Sexual Health
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Guys, how to help my boyfriend overcome sexual problems?

we have been dating for almost three months and I consider myself to be a very sexually active person. I want sex almost everyday. I am 20 and my boyfriend is 19. we get along so well, and everything is perfect between us, he is perfect with everything! but he never initiates sex. never. I always try to bring up the topic and he keeps avoiding it. we never had intercourse before but I gave him oral only twice and he came in one minute, he also did not have much sperm, I was surprised that that was it. he told me before that his ex girlfriend was abusive and humiliated him sexually, and he had erectile dysfunction for a while after he broke up with her. I don't know what other problems he might have, like low testosterone levels maybe? I feel like he really hates opening this topic, he tells me he loves all the time and praises my personality and tells me I am his all and that I help with a lot of emotional issues but this lack of a sexual spark between us is killing me. our love is so platonic and I don't want it to be that way. I believe I love him but this thing is killing me. I hate having to separate my sexual desires from my love life. I am willing to help him overcome his sexual problems but I don't know how to approach this issue. if you were him, how would you have liked me to handle this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • If your under 18 then it's possible that he may be literally afraid to be sexual with you because of legal and criminal consequences. If you are under 18 then I would definitely urge you to wait until you are older before having sex and I would advise you to speak with your parents about the situation if at all possible or at least one of them. If that is not possible then I would advise you to speak with an adult you trust who can help you. Assuming you are over 18 years of age the first thing which I would tell both of you is at this point I would actually confront the other person in a polite and caring manor about their feelings. Someone in this situation is not expressing all of their feelings. It's probably both of you. It's not necessarily because someone is hiding something and it's noones fault, but our culture teaches people to keep their emotions to them selves and it's not always good. It could still be a stigma associated with the age difference. If he is much older then he may be having social issues, even just being a little bit nervous about being with someone your age. Maby he's afraid you will just leave him. It may sound strange but most of my ex gf's are much younger than me and I could kind of relate to it. I imagine that you must be a little bit angry. That's natural. After all he has been holding out on you with his feelings. You probably feel like the relationship is breaking up and that's natural too or other wise you would not be posting here. You would just be telling him this stuff, and that is what you should do. You should be telling him this stuff and any other feelings you are having, including the sexual neglect. If he's cheating then you need to know so you can make a decision on your next move. Just keep asking questions and don't hesitate on sharing any feelings you may have no matter how small you think it may be. There is an ocean bellow the tip of that ice berg and if you don't tell your other person your feelings and if he doesn't tell you his when you are together then it's not a real relationship. It's shallow. The two of you need to explore feeling together to make it deeper.

    • OP said she's 20.

    • did you even read the question?

  • At 19 he should be wanting sex 3 or 4 times a day. But then again we all are different. How much does he jerk off? Is he watching porn and jerking off to it a lot when yo are not around?

    You have only been with him 3 months. Maybe he wants to take things slower. I would suggest that you both just start spending more time being naked together. Work on the relationship part.. the sex will come. Does he not want to have sex? Part of me thinks his ex screwed with his head. Try to build up his confidence. Good for you about bringing up the topic of sex, more couples should do it. What are your thoughts?

    • I don't think he watches a lot of porn, he shares his room with his sister. we do spend some time cuddling and kissing but that is just it. I never try to pressure him to do anything sexual but he never initiates as well. could he be having performance anxiety because his ex humiliated him when he couldn't get an erection? but this is crazy, because he knows I love him and accept him just the way he is, he praises that all the time. and I am afraid if I talk to him about it, he would feel emasculated. I don't want to treat him like she did

    • If his ex gave him a difficult time about his penis and erections he could have a lot of anxiety. I think you are the perfect person to build his confidence back up. Just spend a lot of time naked with each other. Slowly get him use to your body and you should spend a lot of time seeing what turns him on. Is he a virgin or did he have sex with his ex? If possible can you two get away for a few days?/ camping? A hotel? spend some along time with him without clothing on, he will love it!

