Can a woman be too innocent or too pure for sex?

[Anonymous]

I was raised in a very conservative home. And secretly I have always really liked the idea of sex but it wasn't really encouraged so I didn't think too much about it. I actually wanted to become a nun for awhile. Not cause I didn't want to have sex but because I just really wanted to be a nun. I had an aunt who was and I always looked up to her. Anyway, because of different circumstances in life I am not going that route. So I am kind of happy that I will be able to have relationships now. But whenever a guy asks me general question about myself the nun thing comes out (I'm not ashamed) but everything changes. He acts like I am so pure and innocent that he is afraid of touching me. Someone once told me that a guy would think it is sexy that I was going to be so pure and now he can have sex with me but I haven't met those guys. So I guess my question is, can a guy start to think "Oh she is too innocent for sex. I better find someone else"? I worry that I'm not like Playboy bunnies or someone who is a very sexy woman. I know not all women are like that but guys seem to like those women more so I worry. Also, another thing I wonder is if I am supposed to learn to become like those women? Do I have to get to a point where I want to rip a guys pants off when I want sex? A lot of the women on this site seem very sexual and I don't know if I can be that confident. But I do want to do it right. I would love to hear from both girls and guys cause I need a lot of advice on this. I am a little stressed out about all this. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I had a much lengthier (and better) answer, but somehow it disappeared when I wanted to submit it. The short summary is this: I am a lot like you, and was a virgin until a late age, when I met my fiance. We have a GREAT sex life, I assure you. Being the right guy for me, he wasn't looking for a porn star (sexually aggressive and experienced woman). On the contrary, he really admired the values that led me to abstain until I was in the right situation for me. A lot of guys are looking for someone who will have sex by the 5th date, have anal, have a threesome, or whatever. Those weren't the guy I'm looking to spend my life with. Once I found the person who was right for me, the sex followed naturally. And no, I'm not doing things that just aren't "me" but we have a wonderful sex life that matches who both of us are. Sometimes it's playful, sometimes passionate, sometimes tender, and yes, even "holy", but it is always good. Assuming you have a healthy attitude about sex, you'll figure out your own style in time, one that you can be confident in. It takes time to learn together, but you will. And no, you don't have to be aggressive if that isn't who you are. Your sexuality will reflect who you are as a person as well as the relationship you share. Again, don't worry about the guys who want someone you aren't. You don't need to be right for every guy, just the RIGHT guy. That will be someone who understands your spirituality as well as your sexuality. Relax and have faith that when the time comes, it will all be as it should be. You can have a wonderful sex life and still be exactly who you are.

[kcm_05]

I think that a lot of guys are scared to take a girls virginity and the fact that you still have yours is really awesome. :) I think that when you meet the right guy it will be worth losing your virginity.

And the being sexy thing. Own your sexuality, that is the sexiest thing. Dress however makes you feel that way, act whatever way makes you feel sexy. Just basically get in touch with your body and find things about you that YOU love because being confident I'm pretty sure is every guy's definition of sexy.

The nun thing. pretty cool my grandma wanted to be one. she had 7 kids.

[l-hedoniste]

Sex is your birthright, as a human being. You're not cloistered, you've taken no vows, so you're entitled to all the sex you want, in all the ways you want. Not permitted--entitled, with all the noise and swagger that entitlement implies. (Hear that, girls? If you like sex and want it, give no explanations, make no apologies; noise and swagger.)

Think about this. If a girl could be too innocent for sex, it would mean that somehow, sex makes her guilty. Yet I would bet that any of these men would have a Roman carnival of sex and not feel guilty in the morning; sex is only guilty if you're a woman. There are men nutty enough to sleep with a woman on the sight of her, then blame *her* for doing it, but not themselves.

This crazy double standard is anti-woman, anti-sex, and anti-sanity.

What should you do? Be who you are. You don't have to be a Playboy bunny unless you really want to, and if you don't know what you're doing, it can get real tacky, real fast. Some guys (I among them) take joy in giving an innocent nature some colorful streaks. And nearly all guys like women who like sex. (Except for those who fault them for liking it, but these men are complete fools. Avoid.)

You're are naturally sexual, with good instincts. Combine that with a little good judgement, and all will be well.

[s3tupMayne]

Purity is a very sexy trait. However, if a guy gets the impression that you're intimidated by the idea of exploring intimacy, you will be "too innocent for sex".

Some people, men and women, don't have the ability to be physically intimate without the thought in the back of their minds that it's dirty or that they're being judged on their sexiness. These men and women can be cold or unsatisfying to be with. Sometimes the men are premature or anxious, and sometimes the women can't let themselves be aroused. Obviously, that is not sexy.

In terms of purity, it is important that a woman carries herself with dignity. A woman with personal strength and self-confidence in her image is far sexier than one without, and purity (the quality of being dignified in a wholesome way) can contribute to that image quite a bit. Just make sure you don't get purity confused with anything else.

If everything changes when guys learn about your past desires, I think that they don't understand the whole picture. They don't know where your true desires lie and can't keep an open mind to you because they don't have all the facts. If they were more informed about your background and your current feelings, I promise that men would find your purity very sexy.

[WhatIsThisIDont]

Hm, well it seems they may be thinking dating with casual sex but considering your 'innocence' they think you might be a long term commitment. Those guys just probably want someone to date who is a bit easy. Don't drop your virtues for people like that by all means. You just need to find that right special guy.

[MrWizard]

Confidence comes with knowledge and experience. The more you know about yourself, how sex works, what turns you on, the better prepared you will be for sex. Most people are nervous and fumbling their first times. You and your partner just learn together what works.

As for the nun thing, I'd just some up with some humor to defuse the situation. Say something like "at least I determined I wouldn't be willing to give up men before I made the commitment." I've got a friend at church who was a catholic priest for years before he fell in love, quit, then got married!

You will find someone who will value you for who you are and respect your innocence and past experiences.

[Littletad]

Regardless of what age you are, if a guy does not respect your decision to remain a virgin, he is not worth your time. You should not be concerned by a man who looses interest simply because of your beliefs, but rather relieved you didn't waste any more time, including your virginity, on him.

[rdxhai]

I can see why they would be intimidated. Especially being in your age range, just because they probably don't want to train you when they could get a girl that knows what she's doing.

[jacquesvol]

I started to think "Oh she is too innocent for sex. I better find someone else" three times. I then dropped the girl quickly: I considered her too young (first time 16-13, second time 18-16, another time 18-15)

All three were angry and never spoke a single word to me any more. :-(