My boyfriend suggested getting a dildo to use on me...

[Anonymous]

And I wanted to get one and surprise him with it for Christmas. Unfortunately, I don't know how to go about getting one. What factors should I consider?

[TeresaTiger]

Like lefthand said, I'd start with and probably stick with life-size or smaller. I have a huge collection of all sorts of toys but I have found over the years that I really tend to stick with my three favorites. I have a nice modest sized lifelike one with attached balls and a suction cup base which is very easy to use and hold onto. I have a nice medium sized vibrator that came with different textured slip-on sleeves. And I have a longer and thinner flexible one that is perfect for anal pleasure. Use lubes if needed (definitely for anal). Don't forget to wash them afterward.

For learning about or browsing the many different kinds I recommend the following links:

Adult DVD Empire [ link ] has everything. Porn DVDs (obviously) but they also have a huge selection of toys, gear and other fun stuff. They have great to competitive prices, very fast shipping, discreet shipping packages and it is very easy to browse and order what you like. They also have editor and user reviews for almost every product in their store. Think: adult/sex version of Amazon.com.

Waking Vixen (aka Audacia Ray) [ link ] is a very cool, very smart and very educated woman who not only makes women-friendly (or feminist) porn but she also teaches and lectures pro-women, sex and porn issues. Her website hosts a weekly/regular video blog called "Live Girl Review" in which she answers viewer questions about sex, reviews porn movies and also each week she reviews various sex toys. Here is where you might find some really great advice from a woman about picking out a sex toy. Plus of course, you can email her directly and ask her for some advice.

[ocsweettalker]

I am sorry to hear he has ED. I like the answers and suggestions on dildos. Has any medication helped him with his ED? How old is he? I have spoken to many women about vibrators though and they feel they might become too accustoomed to orgasms via a vibrator, so much so that they won't be able to achieve an orgasm via sex. Is this true?

[TeresaTiger]

@ocsweettalker --were you being sarcastic about the ED? Who mentioned ED? The question asker didn't. None of my lovers have ED (far from it). As for some women becoming too used to a dildo/vibrator and not being able to come via "sex" well that just depends on how badly their male partners perform during sex I suppose. Any difficulties with orgasm would be psychological and would depend on the person. I've never known/heard of anyone like that. Toys are just toys. Fun. Many reasons to use them.

[Asker]

I mentioned the ED in a comment on one of the male answers. His ED is actually caused by his anti-depressants so not much we can do there. Also, I didn't want a vibrator, just a basic dildo.

[TeresaTiger]

Oh, now I understand that comment. I think maybe ocsweettalker might have meant to put his comment as an answer. I thought since he attached it to my answer that he was responding to something I said about ED (which I didn't). Thank you for the clarification.

[loyal-love]

You should look into what really stimulates you. There are so many choices. They vibrate, twirl, rotate, have pearls, or whatever you want. If you are not to happy with the idea, try getting something that you can do together live a vibrating **** ring. Check out slumberparties.com

they have a very good selection. I may just get something for me and my man. HO HO HO.

[danie_lynn032010]

actually if you want to get one in a store near you probably, you should go to spencers. they have a lot of dildos, and stuff like books and toys and stuff to use with your partner so you should go there and check it out, I love spencers lol..and also to go about it you might want to buy one that you will think will feel comfortable, and one that will give you pleasure. :)

[lefthand]

You want to consider how it is going to be used and how it will add to your pleasure (that is the point of dildo, after all). My general advise is get one that is average human size or smaller. I own a lot of dildos and the smaller ones are the ones that get used and enjoyed more often than the monsters. If you are going to use it for anal play (and you will, eventually) make sure it is of a non-porous material that can be sterilized (I recommend silicon, steel or pyrex as good choices).

Find a good recommendation from someone who has actually used the toy. I really like blowfish (www.blowfish.com) because it is run by women and they go through and roadtest the toys. This is one of my favorites ( link because it does good gspot/prostate stimulation, can hold heat/cool (run it under luke warm or cool tap water for a few minutes. a few degrees difference is a big change) and can be thrown in the dishwasher to clean it.

Remember to always use lube when playing with a toy. I recommend liquid silk for vaginal play and probe original for anal play.

[TeresaTiger]

Great advice. I agree with the points about size. Go for life-size or smaller.

[TheAnswerer]

You can create your own dildo, just with a condom, some candles (or wax), and a stick.

1-) Melt the wax or the candles.

2-) Fill the condom with it.

3-) Put a stick in the condom (to act as the "handle".

4-) Wait until the wax freezes (a refrigerator would speed things up, but it isn't necessary)

5-) Cut off (or just get rid of) the wax that is outside of the condom.

** There you go! A cost-free dildo!

Hope it helps =)

[l-hedoniste]

There are many good sex shops on the web, but what you really want is to go to one of the better shops in your town and have a long talk with someone knowledgeable. And don't be shy; they live and work to help people like you.

[TeresaTiger]

As the saying goes, "Concise and precise." Good advice as expected from you I-hedoniste. Indeed: Don't be shy. My only problem with "ye olde sex shoppe" is that they often tend to be pricey and not easy to find in many small towns or rural areas. Otherwise I love them for their educational benefits at the very least and they are blast to go visit.

[l-hedoniste]

The internet must be a godsend to small towns. I have noticed, though, that small-town sexual progressives tend to drift toward a metropolis, either in pilgrimage or exile. Thanks for the props, btw.

[ocsweettalker]

Here in Southern California is a chain called Condom Revolution. There are couples, women, men, and high school girls in there. Find a nice shop and then look around. If women work there ask for advice. Do you want just a vibrator or do you want a dildo for penetration? Let me ask, if he wants to use a dildo on you, is he doing everything he can to please you now? or does he want this as a crutch so he doesn't have to put effort into pleasing you?

[Asker]

He wants to use it to enhance my pleasure. He had ED and can't always perform when I need it. And his poor fingers get awfully tired after a while.

[adultsmart]

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