Sexual Health
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My boyfriend used to watch porn but he quit for me. I'm still afraid he'll do it again. What should I do? Help

Everyone says all guys watch it. Is this true? Personally I think it is disgusting and degrading to women. Especially in a relationship, I consider it cheating. First, your looking at other girls naked and second you find pleasure in it. If it wasn't so bad and "natural" then why do most guys hide it? And as for the come back that most guys use, "at least were not physically cheating". Well you still get hard right? So yes, it is cheating. Yeah you'll never actually see these porn stars, but you'll definitely start comparing them to your girlfriend. Right? I felt totally useless and like I wasn't good enough when my boyfriend watched it. btw you must kinda look retarded, you physically got you loved one right there, and you chose cyber fake whores. I know people are going to trash me, but its my opinion and I just need help. thank you.
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+1 y
sex is a beautiful thing that shouldn't be taken for granted.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Imagine a guy is my friend, and he tells me this:

    "My girlfriend doesn't want me watching porn. In fact, she doesn't want me finding other women attractive. It's like any time my d*ck gets hard, awake or asleep, in my real life or my fantasy life, if that erection doesn't have her name on it, I'm cheating."

    My advice would be: "Do you think this woman is making a reasonable request, demanding ownership of your entire mental life? Does a reasonable woman demand that she be the ONLY thing, anywhere, anytime, that you find sexually attractive?

    "Keep the porn, ditch the girl."

    Every couple negotiates for themselves what cheating is. But when a girl tells me that cheating is every sexual thought or act, real or imagined, that doesn't have her in it, loud bells and whistles go off in my head.

    First, the "reasonable adult" alarm goes off. Am I really going to have to apologize to this woman for my fantasy life? Every thought I have about every woman I see? People don't live this way. They get along by choosing not to see what's not important. A woman who makes such a demand wants to fight, a whole hell of a lot. I refuse to live this way.

    Second, the "control freak" alarm goes off. Why the hell does she need this much control over me mental life. I'm not screwing around, or threatening to screw around, or planning to screw around, or considering to screw around. I am not abandoning the relationship in any way. What is she afraid of, then? Something in her own head, something I can't fix and she won't fix.

    Sadly, that's why most guys hid porn--because their women will be unreasonable and controlling about it. I don't hide it, at all, ever. At a minimum, it's a chance to open conversations, discuss what we like and don't like, to make the relationship healthier. Ideally it's something we can share and have a laugh over, maybe more than a laugh.

    That can never happen, though, if the girl automatically blows up at it and tries to control it. But that's not about the guy, it's about the girl: just because we speak quietly around raving lunatics, it doesn't mean we're ashamed of sanity. Frankly, I find porn a handy tool for scaring these girls off. I'm happier for it, it brings me a better cut of partner.

    Whatever drives you to seek such an enormous amount of control over your partner's life, you need to dial it back a bit, or you simply won't be able to find and keep partners.

    I think you know this, on some level, it's why your worried. But as hard is this may be to admit, the porn isn't the problem. It's you.

    • Yoo your fucking horrible Finding other women attractive? Wtf Why is he even with her in the first place XD!!!

  • Listen, this is a modern day way for many men to relieve themselves.

    You have to understand that a mans brain is hardwired, to have sex with as many beautiful women as possible. This has been tamed somewhat in our society.

    But guys often do it to see what it would be like with different types of girls. Its so that they don't get bored and often so that they can see sertain types of perversions that their wives or girlfriends would never do.

    Porn is not natural, but things like marriage and monogamy aren't natural either, not for our species.

    Watching porn dilutes a mans will to go out and find girls, which is why I always tell people who can't get a girl, to stop watching porn, because it may give them that much more of a boost , to actually go up and talk to a girl and ask her out.

    By taking away this faucet from your bf, you are seriously increasing the chances that he will cheat on you with another girl. And you might say, 'no my man would never do that', but the truth is, you would probably never know.

    Its cheating because he's getting hard from another girl and getting pleasure? lol then every man in the world is a cheater under those standards.

    So if he wanks off using his imagination is that ok? or does he have to be imagining you for it not to be cheating

    what you are proposing is ridiculous, and it will cost you your boyfriend if you can't get your insecurities under control. You don't want him doing this because you feel bad about it, then maybe you should look at it from his perspective. As a super horny guy with a lovely girlfirend who he enjoys, and watches porn to stop himself from being more tempted in real life.

    He does have you, but after a while that gets boring. If he's watching porn too, its like he's getting diversification so it won't feel like the same routine all the time.

    You may not like hearing all of this but if you don't accept the way things are you'll end up paying for your idealistic mindset.

    • But guys living before the internet and technology time didn't need porn to b happy. they survived.

