind of weird." I don't know why she would find it weird at all, especially since she gives me oral and she doesn't find that weird. So I don't understand why she finds reciprocation to be an issue.

Does anyone think there's a legitimate reason as to why she's acting this way? Also, is there anything I can do that could possibly help change her mind?


Most Helpful Girl

  • OK I'll mention 2 things: A woman's feelings about her vagina and what makes a woman orgasm.

    First, as a guy you love your penis right? It's like your best friend. You have issues with it sometimes but you love it. A woman doesn't have that feeling for her vagina. I'm sorry that this is so graphic but you have to hear this to understand where she is coming from. To a woman, her vagina is one of the most embarrassing parts of her. It smells, it leaks fluid, once a month it actually bleeds (and then really smells). Someone best described it as a combination of a nose and an armpit. That's how most women start off life feeling about their vaginas. In addition, unlike your penis, it is inside a woman so she doesn't give it a great deal of thought compared to how much you would think about your penis. So it's an irritant and most women know little about it. How many names do you have for your penis? Ever notice your girlfriend refers to her vagina as "down there"? Like it doesn't even have a name. And all that together with the fact that women are told to guard their sexuality with an intensity makes the idea of someone wanting to lick that area astonishing.

    Now talking about a woman guarding her sexuality leads me to the thing about an orgasm. For a man, an orgasm comes when you lose control. You can't take it anymore and your body lets go. For a woman, an orgasm is completely in her control. This is why some women will never have an orgasm. Cause she has to be completely and utter willing to let go of the tension in her body to have it. Women are actually able to absorb the tension back in rather than let it out because we don't' have to ejaculate. A woman is told her whole life that her sexuality is not a good thing. She needs to remain pure and innocent. So after hearing that for decades how easy do you think it is for her to let go of those thoughts? Think about how men are encouraged to develop their sexuality and how it is a part of them. Now imagine you are told that all the sexuality is bad. Could you change you mind immediately? Would it take a month? A year? 10 years to change how you feel about sex?

    To be a sensual woman, to have an orgasm, is to let go of those thoughts that she has been taught and give in the moment. An orgasm is a choice for a woman. And can have very little to do with a man's technique. I'll say it again, if a woman doesn't want to let go and have an orgasm, it doesn't matter what a man does to get her there.

    It's not hopeless but it takes time and patience on your part. It takes a lot of touching and kissing, that doesn't led to sex. All the touching puts her at ease. A woman at ease with a man is more likely to have an orgasm. Things like back massages make her think you care about her, not sex. Talk to her. Listen to her. Also, things that put a woman at ease

    I know this may sound like physiological bable but it is a studied fact that what a woman is taught about sex affects a woman's sexuality.

    • That was great ! Thank you miss for your honesty. You are the kind of women that makes me love this site. Do you think there is a way he could help her get there step by step? I find it tragic that a woman can feel so insecure and undeserving. I would do anything to make her feel better and finally let go of her anxiety. Any other insights?

What Girls Said 9

  • Maybe she is worried about how she will taste and smell to you. Girls don't like thinking that there man won't like it and only do it because she wants him too. Or maybe she did have a bad experience just try and comfort her and maybe one day she will let you if not that's just her Good Luck :) :P :D XD

    • What could constitute a bad oral experience for a girl?

    • Well I have had Really bad experiences with oral I've been bit, torn, cut, and more so maybe she has had something less violent happen to her if so it takes a long time to get over unless you completely trusts the other person

    • Goddamn ! Were you in love with a lawn mower?

  • For the longest time I didn't want my boyfriend to go down on me either. It took a long time for me to get comfortable and even know I'm not completely 100% there. But he was very patient. Every time we were intimate he would just kiss me or lick me a little bit closer to my vagina, and just keep reassuring me that he loves everything about my body. One time he just got me so comfortable and relaxed that he actually ended up going down on me without me even noticing. All I knew was that it felt so good. Try those tips. And see if it works if not just give it time. eventually she'll come around just know that it isn't you or anything your doing wrong.

  • She is most likely just really nervous. Maybe no one else has ever done this for her. It might be intimidating for you to be so close to that part of her. She may be self conscious or grew up thinking that it is wrong. Just let her know that you think that she is beautiful and it is something that you want to do for her because you love her (If this is true).

  • She may no feel comfortable with her body.

  • there could be no reason except her being scared of what you going to think..

    i never ever let anyone only my boyfriend once and that was a huge step

    even though I also gave oral

    just tell her its okay I just wanna show you what it feels like etc etc

    she might eventually let u

More from Girls

What Guys Said 3

  • maybe she has had a bad experience with someone else going down on her before. try to talk to her to understand and maybe then she will see you're not like this someone else.

  • The most likely thing I can think of is that she is not comfortable with herself down there...whether it be smell, how it looks, taste whatever...

  • Maybe she doesn't shave and her vag smells. Sometimes girls have those problems.