I lost my virginity and now I am kind of an emotional wreck

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend and I had strong feelings for each other for about 6 months before we got together after 2 weeks of being his girlfriend things felt so comfortable and I lost my virginity to him. (I am 20 and he is my first real boyfriend). i trust his character and he is the kind of guy who makes an effort to do the right thing. i know I did it too soon into the relationship. I thought I felt so comfortable with him, but it was more like, "for the first time a guy I like A LOT has expressed interest in being with me for a long time..." i have had a lot of flings, but it has never worked out with someone I REALLY liked (I don't like people too often) we have been dating for over a month now and in the beginning he was overloading me with cute texts and everything. he would randomly text me just to say how into me he was. last week we spent too much time together (he wanted to come to my house so he met my parents and slept over...we spent the entire day together...then I slept at his house and had to go that afternoon). since then I have been feeling really insecure. like he isn't as eager to see me/text me. after I left his place on Sunday he was like, "when are we going to hang out next?" so I told him monday or weds...he picked weds. so we have plans to hang out tomorrow but he hasn't been texting me that much and he hasn't been calling me pet names. did I ruin it by sleeping with him too soon? or is it normal for things to just cool down once you get more comfortable with someone.

[ilovelegs]

No it's not normal for things to cool down once you get more comfortable with someone. Actually, it should make you more comfortable with each other. However, if this getting more comfortable with someone includes sleeping with them too soon in a relationship like you did, then yes it can. In fact, sleeping together too soon in a relationship is the biggest single factor that starts chipping away at it. Having sex is totally different than anything else couples do in a relationship and the reason for that is because it's meant only for couples that are not only totally committed to each other but also truly in love with each other. That's when 100% trust comes in. If any of that is lacking plus having sex too early in a relationship, in most cases sooner or later it's bound to cause one problem or another sooner or later. In your case it's too hard to tell yet because only a few days are involved. Maybe when you hang out today it'll go just great. But start being more careful with the having sex thing if you want your relationship to be meaningful and last. Otherwise, it may work out to be short-term and if that's OK with you then no problems. For now, just be your sweet self and don't act any different towards your bf. In a week from now you'll know far more.

[Asker]

So you think its doomed? he told me he loved me before we had sex (that's not why I did it) he asked me to meet my family and he did...I'm probably just being naive. it just sucks I hope I didn't ruin everything. I shouldn't speculate so much...i will see him tomorrow and hopefully have a talk with him.

[ilovelegs]

Oh no, not yet. I did say that, "...In your case it's too hard to tell yet because only a few days are involved. Maybe when you hang out today it'll go just great. But start being more careful with the having sex thing if you want your relationship to be meaningful and last." so... "For now, just be your sweet self and don't act any different towards your bf. In a week from now you'll know far more." Right, don't speculate so much. Wait till you see him again.. and again a few more times.

[Anonymous]

Don't beat yourself up over it. I knew my ex girlfriend 6 months before we first got together. I took her virginity on our first date. She wasn't very well known on campus and I was and she told me she always liked the fact that I was interested in her for that reason. We were FWB type for a few months until I really couldn't hide my feelings anymore. I fell for her very hard. I also would send her cute texts and email cards and stuff just expressing my love and how happy I was to be with her. I always wanted to spend time with her, and she seemed to always want to with me. I don't think our eagerness for each other went away, but over time she began to lose interest in me as she became more noticed by other people. Sleeping with someone soon in a relationship kind of takes the challenge away. Her and I had a very crazy sex life and would always try new things. I guess I just wore off on her. I felt used. He might be happy he got what he wanted, but a guy who is just using you for sex wouldn't spend days on end with you and be willing to meet your parents.

[Asker]

Thanks for ur help. I don't think he was using me for sex. I know he has a genuine interest for me, but I just notice it slowing down and he isn't as complimentary towards me anymore. he isn't trying as hard. should I back off so he knows that he can't get lazy with me?

[Opinion Owner]

He might just be scared to involve himself in a relationship. I would just sit down and discuss this with him.

[Asker]

He is the one who has always expressed wanting to be together for a while. he started calling me his girlfriend and I have been the one kind of scared to push any of that on him. he was so quick to want all of this with me and I'm scared he is changing his mind. I don't want to bring it up if I'm just being paranoid because the last thing I want is to be a psycho clingy needy girlfriend =[

[Opinion Owner]

Well that's typical. Guy has sincere interests and tries to express them, and a girl views it as being intrusive. They then push it away. This is why guys go nuts. He's not changing his mind! You're giving him mixed signals.

[Asker]

What should I do then? I have been trying to show him how much I like him and I'm afraid of being too clingy with it, because I haven't been receiving much back when I try the past few days.

[Opinion Owner]

I would have a conversation with him. I'd discuss how you're feeling, see how he's feeling and what his intentions are. Then you will both have a clear understanding of where you are.

[Asker]

Good call. how should I bring it up without being too needy?

[Opinion Owner]

Don't nag him. Just mention that you'd like to talk to him so that you have a better understanding of what HE'S thinking. That way he doesn't think you're being selfish and you want all the attention for yourself. Tell him YOU want to be on the same page as HIM and he will be happy about that :)

[Asker]

Okay thank you so much for helping me out =] I'm nervous to bring it up, because if he likes me then he should be happy to have this conversation with me.

[Opinion Owner]

You're quite welcome, I am glad I could help. Don't be nervous. Guys get nervous sometimes about wanting relationships, because women sometimes don't always want the same thing. But I think he's definitely interested. Re-post and let me know how it goes.