My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and this has never happened in the past. Recently when we've tried to have sex, he can't keep it hard enough to go in.
The first night it happened, I told him that it was okay and I'm sure tomorrow would be a better night. We usually do some heavy foreplay before sex and I changed things up by going down on him. After that, we extended the foreplay even longer and he couldn't keep it up after 10 extra minutes.
The second night, it happened again. He just completely lost it when he tried to put the condom on. It makes me feel terrible when I sit there and watch him struggle to get an erection using his hand. Afterwards, we usually talk about "why" and he tries to come up with reasons, but they only sound like excuses to me. I tell him that "Maybe it's me, maybe you're not attracted to me anymore," but he assures me that's not the reason. However, I still think it's hard to think otherwise when you blame yourself for not being able to arouse your boyfriend. The second night almost turned into an argument and it ended with him saying, "Tomorrow I'll make it up to you."
The third night, he was semi-hard during foreplay, but as soon as he started using his hand on me, he lost it completely. I tried hard to get him aroused, but he just couldn't get up. This night turned into an argument about sex in general and I told him that "Maybe we shouldn't have sex anymore." He tried to say that that wasn't the problem, that we should wait and see, but I guess at the time I was just trying to find a quick solution to the problem. I told him "We won't have these kinds of arguments because this situation can't even happen." He says that I don't help when I make comments like that and it makes me feel even worse. He told me he was scared that there may be something wrong with him, but I don't think there is. I told him that I think it's because he was starting to see us having sex as something not arousing and it was starting to become unpleasant, even for me. In the end, we've decided to wait, but now I don't know what to do. It's a hard topic to broach now and I'm not sure if we'll get past this.
I love my boyfriend and I've never seen him look so disappointed about not being able to stay hard. I don't know if it's me pushing him too hard, maybe he's not mentally prepared to do it anymore...I don't know. We were both virgins when we started dating and I don't want to think that I messed him up.
I just want to know if anyone can provide some helpful advice on what I can do to make him feel more confident, stay aroused, etc. Our relationship continues to be healthy, but it's like we're missing something that we had.
Most Helpful Guy
Because we don't have any control over it, the anxiety over not being able to get it up can kill the mood. All it takes is one time it refuses to work for you and it can lead down that road.
There also maybe something wrong with him. It is not unheard of some guys in their 20s not being able to get it up because of some physical problem.
Stress is a real libido killer in men. If there is something that is stressing him out (maybe at work) it could make a huge dent into your sex life. There are many source on the internet for one to teach themselves how to relieve stress in their life.1