So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a good amount of time now and we've had sex and everything. However, I have yet to make her orgasm and I really would like to. Yet when I bring up the subject of going down on her it's an almost immediate no with no real reasoning behind it except that she thinks it's "kind of weird." I don't know why she would find it weird at all, especially since she gives me oral and she doesn't find that weird. So I don't understand why she finds reciprocation to be an issue.
Does anyone think there's a legitimate reason as to why she's acting this way? Also, is there anything I can do that could possibly help change her mind?
Most Helpful Girl
OK I'll mention 2 things: A woman's feelings about her vagina and what makes a woman orgasm.
First, as a guy you love your penis right? It's like your best friend. You have issues with it sometimes but you love it. A woman doesn't have that feeling for her vagina. I'm sorry that this is so graphic but you have to hear this to understand where she is coming from. To a woman, her vagina is one of the most embarrassing parts of her. It smells, it leaks fluid, once a month it actually bleeds (and then really smells). Someone best described it as a combination of a nose and an armpit. That's how most women start off life feeling about their vaginas. In addition, unlike your penis, it is inside a woman so she doesn't give it a great deal of thought compared to how much you would think about your penis. So it's an irritant and most women know little about it. How many names do you have for your penis? Ever notice your girlfriend refers to her vagina as "down there"? Like it doesn't even have a name. And all that together with the fact that women are told to guard their sexuality with an intensity makes the idea of someone wanting to lick that area astonishing.
Now talking about a woman guarding her sexuality leads me to the thing about an orgasm. For a man, an orgasm comes when you lose control. You can't take it anymore and your body lets go. For a woman, an orgasm is completely in her control. This is why some women will never have an orgasm. Cause she has to be completely and utter willing to let go of the tension in her body to have it. Women are actually able to absorb the tension back in rather than let it out because we don't' have to ejaculate. A woman is told her whole life that her sexuality is not a good thing. She needs to remain pure and innocent. So after hearing that for decades how easy do you think it is for her to let go of those thoughts? Think about how men are encouraged to develop their sexuality and how it is a part of them. Now imagine you are told that all the sexuality is bad. Could you change you mind immediately? Would it take a month? A year? 10 years to change how you feel about sex?
To be a sensual woman, to have an orgasm, is to let go of those thoughts that she has been taught and give in the moment. An orgasm is a choice for a woman. And can have very little to do with a man's technique. I'll say it again, if a woman doesn't want to let go and have an orgasm, it doesn't matter what a man does to get her there.
It's not hopeless but it takes time and patience on your part. It takes a lot of touching and kissing, that doesn't led to sex. All the touching puts her at ease. A woman at ease with a man is more likely to have an orgasm. Things like back massages make her think you care about her, not sex. Talk to her. Listen to her. Also, things that put a woman at ease
I know this may sound like physiological bable but it is a studied fact that what a woman is taught about sex affects a woman's sexuality.11