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What Guys Said

(15)

  • First thing would be to go to a doctor and have his testosterone levels checked... Second thing would be if not already physically active... Exercise is proven to boost natural testosterone and increase sex drive...
    Third thing is keep sucking on his dick and repeatedly tell him how sexy you think he is and how much you love his manhood... And don't make a big deal out of him being a minute man... 9 out of 10 times when a male suffers from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, it's due to some psychological issue somewhere... If you want to personally help him, follow my above recommendations... Just as something happened to damage him, it can be reversed but it will require patience and effort on your end to help him find the emotional and sexual security again... But more importantly you want to make sure he gets his testosterone checked... If that's his only issue that is something that can be easily resolved through prescription.

  • I don't think problem is you or sex. I think his ex humiliating him over his erection problem, has devastated his confidence and trust with girls. I think what you are going to have to do, is gain his trust with you. Don't take it personally, it's just going to take time.

    I think how much hurt must be going through him after that. I think he might be scared it will happen again. I think its going to take a lot of understanding on your part.

  • Some people have really strong libidos, some people have hardly any sex drive at all. You need to move on. You don't have to hate him. Stay friends (he sounds like the type who would), and find a guy who wants it as much as you. He is supposed to be peaking now. You won't peak til your 30s. Imagine the nightmare if you actually stayed with him.

  • Confront him, he will probably back off but you need to be forcefull but understanding. You need to let him know that sex is important in a relationship but that your willing to work with him to overcome his issues. If necessary have him see a physiciatrist or something in order to over come those issues. Tell him avoiding the problem hurts you and your relationship with him. This will be along term issue so you should not try and force it on him, just as you would not want him to force you if the situation was reversed. Just don't let him runaway. confront him and communicate with him and you should be able to overcome this issue with time.

  • @Asker If he had performance anxiety he would have problems coming. At least that's the way I see it. The fact that he came in 1 minute tells me that he might be a premature ejaculator. Which would explain why is ex girlfriend humiliated him. Or maybe she didn't and that is just how he felt. The first thing I would do is to talk to him and explain to him that you have needs and they must be met. That you are willing to work with him and help him to fix it but that if he is not willing to try, they you two should be friends. That may jolt him a little and maybe want to at least try to address the problem.

  • I'd want to be in a place that makes me feel vary safe to talk like in the shower with the lights off I'd tell her every thing and what I needed to move things on in the relashionship and how she could help and if she was really suportiv and understanding I could feel a lot better. And he is really afraid to have sex and mess it up he can only last a minut o oral so in sex he will be less and think that u will hate him and make fun of him u need to tell him it's not a problem u don't care and he is afrai he won't be able to stay hard tell him u will support him all the way and u don't c them as problems if he trusts that u love him and won't hurt him he could let u in

  • It sounds like he's masturbating instead of focusing his sexual energy on you. Talk to him about it? You're in a relationship, you need to communicate.

  • I have no idea what having a low sex drive is like, and no idea what not having much sperm is like also so I pretty much can't help, but I understand that sex is a huge thing in a healthy relationship, that physical connection is very valuable and without it you won't be very happy, I have a high sex drive but have never had sex before and it is literally making me mad, so I can imagine you feel the same and that is a shitty feeling.. So I mean the biggest thing you could do is take the initiative and show him how a real girl can make him feel, show him his ex was a bad chapter but you will turn the page. But he should probably see a doctor to make sure his member is in mint condition and has all the fuel it needs to operate effectively, otherwise nothing you do will get him going. Good luck

  • tell him i love u no whatever u do and look at his eyes then kiss him

  • Just dress sexy and pretty much rape him he will love it... no but seriously you need to get him to therapy about the little cum issue personally I cum very little ammount too girls tellme that its weird but my sex drive is super high

  • Show more from Guys (5)

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