My boyfriend forcefully does sexual stuff with me, what should I do?

Question

He just grabs me and takes my clothes off, sometimes he climbs on top of me and rubs against me. He kisses me forcefully. I keep saying stop, no.. but he continues to do it. He holds my hands and he physically over powers me. He hasn't penetrated me but I fear he will one day. He does this whenever I am at his place. Sometimes I bear with it thinking it's natural, he says he likes to get wild, or that I m just irresistible. but sometimes I cry and then he becomes a completely different person and he keeps apologizing.What should I do? He doesn't let me go away from him. I have no one else, I really need him. I can't dump him.

ilovelegs · Accepted Answer

You got some pretty good advice on here already, but how did he ever get to be your boyfriend?  How can a person get in a situation like you're in where they need a person like him?  Is it because you need him for food, shelter or money?  If it's not for food or shelter you don't need him. Yes you can dump him because you must, because if you think you have things bad now, they'll be much worst before you're a year older.  Surveys, research, etc.. have shown that women are sexually abused in one out of four relationships,  That's 25 out of a 100, or 250 out of a 1,000 or 250,000 our of one 1,000,000, etc.  Those hare huge sobering numbers.  If you don't have caring parents to turn to, you need to run, not walk,  to a women's resource shelter for the help of the type(s) you need.  Men that are abuser always threatened their women into believing that they can't leave or else they'll hurt them in some mean or horrible way.  Don't believe that.  Most are actually afraid to do the things they say except to beat you up.  All the stuff he's told you is crap!   He definitely has some type of behavioral problem in a big way, and he needs help desperately too, but not from you.  Once you stay in a relationship like that for very long, you become an enabler and that will cause you to lose all your self-esteem and eventually all your self-respect and self-confidence.  You'll expect any man you're in a relationship with to take control of you and make all the decisions and do whatever he pleases while you just obey and shut up.  It's a very sad question you asked but a very important one.  Please don't let him continue to let him take advantage of you like this.  Yes, he will eventually rape you and then continue raping you.  That's how he'll get his kicks. It's hard telling what will be next for him to get more kicks.  He's sick and doesn't know it.  You probably are irresistible and that makes him go from hot to cold as soon as his brain ticks back in and that's the reason for the apologizing, but in the meantime you're wasting your precious life with a guy that's going to hurt you in more ways than one.  It's not natural what he's doing.  To like kinda rough sexual stuff is one thing.  To carry it to the point that you cry and then he starts apologizing is completely something else.  Good luck! because you should have a loving, kind and caring guy for a boyfriend!  Not one that can't control himself.

pghcrew · Accepted Answer

There's always someone else. His actions lead me to believe he'll eventually rape you, and probably even beat you down the road. He already is sexually abusive towards you. Do yourself a favor and your family a favor. Get out of your relationship as soon as possible. Coming here seeking advice is a good first step. Now take this advice and act upon it. Get him out of your life. If you have to get a restraining order. Don't cheat yourself of having the choice to be happy and in a healthy relationship by staying with this loser.

GoodGirl7 · Accepted Answer

Obviously I don't know you or the whole situation. But, I do know that I've had a friend in an abusive relationship. She thought that everything would be okay and everyday we (my other friends and I) worried about her, so I went to talk to someone that I knew and trusted about it. (She works for a university and part of her job is to help women who have been raped and/or abused.) Anyway, what she told me is that in abusive relationships things like what you described above happen. Then, the abuser apologizes and makes the person, whom is being abused, feel like they are going to change. This happens over and over again - it is called the cycle of abuse. As people this cycle and the way it works makes us feel as though things will change, in the relationship, but this is a psychological effect, it is not real.

Furthermore, if you say no - it means no, period! PLEASE DON'T LET THIS KEEP GOING ON! It is not easy to have the courage to pull yourself out of a relationship like this, but that doesn't mean that it's not important. In fact, your well being is much much more important than this relationship. If you think that this is too hard, I would suggest possibly talking to someone that you trust (a family member or good friend) or even a professional. But please, don't just let things stay the same way!

TeresaTiger · Accepted Answer

First of all: by every definition of the word, he is raping/molesting you. He is literally committing a crime. This is no joke. You need to really take this seriously and do something.