    • They cheated in the time before modern technology yea they survived because they were raping pillaging and plundering. There's less of that with technology, but with technology came porn if you think the men of the past were loyal to their women, then you need to read some history books or documentaries.

    • Before internet and technology they had pornographic magazines :D and then books...before that was the right to have countless wives I think.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I agree with you 100%. I get trashed all the time for my dislike of porn. I feel like I'm not good enough. I could go on and say a lot more, but you and I are on the same page, so I'm sure you know exactly how I feel about the matter. Although a man is not cheating physically by watching porn, he sure as hell is cheating mentally! I wonder what goes through their heads while they're watching it..

    My boyfriend used to watch porn. It never bothered me at first because I had never seen proof. About a year and a half ago, I found some pretty hardcore pornography on my boyfriend's computer. I never knew people could do some of the things I saw. My heart dropped and I cried so hard. I talked to my boyfriend and told him exactly how it made me feel. He said he never realized how bad it hurt me and he swore he'd never do it again. Since that day, he has been a completely different person! He pays a lot more attention to me and compliments me a lot more often. I believe that he has quit watching it.

    However, I have a few guy friends who swear they don't watch porn and never have.

    If you are still worried that your boyfriend is going to continue watching porn, talk to him. Flat out ask him if he's still doing it or if he feels the urge to do so. Go in to detail and explain to him why you don't like it and how it makes you feel. You can usually always tell whether or not your boyfriend/girlfriend is lying to you. You could always get one of those parental computer/internet monitoring software. If you were to go that route, I've heard NetNanny is an excellent choice! A friend of mine uses it and she swears it the greatest thing ever invented. lol

    I hope some of my rambling was helpful. :)

    • Thank you so much. I appreciate you answering my question. I'm glad someone understands =]

    • I'm glad someone understands me, too! I'm sick of everyone telling me porn is a natural thing. It's not, it's fake. Sex with your partner is natural!

  • Most guys watch porn and get hard and come etc, But his just doing that for the hell

    of it, not because he doesn't love you or because he wanna cheat on you.! Honestly that wouldn't bother me at all. I would actually look at it, in a good way! "like what if your boyfriend is watching porn to get better at sex and please you more and more each time you guys go at it"

    i watch porn myself sometimes and if my boyfriend finds out he would go nuts on me.

    idk why!

    But that's def not cheating...

    By the way even though your boyfriend watch porn! but he would never ever like those fake whores in it. because they all cheap. and guys doesn't like cheap bitches.

    • Why can't you just go ask someone for sex tips. if you really want to be good at sex, then you shouldn't be embarrassed right?

    • Well he just likes it I guess! Maybe your not pleasing him right!!?

  • Is it really hurtful for you to know your boyfriend watches porn? Personally it wouldn't bother me I don't consider it cheating and would rather he gets his kicks from porn that going out and cheating. A lot of guys watch porn..a lot of women now watch porn.. I know its hard not to compare yourself to the girls in the videos , but he loves you not them.

    • Good point. he loves me very much. thanks.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 9

  • Not all guys watch it, but a vast majority do. It's OK to express your feelings to your boyfriend about this, but to make him quit because you don't like it is a form of manipulation.

    I'm open about watching porn, and my girlfriend is fine with it. Guys masturbate. Now that you realize this, it's handy to have something to masturbate to. Naked women having sex should do the trick. Ejaculate.

    Having sex with a real girl is better for sure. Just because I watch porn doesn't mean I don't like my girlfriend. It just means that I'm horny and she's not there. Should I ban her from watching Twilight because that guy is "so dreamy"? Nope. He's on a screen, I'm here.

    • I didn't make him quit, he found out I cried myself to sleep because of my feelings on it and he quit on his own. he felt bad.

    • Oh god. If my girlfriend did that I would kick her to the curb. If you act this way about porn, you probably get jealous when he text messages another girl as well.

    • Masturbation is not sex.

  • Watching porn isn't cheating because you derive pleasure from it. That is a ridiculous statement akin to saying reading books is cheating because a) he derives pleasure from it and b) he's not paying attention to you. Guys hide porn because there is a general Anglo-Saxon trait of shame, especially when it comes to sexuality. That is a big discussion for a different day, though.

    Anyway, sounds like you have both control and ego issues. Your boyfriend quit porn for you, which shows a certain degree of dedication. You should laud him for that. He might start doing it again. He might also become an abusive crack addict. On the grand scheme of things, IF he does start watching porn again and you don't know about it, it's no skin off your back. If you happen to catch him, break up with him, since this is important to you. Or have an argument that goes nowhere. Personally, I think you should become a third-wave feminist and you can both watch porn together.

