Husband is sometimes unkind, controlling and drawn to porn instead of having sex with me.
My husband and I have been married for almost three years. The first we spent mostly apart, the second we spent mired in some family tragedy, the third is not looking great. He's always been somewhat of a chilly guy but he referred to a certain tenderness he felt towards me. That is long gone. Through the family tragedy, he remained by my side but made life very difficult by insisting that my suicidal mother was something that should be dealt with lightly. I gained weight because I was eating for comfort and we stopped having sex. I found him jerking off one night during this difficult times and have been sickened by his behavior since. At one point, it made it difficult for me to get aroused by him. We're both pretty good looking people and jerking off to porn always seemed desperate to me. We talked about it and he got defensive and told me it was because of my weight and because I didn't care enough about him to remain attractive for him. All this, while I have men giving me the eye every once in a while. I've since lost weight and things have been a bit better. but whenever things get tough like I recently got sick, he comes off as being really put off to help me. Like, I'll ask him to get something for me and he responds like he's annoyed. he's very sarcastic and monotone, so he tries to play it off as if he's always like this, but he wasn't always. He used to bend over backwards to make me happy. Anyhow, tonight I was coughing like mad and sleeping the guest room SO AS TO NOT DISTURB HIM. When I got up out of bed about 90 minutes after my coughing fit started, I found him coming out of our bedroom with the laptop, looking sheepish. I asked him if he'd been jerking off and he said yes, smugly and offered no apology or assistance when I said I'd been coughing painfully. I doubt he wasn't able to hear me coughing through our walls. This is a jerk, right? One I need to kick to the curb? I'm at my wit's end because he's really difficult to talk with. Gets very defensive, Hardly ever says sorry even though he claims to and has a way to turning everything I say to an irrational statement. I'm not sure I even love him anymore but I don't want to make a mistake because I was once deeply in love with him. But I feel like I offer much more than I get. I'm a beautiful, successful, loving, devoted wife (who cooks after 10 hour days at work) who I think deserves a doting husband. This is not what I thought marriage was going to be. Help.
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What Guys Said 1
And why are you staying with this guy? You can do bad all by yourself you know that right. You don't need him or anyone else to make you feel worse about yourself. I can see if you were both watching porn together and he jerked off. That would be different because it would be something that you both are doing together. But he's doing it by himself. Which means that he's getting his satisfaction from another source. He's not even sorry about it. He might as well be cheating. In my opinion? Take your beautiful, successful, loving, devoted (and cooks after working 10 hours a day) self, and leave his ass. Let him continue to jerk off to his fantasy women, and go be on your own, or find a man who will appreciate what you have to offer.