Second of all: (quote) "He doesn't let me go away from him. I have no one else, I really need him. I can't dump him." ? What? You really have a problem yourself. I get so angry when I hear about women like this. How did you get so messed up that you have to worry so much about being with someone--to the point where even a totally evil bastard is okay with you? How can you not have a stronger sense of self-value? You do NOT "really need him." You need to be safe and happy and healthy--NOT with someone. If you happen to find someone that you truly like and respect and they like and respect you, THEN you consider whether you want to become romantic with that person.

You need to tell someone about this. Tell your friends and any other adults you know well. Get their support then LEAVE him. Period. From what you are describing, he will rape you eventually. And so far, you are letting him. Go to a Woman's Health and Resource Center. Talk to your parents if you can. If after you leave him (and you MUST leave him) he still keeps after you then you MUST call the police. Seriously.

IT IS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN TO BE IN DANGER.

SunsetToMe · Accepted Answer

yeah I agree with the other answers... get out of this relationship as soon as possible and get someone who will treat you right and with more respect.

Cmasterson · Answer

If you say no, it's sexual abuse and would and could lead to rape if he keeps this up. You can dump him, you can have a restraining order, you should take all the precautions before something horrible happens.

DaniJ · Answer

1. yes you can too dump him, and should if this continues. Your safety is 5,000,000 times more important that that "relationship."
2. COMMUNICATION!!! Have you talked to him about this when it wasn't the heat of the moment? If not, you need to immediately pull him aside and tell him that no means no, and that your relationship will not continue unless he respects your space. There is absolutely no way for any sort of relationship to even exist without communication, and the fact that you are bringing this to GaG and not to your boyfriend is unsettling, and shows that there may be more problems here than just sexual abuse (which is what this is). If he doesn't listen, he's not worth your time.

MargaritaPeach · Answer

If you don't feel you can dump him, you don't have to. He doesn't even deserve to be dumped. He deserves nothing. So let someone else do it for you. Anyone. Whoever is in your life... a parent, sibling, guy friend, teacher. Let someone help you before this guy hurts you.

sadnddepressed · Answer

this dudes obviously just looking for sex. Honestly I'm sure you can find someone else. Don't worry about this fool. Go find someone who will appreciate you

poopedmypantsagain · Answer

It sounds to me like he has no respect towards you or he would listen to your words and back off, there are many guys out there including me that will always listen to the lady they are with and stop unwanted advances, tell this guy only once.. if you do that again.. I will just get up and leave and not return.. and you should think about your actions.. I would never force myself on any women.. ever.. I would always hope the lines of communication are always be open between the girl I am with and myself.. when she says no.. it means no.. I would not have a problem with it and I do listen to women, and what they want

budphillips · Answer

Dump this loser and find someone who appreciates you and respects you. Do it. Right this second. Tell him to never contact you again or you'll call the police.

This will not end well if you don't get out of it. STAND UP for yourself. This is YOUR life and YOUR happiness and you should not be in a physically abusive relationship that makes you cry...and you are doing it BY CHOICE!

Dump him. TODAY.

FlutteringFeelings · Answer

He's lustfully obsessed and you shouldn't stay with a guy like that.

l-hedoniste · Answer

No, you must dump him. Now. Yesterday.

You know where this is going, Flee before it gets there. Resources for abused women are everywhere, and they're good at assisting discreet escapes.

Please, please, please get out. I've buried friends who've gotten stuck in this. Don't join them.

misscocobutter · Answer

This is a guy who won't take no for an answer and doesn't respect you. He has no right to do this and if you don't want to be raped one day you should get away from this guy

nycgirl123 · Answer

sounds like you are in an abusive relationship and should get out of it as soon as possible.

DocRim · Answer

"He makes me do sexual stuff when I don't want to." That's rape. Period. Call the police and get help.

Aznforever89 · Answer

say bye to him

9mfeo · Answer

You need to tell someone who can protect you. Like the police.  You need to leave him. He will continue to hurt you unless you get out.

karahiri · Answer

call the police. he should be arrested for assaulting you.

MysteriousChick93 · Answer

Leave him then yghhhh

Will-724 · Answer

You'll find someone else...believe me, maybe not immediately but soon enough!

Doofey · Answer

If you are clearly stating you don't want to and he is physically overpowering you, you need to call the police. That is sexual assault. People like that need to be off the street becaise they are dangerous. If you can, find a way to get evidence that he's doing it so that it's not a he said she said situation.