  • 99% of uy under the age of 30 with an internet connection watch porn...

    is gay porn degrading to men?

    yes I find pleasure from looking my maths teacher, my roommates, just to name a few women who I find attractive... If any of them try it on me, I would have to STOP myself from the temptations.

    Do you really have to ask why he hides it with a girlfriend like you...

    NO you don't compare at all, actually I have never compared sex..

    Maybe you ain't doing enough, or maybe you are, he your Boyfriend knows.

    i wouldn't recommend you watching porn because I think you would actually start to compare him with the other porn stars..

    What you need to realize, is ITS A GUY THING.. just like football.

  • You can spy on him a little. Try installing some monitor or a key logger like the one from
    website to be sure that he isn't cheating. It is very easy really

  • Porn is not cheating, Porn is art. I don't personally watch it (so often).

    But preferring porn instead of a women that is retarded.

  • Actually the best advise I ever heard about cheating is from Dr. Joy Brown... and little else she says rises to this level. Her quote is close to:

    "If it does NOT involve the exchange of bodily fluids between two people then it's not cheating."

    Can't get much more concise than that.

    I can understand not liking porn but if you personally feel degraded for the acts of others then you have a lot of degradation to suffer in your life. Why not try letting others live their own lives and find joy and satisfaction and pride in the things YOU do rather than take on the guild of the masses.

  • Your opinion is your opinion, however, if your not willing to trust your boyfriend, even though he said he quit for you, clearly you have trust issues.

  • Getting hard= cheating?

    I never thought it was. I really don't agree with you but, hey, those are your opinions.

    That's really nice of your guy to give it up but he's going to masturbate anyways.

    Now, he could think about anyone while doing that, and if he doesn't watch porn it will be either you or some girl he knows in real life (that's more dangerous than porn starts, I think)

    My question is: How do you intend to control that?

  • its not cheating . its just videos of people having sex , if he was cheating he would not be with you. & since he's staying he loves you .

  • My ex and I started watching porn together sometimes and I didn't mind if he watched it alone. The same goes with me and my boyfriend now I would much rather him look and not touch if you know what I mean. I respect your opinion though and every relationship is different. I'm just sharing my own experience. it seems to me you have a pretty good relationship and that he loves you. so you keep up what works for you and don't let anybody bring you down.

  • p*rn I TERRIBLE. I am a 20 year old male, and I was a p*rn user from age 13 up until this year. I FINALLY realized that I had to stop. p*rn is awful for a number of reasons:

    1. If you're Christian (I am) it OBVIOUSLY does not work with the life of a Christian. p*rn will become your #1 Priority, regardless of what you think.

    2. TERRIBLE things happen to the women that star in porn. I have seen anti-porn videos that show these horrors and if you know about this, you simply cannot continue to enjoy it, not if you have a heart.

    3. It makes things seem okay in sexual activities that are NOT okay. I'd rather not go into detail about this, you must trust me. Things you would NEVER have thought were okay, are suddenly normal to you.

    4. Worst of all, it is HIGHLY addictive. It releases Dopamine in the brain when you watch it, and after prolonged use, your body will become addicted to this feeling. It has nothing to do with masturbation, and when he stops, he will think that masturbation without p*rn will relieve the feeling. But it wont'! It is extremely difficult to quit watching it, but it's worth it. It corrupts our youth and perverts our minds in abnormal ways. Hell, the average age that boys start watching p*rn in 8 years old now! You must tell these things to your boyfriend.

  • my boyfriend watches p*rn too.. i asked him about two months ago to stop watching p*rn coz it makes me feel like im not good enough so he said he'll stop but every now and then i check his fone only coz he checks mine and i find p*rn photos saved to his gallery and not just a couple but about 20+ photos.. it pisses me off big time and i feel like dumping him coz everytime i caught him i mention it and he just laughs about it.. it feels like he's cheating on ne wen he gets horny over this shit.. we have sex every night and morning yet he still looks a p*rn and even worse, he saves the photos to his phone aswel... i maybe over reacting but honestly thats just my opinion and im so disgusted in him.. LEAVE p*rn TO THE SINGLE GUYS!! i need a fat joint now lol getting all angry over this shit now.. FTW!

    • Dumb his fucking ass He sounds like a bitch That’s not right...

  • pity for whoever your boyfriend is. must suck to be with you haha

    • You don't know me. how do you know if it sucks to b with me?

    • Your whole post says a lot about you, that's how I know.

    • Just because I ask one question, doesn't make me who I am. I'm sensitive. is that a crime?

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Home >  Sexual Health  > My boyfriend used to watch porn but he quit for me. I'm still afraid he'll do it again. What should I do? Help