My boyfriend is 7 years older than me... I'm 16 and in a bad situation. please help.

[Anonymous]

So, I'm 16, and my boyfriend of almost 6 months is 23. That's a seven year age difference. We have not had sex, and we don't plan on it until I am at least of legal age (18 in CA). My parents don't know that I have a boyfriend. Here is the problem... One of my brother's best friends saw my boyfriend and I kind of making out today downtown. He came up to us and basically started b****ing. He attacked my boyfriend with questions, and he knew that nobody in my family knew I even have a bf. So, he told me that if I didn't tell my dad about him, then he would tell him for me. I hate him. Its so not his place to be in my business like this. F*** my life. We are totally legally fine... since we haven't had sex... so it really shouldn't be that big of a deal. What should I do?

[l-hedoniste]

1. Go ripsh*t on your brother. It's not his fault, but let him know that his friend is truly and officially not welcome in your life. If his friend shows up on your doorstep, beat him with a stick. Seriously. If you see him on the street, hit him with a rock. In front of your brother. Let there be no limit to the depth of your ferocity. His friend, is an *sshole, and *ssholes are meant to suffer.

Also hint that people are often judged by the company they keep.

2. What did your boyfriend do when attacked? If I were out with my girl, regardless of age, and my girlfriend's brother's friend (!) got in our face asking us "What are you doing, blah, blah, blah?" I would have an answer to the tune of, "If you want to call her parents, I'll talk to them. If you want to call her brother, I'll deal with him.

"But I don't know you; you're a stranger to me, yelling in my face. And that means that if you don't back off, I'm going to have to lay your *ss out, right here, right now."

It's a VERY bad sign when a man lets strangers confront his girlfriend without interference. You need to find out what's up with that.

3. It's time to talk with your parents. It's better they hear it from you than from some stranger, and you need to take away this leverage over you.

[SkinnerOne]

These are very tough relationships. Even though you will not think so, you are still very young. And believe it or not, there is a whole lot of growing up between 16 and 23. In 7 years I want you to remember this statement and look back at what you were and what you thought at age 16 and THEN come tell me how much you ave changed.

Your boyfriend should really be staying away from girls your age for several reasons. First and foremost he stands a real risk legally because you are still a minor. Hon, the mere impression that something COULD be going on is often enough to cause major problems... as you are learning.

I am not doubting YOUR integrity or honesty here. I WOULD be very suspect of his though. He is in a position that would allow him, were he to have a mind to, take advantage of a young girl just learning about the matters of the heart. THAT is what everybody is up in arms about. And yes, it does happen all the time. And No, you are NOT immune to it happening to you regardless of how convinced you are. You are more likely to be fooled because of your age and inexperience and that is why people want to protect you.

[vmw2008]

There's a reason why boys get this protective over girls that are close to them. Be it daughters, brothers, a best friend's sister, etc. Guys know how other guys think. And he knows exactly was this 23 yr. old is thinking dating a 16 year old. There are always exceptions to the rule, I understand. But when I was 16, I had a 24 yr. old coming on to me as well. I was flattered because he was so much older, so it made me feel like I had to be pretty attractive to get his attention. We made out a couple times, hung out, when my older cousin caught us together and screamed at both of us. (It was his friend). I couldn't hang out with the guy again and I was so upset.

About 3 1/2 years later, I'm 19 now. And I get it. A 23 yr. old has no business dating a 16 year old because of the way they're thinking! He knows he is older, and more mature. He can take advantage of the situation. (Not just sexually). Now, guys in that age group are friends that I hang out with. And I hear them saying all the time about "preying on the new freshman" because they don't know any better. "Get them while their young" because they're so much easier than the older girls that know better. So please be careful with this guy. He shouldn't even consider you an option until you get to college.

[lace_and_leather]

I'm sorry that is happening to you. I know how stressful it can be.

If your parents would be against you dating him once they find out and they really want to pursue taking action, they will find a way.

While it may not be statutory rape, your boyfriend could be accused of corrupting a minor. It's a frustrating situation for everyone, especially for your parents since there is no legitimate way in their eyes to prove if you are having sex with him or not.

My first boyfriend when I was 15 was six years older than me. I did A LOT of sneaking around and lying about him. It was just something my family wouldn't understand. When they did find out, I was very angry and threw a lot of rebellious fits. There was nothing else I could have really done. Just be prepared for inconvenience and getting in trouble if your parents are not the least bit happy when they find out.

If you don't mind me asking, what were some of the questions your boyfriend was asked and how did he respond to them?

You should also talk to him about this and get his opinion on the matter about how to handle it since he is older and 'wiser'. He has to have some responsibility in this as well.

[Asker]

Thank you. Its good to know that somebody here can kind of relate to my situation. My brothers friend was sooo angry when he saw us together. First, he came up swearing at my boyfriend saying thing like... you know... WTF? he asked him how old he was. -- to witch he told his true age. Then my bro's friend basically just starting being a complete jerk and started to ridicule him for going after a minor and all that stuff. To which my boyfriend just responded that age doesn't matter with us, because its tru love

[lace_and_leather]

Do you think your parents would freak out if they found out and make you guys break up? I don't advocate sneaking around and lying but if you love him and want to be with them and it's not hurting either of you then so be it. It's not even that big a deal because you aren't having sex with him. Also, if the need be you have to break up or whatever and everything goes downhill, if it is 'true love' then you can always try to wait it out until you are 18- despite how hard that is.

[Starling]

I don't think you should hate your brothers friend for what he did, maybe he went about it the wrong way but age is a touchy subject when it comes to relationships, especially when one is so young. He just cares about you and is expressing that. If I saw my best friends little sister in the same situation I know I'd be very concerned, it'd be a lot like seeing your own sister. Worrisome.

[maye8384]

Well, 7 years is a big difference. But I would go to my parents and explain the situation before your brother has a chance to. Hearing the truth coming straight from you would probably help your parents see that you are mature enough to tell them about the situation firsthand... although 7 years is a big difference it all depends on the person.

[nice_guy7]

wow, you have to be 18 in CA? that sucks.

here in Canada it is 16 and only like 5 years ago it was 14.

yeah I agree that it isn't his business. if I was your bro I might tell, but this is just some friend. I would be a little concerned that the guy you are dating is so old but I would just talk to you about it.