My girlfriend and I have done everything...but sex. Why?

[tOsTiG]

We have been going out for over two months now and we have had oral sex, just not actual intercourse. She gets wet basically whenever she sees me, she says she gets wet easily, even if there is a temperature change. Sometimes she will say she wants to have sex and other times she will say she is not ready. Oh, she is a virgin. How can I ask her to have sex without being too pushy? Also, how is it that girls have a harder time deciding to have sex than guys? Thanks a bunch.

[dakadan]

What a great question and one that I think many of our young adults go through.

First, if she is not ready then don't push her. Continue doing other things that she is comfortable with and enjoy what you are getting.

Sex and love are two different things. Sex can certainly be enhance by being in love, but never push her. You can always have a straight forward conversation with her about what it means if she has does have sex. She may have learned from friends, TV, clergy, etc. That by having sex you won't respect her or you will leaver her for being a slut. Sometimes that does happen and it creates a lot of harm when it happens because the woman feels duped.

I think the reason women are less likely to have sex is because in our culture it is driven into a young girls mind that sex is bad or wrong and that you need to save it to the one you love. This comes from the protective father who wants his daughter to be his little angel. Much of this is driven from our puritanical background from religions. Regardless of where it comes from that is what is driven into them. For boys, on the other hand, it is almost a right of passage (i. E. You aren't a real man until you have conquered a woman). That mentality causes a lot of harm to women who are then caught in a catch-22 situation; their hormones are pushing them to have sex, but they are being told not to have sex, but the guys they are with are pushing them to have it. If they do and then they are dumped then pass along the horror of it to their girlfriends an perpetuate the situation.

[RFRFRF]

Se wants to make sure your not gonna hit it and quit it. So you gotta have patients and prove your self dude and she will come to you. Now if she a virgin then don't sweat it. I remember one of my girlfriends was a virgin and I was really good at sex, so I talked about it a lot when we were playing around, picking her up and playing with her acting like we doin it, I got her so curious that she begged me to have sex with her, and I told her no because she was a virgin. But one night she got me drunk and I was so wasted, she didn't even drink by the way, she totally took advantage of me but hey I hit it tho. Well if you say lets have sex she will always say no. Don't be verbal about it be physical. Move in on her and she will push you away, but keep going and you will get it. It will take time but don't get mad or give up. Oh yeah and don't break her f***ing heart. Good?

[Robyn-]

Girls don't give it up easily because we are more emotional beings.. its something that is sacred to us and we don't want to just give that to anyone.. we want it to be someone we care for deeply... and its kind of set in our minds that if we have sex a lot.. we are classed as whores.. guys can have sex as many times as they want to with who ever they want to and there "the man" or a "pimp" its a "good thing" girls get called whores and sluts and all kinds of names just for having the same life style... and what girls wants that going around about her.. but if you want to have sex with her.. too bad!! (sorry) ....she will let you know when she's ready.. and if she's not ready she won't tell you.. but when the time comes and she wants to you will know it.. or just talk to her. be like when your ready let me know!! make sure you let her know that you will wait for her and that she means enough to you that you will wait!! but don't ask for sex!! it will seem like you are pushing her into it.. just let her know you will be there when she's ready.. whenever that may be..!!

[kazine]

You don't ask her if she's not ready.

[groupsman]

Maybe she wants to retain her Christian innocence.

[Anonymous]

I can understand as I was in your place too. All the reasons stated about are exactly what my girlfriend told me about the reason she doesn't want to have sex before marriage and I respect that decision.