Why does he have the need to look at those pictures?

[Anonymous]

Pictures of "hot" girls. Not porn, per se. But pics of women in lingerie, showing huge boobs and wearing thongs, etc. I get why guys watch porn "for the acts". But why just look up pictures of hot women? What is the need? Especially WHY look at something you know you'll never get? He gets upset that I get jealous of it. I mean, I feel inadequate. He was angry because he says I was nagging over nothing and I asked him what did they have that I don't and he said "I think it's pretty obvious" and I said what? And he said "Better bodies, bigger boobs, you know... if you don't like it, you can always break up with me, I for sure don't want such an uptight girlfriend". He was angry though... do you think he actually meant it? Later when he wasn't mad anymore he asked me why I acted like that and I told him I fel frustrated with myself because I'm plain and I'm not hot. He told me not to get bitter over nonsense and just learn to be happy with who I am. But I can't just forget that he has this sort of need to look at other girls simply because they have better bodies. He's a great guy overall, but why does he have to look at these girls? I know, "lookin' ain't touchin'", but still. I feel really inadequate. I mean he can look at porn all he wants, I don't care, but why just pictures of girls in lingerie? Why? I will never look like that and I feel like second best in terms of attractiveness. I know I have a good personality, but honestly why does he have to look at these girls? There are girls out there who have even better personalities than me, but I don't see him looking up videos of them just to listen to their better personalities, so why is it different with bodies? He doesn't get how I feel about it, he just think I should let it go because to him it means nothing, but it means something to me. How can I explain to him how I feel so that he'll understand? I just can't express my feelings into words too well, since he just thinks I'm being immature worrying over his looking at "hot" women. I've been called ugly more than a few times in my life, so can he blame me?

[Cougargrl]

It's very easy for us girls to compare ourselves to the images of perfection that we are bombarded with. We've all be brought up looking at the pictures in magazines that are of women who are neither real or possible for most of us to emulate. The amount of photo shopping and retouching in those pics is insane. A friend of mine was in Playboy and we laughed ourselves silly when we saw the pictures. She explained how much was real and how much was added or taken away!

The biggest problem you have seems to be that you, like the rest of us, compare ourselves to perfection. I've become much happier, much more confident and more sexually expressive over the years as I've learned that men neither expect or seek absolute perfection. They know damn well that they will never get with the girl on the cover of Victoria's Secret or the SI swimsuit edition. The lingerie pictures are just basically soft porn to your guy - he probably figures that since they have some clothing on you will be less mad when you catch him looking at them. And porn, for the vast majority of men is just a fantasy that they actually have no interest in. I mean really, how many guys would really want to be with a girl who takes a dozen d***s at a time and just hangs out taking facials all day?

If you really think you would feel better if he watched porn, get some, bring it home and watch it with him! Like most men, he will probably watch a bit and then turn his thoughts to you - the real, imperfect, awesome girl. If it's about the lingerie, get some, wear it just for him and see what happens. He's not going to look at you all dressed up and looking hot and go, "Well, Bambi from Thongs R Us looked better in that outfit!" He'll just look at your real, imperfect, awesome bod and love every minute of it.

I've said this to many women - it's time we just got over the perfection need - it will never happen and guys know it. Besides - ever seen a dude who's perfect?

Didn't think so.

[Asker]

I know, it's just I've read scientists have made many studies which have proven that after looking at pictures of highly attractive women, men subconsciously find their girlfriends less attractive.

[Cougargrl]

I wonder about those studies. Do you think they ever did them on women? I suspect we would subconsciously feel the same way. The point is that the subconscious acts for a little while and then the conscious kicks in an reminds us all that the perfection just ain't real!

[Asker]

"Viewing pictures of attractive women weakens their commitment to their mates. Men rate themselves as being less in love with their partner after looking at Playboy centerfolds than they did before seeing the pictures of beautiful women."

[Titi18]

He's a great guy overall! HOW IN THE WORLD YOU GONNA SAY THAT, WHEN HE TREATS YOU THIS WAY? AND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT. if I waer you I would start looking at other guys infront of him, with nice sexy body/tall/nice skin color/ & sexy hair

and ask him how he feel NOW? his a f***ing ass hole for doing this to you.

I would dump his ass right away.

GOODLUCK.

[Littletad]

It's disrespectful, especially to your girlfriend or wife. When I was dating, I always glanced every once in a while, but I was happy. I never felt the need to look at other women or find myself snooping at playboys or magazines. I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth. I remember once even my ex would jokingly ask me if I thought some girl was pretty, usually someone passing by, and I was honest in my answer. We had a good understanding that I was only hot for her. And that's how I feel all healthy relationships should be. So your boyfriend, needs to learn some manners. He's hurting and making you feel less attractive. He needs to understand that and listen to you.

[Nacelunk]

For me, after coming home from work where I only see chicks with tiny boobs and small ass and ugly or average face(or the opposite: huge 300lbs body with ugly ass wrinkles), it's nice to know that there are also beautiful women out there.

[Asker]

Did you just call me ugly?

[Nacelunk]

No, you mentioned it yourself

[Asker]

Do you think your girlfriend is ugly?

[Nacelunk]

Who said I have one? My ex was beautiful though. She is on on of the photos in my profile.

[Asker]

I don't know, I assumed you had one. But if you have a beautiful girl, then why look at such pictures? He has never called me ugly, but he said they look better. Why look at them if he'll never have them?

[Nacelunk]

That's the thing.. He'll never have them so the best thing he can do is look at it.. hah But yeah, when I was with my ex I never even watched porn, not to mention pictures of models or other women around.

[Asker]

That's dumb. Why look at something that's better that you'll never have? To get depressed? If I want a huge house, but know I can't afford one, then why the hell would I start looking at pictures of beautiful homes? To get disatisfied with my smaller one? That just doesn't make sense!

[Nacelunk]

Don't you see? No one said that it's impossible for you to get a beautiful woman like that or a huge house. Anything is possible if you can imagine it. And if you look at it, it gives you motivation and drive to at least make the effort. And that's the first step.

[Asker]

So basically I'm screwed, since I'm not hot like lingerie models, and guys can always get a hot girl, then I'm practically no good considering they can just get a hot girl like that. I'm screwed. I could be the nicest girl, but I could potentially end up alone forever just because I'm average?

[Asker]

Well, that and the fact that I don't want to be some guy's consolation prize... Who the hell wants to be second best, or hell, maybe even third or fourth, just because your parents had lousy genes?

[Nacelunk]

You don't want a guy to go after your body instead of your personality. That's what makes it hard for gorgeous women. They find guys that say they love them, but then they ditch them because they only wanted sex with her hot body but got bored of it. True love is based on personality.

[Asker]

And now it's about personality? Ok, so I have a personality, that means I'm lucky that he doesn't find me hot. I guess you can't really ever have it all. Fine, I'll let him keep ogling and just never mention it again. By the way, he's hot, but I'm not with him just for his body... just so you know...

[Nacelunk]

Ye right.

[Asker]

Ye right what?

[Nacelunk]

I am sure you don't care that he is hot whatsoever and that you are only with him because he has a nice personality.

[Asker]

Oh my, are you honestly that shallow? Sure, he's hot and that's great but I wouldn't be with him if he were a douche or if we had nothing in common. We even have a band together 'cause we're into the same music, we share the same political, spiritual, and world views. He likes reading, and I like reading so it makes him interesting to talk to. Gee, not everything's black and white!

[Nacelunk]

I am just joking around darling

[Asker]

Sigh.. ok. I just guess I'll have to accept my lousy genetics and be grateful that at least one guy could see past the small t*ts and like me. I mean, I'm not hideous, and most people who have called me ugly have either been douches or bitchy girls. But then again I'm not Megan Fox beautiful or anything... not ugly, but not stunning.

[Nacelunk]

I guess so

[Asker]

Well, anyway thanks for your patience and insight.